Guilty Hearts…

Sean was pacing around his apartment thinking.

I love Emma.

But I did love Ellie too...But not in the way I love Em.

That doesn't mean that I can be the cause of another one of Ellie's emotional breakdowns she's been having lately. If I do choose Emma will I be able to handle the guilt of leaving a cutter that's already on the verge of jumping off of a cliff because of her alcoholic mother and her military father?

I already have enough guilt about Wasaga and my past. Will I be able to keep myself in check and under control if I add even more guilt to that?

But am I really going to be able to live with myself knowing that I made a mistake by not choosing the one that I love?

Will I be able to handle the guilt of breaking Emma's heart again? Or Ellie's…or mine?

-0-X-0-

Emma rolled over in her bed. Her sheets got tangled around her once again. She sighed. She hadn't gotten any sleep all night. She was thinking about Sean and what happened between them.

Why did I let him do this to me again? Why did I let him in my heart only if he's going to break it? But he said he loved me! Until he remembered about Ellie…his GIRLFRIEND! I can't believe what happened between us tonight. Sean cheated on Ellie with me…Me! The one who called Manny the school slut because of what happened between her and Craig. And now I'm the other woman…the boyfriend stealer…the mistress. Oh my God. I'm such a hypocrite. I always thought if I had sex at a young age that I would feel completely dirty. But I didn't. After me and Sean's first time I didn't feel dirty at all. I felt amazing…like I could fly. Like we were on ecstasy or something. But now…I feel so dirty. I can't believe I let myself do that…with someone who's in a relationship. But Sean loves me…maybe not as much as Ellie…but I know he loves me. And I don't think I'd be able to live with myself if I didn't just take a chance and at least try to get him back. But what if he chooses Ellie? I guess I'll find out tomorrow…

-0-X-0-

Sean was still pacing his living room contemplating all of the possible outcomes his decision might make. He was going over a mental list of cons and pros in his mind. So far Emma's winning. Emma always won with him.

But what if Ellie…Wait! I can't think like that. Emma always wins…in my heart she always wins. It's always been Em…always.

Well Cameron…looks like you've made your decision.

Sean's heart felt like it was going to burst out of his chest and fly around the room. All he could think of was Emma. He knew what he had to do. He had to break up with Ellie so he could hurry and go tell Emma. Sean went to pick up the phone but it wasn't on the charger.

Where the fuck did the damn phone disappear to this time?

He looked all over the apartment until he finally found it underneath one of the couch cushions. Thankfully, it was still in one piece. Sean took a deep breath.

Well here it goes.

He was just about to dial Ellie's number when he heard a knock on his door. He sighed in annoyance thinking it was Jay. He didn't want to deal with Jay right now. So he looked through the keyhole just to make sure. He gasped at who he saw on the other side.

-0-X-0-

Emma untangled the sheets from her feet again. She sighed sadly. She hated not knowing what was going to happen. Emma wasn't a controlling person….but so much was happening lately that she had no control over. She needed to confess to someone about what happened between them tonight. She knew she couldn't go to Manny because she'd just be called a hypocrite. And that was the last thing she needed right now. She knew there was only one person she could go to. She climbed out of bed and threw on one of her sweatshirts. Then she slipped on her flip flops and climbed out her window. She took a deep breath of the cool night air. She was going to confess her sins to the only person she knew she could trust.

-0-X-0-

"Ellie what's wrong? What are you doing here at three in the morning?" Sean asked taking her hand and leading her inside.

He could barely look at her face. She was crying hysterically and had mascara streaks running down her cheeks. He led her to the couch and she sat down. He knelt down in front of her and looked her straight in the eyes.

"Ellie what happened? Are you ok?" He asked concerned.

"Oh Sean! My…my mom. She...she slapped me!" Ellie said throwing her arms around Sean's neck.

Sean hugged her and rubbed her back soothingly.

"Shhh. El, it's ok. Tell me what happened. Start from the beginning." He said wiping her tears off of her face.

"Ok…well my dad called tonight. He was supposed to be coming home next month. But someone from his unit got injured. And my dad has to fill his position and stay for God knows how long this time! And my mom went out and got wasted as usual. And when I told her I was going to Marco's she started yelling at me. And she told me I was the reason why Dad had to stay overseas. And we got in this huge fight. And she slapped me across the face and then pushed me into a wall. Of course afterwards she apologized. But…I just can't deal with this right now Sean!"

Sean pulled her into his arms again.

"I know, El, I know. Shhh. It'll be ok." He said comforting her.

"I know things will eventually be ok. But I can't help to think that something else is going to go terribly wrong! I just can't deal with another crisis right now Sean! I just can't!" Ellie said still sobbing.

Sean sighed sadly knowing what he had to do.

"I'm sorry Em…but Ellie needs me." He thought sadly.

-0-X-0-

Emma climbed back through her window and shut it quietly. She slipped of her shoes and threw her sweatshirt on the floor by her bed.

I feel so much better now! She thought happily before climbing back into bed.

If Sean really loves me, he'll choose me. I have nothing to worry about.

She thought repeating the exact same words Craig had repeated to her when she asked him for advice.

I have nothing to worry about.

She forced herself to think before she fell into a light, dreamless sleep.

-0-X-0-