Chapter 19: Premiere or Not to Premiere

I disclaim

"Mr. Cena?" The doctor asked the large group outside the operating rooms. Everyone stood so he wasn't sure which one was John Cena.

"That's me." John finally answered; his face stained with tears. The doctor looked at John, his clothes still covered in blood. The doctor shook his hand as he tried to think of ways to tell the unusually large group, and by unusually large he meant size not amount of people. He introduced himself as Kimberly's surgeon as another doctor approached and stood with him. He was also introduced.

"As you know your wife was shot in the chest. She's lost a lot of blood, but surprisingly doing remarkably well. She came through the surgery with flying colors and will make a full and fast recovery barring any infections." The doctors attempted to walk away, neither wanted to be the one to tell John. They were hoping to get free and a nurse would tell him.

"So is the baby okay?" John asked hopeful. "If Kimberly is doing great so should the baby, right?" He asked looking at both doctors wanting to hear the three of them were okay. He knew he was fine, he now knew his wife was fine, he just wanted to hear his baby was fine. The doctors looked at eachother and then the floor. That was all John needed. He started sobbing for his unborn child. Sobs from the irreparable heart, immense sorrow escaping the only way it can only to be yanked back by the unforgiving memories and dreams of what might have been. The doctors stood there, they hated this. Of all the things they had to endure in their careers, telling parents they've lost their child was the worst thing. Sure he'd only known he was going to be a father for a few weeks, but that was enough to build hopes, enough to make plans. Half of the pain was his; the other half was knowing what this would do to his wife.

The police walked in with Vince McMahon during the exchange with the doctors. Shawn Michaels spoke with the police and said Kimberly was in surgery, he told them everything he knew about her past with the now dead maniac. The officers made a silent pact to make this case disappear. Shawn Michaels and Dave Batista got John to sit down and attempt to relax. Everyone silently made a pact to sit with John at the hospital and wait for word on her condition and when they could see Kimberly.

"Thank you." John whispered to Sara.

"For what? She's my best friend, John." She answered looking into his eyes.

"Just thank you." He said as he leaned back and thought of the past few years. A few tried to get John to lay down in an empty room but he wanted to be where the doctors and nurses could easily find him. He wanted to be there when she woke up or at least the first to see her. Linda and Hulk had been called and were on their way.

Kimberly lay in the recovery room and told the nurse she didn't want to see anyone, not yet anyway. She wanted to just lay there before she started hearing all the 'I'm sorrys' and the 'You can try agains'. Nobody told her the results but moms know these things; it was instinctual. She also didn't want to hear the words. She didn't want to know she lost another child to the same fucking maniac. She knew he had been riddled with bullets but he was like a cockroach; hard to kill. He better be dead she thought to herself. The police bullied their way into the room and told Kimberly they had a few questions. Assholes. She told them everything from beginning to end and who they could talk to with the FBI. She was surprised at how kind they were, not rigid like she expected. They were in and out in 10 minutes.

She let her thoughts drift back to two weeks ago with John. They were so excited to have a baby. She knew people were right, they could try again. She knew this wasn't like losing a child you had spent time with, but it's still a loss. She didn't want to hear anything that people thought was helpful. John was so excited; she wasn't sure how she'd tell him. Maybe he already knew. Tears began to fall at the idea of John's devastation. He'd be heartbroken and intensely angry. Her doctors came in and reviewed her condition with her. They knew by the look on her face she had figured it out so they didn't say anything. In their own way they told her she was fine to have more children and this had no permanent effect on her. She was happy to hear this and knew John would be too. Kimberly asked the nurse if John was waiting and the nurse said from what she understood he was pacing the halls waiting to see her. The nurse also revealed John was told of the loss. She told the nurse to only let John in the room for now and the nurse obliged.

A few minutes later a huge bouquet of flowers walked in followed by the most handsome man she'd ever seen; the best husband and one day the greatest father. She looked at him in his casual self-promoting t-shirt and jeans, he had really changed since meeting her and she never asked him too. He still wore shorts in the middle of winter but she had stock piled his closet with suits and shirts other than t-shirts and he finally he relented to her styling. It was a mandatory rule Vince had that all public personnel travel in suits, but everyone knew how John was with suits so Kimberly bought him button downs that he felt comfortable in without changing who he was. John kissed her slowly not wanting to break from her. This was all she needed and she started crying, the gentle cries turned to the sobs of a devastated mother; a guttural sob from deep within trying to express immeasurable anguish. He sat on the bed with her and held her as tight as he could without hurting her. His own tears fell again but he was all sobbed out. He didn't want her to see that side, not today. Both hearts were now broken.

"I love you baby girl." He said quietly. "I love you so much." Kimberly clung to him as if he could erase everything; make the past eight hours disappear. He would do it too if he had the power. He would do anything for this woman and hoped she knew. John got into bed beside her and they just lay there in silence. When she reigned in her emotions, she asked John about everyone else and if anyone had been hurt. He reassured her nobody even had a scratch. He also warned her this would probably be their only quiet time for awhile since it would be all over the news in the morning and they'd be bombarded by the media. John told her there was a waiting room filled with people wanting to see her and make sure she was okay. She agreed to see everyone and just wanted to get it over with but needed a few moments with her husband. He gladly obliged.

When they went home she wanted no visitors and peace and quiet. Maria her housekeeper and Stephan sent flowers and said they'd see her when she went back to Boston. She knew she'd have to see his family and Hulk and Linda were her family, but Kimberly just wanted a fresh start. Focus on her life with John and getting things back to as normal as possible.

The doctors came in and checked on her and passed instructions to John. Their friends started filing in and luckily they all only stayed a few minutes each. Mark and Sara, Billy and Torrie and Dave and Angie would be back in the morning before they flew out. John's parents were on the first flight in the morning and John was giving them their hotel room. As soon as she was able to fly, Kimberly was going back to Boston away from this city that now held painful memories. She fell asleep with John and they stayed tightly together for the night.

A few days later and a few visitors more, Kimberly was able to fly home. Knowing John couldn't get through the airports without being bombarded by fans; Linda stayed behind and helped John fly her home. Now that the media was all over it his personal life was known by everyone. The fans did nothing but show their support for John and Kimberly and a few saw them at the airport and gave Kimberly flowers. Nobody asked for an autograph or picture. The three of them flew back to Boston and John had two days before he had to report back. They would see how Kimberly was doing before making any decisions about when Linda would leave. They had Stephan and Maria too for any assistance needed.

The four of them got Kimberly settled upstairs in the apartment and sat down in the family room to talk. He confessed this was the hardest thing he's ever experienced. He lost his first child and his wife was shot in the chest. He told them what had happened from the time the maniac arrived to the end. He walked out of the arena and into the parking lot not even acknowledging the fans gathered outside. Kimberly was wearing black so he didn't see the blood. When he felt the wetness against his own clothes he looked down. "She looked at me with so much fear and her face was growing pale. She asked me to promise not to let her die. I almost killed my wife; I didn't even know he shot her." John started crying for the umpteenth time in the past few days.

Everyone knew he'd find Kimberly eventually it was only a matter of time. John just wished he could have been in the line of fire; why did this cost them their child? What lesson in life were they supposed to learn from this? What had Kimberly ever done to deserve a life of running and hiding for the past eight years? Linda had no words of wisdom she just listened. These were the same thoughts she'd had since she met Kimberly. Why does such a wonderful creature that brings nothing but joy and laughter to those around her have to live always looking behind her? Its one of those situations that makes someone question God and his motives. "How do I fix this? How do I fix her? How do I ask her to try again for a family without saying lets try again? How do I look into her eyes that are swollen from crying and offer hope? Whenever she's in pain, I'm in pain. Whenever she's happy, I'm happy. But how do I try and be brave for her and support her and be the light at the end of the tunnel when my own heart is broken?" He looked imploringly at Linda.

"When the time is right for another child, you'll know and so will she. Instead of trying to be the rock for her, grieve with her. Just because you weren't carrying the baby doesn't mean you don't feel the same sense of loss. You can be strong for eachother and you can be crying parents. So much focus is always placed on the mother and people overlook the heartbreak of the father. Show her you're hurting too. Gain strength from one another and heal as a team. Heal as one unit." Linda said softly trying to get the point across. The room fell silent and they all looked at the stairs when they heard a distant sniffle. John was instantly on his feet and climbing the stairs. He sat by Kimberly and they held eachother.

"Linda's right. It's hard to remember there are two of us grieving." She said to her husband looking into his swollen eyes. "I don't want to be alone anymore. I don't want to think of the 'what ifs' anymore." She pleaded with her eyes. John knew all she was doing was sitting in bed and thinking of what happened. He nodded his head and helped her downstairs and to the couch. They had one guest room downstairs and Kimberly decided she didn't want to be in their bedroom anymore, she wanted to sleep downstairs. It would be easier for her when she wanted to be in the kitchen or family room since the steps winded her right now. John brought down a few outfits and her shower things so she didn't have to go back upstairs. She lay on the couch and the small group sat in silence. John sat with her head in his lap and he stroked her head; he gazed at her and marveled at her strength. Stephan being the subtle one of the group asked about another child. Everyone glared at him except Kimberly, she knew he meant well.

"Yes, I would love to have another child, but it's not something I'll use to replace the one we just lost. When the time is right, it'll happen." She said, indirectly offering her husband hope. He wanted to have a family with her but if she said never again he would be fine with that also. As long as he had her, his life was blessed and if they had children they'd be a bonus to an already fabulous life.

After several weeks of recovery, Kimberly was cleared to begin exercising and trying for another baby. She and John agreed to not prevent but not to aim for it. They would let things happen naturally and would have fun trying too.

Kimberly met with her lawyers and made arrangements to sell most of her homes and cars, all the clubs and half the restaurants. She wanted minimal exposure to the outside world. She would continue to support the boutiques and open more stores, she would never sell those. She had enough money to provide for her children and grandchildren; none would ever have to work. Kimberly had a choice to stop working and join John on the road or keep working. She had to think of John and their future in the event something happened to him and he could no longer work. She would still employ Stephan and Maria; that would never change. She decided to slow the workload and travel with John as much as she could.

Kimberly threw herself into her workout routine and hired a personal trainer to come to the house every morning. When she was given the okay to travel, it was during a Raw show in Phoenix. After the show everyone was free until Friday when they had a house show in San Diego. John was going to surprise Kimberly with a week at the spa. Several other couples were joining them for the week and celebration of Kimberly's birthday while they were there. They would remain in Phoenix until Friday morning and would drive to San Diego. She flew into Phoenix on Sunday and he met her at the airport. He surprised her with the spa week and she loved the idea.

When they arrived she was greeted by Hulk, Linda, Mark, Sara, Billy, Torrie, Shawn, Rebecca and Dave and Angie, the usual group. They were joined a few days later by Adam and Amy and Paul and Steph, even a few of the single guys and girls came to rest and celebrate. It was exactly what John and Kimberly needed. Everyone relaxed and had a great time together. She was surprised when a few others arrived on Thursday for just one night. It appeared to be a reunion of sorts of the RAW and Smackdown rosters.

Nobody talked about what had happened to all of them but each and every person had a new found respect for Kimberly. They already thought the world of her but they now knew her background and saw that inner strength and pride that drove her daily life. The girls appeared to be almost motherly toward her and the men began to mimic John in their protection. Whenever they went anywhere as a group, they naturally surrounded her and watched the rooms. Sure the maniac was pronounced dead at the gruesome scene a few months ago, but it still haunted them all.