"Stop."
He wasn't sure why the word had come out of his mouth, but it had, and the moment was already ruined. He hated that he had ruined it, but it had to be done. He just knew it. There were answers he needed that he just hadn't gotten yet, not only from Shaw, but from himself too. And he wasn't sure what he could do to get them.
She backed away, looking confused, before asking, "What...? What's going on?"
"I don't want to keep going without figuring out all of this." he replied.
She climbed off of him and they both sat up, adjusting their clothing. He was embarrassed, she could tell. He was fidgeting badly, flustered and sweating, but that could have been because of the cramped space in the car. But also, she noticed that his eyes wouldn't meet hers, darting everywhere but in her direction.
"So, give it to me." she said, and his face got even redder, "Sorry, poor choice of words. How do you feel about all of this? Don't sugar coat it."
He stayed quiet for a minute, looking down at his lap, scraping at the dirt under his nail with his thumb. He didn't know where to start. Ever since he was little, their father would tell them showing emotions was a weakness. But then when he became an adult, it seemed like all anyone ever cared about was how something made you feel. But, in his eyes, there was no way to tell her how he felt without looking inadequate somehow.
She grabbed his chin and forced his gaze to hers, "Hey, just tell me. It will be okay. I promise."
"Well, the zerophilia is hard to find documentation about. I guess a lot of people who have it don't want to come forward, understandably. Although, I think it would be medically and psychologically fascinating to know how both the male and female brain works. But when that mind-blowing opportunity is presenting itself in the form of a girl I like... well, it's difficult. And then there's Klaus to figure into everything..."
"I'm sorry. I never expected this to happen, Five."
"I know. I know all of this wasn't planned or anything. Listen, Shaw, I haven't had feelings like this for someone before, but this all threw me for a loop. I just wasn't sure how to take the news about all of this, I'm sorry." He started, then took a deep breath, continuing, "Here's the thing, I've... Well, you see, I've... never technically been with..."
He trailed off, so she tried to encourage him along, "With... what, a guy?"
"With anyone. I'm a virgin." he said, "And then we bring Klaus into the equation, and he's... well, let's just say, he definitely isn't a virgin."
Shaw silently wondered if Five had realized he had just offhandedly called Klaus a slut. Which just raised questions for her. A big question also was how someone as handsome as Five had remained untouched for so long. Being a virgin didn't put her off in any way; she actually found it endearing. And a part of her wanted to be the one to taint something still so pristine.
"Oh!" she exclaimed, "I get it. You're worried that, if I continue things with both of you, he'll make you look bad because he's more experienced."
"Well, yeah... I guess."
"Don't worry about that, Five. As cheesy as it sounds, it is true that sex is always better when you have feelings for the person. And as for the 'virgin' thing... everyone has their first sexual relationship, and someone to walk them through it. But no matter what you picture in your head, it will never live up to that fantasy. Besides, nothing could be worse than my first time; it was an absolute nightmare!" she exclaimed.
"Oh, god. Yeah, it had to be." he replied, after visualizing that scenario, "What did that guy do? Did he scream? Freak out?"
"He grabbed his clothes and ran out of the party completely naked, screaming his head off. So... things weren't exactly great afterwards. It got to the point where the rumor around school was that I had a tentacle monster living in my... well, you know." She said, pointing downward.
Five couldn't help but think of Ben and cringe. He didn't want to picture yet another brother while discussing this. Although this time, granted, it was not in the same context, thank god, but still...
Five then realized that, other than the basics, he'd never really learned about losing your virginity. He wasn't very open about anything and neither were his siblings, but maybe he could gain some insight into their first times. Maybe then he wouldn't feel so horrible about the insecurities he'd been feeling about it all. But which of his siblings wouldn't ask him a million questions about the reason for his inquiry? He was pretty positive that each one of them would know why he was asking and berate him with questions. No, the only person that Five could ask was Klaus oddly, but he was sure he had heard him claim that he didn't remember anything about his first time.
Shaw and he had talked for awhile longer, but it didn't get physical again. He was going to be feeling that in the morning, for sure. She had found a way to coax his feelings out of him more as they were talking and they both came to the conclusion that they should be friends for now. Things might change soon, hopefully, but Five just needed to come to terms with what was bugging him so badly first. And Shaw really hoped he did... fast.
When she left, he blinked over to Klaus' place, but he had found it empty. He walked over to the window and checked outside, seeing the car parked out on the street. A little bit of Five ached inside seeing that beautiful vintage car out there, and not in a garage or car park where it belonged. If only their dad were alive...
Suddenly, he heard the bathroom door opening and Klaus had walked into his living room, completely naked, using the only towel he had to dry his hair. When he looked up and saw Five there, he yelled in shock, trying to cover himself up instantly, but failing with such a small towel.
"What the hell? Can't you knock, man!?"
"Oh, fuck off, asshole." Five replied, "You ditched me."
"I did." Klaus confirmed.
"On a date with Shaw."
"Yep, that's what it was."
"How the hell could you do that to me!?" Five asked, angrily.
Klaus replied, "How about you let me go get dressed and then I'll tell you, okay?"
He went to his bedroom, but returned quickly, before Five asked again, "So... How could you leave me there?"
"I'm sorry, man, I really am!" he replied, with a weak smile, "But we both felt like you needed to talk to Shaw about all of this and didn't see any other way for it to happen. Other than kidnap you."
"Both felt?" Five asked. "You and Shaw have been plotting against me?"
"We're not plotting against you, little brother. We're trying to help you come to terms with everything and help us all to move forward. And hopefully, a healthy, decent relationship can blossom out of this big pile of manure somewhere."
"Well, I don't think there will be a relationship between her and I anytime soon." Five said, solemnly, "I told her I'm a virgin."
"Really? I never would have thought." Klaus asked, voice dripping with sarcasm. "Is this all that's about?"
"Not exactly... Anyway, what about you? What was your first time like?"
"Giving or receiving?"
"God, nevermind. I don't know if I want to have this conversation with you." Five started, apprehensively.
"Oh, well, there's your problem. If you want to figure this all out, you can't be such a prude." Klaus said, before an idea hit him, "We're going to have to open up here, which means we'll need alcohol. We can make cocktails... and s'mores! And we'll really share. It'll be great."
"S'mores?" Five replied, intrigued, "Okay. I'm in."
He was inwardly groaning though. He wasn't sure how Klaus could be so open about his feelings, and always had been. Their father would always punish him for crying, which just made him cry harder. And when Klaus did that, good old Reggie would take him off somewhere for the real punishment. No one knew where they went but when they came back, Klaus would be quiet for days, just staring into space. It would scare the hell out of him and all their siblings. When he later found out what was happening at the mausoleum, that was when Five decided maybe Dad wasn't the leader he thought he was. Maybe he shouldn't trust their father as much as he thought he should. Maybe it was time for Five to take control of his own powers.
But then he'd landed in a post-apocalyptic wasteland for years, so he's still not quite sure who the winner was there. All he knew was that he'd take that wasteland again any day over 'share time' with Klaus. He also knew that this was exactly what he needed to start processing his feelings and working closer to getting with Shaw.
Klaus made them a pitcher of margaritas, and it didn't take long before he began pushing Five again, asking what level of experience he had. "I'm not trying to embarrass you or anything. I just want to help."
"I haven't done anything, Klaus. Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Bupkis." He replied, "Except making out with her right before I left."
"Ooh, tell me everything."
"Not much to tell. She hit the bullseye, we kissed. Ran out to her car, kissed some more. Could have done more, but I freaked out. Now, I'm here."
"Boy, you really have that magical way with words, don't you?" Klaus replied, sarcastically.
"Sorry, but what do you want me to say? I'm almost twenty and still a virgin. It is a big deal."
Klaus turned toward him and had Five face him. He grabbed the sides of his face, and said, "She doesn't care about any of that. She only cares about you."
"And you." Five added, with a weak smile. "She said she just wants to be friends, anyway."
"Well, we will have to show her why that is the dumbest damn decision she's ever made." Klaus replied.
"And what about you? I just... Well, you know me. I don't want to prove to be inferior to anyone at anything."
"Listen, it sounds to me like you need to stop looking at this whole thing like a competition between the two of us. Shaw likes us both. We both like her. If the idea of all of us together creeps you out too much to continue, then stop. But if you really do want to pursue something with her, then you're going to have to start understanding that might mean I'll be there too. But Five, I wouldn't be there as your opposition, I'd want to be your partner."
"Partner? What, like my boyfriend?"
"If that's how you want to label it, but it doesn't have to be that way either. Things don't always have to be so black and white, you know. That's not how relationships are. There's always going to be different variables, as long as the one thing's constant."
"Which is?"
"Love, babe." Klaus replied, "And if you didn't think you could possibly love her one day, you wouldn't be here right now."
Five took a sip of his cocktail and said, "You know, maybe it's the booze talking, but you're a lot more intuitive than people give you credit for. But then, what happens if..."
Five was nervous about what he was about to ask, sipping at his drink so he could hide his blush behind the brim of the glass. Klaus grabbed it and put it down on the table, placing his hand over Five's. "What happens if... what? Come on, talk to me, please?"
"Well, what if we do pursue this, and I disappoint her? What she decides to be with just you? I don't know what would happen..."
"If that did happen, I wouldn't be with Shaw if you weren't okay with it."
Something told Five that Klaus was being truthful, so he decided to continue with the more complicated problem, "And what if we're having sex, she changes, and I can't handle it like I thought I could? And on a side note, would my penis just magically transport from vagina to anus? How does that work?"
"Oh, yeah. Never thought of that." Klaus snickered to himself, "Well, I can't really answer that, but for the first part, I have a question. Has a guy ever been attractive to you before?"
Five let out a laugh, as his gaze fell on a picture on a side table close to them. It was their thirteenth birthday and Vanya had made them all red velvet cupcakes, each with a sparkler stuck in them. Five had his in his hand, still lit, and Klaus had smeared some on Five's nose and was kissing his cheek. It was one of his favorite pictures. One of his favorite birthdays, in fact, sans the ending.
The two of them had stolen a bottle of bourbon from the liquor cabinet and gotten ridiculously wasted, eventually finding their way to his bedroom and collapsing onto Klaus' bed. They were down to the last shots in the bottle and he had insisted they did them while they locked arms, like you'd see couples doing in movies.
Five wasn't sure what had made him go for it. He was curious and figured he should try it out with a guy. Klaus seemed to be the one who would be the most understanding and willing to help him with his problem. And Five wouldn't admit it, but there was something about the other boy's smile that made his stomach flutter just a bit. So, when they went to take their shots, Five moved past the glass and went for his lips, but the smell of alcohol on his breath made Klaus lunge forward, violently throwing up all over the mattress.
Five took that as a sign that he shouldn't pursue anything with men ever again.
"For Christ's sake, Five. Will you stop being such a wimp and just tell me!?" Klaus exclaimed, hoping that challenge would at least anger it out of him.
Five saw his eyes travel to that picture he'd been staring at a second ago, and started, "I... I don't..."
"Fuck it." Klaus stated, before he placed his lips to the others.
