Disclaimer: Ach ach ach....sorry, furball.
A/N: CIAO, FAIR WEINERS. And how fares thee? Bon. Um, this chappie is particularly BAD and ODD cos I was ill when i wrote it and had just finished reading a fairly cheeky adult book... so don't blame me. I would say it is FAIRLY STRONG PG-13. I apologise to all you tender hearted and simple-minded children. LOOK AWAY, NOW!
Nice Hayley: I thought the nose kissing was cute too. I am glad you are taking Paul's not-dead situation so well....(please, no more church songs, they burn my ears. I'm not one of God's fave people, being the devil and all.)
Oenone: Modest, aren't we? - rolls eyes -
Mystique Angelique: So you have time to review other people's stories but you don't ahve times to write your own, instead you leave us HANGING and CHOKING OURSELF WITH OUR SHOE LACES. Or is it just me? You. Are. Odd. "...To pee....he he he...." WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT???
PoeticKiss: Jesse would never be disgusted with Suze and her appearance! How can you blaspheme so! Shoo, away with ye, ye foul minded beast! Raar!
UnangelicHalo: Blue eyes can go dark! When they're filled with such passion and LUST they go dark.... the pupils grow large, the colour swims into darker tones as his mind and heart fill with darker emotions.... Like, you know in Finding Nemo, when the Bruce's eyes go all dark and scary? Like that. Paul has spotted his prey and he WANTS it. You see? Do you honestly think I would forget Paul's eye colour? Shame on you, you hussy! (I'm jsut kidding..........)
God: Stay away. Don't evne think about reviewing again and NO WAY would anyone even THINK about publishing your poems. NO WAY. The robots are YEARNING? All be PEAS???? Get outta here, you freak.
Esodes08: (you should definitely think about gettin "headacheful" trademarked. it's good stuff) Paul isn't dead - he just screwed up. The question is, how do they get him back? Tune in for more....
Ameroni: Does your name mean you are a cross between and American and a peperoni? Cos if so, that's pretty cool, Salami Girl. Thank you for liking my story. I like your name. Not as much as you like my story but hey! That's pretty much impossible!
Me? Bigheaded? I think not...
I gaped at Paul. "Stuck?" He nodded. "Between life...and death?" He nodded some more. "Holy cow," I whispered. More nods. "It's certainly a conversation stopper," I looked up at him and he chortled.
"You're telling me." His eyes emptied to seriousness now as he stated, "You're the only one who can see me. And save me."
I gulped. I had the sudden urge to apologise.
"Poor you." He didn't stand a chance. Paul gave a weak smile.
"Yeah. I'm in deep trouble, aren't I?" He grinned wickedly and I thwacked him with my pillow.
"Hey! You know, I have a real knack at getting people out of sticky situations. Sheesh, I'd be in the lock-up a million times over if I didn't," I hated to admit this, but it was true.
Paul just grimaced.
"So...how exactly are you stuck?" I gave him the once over, he looked like he could move about okay to me.
"My body's stuck in my room, at the moment. And I can't return to it. My grandpa knows so we don't have to worry about any...unsavoury characters finding out. But my grandpa can't do anything about it," Paul's face suddenly darkened and a muscle in his jaw leapt. "As if he'd want to."
I felt a tug of sympathy – alright, maybe it was more of a wrench – and I instinctively reached out to touch his arm. Paul's (BLUE) eyes darkened and filled with a look like a wolf's when it spies a frightened rabbit - dinner.
I let go of his arm.
"We should go to Father D," I said hurriedly, trying to change the subject and get rid of the look in his eye.
"Father D already knows. He called me to the rectory for a little chat. He doesn't know what's wrong or how to fix it, like I even thought he would know." His eyes locked with mine. "I need you."
Now that's desperate, I thought. But then again, Paul was the definition of desperate. He was young but now he was stuck in a life that wasn't really a life. And his escape relied on me.
Me, the girl who can't even manage to wake up in time for school every morning. Me, the girl who still can't get the hang of not burning pasta. Me, who can't even seem to be able to save my own life, let alone someone's whose actually counted.
Cos Paul could be big in life. I could see him now, a big-in-the-business business man, respected, notorious, sharp, and with all these gorgeous stick-thin super models draped on his arm as he walked into the chicest, most expensive bars in the city.
And me? Where could I see myself in the future?
I could see myself selling Big Macs at Maccy D's, or bringing tea and biscuits to my boss who patted my ass appreciatively when I turned around. Basically being a nothing.
So I did kinda want it to work out for Paul. Sure, he was a royal pain in the butt. But he had a chance to be something in life.
Once he learned how to stop being such a jerk.
I sighed dejectedly, trying to disguise how much I actually cared if I screwed this up for him.
"Alright. Seeing as how I'm the only one willing to help you..."
"The only one able to help me," Paul put in. I cut him a look and he shut up.
"As I was saying, seeing as I am the only one willing to help you, I must accept the challenge. I agree to helping you regain your life."
Paul grinned and flopped down on his back so his head was resting on my thigh. "So we're partners, eh?"
"Until you get a life. Literally." I couldn't help but notice how adorable he looked as he gazed up at me with puppy dog eyes. I wanted to bite down on the cute little nose.
"Not interrupting anything, I hope?" Both mine and Paul's heads snapped round to look at Jesse who was standing in front of my bay window, arms crossed, shoulders stiff and neck muscles tense.
His scar was glowing and his eyes were flashing.
And he still looked hot.
Then I remembered the other hottie. The other hottie lying with his head on my lap. On my bed. With me in my pyjamas.
Crap.
But it became pretty clear that Jesse wasn't angry at me. Oh no, he was staring daggers at Paul.
If looks could kill, Paul wouldn't even need to be fully-alive to be vaporised on the spot.
"You," Jesse pointed at Paul, "should not even be looking at her, let alone talking to her. Have you not done enough damage with your thoughtlessness? And now you are taking advantage of her when she is weak."
I protested loudly at that. I was not weak. Sure, I was only wearing some boxers and a tank top, but that didn't mean I was weak.
Paul rose slowly from my thigh, which grew cold at the loss of his weight and heat. "I was just asking Suze for her help," he said slyly and deliberately.
Jesse's eyes narrowed at Paul calling me Suze and then widened when Paul mentioned needing my help.
"And Suze kindly accepted." An annoyingly knowing smirk spread across his face and there was a glint in his eye I knew Jesse wouldn't miss.
Paul turned to me and tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear, letting his fingers brush my temple and linger for a second too long.
And then he was gone.
Jesse was momentarily stunned by the fact that Paul could de-materialise, but he regained his countenance and snapped his head towards me. I wrangled myself out of my duvet and hopped off my bed, stepping close to Jesse.
"He needs my help, Jesse. I can't just leave him like this. He had – has – a life. And I'm his only chance at him living it."
My eyes searched Jesse's for any sign of emotion. But at the moment, they remained as dark and unreadable as a blank TV screen.
Finally he heaved a sigh and grabbed me, pulling me into a bear hug.
"I know you have to help him. You're just too kind for your own good," he murmured into my hair, stroking it with his hand. I grimaced.
Me? Kind? Boy did I have a lot of expectations to live up to.
Suddenly Jesse yanked my away from him and did a quick scan of what I was wearing. His arms dropped from my shoulders and he looked away. I could see a faint tinge on his cheeks.
I looked down at my attire and cocked an eyebrow.
"It's not that bad, is it?" Jesse looked down briefly, against his will, then jerked his head back up again and turned his head away. The tinge was growing darker.
I decided to play with him a little. Can you really blame me? Most guys would kill for a chance to see a babe like me – cut me some slack – in only a pair of boxers and a tank top.
"I mean," tugged at my shorts and swizzled on my feet, "I could always change back into my lacy stuff. It's much prettier and more comfortable than this, I guess. I mean, there's a lot less of it, so I wouldn't get as hot. But, I might get cold every now and then, so what would I do then to warm myself up?" I looked up at Jesse with big, doleful eyes.
I saw Jesse's Adam's apple bob up and down.
I grinned and slipped my arms round his waist. "What do you think?" I whispered up at him. He turned his head slowly and scowled playfully when he saw my mischievous grin.
"You are outrageous," he growled down at me. I blinked innocently.
"Me? I'm just telling the truth. Truthful Suze, that's what they call me."
Yeah, right.
"In my time, ladies covered up. Everything up. They didn't flounce to the beach in their underwear. And even their undergarments weren't so...so..."
"Pretty?"
Jesse scowled. "Suggestive."
I howled with laughter, much to Jesse's chagrin. I patted his cheek sympathetically and turned to crawl under my covers.
"Welcome to my world," and then, because I knew it would bug the heck outta him, I added "babe," and fell asleep.
Now, normally when I dream I can wake up and safely say "Yup, nothing out of the ordinary there." That's because my recurring nightmares of getting lost in Shadowland brought on, with many thanks, by Paul Slater in all his evilness, have slowly faded to be replaced with dreams of Jesse driving me along the winding cliffs towering above the crystal ocean in a sporty convertible.
Hey, a girl can dream, can't she?
In my case, yes. Yes she can.
But this morning when I woke up, I woke up with a bang and sat staring at my wall for several moments.
That is because when I fell asleep, content and smiling with Jesse's presence to reassure me, I fell into a deep slumber of dreams composing of Paul.
These weren't the usual, help-help-that-big-and-beautiful-but-scary-man-is- chasing-me-and-threatening-to-kill-my-already-dead-boyfriend-and-I-know-he- isn't-kidding nightmares.
Oh no. It was much worse. Much much worse.
I was standing in Shadowland.
I gave a bemused and annoyed sigh and looked around.
Nothing.
But I couldn't get rid of the feeling that someone was watching me.
"Hello-o!" I called out, half hoping that someone would answer. Half scared that someone would.
And then I was lying down. My back was pressed onto a cold, damp floor and the fog was gliding around and over my body. Then the fog disappeared and a warm light replaced the cold darkness that Shadowland consisted of. I was now lying in grass and staring up at a blue sky and a large, friendly sun.
"Nice day for it, huh?" I whipped my head to my side and found someone lying next to me, his face turned up towards the sun with his eyes closed and a smile playing on his lips.
"Paul, go away. I was enjoying myself."
"And who says you can't enjoy yourself anymore? Heck, I bet I could make it even more enjoyable," he turned his towards mine and the smile grew.
"Whatever," was all I said as I turned my head back to the sky and closed my eyes. Can you tan in dreams? I hoped so.
A large, obtrusive shadow cast itself over my whole body and I opened my eyes to find myself staring up at Paul's. He was lying on top of me. And you know that look, the wolf-spotting-dinner one?
It was back.
And this time, the rabbit was cornered with no way to escape.
"Don't you just love dreams?" He asked me. "You can really let yourself go in them. No need to carry that ever-nagging conscience with you. You can do whatever you want. Cos in dreams, you're on your own. No judgements. No worries."
I frowned up at him. He was right...I guess.
But I couldn't see what he was getting at.
"So?"
Paul shrugged. "That's all. No worries, no cares. You can stop thinking, and just be." And with that cleared up, he lowered his head and kissed me. I was still wondering over what he had just said.
His lips were soft and gentle and I found myself closing my eyes to their power. He was right. In dreams you didn't have to think. You could just be.
Then I thought of Jesse. Where was Jesse in my dream? He was supposed to be here. I pushed at Paul's shoulders.
Then bam. I was in a sporty convertible. The wind was whipping my hair behind my face, the sun was warming my body, and my smile was wide and filled with joy. I stretched my arms up and tilted my head further up.
"Having fun?" I whooped and cheered as we went whizzing round a sharp corner. I glanced at Paul. He was smiling and looking incredible hot behind that steering wheel. He looked like he had just stepped out of a TV advert for the latest, sleekest sports car model.
I let my arms drop to my side and snuggled back into the head rest. "This is the life..." I whispered.
The scene changed again.
Paul was sat on a chair in an empty classroom...and I was sat on him. Kissing him. Running my hands through his hair. Gripping his waist with my thighs as he gripped my closer to him, mashing our bodies together as his hand applied pressure in the small of my back. His other hand was speared through my hair.
His hand fisted in my hair and he tilted my head back. His hungry lips trailed a scorching path down my neck to my collarbone. My hands were all over his chest, running up and down all the contours. Then they were running over the smooth muscle between his shoulders and his neck. My nails were tracing patterns along his skin as my hands delved under his shirt.
And then one of my hands started trailing lower and lower... It was at the waistband of his jeans...
And I woke up.
I was breathing hard and I could still feel his body. I could feel it pressing up against every inch of mine. I could feel him between my legs, under my hands. I sat shocked, staring at my wall.
Sure, in dreams you can just be without and worries, but what happens when you wake up?
The thing is...I didn't feel any guilt. I could only feel...well, pleasure. I shook myself. There must've been some mistake. It must have been Jesse in my dreams. Not Paul. But the harder I thought, and the harder I remembered, Paul's face just got clearer and clearer. And the memories of his kisses, his lips, his tongue, his hands, they all burned on my skin.
I leapt out of bed and pelted into my bedroom. I dove under my shower and plunged myself into the cold water. I could practically hear the sizzle as the cool droplets hit my skin.
I got ready for school, still in a state of shock. It was just a dream, I reassured myself. Just a dream. And strangely, that seemed to settle me somewhat. My nerves didn't feel as frazzled, and my mind stopped its racing as we arrived at the Mission Academy.
It was just a dream. Everyone has them. I'm no different. Just because it wasn't of my boyfriend, that doesn't make me a bad person, right?
Right. I'm normal. I can't help it.
It's the hormones. Just the hormones.
"Suze, have you seen Paul?"
"What?" I yelped. "No! Why would you think that? What are you trying to insinuate? What do you know?" I gripped CeeCee's shirt with both hands, holding her face close to mine. My knuckles were turning white.
"Jeez, Suze. Calm down. What, did you have a caffeine overdose or something?" CeeCee plucked her shirt from my hands and set herself in front of me, one eyebrow arched speculatively at me.
"No, no caffeine overdose. Sorry. Don't know what happened there," I giggled nervously.
"Guess who's has the most guilty secret in the world?" I turned on Adam and practically screamed "What?"
He slowed his pace and skirted round me so he was standing behind CeeCee.
"I-I was only saying that...that I found out Kelly's been getting some French guy off the internet to do her homework... That's all, I swear!" His eyes were wide and he was shaking behind CeeCee.
I had my fists curled so tight my hand was turning white.
"Sheesh, Simon. What's going on with you today? And don't say PMS cos it's the wrong time of the month and usually you just trip your brother up or flick ink at Kelly and her cronies if you are PMS-ing."
My fists uncurled themselves and I flushed with mortification. "Thanks, CeeCee. I really appreciate discussing my menstrual cycle in front of Adam." Not that it mattered. At the mere utterance of having the painters in, Adam had turned a shade of green and fled to his locker.
CeeCee continued to stare at me.
I gave an exasperated sigh and flung my hands in the air in an 'I surrender' kind of way.
"Fine! I just...I just had a bad night, that's all," I cut one last look at CeeCee then strolled to my locker.
"It's more than that." I jumped as CeeCee's voice appeared behind my open locker door.
I gave a little growl and slammed my door shut, revealing a patient, assessing CeeCee.
"I had a dream...or rather, a couple dreams. And they freaked me out." When CeeCee merely stared some more I reluctantly expanded. "They were about Paul."
CeeCee's eyes widened momentarily and a glint appeared in them. She grinned wickedly.
"Suze Simon, I hope you weren't doing the dirty with that mongrel!" Seeing as I couldn't exactly deny it I remained quiet, stonily staring at my shoes.
I heard a shocked gasp. "Susannah Simon! I am appalled! And a little curious, how was it?"
I looked up at CeeCee. "It was a dream!"
She just cocked an eyebrow. "So? Doesn't stop it from being any good...or any bad..." She grinned wickedly and I couldn't help a small smile tug the corners of my lips.
"Well, we are talking about Paul Slater here..."
CeeCee nodded understandingly. "A teenage god, dream boat, sex on sticks..."
I nodded in agreement. "Exactly! So I think it's safe to say that I expected a certain level of...greatness," I lifted my eyebrows and CeeCee carried on nodding.
"Obviously," she said.
"But man, I sure as heck wasn't expecting that level of...greatness." This was a lie. I have, on numerous occasions, been groped and snogged till my lips were bruised and battered, by the god that is Paul Slater. But CeeCee didn't know that. And she didn't need to know that. So I was planning on keeping my mouth shut.
CeeCee fanned herself and blew out a gusty sigh. "I know what you mean. The nights I dream about Adam and-" She stopped short and turned a shade of magenta.
I grinned and winked. "Your secret's safe with me."
