A/N: HIYA!!! Sorry this took so long to update - I've had holidays, school work, life stuff, writer's block, and LOADSA disturbances (like Spiderman) that I've had to battle through. But due to CONSTANT NAGGING FROM CERTAIN PEOPLE (seriously, I will update it just takes a WHILE for the inspiration juices to get flowing, NAOMI, IT'S NOT ALL THAT EASY, YA KNOW) I have been forced to write a short, crappy, uneventful chappie. I apologise. It sucks but next chappie will... aaw, heck. Next chappie's gonna suck too cos I have no idea what's gonna happen.
But it may take a while cos I have loadsa work to do, and I'm feeling really stressed out at the moment because of family problems and school problems, so I'm really sorry, BUT I WON'T MAKE IT TOO LONG til I next update. Seriously. I'll try and make it only a week. OK, now for my fave part: my acknowledgements:
Heidi girl: I had no idea what to call you, so I made this up, feel free to correct. I hope you're having fun...sniffing cheese and...looking at cowbells...
Allimba: Aw, ain't you just a pickle in a snowstorm? Thank you for your review - short but sweet.
mediatorgurl: How cool! Tennesse! DON'T FEEL TERRIBLE!!! Any input is good for me!!!! Seriously. SERIOUSLY. starts growling and tugs at leash around neck I made up Warson street and I meant to change it! It's like, the street they were on was called Warson street, so I was referring to that to make it SOUND like Elm street. I MEANT TO CHANGE IT TO ELM STREET THOUGH. Lol. This is what happens when you get lazy. You're so sweet, seriously. All your "he is such a creep. arg. creepy creepy creepy" (I'm paraphrasing here). I was like, HAHA, he is a creep, isn't he? Lol. Oddness...
BloodSoakedTiger: Haha, you may disappointed with the lack of things being beaten into a bloody pulp...
Nice Hayley: HAHAHAHAHA!!! When I wrote it, I was like, "Oh crap, peeps are gonna think he farted." Then I thought, "Nah. They're all too MATURE for that." Obviously I was forgetting about you. ;-D Hehehe, when I wrote it, though, I was giggling so much thinking, "Heh heh heh, Jesse farted!" So that just goes to show how immature I am.
"GAH! AH! GAW! OMG!" - I thought you were choking! What was with that?? I was like, "Somebody call an ambulance!" It was scary. Please, no more choking sounds of exclamation. I like the holy shiitake mushrooms thing - it may come in useful for when I need to refrain from using cheeky words. And thanks for all those Batman holies!! I'm a big fan of Batman, and am currently on a search to find Bat Cave, using my Spidey sense as a map.
SweetestReject: Thank you! I laughed myself into a temporaty coma when I read N.T.N. It was so bad I think maybe space monkeys took over my mind and wrote it. It would certainly explain a lot about me now...
Pens in potatoes: You are Suze, how does it feel? Lol. How do you know, I don't tape secret video cameras all around you and follow your every move, then base my Suze on you? Huh? You don't. You could be Suze... Doo doo doo doo. You have a dead bedroom buddy? How cool!!!! Eat it. I'm liking the "holy crap monkeys from hell". It's vair vair cheeky and I may be forced to say it. Moowahahahaaa.
Alexis de Silva: I'm gonna elaborate on the whole Suze-Bethany thing soon, I swear. Just as soon as I figure out who and what exactly Bethany is.... Any ideas? Lol. I will figure something out, do not worry, fair monkey of doom.
RayHaisa: Oooh! A new one to join us! Hello. I'm not sure who Suze is gonna end up with...Normally I'm a Suze-Jesse fan.. but I still love Paul. I'm not giving anything away though.
gatorchick007: Hahaha, you're funny. "ugh, men."
UnangelicHalo: Hulloooo! LOL, I'm verra verra sorry about all my mistakes! HAHAHA, some of them were hilarious, though. HAHAHA, oddness in small packages, fresh from Ikea.
Mystique Angelique: Hahaha, you scare me. I carry round a flash of holy water just in case I ever bump into you. Sure, you live in the land of Ozness, but you know. You're bwilliant too, ya know that? Sure, you're a little weird and scary and maybe even part demon, but you're still amazingly good. Who cares if you have a little bit of Hell fermenting inside of you, slowly turning your heart to the blackest of blacks and coldest of colds?
Gen. Kenobi: Slatington, eh? You're not obsessed with Paul, by any chance, are ya? Rednecks and hicks? THAT SOUNDS SO COOL!! How can you not think that is cool? It's fabioso, man. And I'm pretty sure the whole thing about being lucky if I meet someone with all their real teeth is an exaggeration....RIGHT? Can you imagine everyone walking round like that guy from the Simpsons with only one tooth which he calls Chipper? How freakish would that be? And cool. Majorly cool.
Hauntedgurrl: I think I've turned everyone who was a Jesse fan into a Paul fan....MOOWAHAHAHAA. Including myself, unfortunately. It's all rather confusing on the old noodle....
xxreixx: Heh heh heh. I like it when I make characters come back at inappropriate moments. It's so much fun watching all you guys with steam coming out of your ears.
Anna S: ANNA!!!! I know you're in France right now, so I won't get to talk to you til you come back to school, but, HELLOOO! Seriously. Without you to email, I think I may be losing my marbles faster then I originally was... Your life isn't sad, you moron. Stop saying that. You have me in your life. How can it be sad? ME, Anna. ME. (I'm gonna need your help when you get back from Frogland - I have no idea where this story is heading).
Alenor: HAHAHA, I GOT YOU WANTING TO READ THE WHOLE SERIES! Well, okay. Maybe I was only a minor contributer, but still!!! Read the series. It's great. It's fabioso with condoments and chips. And you're Australian, huh? How odd... J'adore aussi les Sci-fi books. They are so cool! And sci-fi films, etc. I'm a Trekky all the way. It's scary. And a little worrying. And I'm checking out your fic on Tamora Pierce!
AmethystHannah: I lub Peter Kay! Seriously, I do. He's funny. Hahaha, like the bit about Suze lusting after Paul cos she's only human - SO TRUE!
Kaellia: I like baloney... Actually, I've never tried it. But it sounds cool... Sorry you had to itch quite a while before I could update, MOOWAHAHAAAAA
Oenone: You're from Seattle? HOW COOL IS THAT? Seriously. I wanna go visit Seattle, maybe even live there! I'm basing my book there, so is it a cool place? Is it busy? A metropolis of life and corporations? Are there row houses with picket fences and green lawns? Don't you just lub the film Sleepless in Seattle? I do. I do. I lub Tom Hanks. He's is beyutiful on so many levels.
ruBY-raINDrop: I think I need to stop making Paul so nice, lol. Everyone's fallen in love with him!!! WHAT ABOUT JESSE???? Hehehehe
tt: Seriously. For someone who lubs to write, you'd have thought you might review with a little more than ONE LINE. YOU WERE TRYING TO WRITE A NOVEL AT ONE POINT, YET WHEN YOU WRITE A REVIEW ALL I GET IS A MEASLY ONE LINE????? Sheesh. (Thank you for reviewing ;-P)
For all of you who read and reviewed my one-shots - THANKS A BUNCH, GUYS!!! Seriously. All of you were soo nice! If I did carry on It's All Going Down In The Schoolyard, I think I would have to make it a bit more than PG-13, lol. Cos that's the only place I can see the story heading - the bedroom. There was no plot to it - just snoggeroonies. That's why it was a one-shot. Who needs plots in a one-shot when you can just have lip-locking? It's the way God meant it. Truly, this is a beautiful world.
ALTHOUGH, I could carry on Schoolyard by introducing Jesse all of a sudden... Hmm... I shall ponder it.... SO MUCH TO DO!!! My ber-rain may exper-lode.
He took one inscrutable look at me, then one look at Paul. That look was very easy to read. A hint: it wasn't one of pleasure.
The mirror started shaking.
"Get your hands off my querida, Slater!" Paul looked down at me and our eyes locked. It was like our blood had froze in our veins, locking our bodies like Xavier did in X-men 2 when he froze time.
I'm serious. It was a totally X-men experience.
Then Paul's eyes got this glint. A momentary fire shone like a match being struck. That's when I realised Paul's alter-ego was back. The one that was determined to taunt Jesse. And because my blood still seemed frozen inside of me, and I appeared to have one serious case of lock-jaw, there wasn't a darn thing I could do about it. Except gawk and watch any serenity that had been break and shatter like my mirror was about to any second from now.
"We're just dancing, de Silva. Get a grip," Paul's face twisted into a sneer. "Oh, wait. I'm sorry. You can't. I seem to be the one with the grip." Paul's hands flexed on me and Jesse took a step forward.
I snapped out of my reverie and struggled in Paul's hands. Slowly, he brought me up, but he didn't let me go. And I was okay with that. Mainly because if he let me go, I would just topple ungracefully over if I even tried to balance on my mutant knee.
"Jesse, Paul was just helping me because I'm not really in a state to be doing much and I needed someone."
I felt my eyes widen to goose-egg size. Did I just say I needed Paul?
Jesse gave me a searing look before he saw past his red mist of anger. Once he got through that, he saw me standing there, strongly resembling a human piñata.
"Nombre de Dios! Susannah! What happened to you?" Before I could even open my mouth the explain – today was obviously Slow Day for the brain of Suze Simon – Jesse had turned on Paul. "What have you done to her? I'll kill you, you..." Paul quirked a solitary eyebrow as Jesse rattled off exactly what Paul was in a gush of Spanish.
If I was Paul, my genitalia would have totally climbed up to a safe little nook inside of me and I would have been waving my tighty-whiteys like a white flag. Jesse seemed to have an aura that was practically shooting out lightning bolts and thunder claps. He took another step closer to Paul, and Paul, letting go of me, took a step closer to Jesse.
Now Paul had the same aura as Jesse and he was starting to make my chest of drawers rattle.
"I would never hurt Suze! Christ! Who do you think I am, de Silva? Freddie Freaking Kruger?" I gaped at Paul. I had never seen him so angry and I had never heard him lose his temper like that, using a different word to freaking. But there he was – all angry and upset because Jesse had accused him of beating me up. He gave a humorless laugh and turned his eyes to me. I fell back against the bed and scrabbled to sit up. "You're boyfriend here thinks I would beat up the love of my life!" He turned back to Jesse. "I'll show you just who I do beat up, though."
Before he could leap at Jesse, I grabbed his arm. I was in shock as I did it, though. I wasn't even concentrating what was going on around me. The words love of my life were whirling round and round inside my head. Love of my life in Paul's earnest, angry, hurt voice.
Love of my life.
Paul gave me a questioning look in his glaring eyes. He wasn't in a chatting mood, that much was obvious. He was in an I-want-to-rip-your-dead-boyfriend-a-new-belly-button-twice-the-size-of-his-head mood.
I gave him a what I hoped was a reproachful look – the one every guy seems to have down to a pat, much to my chagrin – and turned to Jesse, still holding onto Paul's arm.
"Jesse, Paul didn't beat me up. Paul would never beat me up. And not just because I would totally pound on him before he could get in there first. But because he honestly wouldn't hurt me." Jesse's eyes flared angrily once again but I carried on. "Paul was here helping me. He's been here all day and night keeping an eye on me and that's all."
Paul scowled at me which I thought was pretty unfair. I had just defended his butt and here he was scowling at me as if I said something wrong! Guys may have being reproachful sorted, but they sure don't have gratitude tuned into their systems.
And it's pretty mean to be angry at a girl who can barely move without setting off some kind of searing pain all through her body, too. When will I ever catch a break?
I tried to stand up but my mutant knee was having none of it. I collapsed back onto the bed with a wince and a strangled sort of, "Gah!"
Both guys came rushing towards me. Both froze when they noticed the other was doing the exact same thing. Then they both turned to each other with identical scowls.
It was like watching a couple of mimes doing a sketch.
"Paul." He turned to me, his irritation instantly fading. "Thanks for helping me. Seriously. It was really cool of you. I didn't know you had it in you," I gave a small smile.
"Try to keep it to yourself – I wouldn't wanna ruin my image, now." He winked and dematerialised. Which I thought was pretty decent of him. Normally he'd do just about anything to goad Jesse and wreak havoc in my life. And here he was pulling a complete Spike from Buffy on me. Acting all tough, macho, satanic, and then caring for me when I'm hurt and telling me I'm the love of his life.
Confusing would be an understatement.
Jesse immediately came striding over in his cowboy boots, his open-neck shirt fluttering in the breeze he created. I sighed at the beauty of what lay beneath.
"Querida, what happened? Are you alright? Is there anything you need?" His large hands had come up to cup my face so I couldn't peek down his top anymore. Not that view up here wasn't just as good, if not better.
That's because his dark, Hershey's-kisses eyes were filled with so much love and concern, and his wide, soft bottom lip was caught between his teeth with his midnight-black eyebrows furrowed, that I just wanted to melt into his strong embrace and kiss him until all that worry for me left his expression.
So I did. I kissed him. Actually, I kissed him kinda hard. But I was just so glad he was here and I knew he would keep me safe. So maybe I kissed him a little harder than necessary... but Jesse didn't seem to mind. He just sorta slowed down his lips which, after a while, slowed down mine. Then he smiled and we carried on kissing normally.
Eventually though, Jesse had appeared to have some misgivings about kissing me. "Susannah..." he said in a hoarse voice. I smiled dreamily. "What happened?"
I blinked in confusion. "Well, I leaned forward and kissed you and then, unable to resist my-"
Jesse smiled his gorgeous smile and shook his head. "Not that, querida. What happened to get you so...battered?" His smile instantly vanished and that heart-warming concern took its place.
I almost melted into a pool of adolescent feminine water over the care he held for me. He was always so protective. It's all been totally like Kevin Costner and Whitney Houston in the Bodyguard.
Shame he wasn't there to guard my body two days ago.
I explained to Jesse everything that had happened to me over the past couple of days. All through it, he sat stoic and expressionless. Except when I got to the part about me getting brutally assaulted, then he flinched as if someone had given him a sharp backhand to his cheek.
When I finished, Jesse just kinda sat, looking at me all sadly and hurt. "Why didn't you call me?" That explained the serious expression on his face.
I shuffled back a bit on the bed to get more comfortable and blew at one of my bangs, trying to get it out of my vision. I looked like I was smoking a perpendicular pipe. Jesse reached out and tucked it behind my ear, drawing his hand down to the corner of my jaw, and holding it firmly – but gently – in his direction. Leaving me with no distractions, and only head-on explanations. Literally.
"I was just a little bit occupied," which was the truth. You can't expect a girl to be thinking about her boyfriend when she's getting savagely attacked by a six-foot something hunk of muscle, even if she does resemble Wonder Woman in many uncanny ways.
I explained this to Jesse but he didn't look impressed. "Who is Wonder Woman?"
I gave him a brief outline of her and her powers and amazing strength and beauty. Jesse gave me an odd look. "And you think you are a lot like her?" One of his eyebrows slowly slid up his forehead like a pig on greased linoleum.
I, understandably, was mortally offended. Some people say I'm more of a Lois Lane, or a Charlie's Angel. But I always ask them: Where's my Superman? Where are my other better-looking angel buddies with freakishly big and curly hair? More like I'm Superman. Or, I'm all three of Charlie's Angels combined into one super-human babe who's not to be reckoned with.
"Of course I'm a lot like Wonder Woman! We both use our powers for the forces of good, not evil. And, sure, I may not be into the whole "I like to wear white, blue, red and gold teddies with a peculiar hat and cone-shaped breast-plates, but I totally dig her boots! And sometimes, on a really windy day, my hair even frizzes and explodes outwards to look like hers!"
Jesse chuckled briefly then shook his head. "Susannah..." He said in this warning tone that I didn't think was fair one bit.
"What?" I asked innocently.
He retrieved his hand from my jaw and wagged his finger at me with his face a serious mask, but his eyes were smiling like someone was telling him about a joke he once pulled on someone which always made him laugh. "Stop trying to distract me. It won't work. Why didn't you call me?" Piercing me with two laser-point eyes, his face was full of sadness again. And I didn't want Jesse to be sad. Because when Jesse was sad, I was sad.
And personally, I don't like feeling sad.
I have worked all my life detaching myself from feelings most human beings are used to feeling every day. But I have to try and stem those emotions, and retract myself from the normal world.
Because dealing with ghosts isn't a happy job. Listening to them explain how they died, isn't the most cheerful of experiences. And it would be unprofessional to burst into tears every time I came across a heart-breaking story from a member of the deceased. I have to keep a professional mind when I'm mediating, otherwise mistakes will be made. So if I'm dealing with a ghost who's been murdered by a burglar, and they want me to go retrieve an item in the thief's possession, I have to remain emotionally neutral. Otherwise if I'm confronted by the homicidal thief, I might just try and kick his butt from here to Acapulco. Which, in turn, could result in my getting very seriously injured.
But whenever Jesse's near me, or if anything happens directly or indirectly connected to Jesse, all that professionalism seems to just drift out the window. And it's like suddenly all my deadened emotions are heightened, like Spiderman's Spidey powers.
So whenever Jesse's sad, I get sad and I get this inconceivable urge to make him happy again.
"I guess I was just a little angry at you still. And my subconscious was telling me not to call you as a way of pay back. But you can't really blame me when it's my subconscious's fault! I mean, I have no control over my subconscious! Otherwise I probably...most definitely...maybe would have called you..."
Yeah. Great argument, Suze. Well done. Good job on making him feel better.
"Querida, I am sorry. This is all my fault. I shouldn't have just walked off on you. It was immature of me and look at the consequences!" He waved his hand up and down me and winced like he always does whenever he spots one of my ubiquitous injuries, no matter how small. It seems like not a day goes by when I don't have an injury of some kind. Whether it's a paper cut or a broken bone, I always have something wrong.
I am God's punch bag.
"It's not your fault, Jesse," I reassured him. Cos it wasn't. Not really. It was my darn subconscious's. "I was just really busy with trying to stop Stiff from killing me, I didn't have time to call you. And when Bethany came along, all I could think was that I had to get her away." Which was true.
Jesse gave me a faint smile. "Always so selfless, thinking of other people before yourself, querida." I had to fight back a snort at that.
Me? Selfless? Selfish, more like. But I wasn't going to correct him. Not when he was looking at me with so much love and pride in his eyes. I thought now would be a good time for him to kiss me, what with him feeling so proud, and all. So I kinda leaned forward, looking at his lips...
Jesse rocked back on his heels and, smiling down at me, offered me his hand. I blinked at it. What happened to the kissing? Begrudgingly, I took his hand and fumbled up to my feet. Jesse loops his arms behind my neck and my knees, and before I could say "fairytale prince", I was being swept of my feet and carried downstairs, where I was placed carefully on the lounge couch.
Jesse brought me over the TV remote with his mind while fluffling up the pillows behind me, and then asked me what kind of sandwiches I wanted for lunch.
I was so shocked I fell over sideways. Jesse brought me back up looking at me like I was some new species of farmyard animal.
"I'm sorry," I stuttered once I was sat upright. "I thought you asked me what wanted in my sandwiches."
The farmyard animal look sharpened. "I did," he said blinking down at me. I blinked back up at him.
"Cheese and tomato," I said. Then I remembered my manners. "Please." Giving me one last smile, Jesse dematerialised to, presumably, the kitchen. I stared at the blank TV.
My dead boyfriend was fixing me sandwiches. My dead boyfriend was pottering round in my kitchen, making me cheese and tomato sandwiches. I never knew he was so domesticated. Next he'd be asking me where Andy's "Kiss the chef" apron was.
Jesse came back after ten minutes with my plate of cheese and tomato sandwiches and can of diet coke and sat with me while I ate, watching Oprah. I was already too weirded out to get even more freaked by the fact he was tutting at some guy who didn't respect his pregnant ex-girlfriend enough to father her child because she was an "exotic dancer".
I just sat there, munching on my sandwiches and drinking my soda. It was an experience, that's for sure.
After the weirding out faded, I settled against Jesse, who leaned back and wrapped his arms round me while I laid my legs out along the couch, and we just sat there watching Oprah, and occasionally arguing amicably about what the psycho on the show should do next about his or her predicament.
When Oprah finished, and I was flicking through channels trying to find something else to watch, Jesse went ahead and completely spoiled the cosy mood that had settled itself upon us.
"Susannah," he asked. Sounding all innocent. "Tell me about your shifting lessons with Paul."
