A/N: Hulloooo, up there! Hope this chappie is okay. I got the feeling it wasn't very realistic snort but I couldn't help it. I also tried to prevent any cheesiness from infiltrating my story, but that didn't happen either. So be prepared for a very odd, corny chappie, ladies and jellyspoons.
Naomi: "cutie pies don't kick box?" Now I'm offended. Aw, and I'm glad I made you feel sad. As in, with my story. Not by any other method. I just meant that I was glad I could provide my readers with... Oh, whatever. You know what I meant. ;)
Christ the Angel: Hahaha, I like Paul being a victim too. But I agree, I don't reckon he's as evil-stalkery as peeps make him out to be. He has a heart. He just doesn't know how to show his feelings in a more, shall we say...gentle way.
xxreixx: I also liked Jesse grabbing Paul while materialising. I could picture it in my head and thought, "Now THAT looks menacing and cool." Which is what I was aiming for.
jESSiEnESs: Lol, thank you! Although, I didn't really learn to write anywhere. I didn't even know I could write anything until I started realising that As on my Enlish work meant GOOD. And to think, I almost began to prefer Maths to English. Thank the Lord I was shown the true path and light before I made that hideous, heinous mistake. Thank. The. Lord. (No offence ye boffs of math ;-P )
Pens in potatoes: Hey! Can I just say, I have been TRYING to access your story, but every time it keeps coming up with this HTTP ERROR message. I almost bit my computer. Anyway, I'm gonna keep trying because I might just implode if I don't read it. And that could be very messy.
NiceHayley: HAHA! Paul may not have friends, but thank God he has the PFC. You make me smile. And eat ice cream. But I think that might not have something to do with you. I'm not too sure. We shall see. We shall see.
UnangelicHalo: Lol, in much of a rush, were you? :)
Mystique Angelique & Devil at Heart: Suze fall in love with Jim? Hmm...you're putting ideas into my minnnnnd... I'm glad I'm, according to Kate, "hell good." FOR I AM THE DEVIL AND YE SHALL KISS MY FURRY-HOOFED FEET. (Hi Kate! I don't think I've spoken to you via the godliness of acknowledging my reviewers on fanfiction, so HI!)
RayHaisa: I hope this is long enough! Lol, I have wrung my brain dry trying to come up with some stuff to put in my chappies to make them longer (I really should start planning my entire story before I begin writing) so I hope ye likie!
Alenor: Hope your exams go okay! I am indeed a limey. JE SUIS ANGLAISE! How come you're on holidays? Frankly, monsieur, I find that just a little bit mean. I want a holiday. And I haven't been at school for that long, either. Lol. I'm just laaaaazy as pie.
Gen. Kenobi: Moowahahaa, I am quite proud of my cliffies, thank you. And I thought Suze deserved to have a bit of a "losing it" moment. I mean, she's just been propositioned with death or homicide. And she's had a lot to go through all her life. I THINK I WOULD CRACK!! eye twitches
Roomate153: I'm glad you like it. I think Jesse deserved to be sent away, the selfish pig.
DancingSweethart: No offence was taken by your question whatsoever, mon petit pois! All questions are welcome as I myself often find it hard to understand what I have written.
Oenone: I'm glad Jesus loves my story. Heh heh heh.
DemonicFireChick: HAHAHAHA! Will she, won't she? Keep reading and find out! And run from rooms screaming like a crazy person even more. Because that's just funny to watch.
SwEeT-HoReTy: Glad you aiméd it! Hope this chappie is long enoooooough!
annonomous: Oui, I am British as a bulldog (and twice as hairy ;-P )
moovalous3: Ghosts go right through some things, I think. Other things, they can sit on/lean against/pick up/touch, etc. True, Paul is a sexual predator, but he's also misunderstood (or so I like to think, but I say that about most evilians) and, you know, I don't think Suze would be willing to murder anyone. Except maybe Britney Spears. :-
Okobojii: Aw, thanks for your review! And happy birthday (belated)!!! We are special, you and I. Treasure that, and you will go far. Live long and prosper.
Circus Riddle: Wow, I have a big fan of my writing! Haha. That makes me smile. Will contact you/check out that info page as soon as I have time, I SWEAR. I am actually interested!!!
Metallicfire: Flattery will get you everywhere, mooowahahaa. Thank you so much for toutes les compliments!!! Lol, bless you. Have some biscuit crumbs throws biscuit crumbs
Hope you guys likie likie. As my favourite quote goes,
That's no moon; that's a space station!
May the Force be with you, duckies.
"Jim," I said in shock.
He gave a wary grin and dipped his head sheepishly. I was reminded of Doc whenever he says something particularly spectacular and someone praises him. It was adorable on Doc, it was no was no less adorable on Jim.
"Hi. I said I'd pop by and...here I am!" He spread his arms and his grin grew just a little bit. "Thought I'd check up on you and at the same time see how rich you are and try to guilt you into giving me some of your money."
I gave an unfeminine snort and was surprised that I wasn't just gaping at this almost-stranger in shock.
"Nah, I'm kidding. I don't want your money. I'd much rather have your TV. My roommate managed to lose ours in one of his crazed schemes," he shook his head in disbelief, "I honestly don't know why I put up with him. He's like a puppy. Trouble is; he's not cute enough to sell so I'm stuck with him until he decides to grow up."
This time I full-out laughed, and was amazed at how good it felt. Like a little bit of inner-sun was peaking out from behind a slowly opening door.
"Okay, I'm guessing you won't be persuaded to give me your TV, so I could settle for a sandwich...?"
I realised Jim was still standing on the porch and quickly shuffled out of the doorway so he could come in. As soon as he stepped through the doorway he looked like he was at home, like he had spent all his life living here. It was kinda comforting, actually.
And you know what was weird? He walked straight to the kitchen. Didn't even ask for directions or anything. Just walked straight there and straight to the fridge. I followed in a daze and watched him duck his head into the huge fridge.
"You got any sandwich materials in here? Jeez, you could probably fit a cow in here. You ever hide your brother in here to scare your parents when you get bored?" He pulled out some turkey slices and made a murmur of approval before setting the turkey on the table and searching the fridge some more.
"Nah, the fridge is always too full of – get this – food! So we never... Wait a minute, how did you know I had a brother?"
Jim momentarily stilled his movements in the fridge, and then carried on rummaging. He pulled out a huge, buffalo tomato. "Yeah you did. On the drive to the hospital. Remember?"
Frankly no, I didn't remember. "Oh, okay."
Jim crouched down and pushed the upper half of his body entirely into the fridge. "So how you doing? Any aches, pains?" He pulled his head out of the fridge and gave me a serious look. "Any more visitations from big, bad men?"
"No big bad men," I assured him, and Jim disappeared back into the depths of the fridge. Was he building a sandwich or trying to feed the marines? "And no aches and pains. Well, a few. But I'm used to them."
If I expected Jim to ask why, I was pleasantly surprised. He made a non-committal noise and, I'm pretty sure, muttered something under his breath that sounded a lot like, "Don't I know it." But I must have been wrong.
Jim rocked back on his heels and rose to a standing position with his arms clutching meat, sauces, salad, pickles, bread and cheeses. And some strawberries. But I didn't ask what those were for. I didn't want to know.
"So how's life going for you then?" He asked, plucking out several slices of bread and going directly to the cutlery drawer. How did he know where everything was?
He was being a lot chattier, too. Not that I minded. It was endearing and reassuring.
"Not too good." Now why did I say that?
"Oh?" He looked at me with concern and anxiety. "Anything I can help with?"
Sure, if you know how to fix my love-life, save me and my fellow mediator, and help a little girl who's getting way too attached for her good to move on. If you can do that, then be my guest.
Instead I smiled sadly. "Nah, but thanks for the offer." His eyes continued to search mine for a few more moments and I had to look away from the searing intensity.
After a while, he went back to making his sandwich. "You know what I do whenever I'm in a fix? I consult my friends."
I pictured that in my head. CeeCee would research and research, but probably offer no moral help. And Adam would just check my forehead for a temperature and suggest a couple of hours in his hot tub, inclusive of Adam.
"I go to my old friends. The ones who know I'm like. The wise ones. The old ones. And you know what my friend did? When he was knee deep in trouble, he turned to the church. Turned to God. Helped him no end. They were sympathetic, they understood him, and they helped him see the way. They way best for him, and everyone else he wanted to help."
I tried to see myself confessing to some priest in a church, but I just couldn't.
"Old friends, the church. You go to a Catholic school, don't you? Got any people who fit under any of those categories?" I glanced up at Jim and caught him staring at me, his eyes seeming to urge me on...though urging me on to what, I wasn't sure. "Think about it."
Jim turned back to his super-sandwich, and began to sing softly and quietly. "Dum, dum, dum dum dum dum..."
All the while I was thinking deeply. Did I know anyone I could turn to?
"Dom, dom, dom dom dom, dom dom DOM..." Jim sang.
Of course! Father Dom! As soon as the thought hit me, Jim stopped singing. He grinned knowingly at me when I grinned up at him, and his eyes twinkled with...something.
"As a matter of fact, I do know someone who fits under both those categories," I said.
"Oh? Well that's great! Lucky you. Who'd have thought you'd know someone who fitted both categories? You obviously have a guardian angel looking out for you," Jim said. He appeared suspiciously to be trying to hide a smile.
"I wouldn't be so sure about the guardian angel thing," I said wistfully. No guardian angel would make me have to go through all this.
"Now why'd you say that?"
"My life has never been too easy, I'd say my guardian angel was either spending too much time at some bar or, plain and simple, he – or she – just didn't exist."
I watched Jim finish off making his sandwich with a flourish and he brought it slowly to his lips, eyeing it all the while with greedy, happy eyes. He took a bite and gave a groan of ecstasy. Talk about overkill.
"There's probably only so much a guardian angel can do," he said through a mouthful of sandwich. "I mean; if they stopped any trouble from happening, think about all those people who'd be out of a job - cops, doctors, psychiatrists. Chaos Theory times ten." He took another bite of his sandwich and rolled his eyes expressively.
Men.
"I just think," I pinched a slice of tomato that was drooping precariously from the edge of his sandwich, "that my guardian angel could be spending less time chasing lady guardian angels, and more time saving my butt from-" I almost said it. That's how relaxed I was feeling around him. I almost mentioned the dreaded G-word.
Meanwhile, Jim choked on his large mouthful.
"Chasing lady guardian angels?"
"Or getting drunk on angel beer. Because he's certainly not taking care of me!" A thought suddenly struck me. "Or maybe it's a she? You do get she-guardian angels, right? I mean, God's not that sexist. He was around for the women's suffrages and feminism. Maybe Jesse is my guardian angel? Which would explain why I was always getting into trouble back in New York."
I thought about it for a while. "Then again, I'm still getting into trouble."
There was no questioning that. Jim seemed to be stuck on the chasing-lady-angels thing. Probably indignant. Yeah, cos men are never like that.
He resumed eating his sandwich, adopting a far away look on his face. "How do you know he's not chasing lady humans?"
"Because he's an angel. He can't...you know. With the living, anyway. Can he?" Ew, I really didn't want to think about my guardian angel doing it. Not when I pictured him as this big, glowing, righteous dude with a commanding voice, big hands, and a do-right Christian character. Actually, if he did have a do-right Christian personality, that would explain why I wasn't getting 24/7 body guarding.
"Maybe he's dead, but on earth he appears to be living? At least, to those he needs to appear to. Or maybe he's not even dead. Maybe God just picks children out at birth, points his big long glowing finger at them and says, "Ye, child, shall be one of the faithful." And bam; the kid's an angel. Whilst being alive. Tough job if that's the way."
Tell me about. That story about God picking out random kids to protect the innocent seemed somehow familiar. And I'm not talking about Charmed.
I gave an indifferent shrug, realising how dumb it was to be discussing guardian angels. Next I'd be knocking out my teeth for a glimpse of the tooth fairy.
Jim polished off his sandwich with lip-smacking eloquence and sank back against the counter; genially patting his flat stomach like it was puppy.
He looked around the kitchen casually, taking in every detail. "Nice setup you got here. I bet you get real good views from the top."
"Sure do. I got the room with the ocean view. The advantage to being a girl and a stranger to the family." Now why did I say that?
Jim raised his eyebrows, but in a friendly way. Like he was honestly interested and a bit concerned, even though I had sounded the teensiest bit bitter when I'd said it. I hitched my shoulder in a small shrug. "My mom met Andy, married Andy, we moved down here into a big house and suddenly I had 3 new stepbrothers and a brand new stepfather."
"Ah, I see. Parents divorced and you're a daddy's girl?"
I gave a small cough and began to clean up the mess Jim had made. "I was a daddy's girl." I looked up from my tidying. "He passed away a decade ago," I didn't mention that he hadn't passed as away as I'd like him to.
Jim sounded and looked genuinely contrite when he said, "God, I'm sorry. Life's a real bitch sometimes, isn't it?"
I gave a dry laugh. "Life's a bitch with PMS and no chocolate for me."
Jim bellowed a deep laugh and helped me pack up. He remembered exactly where all the food had come from, that the lettuce had been on the bottom rack and the turkey on the top shelf, in front of the ham.
Jim was midway telling me about his part-time job as a surfboard waxer when he fell silent and stopped moving.
"Susannah?"
I whipped round at the sound of Jesse's voice and gave a short gasp. This seemed to defrost Jim, who carried on as if nothing had happened. Except he didn't look up from his tidying once.
"Susannah!" Jesse sounded annoyed at being ignored. Oh, what, Jesse? Was I supposed to just start a conversation with him whilst in the middle of a conversation with someone who can't actually see the dead?
At Jesse's sharp whisper, Jim glanced up and, I swear, pinned a look so full of anger at Jesse I took a step back. But the look was so brief – and Jim can't even see ghosts – that I figured I was being way too paranoid for my own good.
"Um, Jim? I gotta go pee, I'll be right back." I flew from the room though from mortification that I'd just told him I had to pee, or to escape the intense look Jesse was drilling me with I didn't know.
"What, Jesse?" I asked rudely. Hey, I was still a little peeved off at him. Just because he had the ability to disappear into thin air didn't give him the right to do so whenever things got a little bit tricky.
"Who is he?" He questioned bluntly.
"He's the guy who saved my life when Stiff was beating me into a Suze Simon smoothie. He was just checking up on me," I folded my arms obstinately over my chest. The way Jesse was sounding, you'd have thought Jim ate babies for a living.
"He's more than that, Susannah."
"Oh for God's sake, Jesse! Not every guy I know is trying to get into my pants! You need to get over this, Jesse! God, don't I deserve just a little bit of respect? I mean, I've always-"
Jesse waved a hand and cut me off. "No, no. I mean he's not a normal person."
"He's abnormal?" I said in a flat tone.
Jesse gave an impatient stomp of his booted foot. "I'm saying he isn't a normal human being. He has a...presence."
I blinked. Once. Twice. "Of course he has a presence...if he didn't, he wouldn't be here. He wouldn't be present." I blinked again at him.
Jesse's eyebrows lifted to meet his airline. "Querida, he has a ghost-like presence."
Well. That stopped my blinking.
I recovered after a full minute. "No he's not." And I turned right around again and marched straight into the kitchen.
"You okay?" Jim asked. He was leafing through one of Andy's room designs. "Thought I heard voices." He said it nonchalantly enough, but there was just a hint of something...something else underlying his innocent statement. And suddenly I felt paranoid and betrayed and trapped.
"Just singing to myself," I managed to get out. I was stood in the kitchen doorway just staring at Jim. Half willing him to dematerialise and prove Jesse right so my paranoia would go away, and half willing him to randomly tell me he had a pulse and a life.
Jim looked up and scrutinised me, his face giving away no emotions. It was as if the light mood that had settled had been dispersed being a hundred elephants sneezing simultaneously.
"So how's your boyfriend?" He asked, turning back to the designs.
"I don't have a boyfriend."
"Oh. I thought you mentioned one when I was driving you to the hospital. What was his name? Jesse?"
I felt my eyes widen but when Jim looked up, I quickly turned my head to look at some invisible lint that I was flicking off my shoulder. "Oh, yeah. He's okay."
"Hmm."
I didn't like the sound of that. "What?" I didn't even care that I sounded defensive.
"Just that, I was pretty sure you were considering dumping him. Said something about him being over-bearing, over-sensitive, over-protective. Sounded like he was a bit of a control freak to me. Guys should trust the girl they love, right? Especially when the girl loves him back and trust him right back. He sounds like he doesn't deserve you, is all. Like he was causing you more trouble than worth."
My eyebrows met over my nose. Now I knew I hadn't told him all of that. "Well, I was a little concussed back then. And it's more complicated then that. I can be a bit of a pain in the ass to put up with."
"No, you're not! He's just got you thinking that."
I straightened my back until I was ramrod stiff. "I think you should leave," I said tonelessly, leaving no room for argument and no misunderstandings. I didn't trust this guy any more.
He stood up. "Suze, look. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make it sound like that. It's just, the guy doesn't deserve you. And what about Paul?"
My heart gave a shotgun jerk and the force made me fall back against the doorjamb.
"How the hell did you know about Paul? Have you been following me? Stalking me?"
A flash of panic streaked across his face before it was a blank canvas again. "No, I have not been doing any of that creepy stalking shit. Christ. I'm just saying that this Jesse guy sounds like bad news. I'm not saying Paul's any better!" He amended when I opened my mouth. "But at least he respects you."
"Respects me?" I shrieked incredulously. I coughed so my voice didn't resemble a smurf's. "It's taken him about a year to even learn what respect meant, let alone apply it in the physical realm of this world."
Jim gave a grimace. "I know. None of these guys deserve you. Why don't you just run away and find someone else. Someone who goes to Harvard and helps at an orphanage and wants to help you with your duties."
I was about to tell him to get a ticket to the real world and get some insight, when I stopped. It was like the breath had left my body and my voice box had shrivelled up. "Duties?" I croaked.
Again, that panic whizzed across Jim's face. This time, it stayed there.
Before he got a chance to speak, I started. "How did you know about Father Dom?"
Jim feigned innocence. "Who?"
I looked at him through green slits surrounded by thick black lashes. "How did you know?" I enunciated clearly.
"I didn't know, I..."
"All those hints. About close friends, about religion and the church, and then that dumb singing using his abbreviated name," he smirked like he thought that was particularly clever. "How did you know about Father Dom? How did you know about Jesse and Paul? How were you able to tell when Jesse came into the room? Are you a mediator, or what?"
All the while staring at me, Jim pulled a strawberry from his pant's trousers and popped it into his mouth. He chewed it slowly and thoroughly, then sucked the ends of his fingers one by one, never taking his eyes of my increasingly darkening face.
"I'm not a mediator," he said.
"Well, that's great. Just what the he-"
"I'm a guardian angel."
I stared at Jim, Jim stared at me.
"Right," I said with a note of finality and 'this guy's obviously taken one too many happy pills', pushing myself off the doorjamb and walking to the front door. "I think it's time you left. Thanks for helping scrape me off the sidewalk that fateful evening, but I don't think it's a very good idea to continue this relationship. We're like two pieces of mismatched puzzle trying to fit together. It just wouldn't work."
I waited patiently as Jim ambled to the front door. He placed a palm on the wood, and gently pushed it close.
"Suze. I'm your guardian angel."
I took a step back from him. "But you're supposed to be chasing lady angels," I squeaked moronically.
Even he managed a tight smile. "Yeah. Looks like I finally took a break to look after my charge."
"What, do you not get paid leave or did you just enjoy watching me getting pulverised and hassled by...people, all my life?" I couldn't help the sting of anger that slipped into my voice. But, come on. Like I was supposed to believe after all these years my guardian angel was showing up. Please.
"You've always come out alright in the end, haven't you?" He cocked his head to the side.
"Yeah, after enduring days, weeks, months – years- of trauma and pain."
"Which has all led to your strong character. There's only so much I can do for you, Suze. If I had helped you with every little trouble, you would've subconsciously been left relying on me to save the day for the rest of your life. I did what I thought was best."
His eyes pleaded with me and I almost didn't retort back. "Whatever. I don't even know why I'm discussing this with you because – believe it or not, bub – guardian angels? Not so real. Just like the unicorn and the pixies."
I opened the door forcefully and shoved it back so he had to step out of the way of its path. "Now, leave."
"Mr de Silva, will you kindly leave Susannah be for just one moment of her life?" Jim said looking at me. That confirmed it. This guy was two fingers short of a whisky on the rocks.
At least, that's what I thought until Jesse materialised right next to me. Jim cut his eyes at him. "Must you be such an insufferable pain in the ass?"
Jesse visibly bristled. "Susannah asked you to leave. It would be wise to do so."
"Or what?" Jim asked, bored. "You'll get her to beat me up for you? Or you'll challenge me to a duel?"
I think Jesse was as stumped as I was. "You...you can actually see him?"
"See him. Touch him. Hear him, unfortunately. Suze," he turned to me, "I am your guardian angel. I know it sounds cheesy and corny and all that crap. But it's true." When I didn't say anything, he spread his arms. "Ta da!"
Eventually, Jesse spoke. "I believe him, querida."
"No one was asking you, Zorro. And quit with all the lovey-dovey 'querida' crap. It feels like you're making out with my sister right in front of me." He gave a shudder.
"I'm not really your sister, though. Right?"
"God know. Thank God. I've seen the way you treat your ones."
"Stepbrothers. And I'm nice to Doc – David. I meant to say David."
Jim raised an amused eyebrow. "I was implying that it felt like you were my sister because I've been looking after you for the whole of your life. And you've been driving me crazy each and every one of those years just like a baby sister does."
I scowled at him.
"So what was the point in you visiting me and revealing your true identity?"
At once, Jim sobered. "Exactly what I said before. I think it would be wise for you to visit Father Dominic." He turned to Jesse. "And I think it would be wise for you to stay out of Suze's way."
Jesse immediately went on the defensive. "And why should I do that? I love her; I'm not going planning on leaving her any time soon."
Jim glowered and said, "I know that. But if you don't stop pestering her and making her life difficult right when she needs your help most of all..." he leaned in close, "you will see just how an angel can turn into the devil in a matter of seconds." Adopting his normal volume of voice, Jim smiled at me. "If you ever need me, sing a little song."
"Sing a little song?" I repeated in horror. He had obviously never heard me in the shower.
"Hum a tinkling tune?"
"Guess again, bud."
"You spoil all my fun. Just call out m name. Although, you may have to call it a few times, or wait a while for my appearance. I've got a lot of lady angel chasing to do."
With a charming – whatever – wink, he disappeared with a pop.
I'm not even joking. One second he was standing there arrogantly, the next he had vanished with a noise that I can make by sucking a Malteser into my mouth.
It was kinda cool. And reminded me of something from Star Trek.
I was congratulating myself on just how well I was taking all this guardian angel crap, when my legs buckled beneath me. Jesse was reaching out to catch me when something warm and bright swept under me and I was standing again. Although, it did feel suspiciously like something was holding me up. I shot a questioning glance at Jesse, but he was just staring at me bemusedly.
"Can't leave you for a second, can I?" Said a delighted voice.
"You'll save me from getting carpet burns, but you won't help me from getting attacked by four teenage ghosts in Prom dresses? Or from getting kidnapped by madmen with guns? Or from getting..."
"Yeah, yeah. I told you, some things I just can't do." Jim handed me over to Jesse rather inelegantly.
"How did you know I was gonna collapse anyway? You didn't even give me the chance to sigh dramatically, flutter my eyelashes, and bring a hand to my forehead." Good thing real-life isn't portrayed in movies. It would be dead disappointing.
"Happens all the time to chicks whenever their angels reveal themselves."
"Chicks?" I said, highly affronted.
Jim sighed dramatically. "I admit it, some guys do too."
"Well that's all right then," I huffed.
With a roll of his eyes, another charismatic wink, and a pop that made me want to giggle like a three year old, Jim disappeared. I relaxed against Jesse.
"Ripley's Believe It Or Not could run forever with just the things that go on in my life."
