"The Adventures of Professor Proton, Jr: The Proton Express…"

Summary: In my first longer Proton Jr tale, can Prof Proton Jr. aka mild-mannered Sheldon Cooper and Dr. Amy aka Amy F. Fowler save the world at Christmas…And can Proton Jr. keep that blond sob of an engineering genius Tom Swift, Jr. away from his girl?

Equally important…Should Cameragirl Penny allow this thing to appear on her acting credits or just accept that all hope of a professional career is gone and just enjoy while peddling her drugs?

Disclaimer: All is Chuck's…

Part II…

Cue canned music…

Dramatically panoramic color video shots of huge, sprawling lab complex…

"Welcome." The announcer, famed actor Hank Thomas. ("Do you want to get sued?" Howard noted, pausing in his Tom Hanks imitation to eye a frowning…My honey's talents should be acknowledged…Bernadette.) "To the future…" quietly awe-inspiring tone. "Welcome…To Swift Enterprises."

Music swelling…Cuts to various Swift projects around the world as well as a number of revolutionary Swift inventions…

"Whether it's blasting to the Earth's core with his atomic earth blaster…" Thomas' voice intoned as shot of Swift team cheering a gusher of molten iron at the South Pole… "Or probing the mysteries of the ocean floor in his jetmarine…" shot of jet-propelled sub racing along sea floor… "Or building a permanent habitation in high Earth orbit to provide endless solar power while bringing criminal fossil fuel executives bent on his destruction to Justice…" shot of Swift giant Outpost in Space under construction at 22,800 miles while insert shows the evil Kloch brothers being hauled off to jail… "Or descending into caves of nuclear fire in Africa"…Shot of Swift craft descending into radioactive pit…. "You know it's Swift Enterprises that will lead the way…The way into the Future of Humanity."

"Lovely…" Proton, Jr. frowned, eyeing video projection as he, Dr. Amy, the eternally youthful Swift, the devastatingly yet ruggedly handsome General Smith, and assorted scientific experts sat in a conference room in a secret base in an undisclosable location… "But what's a crassly cheap promo for you got to do with space aliens, Swift?"

"We felt it was important to establish that Mr. Swift was considered the man to run this project by dint of his expertise and experience and all-around genius." General Smith noted. "Also the aliens contacted him and his dad first, probably because he's had the private lock on deep space flight the past ten years."

"Oh, anyone could get up there if they've nothing to do constructively with their careers in real science…" Proton, Jr. noted, frowning.

"Well, Professor…Mr. Swift did develop the repelatron anti-gravity drive system, a whole new method of space travel." The General pointed out.

"Eh…Hawking's got a warp drive ship on the books that he could fly in his wheelchair that could leave Swift's Challenger in the dust…If he weren't so scared of aliens and had a few hundred billion to build it." Proton, Jr. pointed out.

"Theory only, Proton…Lets see the practical application, then we can lay bets on speed…" Swift called.

"The fact remains, gentlepeople…" the General insisted… "Swift has the ships and space base…and the aliens contacted him, first."

"Yes, yes…Aliens. " Proton, Jr. frowned. "What aliens exactly? Where are they from…? And if you tell me, Mars…Or Venus…I will laugh you out of this room."

"Actually they were from Mars…Originally…As best we can understand them. But they built a giant ship to see the Galaxy and headed off to do so eons ago, everyone of them before the full ecologic disasters hit Mars."

"And left no trace behind for us to find…?" another scientist…The brilliant astrophysicist and inventor, Munson Wyckcliff now rose.

"Indeed…" Proton, Jr. seconded.

Though perhaps a bit miffed at not "firsting", as usual.

"Our friends hadn't developed faster-than-light travel, doctor…" Swift noted. "And they had to leave in a hurry, things went south rather quickly from what they've told us, hoping to help us avoid their fate."

"And they generously decided not to colonize a perfectly suitable Earth?" Wyckcliff, clearly a bit of sneer under the composed face.

"This is so ridiculous…" Proton, Jr. hissed to Dr. Amy, seated beside him. "As long as I'm here who needs the small fry of Science?" He glanced about the room.

"Now, now…Dr. P…"Dr. Amy patted his hand. "Every now and then one or two have a good idea."

"They seem to be a moral people." Swift, calmly. "They didn't wish to harm Earth's ecosystem and in fact they found Earth's atmosphere difficult to deal with. So they built their own giant artificial moon and took it into interstellar space while keeping an eye on their cousins on Earth, namely us."

"And now these 'moral people' threaten our existence?" Wyckcliff, clear sneer now on face.

"Not by choice…" Swift sighed. "General, if I may?" he rose.

"Well, if it's not Proton, Junior. Heya, youtube princess…Here to fetch and carry for Swift?" Wyckcliff had moved to closer seat, no attempt to hide her sneer.

("Might I ask why we have Lesley Winkle playing an astrophysicist…When a real one is at hand" Raj frowns.

"You're busy playing that devastatingly handsome general…And we thought it would be neat to have a female mad scientist villain." Penny noted, high-mindedly.

"And it's kinda neat for the tension, given the relationship between Lesley and Sheldon…" Leonard noted.

"And you can't act a major role worth diddly-squat, we tried for the past two days, get over it, Raj." Bernadette, firmly.)

"Hello, Munson…" Proton, Jr. nodded, "How did you persuade the military to consider you a scientist, let alone 'cutting edge'?"

"Guess I didn't post kiddie videos on You Tube…" Wyckcliffe grinned. "Hiya four-eyes…" to Dr. Amy. "Still schlepping for the mad doctor of Saturday morning cartoons here?"

("Sheldon…" Amy began…

Ooops…

"Cut…" Penny sighed. Lesley, grinning.

"Struck a nerve there, eh?"

"Can we try to be a little professional, people?" Stuart sighed…In his Tom Swift, Jr. getup of blonde wig, striped T-shirt, jeans.

"Sure, little professional…Nice lifts by the way, Tom…" Lesley chuckled.

"That's her way of beginning the mating ritual, Stuart." Sheldon called. "You can look forward to coitus by evening…"

"Hafta agree there…" Howard grinned to Bernadette who eyed him coldly. "And you know this by what experience?"

"Blow it, freak jr." Lesley frowned…But cast a winking eye on the rather nonplussed Stuart.)

"Professor Proton, Jr." Dr. Amy began… "Is a symbol for young and old alike of the magic of science."

"So is Flipper…" Wyckcliff grinned.

"You wanna eat linoleum?!…Keep ranking on my so!" Amy rose, furious.

All looking at her…

("You're keeping that in?" Raj stared at Penny.

"You kidding? It's terrific...Drama and tension among our protagonists…" Penny nodded.

"And nothing draws em in like a catfight…" she hissed to Leonard.

Uh…Raj eyed Leonard… "Isn't this supposed to be a gathering of top scientists by the government to discuss a global crisis from space?" "You weren't at the one Sheldon and I attended back in…Well, I can't mention the date, top secret…Were you?" Leonard eyed him. "This bad?" Raj stared. "I remember spitballs, drawings of Sheldon on the chalkboard, and someone, probably Kripke, hitting on the lieutenant general leading the conference who threatened to have him shot under martial law.")

"Ladies and gentlemen? If we could return to the purpose of this meeting, the safety of the world?" Swift resumed, after a tense pause between the Wyckcliff whose potential Nobel-winning paper's rejection on the basis of reviewer Proton, Jr.'s labeling of it as "silly and the work of a uninspired 3 year old" had crippled her career and left her permanently embittered at the sight of Proton's and Swift's ever-increasing mutual fames.

("Cut…" Lesley frowned. "Seriously? I'm upset because the galoot trashed a sure-to-Nobel-me paper in astrophysics? When he can barely keep it up in Physics? By the way is it dark matter now or playdoh you're working on now that you've conceded that I'm right and string theory is crapola?"

"Now, come on people…This is for Science stuff, right?" Penny called.

"This?" Lesley stared, rolling eyes. "Only reason I'm here is because Tom Swift got me into Science, that Nordic 18 year old cutie." Another look at Stuart, wink… "I mean…I'd lose it to Tommy any ole time…" grin.

"Oh, did we make a brilliant choice in having our villain Lesley…" Penny beamed to Leonard.

"Why are you smiling, Sheldon?" Amy whispered as Howard went to plead with Lesley for peace… If you really want a chance to honor Tom…

"Oh, just remembering Leonard promised to see the villain meet her doom at my hands in graphic detail…" he beamed. "Plus she has the name 'Munson'…That's a stupid name. I can make anonymous comments on our You Tube post about that stupid name…"

"You didn't tell him Wyckcliff survived in the original story, did you?" Penny eyed Leonard, both listening.)