A/N - Thinking of you, my friends! I hope you enjoy this next one. Looking forward to reading your thoughts on it!
Chapter 6 - Trim the Sails
It had been a few hours since Sachiko felt the boat's engines come to life and they started moving again. She knew exactly where Yumi would be, up in the cockpit. Yet she couldn't manage to drag herself up the stairs to face her again. Not after the epic failure of their morning discussion.
In truth, Sachiko didn't see the discussion as an all-out failure. Rather it was a mixed bag of good and bad, warm hugs and stabs at the heart. She was beginning to realize how much more complicated this trip was going to be than she had originally thought. Of course, she knew Yumi would be upset at first, but she never imagined a day when Yumi might not trust her or would struggle to accept her back into her life. No, that had never been a consideration. In her mind and her dreams, she always ended up with Yumi, never once imagining there might be hurdles too big for them to clear with ease or at all.
Laying in her bed, feeling the rock and flow of the boat as it sped across the water, Sachiko found herself examining what it might have felt like had Yumi and her roles been reversed. That day… If she had only handled things differently back then, would their lives have taken different paths? Maybe ones more closely aligned? Closing her eyes, she forced herself to revisit the memory, to see and feel everything that happened in all its painful detail.
Seven Years Earlier
It was a mild day, the sun shaded by an endless blanket of clouds as Yumi waited for her Onee-sama to pick her up. Even after so many years and Sachiko's continued suggestions that she drop the formal title, Yumi refused to entertain the idea. Yumi had considered it many times, even going as far as to drop the sama honorific and simply call Sachiko Onee, but each time feelings too strong and powerful would surge within her. No… Sama was Yumi's protective barrier between what she wanted and what she knew she couldn't have.
For years she had all but confessed her love for Sachiko, and yet not once had Sachiko encouraged the pursuit. Yumi was patient though, feeling that if she waited until Sachiko was ready then everything would work out. Today's shopping venture was an example of just that! Sachiko had actually asked her to go shopping with her, going as far as insisting on it, stating that it had been far too long since their last date. The invitation had warmed Yumi's heart, sending the frail organ into spasms as she considered the fact that Sachiko might actually be missing her. With college courses, Yumi's attention had been newly diverted from Sachiko and while Yumi herself frequently expressed how she missed her Onee, Sachiko rarely did the same. The thought that she might actually miss her too warmed Yumi, despite the absence of the sun. Forget the sun, she didn't need its warmth if she had Sachiko by her side.
A movement to the left caught her eye as a sleek black car pulled around the corner and approached. Doing nothing to dim the smile on her lips, Yumi waved a greeting to the black-haired angel sitting behind the wheel.
Sachiko returned Yumi's exuberant smile, though she felt knots in her stomach. Today was the day she was going to tell Yumi the truth. She knew Yumi wouldn't be happy about it, but there was also little chance of her being shocked either. After all, she had not hidden her family's plans for her future from her little sister. She had been honest all along… Well, mostly honest. She had told her she was considering declining the marriage and fighting her parents on the matter, but she had failed to tell her that she had lost the fight before it had even begun. She failed to tell her that she had agreed to marry Suguru and that he, in turn, had agreed to it. And she certainly hadn't told her that the wedding had been in the planning phase for months now and that the day of the event was only a short few weeks away. Right, other than those things, she had been completely honest…
Yumi slipped into the seat next to her, grinning all the while and staring at her as if she hung the moon. That look that normally brought Sachiko endless joy now made her heartache. How she wished she could wear her heart on her sleeve as Yumi did. How she wished she could be honest with her feelings and fight for her wants and desires first for once. In that way, she found herself utterly envious of Yumi.
"Good morning, Onee-sama." Yumi's voice rang clear and bright, despite the dreary gray day, warming Sachiko from within.
"Good morning, Yumi." Sachiko didn't have to force the smile that spread across her own face as Yumi secured her seatbelt and stared at her expectantly. "Are you ready?"
Giggling, Yumi shrugged. "I don't know. You wouldn't tell me what to be ready for."
"Just a little bit longer to wait for the surprise." She certainly hoped Yumi would see this for what it was; an effort to include her in her family circle, officially. Despite her decision to marry Suguru, Sachiko wanted to ensure Yumi had a clear place in her life, a place by her side. Never as more than her dearest friend, as Sachiko would never ask more of her than that. But an official place nonetheless. Though her heart's desire was for far more, Sachiko had imagined continuing to live her life just as it was now, with Yumi close and forever special to her. Having Yumi stand with her family on her wedding day seemed only natural to Sachiko since even her parents treated Yumi as a daughter and agreed her spot on the day would be with the family.
The short drive to the shop was filled with talk about their classes and what their mutual friends were up to. Just their normal conversations, yet it brought a continuous smile to Sachiko's lips. Simply having Yumi by her side put her at ease. By the time they reached the boutique, Sachiko felt more at ease than she had in weeks, yet was still nervous enough that she said a quick prayer to Maria-sama as she exited the vehicle.
"Here we are." Sachiko proclaimed as they approached the boutique's door.
Yumi paused as she stared up at the name of the small shop, Blissfully Bridal. "Onee-sama?"
Seeing the confusion on Yumi's face, Sachiko reached out and took her by the hand. "Come on, our appointment time is in just a few minutes."
Though her smile faded, Yumi followed willingly, something for which Sachiko was grateful. She had no desire to explain everything to Yumi on the sidewalk. Turning, Sachiko led Yumi into the shop, an elegant specialty designer shop that had helped many members of the Ogasawara family. And though the shop was not the finest in Tokyo, the Ogasawaras were loyal to those that helped their family and work honest businesses.
Throughout the check-in process and being led to their private changing suite, Sachiko didn't look at Yumi, instead focusing on the attendant. When the shorter, middle-aged woman finally left them alone in the suite, Sachiko took a deep breath and tried her best to smile as she finally turned to face Yumi, who was no longer smiling.
"Onee-sama, what is going on?" Yumi's voice was soft and tentative, as if afraid to hear her response. Sachiko could only hope that her explanation would give her some comfort.
"We're here to get you a dress." Placing her purse on the nearby table, Sachiko crossed the room to a rack of dresses that had been prepared ahead of time for Yumi to try on.
"Me? A dress?" She had expected Yumi to follow her eagerly across the room, yet the younger woman stood stock still just inside the doorway. "But why? I don't think I need a dress for anything."
Without looking back at Yumi, Sachiko forced the answer from between her parched lips. "It's for you to wear when you stand with me and my family on my wedding day."
She had expected a confused exclamation or a barrage of questions, but Yumi was strangely quiet. Plucking a pale pink floral kimono from the rack, Sachiko turned back to face Yumi. Teary eyes met her gaze and Sachiko found she had to turn away again. She couldn't bear to see that look on Yumi's face. No, it wasn't right. It didn't belong there.
Walking toward a small changing alcove, Sachiko lifted the kimono in hand and motioned toward it. "I think this one would be divine on you, Yumi. Pink always makes you look so-"
"No."
The word didn't exit Yumi's mouth in a manner Sachiko would ever have expected. No, it wasn't spoken softly, but neither was it yelled. In truth, the voice that spoke could not have been Yumi's because it was lifeless. Surely, Sachiko had heard wrong. Turning back to Yumi to respond, Sachiko felt her words dry up in her throat at the sight of the blank expression on Yumi's typically overly expressive face.
When Sachiko didn't respond, Yumi shook her head slowly and repeated, "No."
Swallowing hard, Sachiko tried to shrug off the tension that was quickly building in the room. "If you don't like the pink, there are plenty of other-"
"This isn't about the dress!" Exclaimed Yumi, face suddenly red and fists clenched at her sides.
"Yu-Yumi?" Sachiko was honestly shocked by the sudden change in Yumi. This wasn't what she had expected. Not in the slightest.
"You expect me to stand by your side, alongside your family, and happily see you married off to another?" The incredulous look on Yumi's face solidified her displeasure for Sachiko, who was still trying to get a handle on the moment.
"Well," Sachiko laid the kimono over a nearby chair and turned back to Yumi. "Yes, I do. I want nothing more than for you to be by my side as I take this step."
"Oh, really?" Impossible though it seemed to Sachiko, Yumi's face turned harder as she continued. "You mean, despite the fact that you know I have loved you since the first day I met you? Despite the fact that I have all but devoted my life to you?" She tugged at her sleeve as if to show Sachiko something. "You see this? It's my heart! It's been sitting here for you and everyone else to see for as long as I've known you!"
"That's not-"
But Yumi wasn't done. Lifting a hand to cut Sachiko off, she stepped closer, swiftly coming to Sachiko's side. "Don't, I'm not done yet. Are you not hearing me?" Her brown eyes searched hers, desperate to find some measure of encouragement, yet Sachiko could not let her see any. Not if she was going to have the courage to see this marriage through.
"Yumi, enough."
"Enough?" Yumi scoffed. "Enough what? No! It's not enough. It's not enough until I finally say it and you hear it for what it is, my heart's true cry and desire." Grabbing Sachiko's hand, she continued before Sachiko could turn away. "I love you, Sachiko." Unlike her previous words, her confession was spoken almost reverently, each word caressing Sachiko's shredded nerves.
Taking a deep breath to steel herself, Sachiko drew her hand back from Yumi's grasp and shook her head. "No, stop this, Yumi." Her words came out so softly that she was surprised Yumi actually heard her, but by her flinch it was obvious that she had. So, Sachiko continued though with each word her own heart was breaking. "I have a duty to my family and responsibilities that you couldn't understand. I have to do this, so please, stop. Let's just go back to the way things were before we came in here." She tried to smile at Yumi, but Yumi made no such effort on her side. "Be my sister, stay by my side, and let's just forget this little outburst, okay? I mean, it's not so severe that this has to change us, right?"
A full minute, long and slow, dragged by until finally, Sachiko got her answer, though it was not what she had hoped for, not at all. Instead of agreeing, Yumi backed away. Her arms, usually spread welcomingly toward Sachiko, were now crossed protectively across her chest. At that moment she could see the truth, bitter and cold before her; things had already changed.
Shaking her head, Yumi turned away, reaching for the doorknob. "I don't know why I expected you to acknowledge my feelings. You never have and I guess you never will." Sparing one more glance over her shoulder, Yumi spoke her goodbye with a quiver in her voice, "Goodbye, Sachiko."
Present Day - Aboard Artemis
After those few minutes of reflection, she was so ashamed of what she had done Sachiko found herself seriously considering self-flagellation. Turning onto her stomach, she groaned loudly into her pillow and wished to disappear. How had she ever thought that handling the situation like that was a good idea? "I was so disrespectful of her feelings. I can't believe I did that!" For a moment she imagined going back in time and strangling her younger self before she could make such a thoughtless mistake. How could Yumi ever forgive her?
Suddenly, Yumi's words from that morning came back to her. "You want forgiveness? Then fucking ask for it!"
Newly mortified, Sachiko sat up in bleak realization. "She said to ask for it… And I just moved on! I didn't- I didn't ask for it?!" Burying her face in her hands, she growled again. "No wonder she can't trust me. I can't even be trusted to ask for forgiveness when I've wronged her so deeply. What kind of person am I?" She looked up as if she could see the Lord as she prayed. "What do I do now?"
As if in answer, the boat shifted violently to starboard, nearly rocking Sachiko from her place on the bed. Gripping the edge of the bed, Sachiko found herself breathing hard in shock and staring at the cabin ceiling. "Okay, I think I can take a hint!"
Rising from the bed, Sachiko managed the few steps to the door without falling, even though the boat continued to be tossed by the waves. The suddenness of the change had Sachiko's heart rate increasing and fear building in her gut. Was Yumi okay?
The trek above took a good few minutes to get to the stern of the ship where the ladder was that allowed access to the cockpit above. Gripping the rubber-coated rungs of the ladder, she slowly ascended. At the top, she could clearly see the choppy waves all around. The wind whipped around her, making the thin dress she had chosen to wear feel nonexistent in its wicked abuse.
She could see Yumi standing at the helm, her back turned to the ladder. Despite her current mission to ask for forgiveness, Sachiko took a moment to appreciate Yumi's hair and, of course, her toned butt and legs in her figure-hugging shorts. My god, is everything about this woman toned now? What happened to the soft teenager of our youth? I don't think my heart can take this. With a deep breath, Sachiko stepped forward. "Uh, Yumi, I w- Ah!" Just then a wave crashed against the port side of the boat, sending Sachiko off-balance, side first into the railing.
Instantly pain flared up her right side. And then she felt herself falling back first over the railing.
"Sachiko!" A strong hand gripped her wrist while a firm body pressed against her legs to keep her from falling any further.
Flailing a bit, Sachiko tried to breathe and orient herself, but her spiked adrenaline was making that difficult. "Yumi?!" Looking up she saw a worried-looking Yumi bracing herself against the railing and her legs.
"Yes?" Yumi grunted, readjusting her grip on Sachiko's wrist.
"Now that I've gained a new perspective on life, I think I'm ready to come back up." She could feel the blood rushing to her head and the pinch of her legs pinned between the rail and Yumi's strong form. Neither sensation was one she relished or wanted to prolong. If Yumi wanted to press into her again once she was back on deck, then Sachiko would gladly accommodate.
"What were you thinking just now?" Glancing up she caught Yumi's knowing smirk and grimaced.
"I was thinking I want back up."
"You were blushing because you want back up?" Yumi asked doubtfully.
"No, I'm blushing because all my blood is rushing to my head. Now either let me drop or feel free to pull me back up. You know, at your leisure."
"Uh-huh." Obviously not convinced, Yumi shook her head and then reached out her other hand. "Take my hand."
When she took Yumi's hand it was only for a moment, but it was enough to feel her warmth and the pleasant roughness of her hand that was indicative of someone who worked hard. It also put images of other things in Sachiko's mind. Images of a protector, a provider, and a thorough lover. Sachiko knew how to take care of herself. She didn't need that; she was independent and with her family's fortune she would never need anyone to provide for her. Still, she found the thought of having someone in her life willing to do those things extremely alluring. In its own way, it was kind of sexy. What kind of love would that be? To have someone who wanted nothing more than to protect and take care of her.
In all her life she had never had that. Her family loved her, but they always had designs on her life. Almost as if their love was contingent upon her obedience to their plans. The only time she had ever felt a different kind of love was from Yumi. Even in high school, Yumi never acted as though her love was anything but freely given.
Looking back she realized that Yumi had always tried to take care of her despite being younger. It wasn't until now that she realized just how much she missed that unconditional love. The thorough loving part was an enticing thought as well.
Before she knew it, her feet were once more planted firmly on the deck with her body pressed securely between the rail and Yumi's desirable form. Yumi's eyes, though they gleamed with laughter from their exchange, looked at her with concern and soon one of her enticing hands came up to caress Sachiko's cheek. "Sachiko, are you alright? That was quite the tumble."
Breathless for a whole other reason, Sachiko nodded, instinctively leaning into Yumi's caress. "The waves are rough." Sachiko could have slapped herself for how dull her response had been. It had been the perfect moment to say something suave and charming. Like…Nothing compared to how I continue falling for you. But no, she had said… that.
Yumi's following chuckle solidified her statement as obvious and dull-witted the very next moment. "Yeah, the winds picked up rather suddenly. Sorry, I was caught a bit off guard or I would have warned you to stay below."
Something was different. Yumi didn't seem angry or even annoyed with her presence now. Narrowing her eyes, she cocked her head to the side and responded without thinking. "Have I transported back in time? Are you the same Yumi from a few hours ago?"
Laughing, Yumi shook her head and stepped back, though took Sachiko's hand as she did. "The one and only, Sachiko. Let's just say that I've communed with nature and they told me to let it go." When Yumi saw Sachiko's look of confusion, she laughed and shook her head again. "You had to be there. Nonetheless, I'm done with all this anger."
Though she was distracted by Yumi's hand in hers, Sachiko studied her face closely and saw only openness there. "So, just like that? You're letting all that anger go and you're willing to trust me again?"
With a smirk on her lips, Yumi squeezed her hand and shook her head. "I can't say all the feelings are gone. Talking to a dolphin is effective, but not THAT effective." Sachiko squinted hard at her, trying to catch up.
"Dolphin?"
Again, Yumi merely shook her head and laughed to herself. "Listen," And just like that her demeanor shifted slightly, becoming more serious, yet Sachiko did not sense the same tension that had surrounded them before. "I understand that you were going through a lot back then. A lot that I probably only had an inkling about. Does that mean I'm suddenly okay with everything you did?" She shook her head. "No." Sachiko felt her face drop, yet felt a glimmer of hope when Yumi continued. "But I'm going to try to put this behind me - behind us. I don't want to be that person who dwells endlessly on the past. I spent enough time doing that in the years after it all went down."
Sachiko could have sworn Yumi's eyes darkened for a moment as she spoke, but when she blinked the look had passed. Instinctively she knew there was more to Yumi's past that she had yet to reveal. However, she didn't dare ask about it right now, not yet. Something told her to tread carefully and so she did, choosing to remain quiet as Yumi continued in her revelations.
"So, you asked to start fresh, right?" She looked down at their fingers, seamlessly entangled together. "To go back to being friends?"
Sachiko nodded. "Ye-Yes. I want to rebuild my friendship with you."
Yumi nodded but was silent for a long moment before finally speaking again. "You see, I have a slight problem with that."
"What?" Sachiko was confused. "Why exactly?" Without thinking she gave her hand a small tug, pulling Yumi a step closer until they were nearly chest to chest. And despite what Yumi was saying, she didn't pull back.
"Because, Sachiko," Her eyes raised to search Sachiko's, and Sachiko in turn could read the pleading for understanding in her warm chocolate gaze. "We were never just friends. Ever. I was your petite soeur. I was infatuated with you. You were older, more powerful, more experienced, and -" She shrugged, "To put it simply, we were never on an even playing field."
"I can't change my social standing, Yumi." A stab of dread hit her in the gut at the thought that Yumi might not want to try and rebuild something with her because of her family, their money, and all that came with bearing the Ogasawara name. That, after all, had been the main reason for Sachiko's decision seven years ago.
Sachiko's heart was put at ease a moment later when Yumi shook her head. "No, that's not what I mean. I wouldn't want you to change who you are in that regard. Family is important; I know that now more than ever. What I'm talking about is I was never treated as your equal."
Her eyes moved between Sachiko's as if trying to spot any sign of anger or discomfort. Sachiko was okay with that though because she knew Yumi would not find any. It was true, after all. She had never treated her as her equal, constantly taking their relationship, let alone her propensity for staying by her side, for granted. Slowly, Sachiko shook her head. "No, you weren't. Not by a single person, including myself."
A glimmer of light shone in Yumi's eyes as if a spark of hope was ignited by Sachiko's validation of her feelings. "Then you understand that we can't just step back into the relationship we once had? It…" She rubbed the back of her neck, as if anxious about her next words. "Sachiko, it wasn't a healthy relationship for me. Don't get me wrong!" She added, almost frantic. "It was special to me, but just not… What it became near the end was unhealthy for me."
"Then…" Sachiko had to school her normally composed features to not display her raging emotions like a beacon of insecurity as she lifted their twined fingers and brought the back of Yumi's hand to her lips. With a lift of one eyebrow, she continued, "Let's build something new."
This earned her an amused smirk in return. "So, this is you trying to be my friend, huh?" Despite her words, Yumi still did not pull away, which infused Sachiko's heart with a fresh dose of hope.
With an amused smirk of her own, Sachiko shrugged her shoulders guiltily. "I'll admit, despite everything that once happened, it's going to be hard for me to look at you and see only a friend. But," She searched Yumi's warm gaze and saw the same struggle reflected back at her. "I'm willing to try if it means having you in my life again." Before Yumi could even open her mouth to respond, Sachiko continued, this time lowering her head in a flush of shame. "I'll start by doing what I should have done long ago and without prompting… Yumi, how I treated you back then was-"
"Sachiko, you don't have-"
Sachiko cut her off though with a gentle finger to her lips. "Oh, but I do. And not because it's what is supposed to be done or it's expected. But because I want to. I mean, Yumi," She shook her head in self-disgust. "I was absolutely horrible. Willingly blind to the effect it would have on you, I expected you to stand by my side as- well, it was unfair and cruel of me. I'll never forgive myself for how I treated you that day, but I hope…" With shaking hands she held Yumi closer, touching a tentative finger back to her plump and slightly chapped lower lip. "I hope you have it in your heart to forgive me where I cannot forgive myself. Actually, I should be asking for forgiveness for how I treated you back then in general, not just on that day. It wasn't right… Yumi," She pulled Yumi's hand to her chest and curled herself into it, bowing her head over Yumi's hand and holding it close. "Please, forgive me."
It felt like minutes passed by as Sachiko remained bowed over Yumi's small hand with her eyes closed, waiting on Yumi's response. Never once did Yumi try to pull away though, which Sachiko viewed as a good thing, but at the same time, she hoped it wasn't simply pity on Yumi's part. She didn't want Yumi forgiving her out of pity, but out of a true desire to mend the bridges between them. Bridges that she herself had torn asunder without even realizing it.
Her answer came in the form of warm, soft lips pressing to her forehead. Sachiko didn't dare move or else risk breaking the spell that seemed to have fallen on the two of them as they embraced in a manner they never had before. When Yumi moved her lips from her forehead, her own forehead soon replaced them, resting gently against Sachiko's. There they stood, foreheads touching, with Yumi tucked close to Sachiko's chest and Sachiko felt the moment as if it were a scene from a fairytale. This couldn't possibly be real, could it? Was Yumi actually forgiving her? Or- A sudden stab of fear - Was that a kiss goodbye? No. She subconsciously shook her head. She might not know Yumi the way she used to but she couldn't imagine Yumi being one to kiss her and then break her heart like that.
"All is forgiven." Yumi's voice was so soft, at first, Sachiko wasn't sure she had heard her correctly.
Pulling back a few inches, Sachiko searched her face for the truth. "Really?"
Yumi nodded. "Yes, but please, give me time? I mean, this is sudden and these feelings- I still don't know about trusting you with my heart, but I am willing to start by getting to know you again." Something changed in her eyes, but it was too quick for Sachiko to decipher. "There is a lot you don't know about my life now or about how I've lived my life these past seven years." With visible hesitation, she broke their connection and stepped back, crossing her arms securely over her chest and looking toward the bow of the boat. "You might want to wait to try to build a relationship with me until you know more. You might not like what you find out about my past or about my life now. I come with baggage. Baggage you may not want any part of."
What the hell did that mean? Sachiko took a moment to center herself and gather her thoughts before responding. Gripping the railing firmly, to avoid a repeat tumble in the absence of Yumi's strong form holding her in place, she shook her head. "I doubt there is anything you can tell me that would drive me away from building at least a friendship with you, Yumi."
Without turning back to meet her gaze, Yumi shrugged, her eyes never leaving the horizon. "Why don't you withhold judgment until you know more, okay? Don't pressure yourself to accept my life. I have a lot of responsibilities and a lot of people depending on me back home."
Though her words sounded ominous, they did spur a question that had been floating in the back of Sachiko's mind. "Not to divert the conversation, but that does remind me… Where exactly are we going?"
Even from the side, Sachiko could see the small smirk that lifted the corner of Yumi's lips. "Home. Didn't I say that already?"
"Sure." Sachiko couldn't hold back the sigh of frustration. Yumi sure had learned to be evasive over the years. If she didn't know better, she would have guessed that Yoko had trained her in the aggravating skill. "But where do you call home?"
"Hmmm…" With a glint of mischief in her eyes, she grinned back at Sachiko. "Where? That's a difficult question to answer-"
"How is that difficult?" Sachiko chided, convinced Yumi was merely messing with her now.
Yumi merely laughed and raised her hands in surrender. "I said it was difficult to answer, while up here." Extending a hand in invitation, Yumi's smile returned, this time reaching her eyes. "Let me show you my home."
A/N - This is obviously very different from my normal stories, so I'm looking for some particular feedback. Do y'all find this emotionally believable? Hope you're still liking it! I mean, if you've read this far I should hope you're enjoying it. lol Best wishes!
