"The Adventures of Professor Proton, Jr: The Proton Express…"

Summary: In my first longer Proton Jr tale, can Prof Proton Jr. aka mild-mannered Sheldon Cooper and Dr. Amy aka Amy F. Fowler save the world at Christmas…And can Proton Jr. keep that blond sob of an engineering genius Tom Swift, Jr. away from his girl?

Equally important…Should Cameragirl Penny allow this thing to appear on her acting credits or just accept that all hope of a professional career is gone and just enjoy while peddling her drugs?

Disclaimer: All is Chuck's…

Part VIII…

("Barry, I did love you, I mean…If I'd marry any guy…" Lesley sighed.

"That what you said to Hofstadter?" Barry eyed her.

"I was scared then…I wanted to validate my heterosexuality and try to fix the label permanently and Leonard's such a nice, wonderful, loving guy." Lesley shrugged. "It wasn't right, especially when anyone could see how much Penny loved him, scared as she was to love anyone, poor kid, but I panicked and he seemed safe…I knew he'd never hurt me or abandon me…Until it turned out he'd been infected by the dumbass and was lost to the insanity that is string theory."

"So you knew then, for surwe…And still…Us?" Kripke glared.

"I was still kinda…And you were so rwight…Right, for me, Barry. We were almost perfect together, in our pov of the world." She shook head. "I really thought I could make it work, make you happy. But, it wasn't fair to you…So…"

"We were perwfect. Then you let me think it was me and my philanderwing…Even when I sworwe I'd nevwer…What a laugh that mustwve been." Grim look.

"I'm sorry…Barry, I am…"

"Skwip it…Just tell me if it was a jwoke. 'I love you, Barry'. Fwunny, ha-ha."

"It wasn't a joke…I never said it to anyone else, not even Leonard." she bowed head. "And if things were different…"

"It wouldn't have matterwed…Mwuch…To me. I can manage the swex parwt. I have a full collection of devwices, you know." Shake of head. "Just so long as you lwoved me in spirwit."

"I do love you." She insisted. "But I can't cheat you or me…"

"I don't carwe…Therwe's no one but you…Say the word, I'll have em cut it off. Lwesley, I lwove you." Urgent hiss.

"I love you too…Barry, I can't do this to you." Weeping now.

"It doesn't matter to me…Hell, I'm not Rwoss on 'Frwiends'…I'll worwk it out. Lwesley, if you lwove me at all, don't abandwon me. Hey, hottie." Immediate change to upbeatly sexist tone as Penny approached.

"You guys ok?" she eyed them.

"Sure." Lesley, rather curt. "Surwe, now I have the wovely fields of Nebrwaska in my field of wision." Barry, expansively. "Couldn't kweep away, eh? 'Dwotor' Hofstadter?" lewd grin.

"We have the next scene and that is Hofstadter, Barry." Penny, grimly. "And the only reason I don't deck you again is I know damned well you're just puttin' it on for Lesley."

"Don't be rwidic…ridiculous, blondie. Barry's no love-sick pup, broken by my callous abandonment, unlike some people I could mention who rebounded beneath them." Lesley, sneering tone.

"Just remember I'm a reformed bully and I predatered…Or whatever…Mainly on girls in my day, Winkley." Penny coldly.

"Oooh…Love to see that…" Barry grinned.

"You get one last pass, Kripke." Penny shook head. "And I am sorry for you, guys. But lets pick this up while we have the light, ok?")

"Welcome aboard…" Swift, at hatchway, nodded to the group now climbing the gangway to the side hatch of his diving seacopter, the Ocean Arrow.

"Proton?" he stared at Proton, Jr. and Dr. Amy…Dr. Amy loaded down with several bags and a backpack of gear, Proton carrying his own small travel bag… "What are you doing with all this stuff?" taking a satchel from a grateful Dr. Amy.

"My own equipment, from my own lab, Swift. I had General Smith arrange for it to be delivered."

"Proton, the Arrow is fully equipped with the latest analysis equipment."

"Your version of latest…Get him…'The' latest." Proton noted to the sweating Dr. Amy who carefully set the bags and backpack down.

[Nice realism there, Screenwriter guy mate, Penny grinned to Leonard. "I buy that scene completely."

Hmmn…Sheldon, frowning at them. "You know I get the feeling I should be annoyed at them but for the life of me I can't see why." He noted to the sweating Amy.]

Dr. Hofstadter following behind, Bwarry at her side, carrying her suitcase, turning to Swift as he greeted them.

"So, I imagine the living qwarters must be a bit cwrowded, Swift? I volunteewr to shawre mine, so long as my rwoomie is Rwussian." Smile to Penova who eyed him calmly.

"Is no need, I am used to sleeping with floor. That is not mistake in English. I find it better company than most males, thanks you, Bwarry." Smile to Swift who grinned.

"No need, the Arrow is pretty spacious, actually. There are cabins for all of us. Yours is to the right going in, Wyckcliffe. And yours way over left, with the other ladies, Dr. Hofstadter." He addressed her, another grin.

"That's a foolish and I must say, sexist, awrrangement, Swift." Bwarry frowned. "We should be able to conswult with our colleawgues at any time."

"This isn't the Love Boat, Wyckcliffe. You're a physicist and next to Proton…" Swift noted, dryly. "Consult away."

"I am sure there wills be plenty of opportunities to share information, Dr. Wyckcliffe. Would you take bag to room, please? Thanks so much." Penova beamed at Bwarry who muttered, but proceeded, lugging the large suitcase.

Swift eyeing Penova who shrugged. "He carries case, I throw small bone. Rwussian compromise."

"Swift!" Proton had reemerged from the interior… "Your minion Barclay is protesting my setting up essential equipment in the control room! Tell him he's threatening the mission and being idiotic." he immediately disappearing back inside…

"Gotta be able to reach the controls or there's not gonna be a mission, idiot!" Bud's voice from inside.

"Engineers…" Proton, directing the somewhat distressed Dr. Amy in equipment set up, glared at the annoyed Bud by the control panels.

…..

"Compromise?! There can be no compromises in Science!" Proton fumed at Dr. Amy's careful phrased suggestion that for the greater good, perhaps this one time…As he and Bud Barclay continued their "friendly" debate regarding working space in the forward "Arturo" compartment of the Ocean Arrow. "This equipment is essential to my work here. And since this mission is deemed vital to Humanity and I was called to work on it, ergo my work is vital to Humanity, which I certainly already knew…"

Swift now summoned by Barclay, trying to mediate between the two in the control room, Dr. Amy and Dr. Rostenkowski-Swift distressed witnesses…

"Certainly more essential than your friend and his girl spooning over the controls…" Proton insisted.

"We're all essential to this project, Proton." Barclay glared. "Including Bernadette and me…And I'll concede, even you, maybe…Though I have my doubts. But it's even more 'essential' right now that I be able to reach the controls to pilot this ship. Not to mention Dr. Rostenkowski-Swift is doing some of her work here already, checking and calibrating the biometric sensors."

"Professor P, I really think…" Dr. Amy began…

"When I showed the children of Hamilton Fish Grade School 5 how to make eggs stand on end, did I agree to 'compromise' like their teacher unfairly demanded?" Proton insistently asked.

Barclay rolling eyes to Bernadette working beside him at the control panel, who sighed.

Bud…Lets just try to endure this as gracefully as possible.

"Professor, you broke all their hand-painted Easter eggs but one." Amy noted, as mildly as possible. "The kids were all crying."

"And one has to break a few eggs sometimes in Science…" Proton noted archly.

"Is this what this TV show clown is here for, to break eggs?" Barclay, coldly.

"Bud…" Bernadette tried.

"Hey! Professor Proton is a fully competent advanced theoretical physicist whose specialty is dark matter." Dr. Amy glared. "Go, tinker with your do-dad controls…We'll find another place to do real science."

"Just a minute!" Bernadette rose, furious. "Bud is chief engineer as well as pilot here and designed a lot of the components that made this ship possible."

"Edisons always have a lot of geek monkeys around to do their bidding…" Amy, equally furious now.

"Sis…Bud…Proton…" pleading looks, then dark look to Proton at end, Swift tried.

"Ladies…Bud…" Swift sighed. "Bud…Just use the Subaro compartment on the other side. We'll transfer all main control there."

"Fine." Barclay glared at the now smugly triumphant Proton. "It'll be easier to jettison him while he's in here alone."

"And we have our spy…" Proton, archly. Barclay fuming

Though, spy or no, never leave me alone in here, while he's at the controls, ok? He hissed to Dr. Amy who nodded.

Wait…Eyeing the now enraged Dr. A…Was that 'Edisons' a hit at me? If so, not bad…I for one always admired my fellow Tom…Swift, slight smile.

"Dark matter…" Barclay, suddenly intrigued. "So that's it…" he eyed Proton. "That's what you're up to here. This is a detector…" he eyed the equipment half-completed.

"It is…" Proton nodded. "My own design…"

"Professor Proton is a Tesla…" Amy, proudly.

"Tesla? Amy…" Proton protested. "Another over-praised engineer? At least pick someone theoretical…Einstein would be good."

"Do you always let him talk to you like that…?" Bernadette to Amy, who tried to ignore the question.

"Of course I talk to her like that. It's my job as her superior to point out her errors and flaws…" Proton noted.

"Shut up!" Amy, Bernadette. The started Proton backing off.

["Is this really how comedy works?" Sheldon hissed to Penny. "Oh…Yeah, sweetie." She grinned. "Seems insulting to me." "One step away, sweetie…Always one step away."

"I thought that was tragedy?" Sheldon blinked.

"Since when would you know the difference?" Leonard, archly, to Penny's reproving grin.]

"You know we thought the aliens might be using dark matter in their power systems from what technical stuff they'd sent us…" Barclay noted to Proton, examining the detector setup.

"It's the likeliest source of power if they're operating as an independent transstellar species." Proton nodded. "I wrote a paper on that topic a few years ago…"

"Tesla?! Proton couldn't even operate a Tesla coil…I saw the episode when he tried." Bernadette to Amy, both raging now.

"Speculating on the means by which a rogue planet might be able to obtain energy as well as starships…We both read it, Tom and I." Barclay nodded. "It wasn't bad." Shrug.

"Professor Proton, Jr. doesn't need to be handy…" Amy tried.

"I'll bet…" Bernaderte sneered. "And not so 'handy' out of the lab either, eh?"

"You little yeast infection!" Amy cried.

["What?!" Bernadette glared… "I was supposed to say that, right, Leonard?" Amy, nervously. "Leonard, what the hell?" Bernadette fumed. "Look, it was my idea…" Penny sighed. "We need a catfight here between you two to keep things rolling and contrast with the Bud-Proton thing and Leonard couldn't bring himself to really fire it up. It takes a good one to make Amy look 'fired up'."

"Seems like a good move to me…" Amy noted. "I know we always get more comments when Alex brings things over for a segment and I make a somewhat annoyed remark after Sheldon flirts with her…"

"I don't 'flirt'…" Sheldon as all stared at Amy, then him.

"You 'flirt' with Alex?" Howard, grinning.

"I don't 'flirt'. I said once, 'Thanks Alex, make sure you don't add this to your hours again.'"

"You said it with a very 'flirty' look…" Amy insisted. "And you did say once, 'Alex does seem to be the type Leonard would go for…'. That's your code phrase for, 'that girl is hot, whoa'."

"Amy…" Sheldon, desperately. "That's not true."

"Don't even try, honey." Penny eyed Leonard's pleading look. "I know she's crazy about you. But I'm confident you're much too terrified of me." Smile.

"I'm just amazed at this new sign of Humanity in Cooper." Howard shook head.

"Oh…? And who else is a type 'Leonard would go for'?" Amy, grim stare at Sheldon.

"Ok, the catfight does look like a good idea…" Bernadette noted to Penny. "But one 'yeast infection' joke is it."

"Yeah. Leonard? Who else is a type you 'would go for'?" Penny eyed him, then gave Amy a grim look.]

"High praise from a jumped-up grease monkey." Proton frowned to Barclay.

"Fine, ok...Sorry." Hands in depreciating gesture "…But you…Say, ladies? Could you tone it down?" he turned to Amy and Bernadette. "Talking here…" he noted.

"That's as close to sex as you'll ever get…!" Bernadette, howling now.

"What's with them?" Proton stared, to Barclay. "Beats me…" Bud shrugged.

["Are they making fun of us in this scene while we fight for their honor?" Amy frowned to Bernadette.]

"So…? What's the rwacket and why was I not summoned to witness the firwst catfight of our trwip?" Bwarry Wyckcliffe had entered the forward compartment, eagerly eyeing the two angry female scientists.

"Is this how it's going to be the whole trip, Proton?" Munson, following her brother.

"Whoa…Is that a dark matter analysizer?" Bwarry eyed the partially set up equipment.

"It is…" Proton, guardedly. "Didn't know you took an interest in dark matter, Wyckcliffe. I thought the family religion was quantum fruit loops."

"Bernie…Come on, company…" Bud was soothing the angry Bernadette. "Dr. Amy's just frustrated cause she's hot for the proton and he won't give up his charge."

"Hey…!" Amy glared.

"Ha, ha…Funny man, Neutron. Which lack of any charge explains your lack of a sex life, girlfriend." Munson, to Amy at end.

"I'm open to rwadical thinking, Proton." Bwarry, shrugging off Munson's…Bwarry? The True Faith?...Frown. "But why a detectowr hewre? Oh…" he nodded.

"I'm sure the aliens would use something else." Munson, grimly. "When we recover their ship, we'll see."

"It would be the chweapest fowrm of intewrstellawr power, sis." Bwarry noted. "Lets not let dowgma blind us to new thinking."

"Doctor." General Smith had entered as well, disturbed at first by the fresh signs of disruption among his team but pleased to see some semblance of order restoring, now focusing on a serious matter of concern… "You realize that ship and its technology will be classified. I hope you're not expecting to obtain any information to be used personally."

"Far be from me to deprive the military-industrial complex of a new superweapon…" Munson sneered. "But so much for the pledge that this is in Humanity's interest…"

"Classified to the UN, Doctor. No one nation will benefit, you've all been assured of that." The General eyed her.

"I know I have absolute faith in such promises." Cold stare. "How's about you guys?" she looked around the control room, where Proton, Bwarry, and Barclay were now engaged in discussing the merits and serious flaws, Bwarry noting, in Proton's dark matter detector, while Swift was still trying to separate Drs. Amy and Bernadette.

"Sis? Twalking hewre." Bwarry shrugged.

"You're all a bunch of miserable sell-outs…" Wyckcliffe glared, turning on heel and heading back to the other main section. The General looking after Munson carefully.

"She seems worked up." Proton noted to Bwarry.

"Sis was always into the eco-, don't twrust the govewrnment, etc thing in college, I guess it stwuck." Bwarry shrugged. "Now as to the pawrticle flow stwream…"

"Sorry about the yeast infection…" Amy sighed. "Perhaps I am a bit defensive of the Professor."

"And I am of Bud. Cause he's brilliant at what he does. But Amy, you're a scientist too, with a doctorate. I know Proton's a genius, but he doesn't generally teach at your college anymore than you do. Where does he come off ordering you around and as 'the Professor'?" Bernadette, firmly.

"Well, the show is 'The Adventures of Professor Proton, Jr.'." Amy noted, defensively. "And he doesn't…Always…Order me around. I tell him what to do, occasionally."

"Like when…?" Bernadette stared.

"Just tole him to 'Shut up'." Shy grin to Bernadette's returned one. "I can't believe you don't ever have troubles with Mr. Barclay."

"I'll let the 'Mister' pass as not meant to insult…" Bernadette frowned briefly. "Well, sure…Sometimes he's a bit overbearing with all his macho pilot/adventurer stuff he does with my brother. I kinda feel left out, once in a while. Like when they took Tom's Flying Lab to Chile and didn't even ask if I'd like to come. And then, off they go to the moon together…And do they ask me along? No."

"Sounds like they're very close…" Amy noted. "Fortunately for me there's no one closer to Proton than me."

"I gotta admit…" Bernadette smiled. "I am a wee bit jealous the way you and he are always together in those shows. He's a bit of pain in the butt but he clearly loves you more than anything."

"You think so…You're not just saying that to patch things up and keep this mission going?" Amy, an anxious look.

["What?" Leonard eyed a somewhat downcast Penny… "You have lots of good stuff coming, I promise." "Yeah…" sigh. "It's just…I hate it when Amy and Bernadette bond together and then go off talking Science and geek stuff like you guys…" sad look. "I mean, she's my bestie."]