"The Adventures of Professor Proton, Jr: The Proton Express…"
Summary: In my first longer Proton Jr tale, can Prof Proton Jr. aka mild-mannered Sheldon Cooper and Dr. Amy aka Amy F. Fowler save the world at Christmas…And can Proton Jr. keep that blond sob of an engineering genius Tom Swift, Jr. away from his girl?
Equally important…Should Cameragirl Penny allow this thing to appear on her acting credits or just accept that all hope of a professional career is gone and just enjoy while peddling her drugs?
Disclaimer: All is Chuck's…
Part X…
Swift and Proton seated in Swift's cabin about the Ocean Arrow, now 10000 feet in the air and proceeding to the South Atlantic, off the coast of Brazil.
"What are you frowning about now, Proton?" Swift eyed him.
"I don't see why Dr. Amy couldn't be here…" shifting about uncomfortably.
("That's my guy, pulling for me!" Amy, exultant.)
"…She could be fetching me the cold beverage you've failed to offer after inviting me here. Not to mention your telling me to fake seasickness to meet with you."
"You vomited five seconds after we headed out…"
"Yes, but that was in the sea…We're airborne now. And it's not only a lie but a logically absurd one…And I'm missing General Smith's briefing on more of what you know about your so-called aliens.."
"Considering it's my and Dad's data, don't you think it's odd I'm not there?"
"Not really…" shrug. "You're a dodaddler type, it's probably your dad's data and the General has that authority voice that sells nonsense."
"You still think this is all a hoax? That we haven't made contact and the aliens are not sending a dangerous cargo to Earth? And one of you we invited aboard may have diverted that cargo?" Swift regarded him.
"I haven't seen any proof outside Hawking's panicky tweets and texts. But he freaks out at the word 'alien'. Why am I here, Swift? And why did you lie about wanting to check equipment and consult with your father during the briefing? And tell me to lie."
"Which you did do…" Swift, shrewd look, leaning back.
("Sorry, Stuart…" Leonard helping him back up. "I should have warned you these chairs can't 'lean' much.")
"Only because I figured you wanted to come clean with me…Your greatest foe."
"Hardly my greatest foe, Proton. Unless you are the one who diverted the cargo…Come on, you believe me about the aliens. You'd never have come along if you didn't."
"I came to see you abjectly crash and burn…In a scientific sense, not for real, please Jesus…" nervous end…
"Suppose I show you proof."
"Of your exo-Martians?" chortle. "Have you got one here? Or maybe a fake corpse of one, who crashed at Roswell, New Mexico."
"Not at Roswell…And not in 1947…" Swift noted, waving him over to a computer, Proton hesitating.
"I think I should have a wingperson, in case there's any hanky-panky going on. Especially at 10000 feet in the air."
"Proton, if I'd wanted to bump you off, I could've done it back at the island or even after our first meeting. And how would having Dr. Amy here prevent…Whatever?"
"Well, apart from the fact she's a large human shield, a witness to anything you say. Hanky-panky even for me doesn't refer to physical violence…Unless you intend physical violence. And I warn you, as a Texan I can handle myself. These fists of death have felled many a foe." Proton frowned, waving fists of death.
Uh-huh…Swift sighed.
"Proton, you've no idea how many times I've considered it. I once nearly buzzed your lab with the Challenger…Her repelatron emitters would have flattened it and you. But that would've meant harming Dr. Amy…" smile.
Frown by Proton… "What's that supposed to mean? I thought you had a girlfriend."
"Daughter of my dad's old pal…But it's an off-and-on thing." Shake of hand.
"Dr. Amy is not for you!" glare.
"Might wanna ask her, sometime…Proton…" Grin.
"Whoa!" Swift clutched his struck shoulder. "What was that and what was it for? Here, let me help you up." Extending hand to help Proton to his feet…
("Leonard…" Amy, grim stare. "Amy, Swift has to be able to take a guy like Proton…How else can he handle the big baddies?"
"I thought Professor Proton was the hero here." She fumed.
"He'll be a hero…But Tom Swift is sorta always the good guy." Leonard explained. "Besides, you and Sheldon would want to win by mental agility, not brute force, eh?"
Amy, briefly picturing Sheldon applying 'brute force'. Oh… Hmmn…
"I want Proton to restate his manhood by clobbering bad guys later."
"Fine…" Leonard sighed.
"And he wants Swift's chair in this scene. It's his spot." She insisted.
"Whatever's comfortable…And gets us through all this….")
"That was to show you that Dr. Amy is not for you." Proton, glaring.
"Fine…"
"Am I bleeding?" Proton felt about himself.
"No…Geesh, Proton. For once I turn to you for help and you can't get sex off your mind?" Swift eyed him.
"I wasn't…But I could've if wanted to." Proton noted.
("This is going to be rated M for mature audiences, right?" Sheldon hissed to Leonard.
"No…Just N for Nobody's watching. Come on, Sheldon."
"Don't argue…Sex sells." Amy whispered to a bemused Sheldon.)
"Wait…" Proton stared. "You brought me here to help you? I mean I know you said you wanted all of us to help but…"
"Proton, I know you're not the one who diverted the alien cargo." Swift sighed. "I need someone else to know what I know."
Stare by Proton…
"I already know more than…"
"Yeah, yeah…" Swift sighed. "Proton, I mean about the person who diverted the alien samples."
Oh… "I suppose you might know a bit about that…But theorywise…"
"In fact, I'm pretty sure I know who did it. The same person who stole my translation dictionary for the aliens' communications from my office at Swift Enterprises. Munson Wyckcliffe."
Proton blinking…
"And I know she's planning to disrupt this mission…" Swift sighed.
"Disrupt? Why disrupt? Why not just steal the cargo?"
"Why not just divert to an easier to reach locale if she wants to steal it. No, Wyckcliffe's got another agenda, I believe. You heard her earlier. She's convinced the military wants the craft and its specimens. I think she's in part trying to keep it out of UN or US hands."
"But why? The UN might be full of those people of heathen faiths and godless ideals, as Mom would say, but the USA? We're the good guys."
"I feel the same way, Proton…As to the USA at least. With maybe a few more qualifications."
"Well, then…Have the General declare martian…Hee…All, right martial…" to Swift's frown. "Law and shoot or imprison the sidewinder."
"Can't do it. I haven't absolute proof and if she has her people monitoring her, they might try to deflect the cargo again. We still can't break her jamming. They could get a message through as they control the signal, for now. I have to act as if I suspect all of you. And of course she could be in cahoots with the Russians…They'd love to get their hands on the cargo first and she could use their backing."
Proton, sighing… Hate to have to do this but Mom would demand fairness and that somewhat ambiguous word, justice… ("She would, too…" Sheldon sighed to Amy. "Nice job, screenwriter. You capture the real me here." Pat to Leonard's shoulder.
Yeah, whatever…Leonard nodded.)
"…what proof have you got as to Wyckcliffe? Or, as I much prefer, for the mocking quality it brings…'Muncie'? After all, it could be the Russians…It was in 'Ice Station Zebra' and my mom would always go with it being the godless Commies."
"Russia's not 'godless', officially, anymore, Proton. And Dr. Hofstadter's had no opportunity to steal my codes or transmission frequency if she wanted to."
"For creepy crawlies from another world? A lot of people should want to. And the Russians always have good spies in the movies…" Proton noted.
"Munson Wyckcliffe was at Swift Enterprises three months ago. In my office…" Swift eyed him. "We'd been collaborating on a theoretical model for my repelatron system. She disabled security somehow at the time but I'm sure she used the opportunity to rifle through my files on our space communications. Dad and I think someone at the UN must have leaked word of our work."
"A theoretical model? With Munson Wyckcliffe? Don't tell me…The quantum fruit loop version."
"It actually is pretty sound theory, Proton. And I wanted to show a theory base for repelatron systems."
"Well…Why didn't you seek competent help instead of the dodaddle version of physics, small p."
"You, you mean? We can't stand each other." Swift pointed out. "Last time we tried to collaborate on fluid motion in my Tomasite acrylic we nearly came to blows."
("Oh…" "Amy, you ok?" Penny pulled back from camera. "Oh, yeah…Just savoring the machismo. Great work, Leonard. Sheldon's right, you're one fine screenwriter. Could I just suggest…?" she pulled Leonard to a corner, eagerly. Penny staring after them…
"Why would we want Sheldon's shirt off? You know he burns just like that…" Leonard's voice.
"Hey, guys." Penny, coming over, brightest of unbothered, unconcerned smiles.)
"True enough…" Proton shrugged. "And it would have been pitiful to see you whimpering like a whipped pup."
"Proton." Swift, grimly. "I've clobbered thugs three times your size in my adventures and I'm giving serious consideration…"
("Ok!" Amy, bright smile. "Lunch! And quite enough macho confrontation." "I do the 'cut' around here, missy." Bernadette, annoyed.)
…
"All right…" Proton cautiously leaned back in his seat. (No fool I, Sheldon thought, spinning to the left in triumph and plunging floorward as his spun chair lost a wheel.)
"The orbital data is consistent with a large mass in the vicinity of Mars altering some asteroid courses. And the mathematical language is unique and Carl Sagan 'Contact' complex. Kudos to your Dad for solving it, I don't deny he's a true scientist."
"You wouldn't." Swift grinned. "You're terrified of him and that voice of doom of his. I don't blame you, really. 'Proton? Just what are you a 'professor' of' sounds like a death sentence when Dad says it."
Proton frowning…
Still…
"And the biochemical data offered does suggest unique structures not found on Earth though definitely potentially capable of acting as living organisms. Fine…Your 'exo-Martians' may be the real deal. We'll see when their so-called 'craft' comes down. If it does…"
"It will come down, there's no question now." Swift noted. "But it's going to come down over the South Atlantic in an area where the ocean can go down over three miles."
"Why would Wyckcliffe divert the cargo to such a location? How could she recover it? She's no dodaddler with a string of fancy toys…Even her brother, who has daddled on occasion hasn't the resources…Oh…" he paused.
"She has help." He eyed Swift.
"Almost certainly." Swift nodded. "After all, as you said, that cargo would attract almost every power on Earth for the technology as well as the living cargo. But I'm not sure if Munson even want to recover the cargo."
"Destroy it?" Proton blinked. "But why? The loss to Science…"
"Can't match the potential danger, Proton. And you know Wyckcliffe has been a leader in the alt-science movement even before our late President Crump oozed his way to power for a year. And you know the rumors…"
"That the chocolate cake that took Crump down wasn't exactly kosher?" Proton nodded. "Not likely it could have been…But everyone figured it was President Putinsky, seeking revenge with his usual style. Only fear of WWIII and no hard evidence preventing war."
"Members of the group claimed they designed it…Munson denied responsibility or knowledge and it was swept under the rug with Crump when the constitutional amendment passed and Obama won and took his third term."
"So back to the Russians, with Wyckcliffe….Mom does it again." Proton beamed.
"Or the Chinese…Or the North Koreans…"
"The new great leader Dennis Kim's pretty good with Science…I've tangled with him." Proton noted. "He's so insufferable since he won the MacArthur grant then went home to North Korea and overthrew his second cousin, lil' Kim. Of course it could be the French…They can be ruthless about Science. Look what they did to Gallo over HIV."
"I kinda think it was Gallo to the French, Proton." Swift, shaking head. "But the point is it could be anyone, but she must have powerful support for this if she plans to recover the cargo."
"Or she just wants to dump it in the ocean and create an ecological nightmare for effect." Proton pondered. (Hee, Leonard beamed… "See what I wrote there?" he noted to a sighing Penny. "'Proton pondered'." "Yeah, honey…We're all impressed by the artistry.")
"But we're going to be there. Surely you have the dodads to stop her?" Proton eyed Swift. Oh…Sigh…
"Don't tell me you still refuse to carry weapons on your toys." Proton frowned.
"Even if we did…And I do refuse…If she has some navy's firepower…" Swift pointed out.
"Well…We have the UN and the good ole USA…And these days our armada really go where they're supposed to be going…"
("Ok…" Penny eyed Leonard. "My dad can watch this but if my crazy neo-Nazi uncle sees it, you're dead meat. Even I can't protect you.")
"But we can't start a panic by bringing them in now. Questions would be asked, then we'd have the place swarming." Swift, firmly. "Which is why we have to be ready to call in help the moment Munson makes her move. She'll probably have her 'help' waiting for us. And there's another problem…We haven't got the final coordinates of the site."
"What?" Proton blinked. "But you said your super radio telescopic 3D dodadder picked it up…"
"We got the general course correction info and were able to extrapolate but not the final coordinates."
"Well then, we have Wyckcliffe…Lets have General Smith use the rubber hose on her. Waterboarding to save Humanity can't be all that bad…"
"We do that, Proton, and her people monitoring her would know. She came because it would look too suspicious if she refused…And to see what we know."
"And…" slight grin… "Just possibly because my ship is the only one capable of retrieving the cargo. I think she's going to use us to get the cargo, then try to take it from us."
"And as you have no guns, you silly 'guns are bad' guy. And she may have the Russian or French or Chinese fleet to back her up…" Proton sighed. "She won't have much trouble."
"Oh, maybe…Maybe…Not." Swift smiled. "But, the thing is we need to keep her off balance and to learn what she knows and anything we can of her plans. And of all people in this world, you, Proton, are bested suited to keeping Munson Wyckcliffe off balance."
"What?" Proton frowned. "You don't mean I have to dump Dr. Amy and start dating her?"
("Say what?!" Amy cried. "Comic relief!" Leonard, desperately. "It's hilarious."
"Ok…Lets have Kripke in bed with your wife…Har-dee-har-har!" Amy fumed. "That's hilarious too, right? Right?!"
Actually, Leonard considered…)
"No. I mean…" Swift shook head. "You have to go on doing what you do, only focused on Wyckcliffe."
"What's that?" Proton frowned.
"Be a complete and utter pain in the ass, Proton. It's what you do." Swift noted.
