"The Adventures of Professor Proton, Jr: The Proton Express…"
Summary: In my first longer Proton Jr tale, can Prof Proton Jr. aka mild-mannered Sheldon Cooper and Dr. Amy aka Amy F. Fowler save the world at Christmas…And can Proton Jr. keep that blond sob of an engineering genius Tom Swift, Jr. away from his girl?
Equally important…Should Cameragirl Penny allow this thing to appear on her acting credits or just accept that all hope of a professional career is gone and just enjoy while peddling her drugs?
Disclaimer: All is Chuck's…
Part XI…
Proton still glaring over Swift's "assignment"…
"All right…" Swift put up a hand. "And your dark matter detector is our one advantage…It could potentially detect the ship before it comes down. That edge could be vital, thanks to you."
Proton eyeing Swift's look coolly…Relenting at last…
"Thank you…"
"And given it would make you a prime target for Wyckcliffe or any henchpeople she may have handy…" Swift grinned.
"What?"
"Don't worry, there's no one else on board…We've checked her from stem to stern. You just have to worry about Munson and Bwarry…By the way, that might explain why Wyckcliffe male suddenly decided to bury the hatchet with you, to learn more about your detector. Lucky he or his sis didn't decide to bury it in your skull."
("Oh, I be likin' this." Lesley beamed. "When do I let the guy have it?"
"Prwobbly never." Kripke, calm stare.
"Where the hell is Winkle going?" Howard fumed, pulling back from the video camera. "Cut!" Bernadette yelled.
"Barry…" Penny sighed. "This isn't her fault."
"Just a mattwer of an X chrwomosome, eh?" Kripke glared. "Lucky for you, Hofstwadter's miss…Hey!" he fell back at Penny's quite solid punch to his jaw.
"Guys…?" Leonard had hurried over. "Barry? What's he done?" he eyed Penny's grimly furious face.
"I'm sorwy…Sorwy…" Kripke, dripping a little nose blood, but clearly sobbing.
God, Raj had joined them, watching Kripke hurry away.
Some guys are just little girly men…He noted to Penny, who caused him to recoil with her icy stare.
"Zip it, Raj."
"Penny?' Leonard sighed. "Do I need to go…?"
I give odds on Kripke in the match…Bernadette hissed to Howard who sighed. "I can't take those odds, honey."
"No…I need to. It's all right, honey." Penny shook head, pausing.
"You don't need me to handle guys like Kripke, I know that." She noted, firmly. "It's just very feminist of you." And hurried off, after Kripke as Leonard nodded to her.
"Yeah a true feminista is our Hofstadter, male." Howard hissed to Bernadette.
"Like you don't need me to threaten guys for you?" she frowned.
"Yeah…But I admit it." Howard pointed out.
"True enough, my little Quark." She beamed.)
"And you didn't choose to warn me?" Proton fumed.
"I guess I figured you'd be protected by either Dr. Amy or your 'fists of death'." Swift grinned. "Besides, Bwarry's never been much of an ecofreak. He's strictly into the mercenary side of Science on the whole. I doubt she's confided much to him, probably just told him to pump you for info and offered him a cut of anything she could make on the specimens."
"But she…Not that I'd be afraid of a girl, mind you…"
(Amy rather relieved that Penny and Lesley were off and about somewhere…Bernadette rolling eyes….)
"A 'girl' with several advanced degrees, access to lethal technology, and maybe one or more of the world's great powers and their spies and assassins backing her up? I sure have the willies, long as she's near me." Swift shrugged. "And I'd recommend you take precautions with her. She's the type who would pack a gun or worse if she thought she'd need one."
"Some of us have Science on our side, Swift. And a powerful ally Science is…" Proton, firmly.
"Yeah…Well, here, just consider this one of your 'ally's' assists, Yoda." Swift offered a small black plastic bulb-shaped device.
"What's this…?"
"Careful…That's a 100000 volt taser. If you're in trouble just point and squeeze the center button for 2 seconds but for Heaven's sake don't shock yourself with it."
Proton staring…
"I'm against guns, not self-defense." Swift shrugged. "And I believe I am asking you to take a risk here. At least keep it handy for Dr. Amy's sake. Much as I'm sure your 'fists of death' will protect you, I'd like to see her properly defended."
….
(Penny rounding corner in rather reluctant pursuit of Kripke to find a furious Lesley in wait outside the men's room of the Cal Tech lounge subbing for the set of "Swift Enterprises"…
"You hit Barry…" fierce glare.
"Damned straight I did." Penny, calmly. "I'd hit anyone who tried to make himself feel better at my husband's expense. Is he ok?"
"He's bleeding."
"Good, so long as nothing permanent. Hey, Barry!" Penny called. "I'm sorry I hit you but you deserved it!"
"Yeah, yeah…" faint call back…
"There…No hard feelings." Penny noted.
"You didn't have to hit him…"
"That's not what hurt him, Lesley." Firm stare, arms folded.
"That's none of your business!" furious glare.
"When he hits out at Leonard cause he's pissed at you it damned sure does."
Lesley tensing…Then relaxing…"Yeah, fine…He didn't mean it. Leonard and the guys give him hell often enough, ya know."
"He's usually askin' for it. But, sure…Ok. Poor Barry." Penny shrugged. "His problem's with you, though, right now."
"I shouldn't have agreed to do this stupid thing…" Lesley sighed. "I just thought…"
"What? Lesley, if you're not interested in him, can't you just…?"
"Do we have to do this here?" fuming hiss.
"Ok…" shrug. "Sorry to butt in." Penny turned.
"Hey!" Lesley called after her. "Barry, you all right? I'll be back in a minute."
"Yeah, yeah…" sighing call. "Good lwuck with your new rwomance. I'll just finish blweeding to dweath herwe."
"Shut up. And keep your head up."
…..
"So Swift wants you to be a clay pigeon for Munson Wyckcliffe?" Dr. Amy stared at Proton as he sat on her cabin's bed.
("Separate bedrooms? Really?" Amy frowned at Bernadette.
"Ya wanna make this a porn film, go right ahead, but for this Catholic girl, it's separate beds in a G-rating. Besides…What would Sheldon's mom and Meemaw say?"
Whoa…Leonard blinked as Amy replied to the full length of her regard of that possibility
"This is rated?" Raj blinked.)
"It seems so. I'm the only foe worthy of her steel, or so he said in so many words." Proton noted.
"You do really piss her off." Amy nodded.
"Excuse me…I challenge her at every fundamental level of her existence, particularly but not limited to, scientific ability."
("Ok, cut!" Amy fumed.
"What have I said about who says 'Cut' around here, missie?" Bernadette glared.
"This sounds suspiciously like sexual tension…Leonard?" Amy eyed the somewhat hapless Leonard.
Welllll….He eyed Howard…
"It might be, just a bit…To bring a little pizazz to the story." Leonard tried.
"Sexual tension is fine between villain(ess) and hero(ine) but it should be from her to him…And unrequited." Amy firmly. "This sounds a bit less than unrequited."
"It does?" Raj stared. "You mean that all those years of Sheldon deriding Lesley only masked his passion for…"
"What?" Sheldon stared. As Raj blanched at Amy's killer glare.
"Film, film…" Howard hissed to Bernadette. "This is priceless…")
"If there's going to be any pigeons hunted, they'll be me." Dr. Amy insisted.
"Fine by me…" Proton shrugged.
("CUT!" Bernadette cried.
"What the hell is that?" she turned to Leonard while fixing Howard quickly with a glance.
"Sheldon? You wouldn't let me take a bullet literally or figuratively from your enemy, would you?" Amy eyed him.
Well…
"The Relationship Agreement…" he began…
"Just let him finish, that line's just for fun…" Leonard insisted to Bernadette.
"It had better be…" Bernadette eyed both Leonard and Howard coldly.
"…Addendum four, paragraph six…"
" #$$! The Relationship Agreement!" Amy howled.
"…states that yes, in certain circumstances of likely injury, we do each take bullets for the other." Sheldon hastily concluded. "But not pies in the face…I don't like pies in the face."
"I love the Relationship Agreement…" Amy beamed.
"You only put that in because you know the only bullets will ever be for you." Raj whispered to Sheldon as Amy moved back to her mark.
"No." Sheldon, calmly. Raj staring at him.
"Oh, God, now I'm going to ruin my makeup crying…" shaking head.
Pie in the face…Sheldon the face…Yeah…Leonard, Howard mutually thinking…)
"Wyckcliffe would never harm you, she'd know you were a decoy." Proton explained to the startled Dr. Amy. "But she'll expect you to try to distract her from me and my detector work, since she knows we'd naturally suspect her of being the traitor."
"Oh. Good, I suppose."
"Elementary, my dear Dr. Amy…So, now we need to see if we can get Muncie W to come out of her closet."
("Guys…Really?" Bernadette eyed Leonard and Howard.)
"The traitor's closet." Proton noted, firmly.
"But isn't it more important that we get the alien cargo landed safely?" Dr. Amy frowned. "If we lure her into attacking you, we might expose her but she could see the cargo's deflected again. Swift told you that's why he's brought her aboard and refrained from having her arrested right now."
"Well, we have to have her make a move on us…Me…And uncover her link to her staff and the alien vessel…She must have something here, with her."
"A transmitter…" Dr. Amy nodded.
"Indeed…"
"Or Bwarry does…They are likely working together."
"Well, Bwarry usually is out for himself, cash and fame, his motive forces. He might not even be involved here, given it's for a cause."
"Just because he's your new best friend doesn't mean he's not out to do us all in, Proton." Dr. Amy shook head. "There's lots of cash and fame to be had seizing an alien vessel and its biological cargo. All right we have to cover them both. You take Bwarry but keep up the dark matter detector work, I'll stick with Munson and keep her off your back."
Literally…She thought.
"Only till we're sure it's too late to deflect the cargo, then I'll handle her." Proton noted.
"What?" eyeing her look.
"Just how 'handle'?"
"Confront, annoy…Get her to confess…Swift says I have a knack for getting her riled. She's sure to try to crow over me once she thinks the cargo's in her hands."
"If it is her."
"Swift says he knows she stole his translation notebook and frequency information…That she was the only one who had access when visiting him…"
"I suppose…But can we trust Swift even in this? Proton, those samples and that alien tech could change the world. And you've never liked or trusted Swift."
"Amy…" shocked tone. "It's one thing to dislike a man for being a jumped-up, glory-hogging engineer whom the world foolishly cheers as a hero of Science. It's another to question the patriotism of Tom Swift or his dad. I mean his dad fought Nazis."
"I guess…" shrug. "But don't be too trusting of an old foe, Proton."
"And you be careful of Munson. She might change her mind about the need to get you out of the way, though fortunately she knows I'm the only match for her."
"Uh…Genius…" Proton concluded, at Dr. Amy's stare.
(Professional…I am a professional, Amy thought, glaring at Leonard.
Funny writer, funny, funny writer.
"This is that sexual tension thing again, right?" Sheldon hissed to Bernadette.)
…
Lesley seated at lounge table, Penny across from her.
"I care for Barry…I really do. But I'm gay." Lesley sighed. "Well, maybe a bit bi-, given I don't say I hated it with every guy but…"
"I'm glad you didn't hurt Leonard…Much." Penny, a bit brittlely.
"I never meant to…I liked him, really. He's one of the few guys at Cal Tech I could tolerate."
"I hope so, he said you talked about marrying him."
"I was scared, he was safe…But I did like him…" hasty addition at Penny's stare. "I tried to respect his personal feelings, even if his theoretical foundation was Sheldonian string crap. And it worked out for the best, for all concerned." Nervous smile.
"And Howard Wolowitz as well…" Penny noted, a bit frostily.
"I did sense a kinship there…And he kinda needed me, at the time."
Sigh… "Believe me, I never thought I'd ever be saying this but he had feelings, like Leonard. And he was hurt when you dumped him."
Lesley shrugged… "I wasn't sure about myself…And I didn't keep either of them strung along…Much. Unlike…Some ladies…"
Glare from Penny…
"There's a difference between being uncertain and taking advantage, Lesley…"
"They didn't like the sex…?" arch look.
"Well, doesn't seem like you're all that sure now…" Penny noted. Sighing at Lesley's stricken face… "Well…I don't wanna be mean but I don't know what you want me to say, Lesley. Just let Barry know you don't feel…"
She stared at Lesley's weeping face…
Uh, boy…
"I really care about him…" sigh. "I kinda love him, in my way…"
"Uh-huh…" nod. "Well, you do gotta problem, Lesley. I think you hafta make up your mind."
"I love to be with him…We think so alike…But I'm…Attracted…To women."
"I see…Yeah…" Penny…Backing ever so slightly away…
"I really didn't wanna lose him but I don't wanna hurt him, ya know? I don't know if he could take my…Attractions…"
"Yeah…I can see that…" Penny nodded. "It's hard to care for a guy and still find other…Folks…Appealing. I mean…Really appealing…I guess…"
"So how do you handle it?" Lesley eyed her.
Hmmn…? "What? Handle it? You mean Leonard and me?" Penny blinked.
"Well…You must have sorta an open relationship with Leonard, right?" Lesley, cocking head.
"What…?" stare.
"Not that Lenny's not a nice little guy and good enough as it goes in the sack and all…" Lesley broke off at Penny's intense stare…Penny rising to her feet with sudden lunge.
Glare, darkening, reddening face…Threatening stance… "You think…? Who the hell do you think you are?!" Penny fumed. Lesley backing a bit… "You think I would ever do that to Leonard, to my husband?!"
"I…" Lesley blinked, stunned. "Look, I only…"
"You think I'm some sort of slut who'd treat Leonard like that?! That Leonard would put up with that?! An 'open relationship'?! What, me sleepin' around?! Makin' a fool of him?! You think that's what I am?!" Penny, furious. "What he is?!"
"Sorry…" Lesley waved a hand. "I just figured…"
"Yeah, the cheap dumb tramp would have to be sleepin' around, right? And Leonard's such a wimp he'd tolerate it?! I oughta sock you one right now!" Penny raged. "How could you think that?!"
"Penny…It's just…You're so beautiful…" Lesley tried. "I didn't mean to imply…"
"I love Leonard…He's my life…And he's my husband!" Penny, firmly. "How dare you?!"
"Sorry…I just figured…I shouldn'ta asked, sorry…"
"That what you jerks at Cal Tech think? Penny's some bimbo just using the little guy?! Goddamn, you!"
"I said, sorry…" Lesley sighed. "I was just thinking…"
"I knew you people would figure something like that…How could that guy be so stupid as to marry a moron like me! A dumb bimbo who couldn't finish community college and failed in acting. She just wants him for what she can get out of him." Weeping now.
"I don't think that…Leonard's very lucky."
"Damn right he is! Cause I adore him. And you're the idiot who couldn't see him for what he is…" Penny, trembling. "It was years before I let myself believe he really could love me, that I could…" wiping tear… "Be anything more to him than just some pretty trophy date…But he loves me. He loves me and would love me in any package I came in. That's why I'm with him, Lesley. He loves me and I love him."
"Yeah…I get that. Look, I shouldn't have said it."
"No, I'm glad to know what you geniuses think of me and Leonard." Penny, coldly. "You just listen, Dr. Winkle. I used to be terrified Leonard would turn out like other guys, that his sweet soul might just be an act. But I saw how he took care of Sheldon and Howard and Raj, and then, me. How he managed to survive that bitch of a mother, that monster, and keep that heart of his I'll never know but that's what I went for, that heart of his, that's why I love him, and I know he feels the same about me. I know that. He loves me because I'm good for him, not just cause I'm beautiful but because I have a good heart, too. We love people and we take care of them. That's why we're together. You care about Barry Kripke? Then make up your mind to try and be with him or let him go. Don't torment him dangling him around 'cause you're scared there'll be no one else."
She eyed Lesley's troubled face…
"I'm sorry to lose my temper. It's just…" she wiped her cheek… "It's hard for me to explain what I feel for Leonard, especially to him…So I guess folks assume things, like you." Sigh. "But I'll die for him. I'll kill to protect him. And if I ever thought I was hurting him by staying…I'd go, even though it'd kill me…"
"So I should go…? Penny?" Lesley stared up at her.
"You should do what you know is the right thing for both of you." Shrug. "God, don't look to me on this, I got it almost totally screwed up so many times. But he wouldn't give up…My Leonard."
"He says…He could bear with it. But…"
"He probably could, question is, could you?" Penny noted. "And don't ask how I do…Cause I'll say only once, it's no problem."
"Honestly? Leonard Hofstadter? Only sayin'…." Lesley put up a hand at Penny's stare.
"There's no one else for me…" Penny, quietly. "He knows that, but I prefer not to let him make a big deal out of it, it's private."
"How'd that happen…?" Lesley eyed her.
"I don't mean to be mean, Lesley, but if you hafta ask…"
"Guess I'm lucky I did break it off with Leonard…" Lesley, wan smile.
"Yeah. Given I knew you were wrong for him." Penny nodded. "I coulda let a girl who cared for him stick around, if he wanted her and he'd've been happy but you would've been his mother all over again. Believe me, you were lucky to break it off. As lucky as Raj's sister, Prya." Hard stare.
"Hey, Amy faked lesbian interest to check me out with Sheldon…" shrug. "And as neurobiologist she coulda made it look like an accident…")
