"The Adventures of Professor Proton, Jr: The Proton Express…"
Summary: In my first longer Proton Jr tale, can Prof Proton Jr. aka mild-mannered Sheldon Cooper and Dr. Amy aka Amy F. Fowler save the world at Christmas…And can Proton Jr. keep that blond sob of an engineering genius Tom Swift, Jr. away from his girl?
Equally important…Should Cameragirl Penny allow this thing to appear on her acting credits or just accept that all hope of a professional career is gone and just enjoy while peddling her drugs?
[For those curious about the Tom Swift adventures, of course much of this is taken from "Tom Swift and His Diving Seacopter", one of the best books in the series which got me into science long, long, long ago.]
Disclaimer: All is Chuck's…
Part XII…
Dr Amy's cabin aboard the Ocean Arrow…
"Are you sure we ought to be discussing our next video for the show while we're on this mission?" Dr. Amy eyed Proton. "I mean there are better uses of our time…"
"Dr. Amy…There's no better use of time than to bring new topics in Science to the young unwashed masses." Proton, somewhat shocked tone.
"Yes, I agree." She sighed. "But considering we are on a mission to save Humanity. Plus…You're in danger, doubly so now that Swift has got you to be a clay pigeon for him with Wyckcliff…"
"Perhaps…" noble gleam in the eye… "But we must think of the children. They are our future, after all, the little germ incubators. And a video from the Ocean Arrow with all the dodads would really bring the little monsters in, in droves."
"Ye..ah… Though I think General Smith's prohibition on filming any aspect of this mission, on penalty of death or years in military prison holds. And there may not be any future or children if that cargo is opened under unsafe conditions."
"Tom was ok with our doing it. So long as we don't mention why we're 10000 feet up in a diving seacopter heading for the South Atlantic to retrieve a cargo from outer space." Proton, a bit miffed.
"'Tom' might not mind if the General decided to put us in prison for life." Amy noted. "But really…" she shifted a little on bed. "We do have more important considerations here. And given you're about to risk your life tangling with that quantum loop vixen…" she frowned.
"Tangling, I like that, given she hates string theory." Proton smiled, moving arm down on Dr. Amy's shoulder, and stretching a bit, in the bed.
Whoa, wait…Risking what? Proton raised head on bed, blinking…
("Who keeps putting that 'in/on bed' in?" Leonard frowned. "I only mentioned it once to set the scene."
Amy, coy smile to Penny…
Bernadette frowning at Leonard…Really? A bedroom scene? In a kids' video?
"Look, I suggested it." Penny hissed, peering out from camera to regard Bernadette. "And they're just sitting together, fully dressed."
On the bed…A beaming Amy mouthed to Penny, roguish smile, returned.
"If my dad ever finds out I've been assistant screenwriting/directing porn…" Bernadette glared.
"Assistant what?" Penny blinked, frown to Leonard.
"To have assistants is a good thing, honey." He hissed.
Hmmn… "All right, lets get this done, people! Bernadette?" Hmmn? Bernadette looking…
"Get them on their marks, please...We don't have all day." Penny ordered as Bernadette regarded her.
Well, "Assistant"? Penny's look saying…
Fine. Grim look. "Places, people!"
"I think we need to stage a coup and replace Penelope von Stroheim before she runs this production into the ground." Grim hiss to Howard.
Maybe my craft does lie behind the camera, Penny thought contentedly. "Roll em!")
"I don't think Tom would have me risking my life…A bump on the noggin while she escapes like a typical villainess…" Proton, a bit anxious.
Though noggin bumps are hardly pleasant either…
"Maybe we're going about this the wrong way." Amy pondered, moving leg on bed against her lover's...("Ok, whoa." Penny waved hands, stopping camera, to Amy's annoyed frown
Don't you get all prude on me, now, bestie.
"What?" Penny eyed Bernadette, annoyed at her frown. "I'm director of videography here…And if I wanna say 'cut', myself, I say 'cut'."
Oughta "cut" you a new one…Bernadette frowned darkly.
And another glare like that and it's former "assistant" director/screenwriter for you, Penny's returned stare.
"See why I support unions? And I did tell you it would have been wise for us to put fifty percent of the cash." Howard whispered as Bernadette grimly took seat by him.)
…Moving leg on bed, nestled against…
("Amy!"
"Oh, fine…" sulking look.
"Leonard? What's going on?" Sheldon, perturbed. "Why all are the ladies mad at each other?")
…nestled against the wall.
Damn prudes…Amy sighed.
"You know it really would bring in the teenaged boys…" Leonard noted to Penny, aside. "I mean the ones who might stumble across this by accident on You Tube.")
"…Maybe we should just tell Wyckcliff we know she diverted the cargo and force her to give it up or at least make her deal. Offer her a pardon and a chance to study the specimens with us. She'd still have a crack at scientific immortality."
"Well, Tom says she's not simply after fame…He thinks she's…"
"So now he's 'Tom'?" Dr. Amy leaned her face to Proton's beside her, on... ("Enough with the bed references, Amy!" Leonard fumed. "I'm screenwriter here.") "When did you two get on first name basis?"
"We're in truce mode…And we have a common foe." Proton shrugged. "Besides, he's a first name kinda guy. I'm a 'Professor Proton' or 'Professor' or maybe for old acquaintances and friends, 'Proton' kinda guy."
"And for me…?" Amy archly, staring into his face.
(Hmmn…Bernadette frowned. Shaking head to Howard…)
"Spoilers…" Proton noted. "Like Dr. Who, to reveal my first name to the world could be catastrophic for our universe…Or might result in telemarketers and our little fans and the associated freaky types who watch our show calling me, which constitutes the same thing. But you can whisper it to me, like River Song did."
"Who?"
"Mrs. Who…" he explained. "The Doctor's wife, part Galifrean by Tardis birth."
"Gee…" Amy blinked. "In all the years of our somewhat enforced Who-watching on Saturdays, I never saw her. She actually sounds romantic, rather than just titillating for male and lesbian nerds like most of the female Companions."
"Oozing and sick with it…Which is why I avoid watching her episodes more than once."
"Oh…" downcast look. "Naturally…"
"Like the Doctor I can't bear it when someone I love dies and we know almost from the start she will, in the Galactic Library."
"Oh…" Dr. Amy, beaming again.
"But you're not River Song…I won't let you be. As to the dying part…" Proton, firmly.
Ohhh…Amy gulped. (My first child's, boy or girl, middle name…She beamed at Leonard.)
("Are they actually…?" Howard stared. "Leonard, did you actually manage to…?"
"I know my characters…" Leonard, archly. Raj, nodding…Dude.
Penny, beaming pat. You…
Bernadette shaking head.
Well, is romantic rather than the PG lust mire we were in there before…)
"In any case, we're agreed Wyckcliff wants more than the Science or the fame here. She has a history and long gone all eco-freak and X-files paranoid. She wants to prevent the governments, even ours from getting that alien tech and she hopes to make some kind of statement…Force the governments to listen to her babbling on ecologic threats and the need to curb abuse of science by the military, stuff like that. Public evidence that Mars was trashed by ecodisaster, even if only natural, and a chance to get it to the public, would be a big prize for her." Proton, thoughtfully.
"A twisted idealism, to threaten the world to save it…" Amy noted. "Though I can admire her desire to save the world, the wiping everyone out to do it, not so much."
"So, I doubt she'd listen to reason…I suppose I must go to beard the lion in her den." Proton, Jr. noted.
"Any 'bearding' you do outside the 'den'." Anxious tone… "And just don't be too obvious, Proton, she's got to suspect you know about her." Dr. Amy urged.
"And no need to get up just yet."
"I suppose I should wait till morning." Proton sighed.
(Bernadette, hand to face, shaking head…Amy, another smile to Penny. That's my bestie…
Yeah, the one who may not understand Science but does get those outs and in of Romance…Penny, smiling back.
Yeah, that's…My…Bestie…
"What did I say?" Sheldon blinked at Bernadette now being held by Howard.
"It's not like I want to live forever, honey…" Howard noting.
Come on…Penny sighed at the pair.
If Dad can accept Howard Wolowitz fathering two kids on his angel daughter…
"If I tell Dad I did it without you, for my friends, he might just kill Sheldon and Leonard for endangering my soul…" Bernadette noted, annoyed glance to Penny, who stared, nonplused. "After all, you're father to his grandkids. Wedlock being the magic zone of protection for Catholics regards sex." Penny blinking…
"Ok…We're going to rethink this scene, guys!" Penny called.
Hell, we will…Amy, darkly. Sacrifices have to be made, for Romance.)
"Well, I won't likely have to confront her tonight. I'll just have a quick look at the last data…" Proton, Jr. noted. "See you in the morning."
"Well, just be careful. Good night…Darling." Dr. Amy kissed Proton on cheek as they stood at her door.
(Puritans…Amy glared at the Wolowitzs.
Put a ring on Dr. Amy's finger, we can do nude scenes if ya like, Bernadette glared back.)
….
"Vell, hello." Dr. Hofstadter greeted Proton as he stepped onto the catwalk through the central rotor and reactor compartment to the Arturo forward section, to find her regarding him from a few steps ahead. "Is out for nightcap stroll?"
"Just checking my dark matter detection before bed." Proton eyed the lovely Russian, she now in somewhat more casual outfit of nightgown, robe, and slippers, glasses perched. "How about you, Doctor?"
(Nobody slinks like my wife, Leonard, beaming with thumbs up. And no one does honest befuddlement in the presence of the slinky than Sheldon "Proton, Jr" Cooper.
Dear God…It's like confronting my worst nightmare…Amy, Howard thought.
The glasses do it, Penny thought, happily. I have got to finally get that prescription. I mean since I actually need em anyway…)
"Spying." Wink and smile. "Is post-Cold War joke, Proton the junior." She grinned. "No, I was going to check my own equipment, is likely big day tomorrow. Shall we go over together? You can make sure Russian spy does not steal all."
("Isn't she good, my girl?" Leonard noted to Bernadette, eagerly.
"She's great. Of course I always wondered if Penny could be a Russian spy. It would have explained a lot." She noted, Leonard blinking after her.
Of course given North Korea sent Joyce Kim to seduce me, Leonard thought, a bit troubled now.
"Thanks for the idea, you evil little man." Bernadette, wicked grin to Howard as she sat down by him.)
"Sorry, I don't mean to imply you're a spy. Even if it's a general trend among Russians in foreign countries." Proton, putting up apologetic hand hastily.
"You are model diplomat, Professor." Smile. "But I understand, is only natural you think Russia must be the one who diwerted cargo. I do not deny I surely would do much to study it…That is only natural too. This being potentially greatest scientific discovery in History." Friendly smile as they proceeded.
He sighed, nodding…"I suppose we all would go pretty far to get our hands on that ship and its cargo… And Russia does have a right to study it with the other nations."
"All I ask…A fair chance to study ship and contents and be of what help I can." She nodded. "But I suppose Mr. Swift and others suspect me as well?"
"Swift and the General suspect everyone, even me, I suppose." Proton shrugged.
"He is good man…Bit public-seeking…But good man, this Swift." Penova noted. "I have followed his adventures and inventions for many years."
"Seems he kept some of it under a basket…As my mom would say…Here, let me." He reached for the Arturo compartment door and unbolted it, opening…
"And is pleasure, really, to work with you, Professor. I have followed your work for years also."
"Well, thank you." He led her into the Arturo compartment, shutting and bolting door.
"Ah…Marvellous…" Dr. Hofstadter looked out the forward viewport at the glowing night sky and seascape before them.
"It is nice…A bit high up here…But nice." Nod from Proton, he moving to check the readout from his dark matter analyzer.
"Hard to believe all such beauty is in such danger…" Penova sighed. "Professor? What do you think our chances of safely retrieving cargo are?"
"Well…Swift may not be much of a scientist…But in a sphere where his doodadals are needed, he's pretty good…If we can reach the site before the diverters, good. But how we manage the specimens…"
"These creatures are most wadvanced and do seem benevolent. I'd guess they protected their samples well."
"Lets hope so…Hmmn…" Proton scanned the readout. "A little bit of an uptick here."
"Indeed?" she came over. "You think it may be wessel?"
"Too soon to tell." He shook head.
("Amy, please…It's for my acting skills and Leonard really worked hard on this scene, for my sake. Please, bestie?" Penny pleaded.
"Penny, I said it was ok. Sex sells." Amy shrugged. "And I trust Sheldon completely after watching him with you like a hawk ready to pounce on and kill its rival for so many years."
"Great." Penny blinked. "Thanks."
"No problem, bestie." Smile. Penny, somewhat anxious, returning to mark where Sheldon, frowning impatiently, waited.
"You ok?" Amy hissed to Leonard as they stood by camera.
"Sure…Course…" slight gritting of teeth. "This is for, Penny."
"It's the sort of selfless thing that won her, Leonard. Heck it almost could win me, if I hadn't been seduced by an angel.")
"You are both such talented men…" Penova beamed, hair falling slightly to whisk past his hand on the scanner.
"Thank you. I'm by far the more so, where it counts…In the mind."
"Indeed…" she nodded. "And I have always so admired your mind, Professor." Warm smile. "I used to think how nice would be to work with you, like Dr. Amy-lady in your videos."
"She's very competent as a sidekick.I think I'll try increasing the particle flow as Kripke suggested…Doctor?!" he blanched as Penova stroked his hand with hers.
"Sorry, Professor…" she pulled back. "I am just so attracted to you…I have been such disciple of your work for so long. I even had Professor Proton, Jr. T-shirt copy made in my size. You are my inspiration."
"I am…?" he blinked.
"Oh, yes…" she breathed. "I do the anonymously commenting on all your video shows. 'Adorope' my moniker, you ever see?"
"Oh…Those must be the ones Dr. Amy always deletes before I can read them."
"I could quote them for you…" coy beam…
(Ok… "Well, that's just great, great work, Penny." Amy noted. "I'm just gonna go get some coffee and maybe some cheap hooch from that store across the street. Anyone want…?"
"I'll take a walk with you." Leonard, hastily.
"Cut!" Penny called, staring.
"Dammit, people, what do I have to do to remind you I'm assistant director here and we agreed I'd be in charge when you're acting, Penny." Bernadette fumed.)
