"The Adventures of Professor Proton, Jr: The Proton Express…"

Summary: In my first longer Proton Jr tale, can Prof Proton Jr. aka mild-mannered Sheldon Cooper and Dr. Amy aka Amy F. Fowler save the world at Christmas…And can Proton Jr. keep that blond sob of an engineering genius Tom Swift, Jr. away from his girl?

Equally important…Should Cameragirl Penny allow this thing to appear on her acting credits or just accept that all hope of a professional career is gone and just enjoy while peddling her drugs?

[For those curious about the Tom Swift adventures, of course much of this is taken from "Tom Swift and His Diving Seacopter", one of the best books in the series which got me into science long, long, long ago.]

Disclaimer: All is Chuck's…

Part XIII…

"Well, well, well…" chuckling voice of Munson Wyckliffe in the Arturo forward section of Swift's Ocean Arrow. "Looky like we gotta some late night nooky going on here."

Proton and Penova starting as they stood by Proton's dark matter detector…Penova hastily pulling hand away from Proton's shoulder…Wyckliffe regarding them in her robe, holding steaming mug in one hand.

"Just…Kidding, fellow scientist, kiddie-show host. Though, Neutron, Jr…" wagging finger at Proton. "I can only wonder what your schlepping four-eyes Dr. Amy would say at seeing this tender moment of dark matter detecting one another." Grin.

"Wyckliffe, don't be ridiculous. Dr. Hofstadter and I were just checking equipment." Proton frowned.

"And she does have…Some equipment…" Wyckliffe grinned. Penova clutching the upper part of her robe closed with one hand. Proton shaking head.

"Dr. Wyckliffe…" Penova glared. "As reprwsentative of Mother Rwussia, I must protest this suggestion of lewdly unprofessional behavior between Prwoffesor Prwoton and myselves."

"No offense, comrade exobiologist." Wyckliffe put up a hand. "I'm sure Proton is more interested in rubbing the dials on his detector than you."

Sadly trwue…Penova's slightly downcast expression suggested.

("Just comedic, I get it Leonard." Amy noted carefully, nodding. "And wait till your wife starts in with Kripke, I'm sure you'll howl then as I am now." Slight growl through clenched lips. "See? I'm practically falling off my seat in comic appreciation."

"Do we have any comic love scenes with Kripke and Penny?" Leonard hissed to Howard. "If not, maybe we oughta consider…"

Howard shrugging to Bernadette eyeing him. "The artist overwhelming the lover, I dunno…"

"Yeah…Lets be sure it doesn't 'overwhelm' you. Buddy boy is strictly monogamous…And it's not my dad who'll be gunning for you if otherwise, get it?"

"Got it, dear."

"Good." Nod. "But there's no reason monogamous Bud and Tom Swift's half-sis can't a suggestively steamy scene or two…" she grinned.)

"One might well ask what you're doing here, Wyckliffe?" Proton, arch look. Dr. Hofstadter nervously attempting supporting look.

"My cabin's in this section and the galley's over there…" Wyckliffe pointed, setting her mug down carefully on a pull-down shelf by the right bank of controls. "I was feeling like some cocoa while I reviewed Swift's notes on his aliens. Care for some? You can tell me…Read pontificate…About your latest findings…"

"It's pretty ruthless of you to use the social convention to disarm me, but yes." Proton nodded.

"And you, doc?" Wyckliffe eyed Penova. "If it'll help loosen you up, I can add some wodka I brought along, assuming straight arrow Swift wouldn't have hooch on his Ocean Arrow."

"Cocoa would be the nice, yes. No vodka…It makes me silly after only five of the glasses." Penova noted.

"Coming up…I'm also interested to hear your speculations on the nature of Swift's exo-Martians. You are known for your modellings of plausible Martian lifeforms, after all. No wonder you got yourself tapped for this one, right?" smile. "Be right back, keep at it guys. I'll bet Neutron could acquire a moment's charge for a hottie with brains like you, doc." Chuckling as she went off, but pausing to turn back to them.

"Does occur to me, Doctor? What equipment do you have in here to check? Besides our lanky Prof P, I mean?" she turned back and walked to the galley.

Proton looking after her, then at a frowning Dr. Hofstadter…

It is true I haven't seen her equipment yet…

("Leonard!" Amy glared. "Even I get that!"

"Don't look at me for support, you…" Penny frowned at Leonard.

Just kidding, honey….She whispered as Amy stalked off to a puzzled Sheldon…Get? What? My tangerine chicken I still haven't gotten?

"It's great, thanks for taking my suggestion here." Penny noted to Leonard, low voice. "I just gotta keep my bestie my bestie, ya know? Yeah, sometimes you go too far, screenwriter" raising voice. "Though, of course, a little comedy relief injected can sometimes…"

"Can it, bestie! I know he wouldn't have the guts to put that in without clearing it with you!" Amy growled.

"I'd be concerned I was missing something if I were interested." Sheldon noted.)

"I meant, of course, I was checking Dr. Rostenkowski-Swift's equipment…Bioscanners and such. We agreed to share the monitoring." Dr. Hofstadter noted, a bit lamely, to Proton.

"Oh…That explains it." He nodded.

"All right, Prwofessor, you has it out of me." She hissed, looking where Wyckliffe had entered the galley area. "We only has minutes…I knew it was about time for you to check rweadings and came to catch you. We must talk, after Dr. Wyckliffe leaves or later, when surely alone."

"Rweally…Er, really?" Proton blinked.

("Yeah, I be lovin' this. Sexual innuendo and intimate scenes between my incredibly lovely bestie and my Moonpie. Oh, yeah." Amy, clenching fists.

"If she gets violent…" Leonard hissed to Penny, as Amy went to Howard at the "screenwriter's keyboard", grimly demanding to see all upcoming Proton-Penova scenes.

"I got our exit outta here mapped and the car is parked in the closest space. I know my bestie pretty well." Penny nodded.

"Some bully you are…" Leonard mock-frowned. "Here I was thinking I'd be protected for life."

"And you are, love…" she smiled warmly at him. "But no bully can stop a woman in love. I oughta know." Beam.

"You know we never did see Kurt again after that last time…" Leonard eyed her.

"No…You didn't, did you?" she grinned.)

"Just plays along for now. It may be necessarwy to prwetend we in facts are rwomantic to deceive Doctor Wyckliffe." Penova, insistent.

("But she does die, soon?" Amy asked Howard, intent stare at computer screen.

Uh…"Yeah, your best friend dies a horrible death…Pretty soon." Nod.

"Amy…" Penny had come over at a quick break while Raj and Leonard searched for cocoa mug sleeves for a nervous Sheldon…Those mugs in Lesley's hands look awfully steamy.

"…you get this is just kidding around and just a scheme for my character to meet Proton in secret…"

"Oh, shurre bestie. No problemo." Amy beamed, casual wave of hand.

"Fifty bucks if we get to note how badly her corpse is mangled by those sharks." Amy hissed to Howard as Penny happily strode off.)

Wyckliffe had returned, bearing a tray with two additional mugs.

"Cocoa as promised. No poison, Neutron, I swear. I'm too interested in what you've found out so far and what our Russian comrade has to tell us." Smile.

Hmmn…Yes. Proton eyed the mug he'd taken. Penova blowing on and sipping at hers quickly.

Well…Ok. Perhaps. He took small swig.

"Say that's good."

"Only the best for a corporate fat-cat like Tom Swift." Wyckliffe noted calmly. Penova taking seat, the others following.

"Really? I thought you liked Tom?" Proton eyed her. "Independent of government and all that scary Ayn Rand's stuff."

She has scary eyes…He explained to Penova. "Ayn Rand, I mean."

"Yes." Penova agreed. "But she was excellent Soviet spy." Grin.

"What, you peoples never caught on to her? I always thought her a bit too much the obvious."

"I'm no Rand fan…And I got that she was a bit much." Wyckliffe frowned. "I'm simply concerned about the Earth, people. As for Swift, yeah, I admired him…Who wouldn't admire a guy who was shooting himself into space and to the bottom of the sea at 18? But look at Swift Enterprises these days, just another corporation despoiling the Earth and bending governments to its will."

"Mr. Swift did prwovide a major new sourwce of solar power from his Outpost in the Space…" Penova noted. "And he prwotected that great undersea find, the Lost City of Gold…And he has helped keep the nucwlear deposits in that cave in Africa safe from incautious exploitation."

"And kept all those things to himself." Wyckliffe noted. "Swift loves to appear the great hero of Mankind but like Edison if you peek behind the curtain you'll soon see feet of clay. And I would note he's got the US government and the UN licking his feet right now. Guess who'll have charge of all that alien tech and those alien samples when we've done?"

"You're saying you think Swift diverted the cargo?" Proton eyed her impassioned face, Penova staring as well.

"Who knows?" shrug. "But I know he has the lock on all this 'alien' business and with the government backing him, to get their hands on everything, no other scientist in the world will be allowed to study that ship or its cargo to any real extent. 'National or International Security', as usual, with Swift, covers all sins. You ought to be concerned by this too, Hofstadter." She eyed Penova.

"Rwussia is anxious all data be fairly sharwed." Nod.

"At least consider what I'm saying, Proton." Wyckliffe insisted. "The fate of the world shouldn't be left in any one man's hands, whatever his rep. Anyway, what have you found? Any indications there's a dark matter source moving our way? Well?" shrewd look. "You have found something, haven't you? Aren't we supposed to be sharing all data?"

"The last two readings suggest a possible mass, traveling fast." Proton noted. "But I wanted to confirm it."

"Did you? And maybe Swift asked you to hold it under your hat?"

"Well, he felt…Till we got confirmation…"

"Uh-huh. Hardly sounds like sharing all data to me. And, how 'fast'…? Not light speed, I'd guess."

"Well, no…But even if it is the vessel, it would have to decelerate within our solar system…"

"Yeah…Well, has it occurred to you that our…Or rather Swift's…Alien friends must have either sent their cargo a long time ago with no knowledge we'd be able to deal with it, given they're off among the stars? Or…They've found a way to break the light barrier…?"

Proton staring…"It makes sense, I suppose. Unless they'd planned to send the cargo home to Mars ages ago, launched it, and then stumbled into conversations with the Swifts and decided to send part or all to us instead. But…If they can manage faster than light travel…?"

"Why didn't our hero bring up that key point?" Wyckliffe pointed out. "Surely that's gotta be built into the ship. Faster than light travel, Proton…Whatever means used, that's the key to humanity's future. And Swift Enterprises will have it in the Swifts' hot little hands, to be doled out as the Swifts see fit."