"The Adventures of Professor Proton, Jr: The Proton Express…"

Summary: In my first longer Proton Jr tale, can Prof Proton Jr. aka mild-mannered Sheldon Cooper and Dr. Amy aka Amy F. Fowler save the world at Christmas…And can Proton Jr. keep that blond sob of an engineering genius Tom Swift, Jr. away from his girl?

Equally important…Should Cameragirl Penny allow this thing to appear on her acting credits or just accept that all hope of a professional career is gone and just enjoy while peddling her drugs?

[For those curious about the Tom Swift adventures, of course much of this is taken from "Tom Swift and His Diving Seacopter", one of the best books in the series which got me into science long, long, long ago.]

Disclaimer: All is Chuck's…

[Special note. Sorry for the delays on this and several others in progress but too many ideas at once and too much going on in real life these days. But, will see if we can move her along…]

Part XVI…

("So we got Penny dead on the floor of the engine compartment, shot by Bwarry Wyckcliffe…" Bernadette notes to Leonard. Penny, as a professional, remaining resolutely dead in her robe and nightgown…Though could we move this along, fellas, I'm getting cold here…On the floor.

"Yeah, our Jim Brown from 'Ice Station Zebra'…" Howard nods. Leonard, a bit frowning…I don't just rip off other writers' work. Penny equally annoyed…My honey don't just rip off other writers…Even if his two screenwriting efforts to date were revisions of old works, this one part a 50s young teen sci-fi novel, part old 60s action movie.

"Yeah…I get that…" Bernadette nods. "But, doesn't it bother you just a teensy-weensy bit to shoot your own wife."

"Bwarry shot me…" Penny calls from floor, maintaining pose. "Leonard just crafted the scene…Great job, honey. I felt it."

"She's good with it, ok…" Bernadette, blinking. "Yeah…"

"After playing a mutated woman who turns into an ape to kill, spending most of her time grunting in a mask, playing a Russian scientist with mixed motives and real dialogue who gets bumped off by the bad guy? You betcha…" Penny calls. "What's the problem here? Roll 'em before my tushie freezes off."

"Are you upset by this?" Leonard eyes Bernadette. "I mean like Howard said, I did kill you off in 'Sheldonopolis'."

"Yeah, so you did…But it was rather noble as Hel and as souled Futura/Hel. Plus I was still worker leader Grotta puttin' the screws to the Man, Sheldon." Shrug. "It's just…First you have Penny's character involved with all the male guys and likely betraying everyone…Then you bump her off."

"That's called allowing me to express myself artistically, even though my professional career as an actress is dead…I'm good. Can we please roll 'em sos I can get off this floor." Penny calls.

"She needs to get up. Either we film or we cut and have to leave for the day since the museum is gonna wanna open in thirty minutes, honey." Howard urges.

"Yeah, ummn, Bernadette?" Penny calls. "Leonard and I thrashed all this out the other day. I wanted to die this way, it was my idea. And if you keep this up, he's gonna get all sorry and weepy the way he did when we went over the scene the first time. How you holdin' up, honey, by the way?"

"I'm good." Leonard calls.

"That's my boy. Just don't look at the oozing blood and guts and you'll be fine."

"Ok…I just wanted to be sure this had nothing to do with that thing about Amy yesterday." Bernadette sighs.

"We aired my fears. We're good, Leonard got his ego boosted knowing I'm jealously paranoid about him and Amy. Now on with the show! Better put as, get this crap done so I can get up!"

"They're good. Lets roll 'em." Howard hisses.

"And in the next film I'm going to kill Amy…Myself." Penny notes happily. "Right, honey?"

"Oh, yeah. Brutally."

"And the worthless man-poaching bitch'll deserve it, right honey?"

"Absolutely…"

Sheldon eyeing Amy in some horror…

"Oh, I'll deserve it…" she notes, rather pleased at the prospect of the femme fatale role at last.

"We're going to do another?" Bernadette hisses to Howard.

"Oh, absolutely."

"Was this really about me?" Lesley, suddenly addressing Barry, seated next to her on folding chair with taped sheet on front of middle seat slat, "Barry Kripke, Star". "Bwarry Kwirpke, Twirp" taped to back of chair.

"Do you hate me so much you want to kill me?" teary stare.

Oh, Lord…Howard sighs. Thank God Raj is off getting McMuffins for everyone.

"Hey, I wrote the scene…" Leonard notes.

"And I bwrought it to life." Barry frowned. "And the answer is no. I love you. I'd shoot myself first." Calm tone.

"Yeah, he wrote the friggin' scene." Glance to Leonard. "He brought it to freakin' life…And loves you more than his own fucking life." Quick nod Barryward. "Now for Christsake, lets get a good shot of me bleeding to death…And Sheldon fainting when he finds me…Before my ass freezes to the floor here." Penny calls.)

"I heard a shot from the engine compartment." Amy cried. "That was a gun that shot. We have them in Texas." Proton noted, rather aghast.

"Was that…?" Munson Wyckcliffe had rushed from the galley.

("Tone down that 'Dear God, he loves me more than his freakin' life, what am I gonna do?' look just a bit to 'Oh mi god, what has my crazed brother whom I dearly love done?', please." Howard ordered. "That's it. Great.")

"Help! Help!" the voice of Bwarry Wyckcliffe. "Dr. Hofstadter…? Oh, God…Are you all wright?! Hey, some help hewre! I just had to shoot our Wrussian lady!"

The Arturo compartment, main deck…

"So you're saying…" Swift eyed Bwarry who sat in chair, facing the others…His stunned sister, Munson, Bernadette Rostenkowski-Swift in nightgown, Bud Barclay, arousing a slight frown from Swift with both his silken pajamas and the fact he'd emerged with Dr. Rostenkowski-Swift from her cabin on the urgent summons, Dr. Amy, and a newly recovered from fainting, rather pale even for him, Professor Proton. "Dr. Hofstadter demanded you sabotage the dark matter detector and give us faked results?"

Munson regarding Bwarry anxiously…

"And when you refused, she threatened you, with a gun she'd smuggled aboard?" Dr. Amy eyed him.

"And then you struggled and managed to shoot her…?" Swift concluded.

Right…Bernadette noted to Bud…He "overcame" Penova. Uh-huh.

"That's about the size of it, Swift." Bwarry nodded.

Hard to believe given she's nearly twice his size…Bud noted to Bernadette.

"Bwarry?" Munson, nervously…

"I hope you believe me, sis. Even if they don't…" Bwarry glared at the group. "Sidin' with the Wrussians over a patwroitic Amewrican…"

"No one's said they don't believe you, Wyckcliffe." Swift noted. "But we need to get to the bottom of this. Our colleague is dead and you shot her. That's all we're sure of right now."

"Poor girl…" Bernadette murmured. "Yeah, a real bloody messy heap there." Dr. Amy agreed.

"Bwarry's not a murderer, Swift." Munson, angrily. "If he says she confronted him…"

Amy eyeing Proton…

"You ok?" hissing. "Don't faint again…"

"The gun has a wregistration number." Bwarry pointed out. "Whether you believe me or not, that can be checked."

"Unfortunately I can't break radio silence now…" Swift frowned. "So we can't find out if she owned this gun…Wyckcliffe, I'll have to confine you to your cabin till we can have this matter investigated."

"Suwre, fine by me…" shrug.

"What do we do with…Her?" Dr. Amy asked. "Dump her in the drink?"

("Leonard? Really?" Bernadette glared. "Oh, I adlibbed that one…" Amy beamed.

"Brutally?" Penny hissed. "With your bare hands…" Leonard nodded. "That's my boy." She patted him.)

"I think we'll need to keep the body for examination. And the Russian government as well as any family might prefer it…Especially to dumping." Bud noted. "We can use one of the large specimen bags and store her in the freezer compartment."

("What?" he eyed a glaring Bernadette. "We can't just have her left rotting in the engine section.")

"That's about all we can do…" Swift nodded. "Bud, you'd better take the controls and make sure alls ok. Proton? Give me a hand in there?"

(Sheldon staring…What?

"Exactly right…Perfect…" Howard nods.)

The engine compartment of the Ocean Arrow…

Proton gingerly advancing with Swift, Swift holding a large black bag, meant for larger alien specimens, to the fallen corpse of Dr. Penova Hofstadter.

"You do realize…" Swift began...Then swiftly stepped back to avoid Proton's sudden wretching…

Lord…And this ship is brand new…Only 12000 miles on her yet.

"…that I got you out here to discuss what happened between you, the late doctor here, and Wyckcliffe last night? Careful, you're stepping on her dead hand."

("Sorry, Penny." Sheldon, anxiously.

"My, she's good…" he noted to Amy as Penny lay motionless.

"She is all right, right? Penny? Penny? Penny?"

"I'm acting, Sheldon…" hiss. "And mind those big Texan feet…")

Ehggd…Proton stepped back and groaning…

God…Bud was right. I should not have carpeted the walkway here, Swift thought.

("Do we really need to do the details of stowing Penny's blood-soaked, stiffening body into a body bag, just to show Sheldon's reaction for hilarious comic relief?" Bernadette fuming a bit at first then regarding Howard's uh-yeah?…Stare. "Right. Roll em." Nodding.

"What? Bernadette doubts I can do a corpse? I played a corpse five times in my movies." Penny noted to Leonard, annoyed, from her mark on the floor. "Rigor mortis twice before I was reanimated and started to turn into a killer ape woman, only part of the time in two of them."

"You know I always thought a comic version of 'Serial Apeist' could work…" Howard noted to Bernadette. 'Serially Apeish'?" she suggested. "About a failed actress' disastrous foray into horror films with her physicist husband as her screenwriter/producer?" "Make it 'struggling actress' and she'll go for it." Howard, eyeing Penny still in character as corpse on floor, Swift and Proton struggling with body bag.)

"Well?" Swift urged as they sought to shove the stiffening body into the specimen bag, Proton desperately trying to dodge the blood-soaked clothing and the large…Ooops…Pool of blood on floor.

"Well, what? Oh…What did we discuss?" Proton, shoving arm into bag with paper towels wrapped about hand.

"Oh, she offered to help us get info out of Wyckcliffe and work together to save the cargo from her. And Amy thought she knew more than she was telling us just then."

"My God…"

"Couldn't we postpone the religious ceremony? Russian Orthodox, I presume, which I understand is very long."

"No, you idiot…" Swift glared. "That's why she was killed. Bwarry killed her deliberately. He must have bugged the cabin and heard all you said."

"But…He and I established a friendship over his appreciation of my brilliance in developing the dark matter detector. Are you saying he was lying?"

"After despising you for years he suddenly wants to be friends? I'd say so…"

"Well, you and I are suddenly getting along. Are you lying to me? Or am I lying to you?"

"We still despise each other, Proton. We just know we have to work together."

"True enough…" Proton nodded. "Oh, she's getting all over my shoes." He looked down. Oh…Egghad…

"Proton, there's no time for you to faint again. We have to arrest Bwarry and Munson. They're murderers."

"Well, Bwarry might be. But he says she attacked him. And as for Munson…" Proton began…

Swift eyed him…A bit incredulous.

"What? Now you like Munson Wyckcliffe? You two have despised each other for years, on a level far beyond you and her brother."

"Well…Yeah…But we were also somewhat friends, in a way. Tom, I really don't think she's a killer."

"What?"

"She cares about the environment and all living things, probably far too much but…"

"You want to accept Bwarry's story?"

"No, judging from the angle of the bullet and the close impact, I'd have to say she was trying to plead with him and he went ahead and shot her anyway… But I don't think Munson would go along with that, even though I do believe she might've stole your codes and diverted the cargo and intend to steal it."

("Hey!" Lesley, angrily rising. "Bwarry…Barry is not your punching bag, you arseholes! And right now, I sure could kill you all!"

"Wlesley…It's just a story." Barry sighed. "No one means anything… Besides, it's nice to think someone thinks I might possibly have enough principle to kill or die for it.")