Chapter III: Gauh, Princess!

Impatiently, Miroku pushed opened the door, running directly into Sesshomaru, Inuyasha's elder brother. As usual there were a pack of women fawning over him since he was indeed "the great Lord of the West" and all. That's probably where all the women went… to Sesshomaru, the slimy bastard.

"Where's Inuyasha?"

"Do I look like his keeper?" Sesshomaru bit as Miroku rolled his eyes, preparing himself for the long, rehearsed speech from Lord Sesshomaru, "I am not his keeper! I am hardly his brother. He is some worthless half breed that was born between my horny father and his slutty mother. Inuyasha should be ecstatic that I decided to join his unworthy ass expedition to find that stupid jewel because without me—"

"Yeah, yeah, I know, he wouldn't even be alive because he is the scum of all earth and completely weak and can barely wield a two pound sword and has yet to find out the true power of it, yeah I know."

"I never said that before, have I?"

"No?"

"Wow. That one was good, I like that. Ane," Sesshomaru snapped his fingers, "Put that in, Ane, all that Miroku said. I forget what it was, but I know it was brilliant."

"Sir, my name is Montana."

Sesshomaru clearly looked uninterested before turning to the young girl who was scribbling away, "Montana, did you say?"

"Yes." Montana brightened up, "Montana."

Miroku groaned, wondering if Inuyasha and Sesshomaru's father was as forgetful as both of his son. Seriously, the whole family was lacking the memory gene. They couldn't remember names if somebody told them over and over again and the only reason why they remembered his' was because he blessed them.

"Well, Montana, I don't like little whores correcting me, so therefore, I want you to go outside, and jump off the plank."

"No, sir! I'm sorry! I'll never do it again! Never! I love you! I love you, sir! I was born to serve you; you cannot make me jump off the cliff."

"I'm not making you." Sesshomaru said calmly, "But you are going to do it."

"Sir…" Montana whined.

"Just jump off the fucking plank!" Miroku snapped, "Damn! How hard is it to jump off a fucking plank! You walk on it, you jump off it and tadah, you land on fucking water! Not ice, not snow but I'm sure snow would be more comfortable but still! You're like the biggest baby that ever served him and that's saying a lot! So just hurry up and jump off of it before I drown you in a cold bathtub and I'll make you wish that you jumped off the plank because I'll drown you until your insides turned blue!"

Montana took one last look at Sesshomaru before fleeting. Miroku took one deep breath before calming himself down.

"Well, that was amusing." Sesshomaru stated slowly.

"What was?" Miroku asked, innocently.

"Nothing. It was just, shocking, since; it was totally against all Monk guidelines."

"I don't know what the hell you are talking about but you better drop it!" Miroku snapped before stomping out of the cabin.

Sesshomaru sighed, "That was totally out of character. If Inuyasha start acting like Miroku…"


Unfortunately for Sesshomaru, Inuyasha was acting very much like himself, an unintelligent brute and if this was a fairy tale, this brute would be Kagome's prince charming, you know, tall, blonde, not an alcoholic, the good stuff, fortunately for everybody including Kagome, this was not the typical fairy tale hence the Jack Daniel's in Inuyasha's hands.

"Inuyasha." Miroku did a mock bow before standing before Inuyasha, "We lost another one."

"Another what?"

Miroku grounded his teeth as he grunted, "Another one of Sesshomaru's 'servants'."

"Oh." Inuyasha shrugged taking another swing, "Well, that's sad; tell him I'll never help his ungrateful ass again."

Miroku peered over Inuyasha's shoulder seeing a beautiful girl sucker punching Hojo before storming off, "Who's that?"

"Some princess or another."

"Ohh…" Now this was the type of thing to brighten Miroku's day, "So, what are you going to do with her?"

"Nothing, you lecher."

"Come on. You're going to do something. Heeeeeey, I have a great idea, it may seem preposterous at first, but I think that you'll grow to like it. How about…"

"No."

"You haven't let me finish, my dear friend, Inuyasha. How about you let her…"

"No." Inuyasha said more firmly, "I'm not leaving her in a room with you even if it was filled with body guards up the ass. No, no, and no."

"Oh, please. Please, please, please!" Miroku yelled, jumping up and down.

"No. Besides, what if I want to use her?"

Miroku stared blankly at Inuyasha before laughing, "Yeah right. You're like… such not a man whore. You had sex with like two women."

"One." Inuyasha coughed.

"One? Maybe you're the one who should be the monk."

"Maybe." Inuyasha agreed, "But still, I want her, so therefore, you can't have her. So you're going to have to continue bothering Sango until she decides to give it up to you."

"You're right." With that Miroku ran off, "Sango!"

"Moron."

Inuyasha stood up, looking for the pesky brunette who once again was peering over the balcony, probably wondering how far she could swim before she drowned. Inuyasha smiled before strolling up to the princess, who looked more annoyed than scared.

"What do you want?"

"So, you're a princess, right?" Inuyasha smiled, "Yeah, well, I'm a pirate."

"Ooh, wonderful."

"Yeah, I kn— Hey are you being sarcastic?"

"Ugh. Somebody kill me." The girl moaned.

Inuyasha sighed, "That could easily be arranged."

"Captain Slawgans, right?" The girl said, "I heard of you."

"Really?"

"Yeah, you're like the drunkest pirate that could ever cross the ocean but is still the fiercest pirate too. Which to me is like oxymorons because how in the hell can you be fierce as well as a drunk?"

Inuyasha shrugged, "How am I supposed to know this is obviously a fairy tale, therefore, a lot of things that shouldn't happen, does."

"Okay." Princess said, "Okay, let's make this as less painful as we could possibly can and let's make some ground rules. First of all, no raping me, no kissing me unless I want to be kissed, no sex unless I want to be sexed, umm… no marriage. I'm not the martial type, I'm also a virgin, did I mention that so the 'unless I want to be sexed part' will never happen, ever. So, that's all. I am now your captive."

"That doesn't sound fair. What is in for me?"

"Nothing really."

"Okay." Inuyasha shrugged, "Well, I guess I'd make some ground rules for you, you're my servant, you do what I want when I want you to and you'd do it to my satisfaction. You're also my captive, which is also kind of like being a servant, so I will not let you go until I want you to go. Any objections, wench?"

"Yeah…"

"Too bad, don't care." Inuyasha said, walking off.

"Bastard." Kagome muttered.

"Oh by the way, I'm a dog demon, therefore, I have sensitive ears, and therefore, I can hear everything that you think you're muttering underneath your breath. So here's my advice to you, don't say it out loud!" Inuyasha yelled as he continued walking.

"B…wauhahhh!" Kagome growled, stomping her feet.

She could tell that this expedition wasn't going to be one that she enjoyed to be on but as long as it kept her from marriage than hey, she was all for it.

You should know when I first wrote this, I wasn't aiming for a comedy and still, I'm not. I'm just typing ridiculous stuff just because I can. And as you should know, once again, I updated.