Chapter VI: Lie, Princess

So, there they were, in the middle of a fucking jungle. Now, if she wasn't completely scared out of her mind that somebody was going to find out that she was a complete fraud and drop her off at her castle in the sky then she would be completely scared out of her mind that she was in the middle of a goddamn jungle with a bunch of strange men that keep on leering at her.

"Stop leering at me!" She snapped as she covered her butt with her hands.

That earned her a couple of snickers as well as a couple of hoots and hollers. Men, seriously, she wasn't that beautiful but she had to admit, the maids that they had entertaining them were hideous. Well, nobody came visiting her castle to see her maids, that's for sure.

Kagome hovered closely to Inuyasha who kept sneering at her as he moved on. He's probably tired of her, frankly, she was tired of herself too because everywhere she went there was a goddamn crowd and now that she "fessed" up that she can see jewels, they were all over her like sweat was to her body.

"You know, Kagome, we're just so—"

"If you touch me, I swear to god, you'd be wishing that I killed you."

Immediately, the pirate back down, looking sheepishly at his friends, mouthing 'I tried'. Yep, don't they all, that's why she was three steps away from going to Hell because she was tired of the idea of getting married, the idea of being somebody she didn't know or love wife. It scared her shitless and once her mother mentioned that once her parents return from their vacation that they were going to marry her off to this monk who she heard was a complete lecher. In fact, her friends, well, servants because nobody wanted to be friends with somebody as beautiful as her, warned her about him and told her to not marry her. Actually, they just plainly told her to get the hell out and hope that her parents never found her.

So, that is why she was on the fast track to Hell because she couldn't bear thought of marrying a guy who only said 'I'm your stairway to heaven' because… Whatever. Who cares?

Kagome looked around, paranoid, hoping that nobody was going to spot a piece of Shikon Jewel unless she claimed that something got in her eyes… pirates aren't smart so it might work…

Immediately, Kagome's thoughts were interrupted by the darkening of the sky and the air getting cold and all that junk. Oh, God, this better not be the Shikon Jewel, Kagome thought as Kouga groaned inwardly.

"What's going on?" Kagome whispered as everybody started striking a fighting pose. Frankly, this was getting ridiculous.

"Naraku is coming. He always makes a fucking entrance." Kouga muttered.

"Oh." This would explain the heavy, deafening rain and lightening as Naraku landed… oh and that hideous purple outfit. Didn't this villain get the memo that green is all the rage?

"INUYASHA!" Naraku narrowing his eyes… and—noo, he couldn't be but was he pouting? What the hell! Villains don't pout! They just don't! This guy looked like he just finished watching Marc Jacobs fashion show and decided that the only way to be sexy and look evil was to pout, "I finally found you!"

Inuyasha sort of rolled his eyes before responding quite dryly, "Well, it's not my fault that you didn't show up for our scheduled fight."

"I thought it was today?" Naraku thundered.

"No." Inuyasha replied, "Check your schedule, it was definitely a month ago."

Naraku glanced at everybody before turning around, "Excuse me."

This was extremely strange even for Kagome who lived in a land where all people did was fawn over her. She furrowed her eyebrows as she watched Naraku flip through his planner. He groaned, rolling his eyes as he flipped it closed.

"Whatever! I found you now and we must truffle."

"What! Hell no, I'm just looking for the damn jewel, just disappear for a few, let me find the jewel and we can fight for a while, okay?"

"Umm… no, that's not how it goes, Inuyasha." Naraku said as everybody nodded in agreement.

"I know how it fucking goes! I'm Inuyasha, goddammit, I'm the protagonist, the show is named after me, and therefore, everything goes my way!"

"This is ridiculous! Can you guys just fight now and let us find the jewel?" Kagome yelled.

"NO!" Inuyasha snapped, "Because I'm supposed to find the damn jewel first and then Naraku, here, is supposed to pop up all offended and then we're supposed to fight because I'm the hero. Okay?"

Naraku looked defeated before sighing again, "All right, let him have his way before he starts crying like he did last time."

"What, bitch? Hell no, I did not cry! Eat shit! That was you crying when I laughed at you because you couldn't catch up with me!"

"You--…y-YOU eat shit! You… ugh, fuck you! I will find you next time. When do you want to meet again?"

"Obviously, not today." Inuyasha snapped.

"Okay, I'm writing down for the Monday after next."

"Hey, that's the New Moon! You can't cheat!"

"I'm the villain; I do what the hell I want. Ciao, ladies, and wow, they were right about that princess, she's gorgeous." And with that Naraku and his dancing fools were gone.

Kagome looked around at the pirates who were just shrugging as if what just happened was the norm. What the hell just happened and why in the hell does she feel like she's in the middle of a really badly written fairy tale. Villains don't have dancing goddamn lackeys and villains don't wear PURPLE.

Kagome muttered, "So… does this happen often?"

A sailor answered, "Often? Hah, like when Naraku finds him."

"So… do they ever fight?"

"No, not really, I'm pretty sure Naraku is afraid to fight Inuyasha, I mean, who wouldn't be?"

What was so frightening about a half demon who was usually staggering drunk? Kagome shrugged as she caught up with Inuyasha who was deep in thought. She had no clue why he was deep in thought because there was nothing to ponder about that little episode other than who in the hell decided that Naraku was smart enough to be a villain?

"So, I thought about it and I think you're a liar."

"Excuse me?" Kagome gasped, "I don't lie. Eat shit, you're a liar!"

Inuyasha perked up one eyebrow before sighing, "And what perhaps am I lying about?"

"I don't know, you're hiding something and I will find out how." Kagome threatened.

"Who cares, chances are that somebody from my crew is going to kidnap you and I'm never going to see you again."

Ugh, the story of her life. She fumed, she wasn't going to be called a liar by a damn drunk! She will…ohh… what was that shining?

"Hey, what's over there and what's the glowing thing in the middle of its heart?" Kagome asked, pointing at the massive squirrel coming towards them.

"An obviously possessed squirrel, seriously, are you that sheltered?" Inuyasha asked, flinging towards the squirrel.

"Well, apparently, I am!" Kagome yelled back.

Shit, not a good comeback. Oh well, not like he heard her. Kagome glanced at the others who were laughing and talking, some filing their nails, what did he use his crew for? They obviously couldn't fight and were obviously as dumb as nails. Couldn't they see there's danger?

"Yeah, I know." Miroku said, leaning against the tree, "They are completely useless."

"And why does he have you?"

"I'm his guide to heaven." Miroku said before talking to that Sango girl.

Now, where did she hear that from? She shrugged, probably passing through somewhere. She watched the scene unfold, switching legs and pondering and finally it was done with Inuyasha holding something between his fingers.

"Well, apparently, I owe you an apology."

What's that supposed to mean? And why did it surprise her that this drunken pirate can speak very proper English and sound like a prosperous lord while doing that.

Short chapter. Whoa, it's been… months. Apparently a year and couple month but it's only been 8 months. How's it be? What it do? Yeah, I'm crazy and this is probably the most ridiculous chapter I've written to date. Honestly, this doesn't really have a story line, it's just pure ridiculous fun i.e. Naraku pouting.

Also, Inuyasha will get better… I swear, he's just going through something… actually he's going through the loss of his kingdom, loss of his fiancée and all that jazz but he will become nice. I swear! You'll see.