"The Adventures of Professor Proton, Jr: The Proton Express…"

Summary: In my first longer Proton Jr tale, can Prof Proton Jr. aka mild-mannered Sheldon Cooper and Dr. Amy aka Amy F. Fowler save the world at Christmas…And can Proton Jr. keep that blond sob of an engineering genius Tom Swift, Jr. away from his girl?

Equally important…Should Cameragirl Penny allow this thing to appear on her acting credits or just accept that all hope of a professional career is gone and just enjoy while peddling her drugs?

[For those curious about the Tom Swift adventures, of course much of this is taken from "Tom Swift and His Diving Seacopter", one of the best books in the series which got me into science long, long, long ago.]

Disclaimer: All is Chuck's…

Part XXVII…

"Mr. Swift…" the toothy grin of Pytor Putinsky, President of the Russian Federation, on screen greeted Swift in the Suburo compartment control room.

"And the famed child educator, Professor Arthur Proton, Jr." definite sneer. "How good to know you are involved here, Professor. Russia's children will be delighted."

"Mr. President…Nice to see you again, sorry it has to be under such circumstances." Swift noted, motioning for Proton to keep calm.

Danged filthy Russkie murderer…In Texas, we'd…

Well, in my part of Texas…

"Yes…A true tragedy, the loss of Dr. Hofstadter." Putinsky, somber tone. "I hope it will not interfere with your mission?" questioning smile.

"No, we have another exobiologist on board, but I wanted to offer my condolences and regret that this incident occurred. And assure you all efforts will be made to see the perpetrator brought to Justice." Tom, firmly.

You, you smirkin' Russkie sidewinder…Proton glared.

"Yes, the Dr. Wyckcliffes…A pity that such people could have been allowed amongst your team. However…Americans? What can you do?" mock shrug, airy wave of hand. "You seem to have some very strange people among you these days."

"The Wyckcliffes will be apprehended. Though it was Dr. Bwarry Wyckcliffe who committed the murder." Swift, calm tone. "The UN is searching for the unknown vessel that took them aboard now."

"Indeed…" on split screen the UN Secretary General appeared… "And we appreciate your help in this, Mr. President."

"Anything we can do, to avenge our martyred sister…" Putinsky offering cool smile. "But of course, we must consider the practical matter at hand. Mr. Swift? Do you require more assistance? I can order vessels into the area within a few hours. With the permission of UN authorities, of course." Smile.

"He means he has 'em there…" Proton hissed. Swift, slight wave to hold off.

"That's appreciated Mr. President but the UN task force, including your component, is at hand though by our mutual agreement, keeping a safe distance. All parties have agreed to this since the information was shared." The Secretary General cut in.

"I agree…And we will call for any needed help, when needed." Swift noted.

"Yes…" slight darkening. "Information shared only when the craft was on its way. Had we been informed…" Putinsky, angry tone.

("You build the anger, steadily…" Wil, during cut break, at Putinsky set desk, noted to Penny standing near in her uniform, who rolled eyes. Yeah, yeah.

This clown…Giving me acting lessons?

"All the professionalism of 'Serial Apeist III'…" she hissed to Leonard. Leonard giving pleased look back, slyly arch look over at Wheaton.

Revenge is a dish best served by one's beautiful wife…

"Thank God the uniform's ok." Howard hissed to Bernadette. "The Hofstadters should thank whatever god they worship, they'd be footing the bill." She noted grimly.

"You seem happy…Why are you happy?" Sheldon eyed Barry who indeed seemed happy.

"Oh, well…Just a beautiful mowrning, Coopewr." He smiled, eyeing Lesley seated beside him. "And after all, I'm playing a very happy psychotic gleefully bwent on wowrld destwruction."

"Your intentions are very good, Barry…Bwarry." Lesley beamed. "I think your character's just misunderstood." Fond smile, clasp of hand.

"They had coitus, didn't they?" Sheldon hissed to Amy.

"Oh, Sheldon…You've grown so…" she beamed fondly. "And oh, yeah.")

"Every nation was informed on an equal basis, Mr. President." Swift noted.

"After years in which you held secret communications with an alien race…" Putinsky, accusingly. "What secrets did they pass on, that you haven't so generously shared with the rest of us, mere mortals?!"

"Mr. President…" the Secretary General cut in again. "We are confident Mr. Swift and Dr. Swift have told they knew. And it was their discovery, they were entitled…"

"A discovery of this magnitude should have been shared by all!" Putinsky visible anger now.

"I believe Russia has kept some discoveries secret during her long history." Swift noted, calmly. "Some still held by her to this day. But we've made our archives open to the UN…I can't do more."

"And because of your secrecy, the world is endangered. Wonderful work, Mr. Swift." Putinsky sneered.

"That was your…!" Proton began. "Proton!" Swift turned to him, waving him off.

"You had a comment, child educator?" Putinsky sneered on screen. "What false charge do you make against Russia now? That we funded the aliens? Or faked the messages?"

"Professor Proton is upset at the demise of Dr. Hofstadter, Mr. President…And the betrayal by two members of our team. He apologies…" Swift noted calmly.

"I…" Proton sputtered.

"Proton…" Swift hissed. "Don't give him the satisfaction."

Proton visibly reddening… (My God, he's looking healthy…Sheldon's really caught the character…Penny noted. "Sheldon? Oh, stop, he's having a stroke!" Amy cried.

"Cut…" Howard sighed, with the infinite patience he'd acquired in the last week. Bernadette patting sympathetically as temporary videographer Raj cut.

"I'm not ill, Amy…Just…Acting." Sheldon noted. "Though I am thinking of how angry I used to be at Wil and now at Brent Spinner. Imagining that's Spinner there on the screen…Opening my action figure…SPINNER!" he raged, shaking fists.

Wil staring…Whoa.

Must warn Brent to renew that restraining order…

"But…It's just acting." Sheldon concluded. "Penny, you should learn to channel your rage at your failures into the Craft. Right, Wil Wheaton?"

"Oh, yeah…Why, during my always brief fallow periods…" Wheaton began.

Shit…Penny, darkly. And I'm not…Acting.

"So…You two kids patched things up…?" Leonard, now seated, to Barry and Lesley, in front of him, who eyed him.

"We made out, Leonard." Lesley frowned. "I made out with you a couple of times. It's no big deal...Well, of course it was." She hissed to Barry.

"Sexualty is a spectwrum, Hofstadtewr…As you of all people should know." Barry, archly.

"What?" Leonard stared.

"Two steps forward, my mechanical friend." Mr. Jones commanded in stentorian tone, chucking as Sermek stepped forward.

"Affirmative…" Sermek, halting.

"This thing is wonderful. Could you make me one?" Mr. Jones asked Howard. "In lieu of my not taking any salary here?" stern look.

"Absolutely…Sir." Howard nodded.

"Good…Don't fail me, Mr. Wolowitz." Stern nod.

"Yes, I really do love doing that…" he noted to Bernadette's grin.

"And you will keep the female voice…I like it." Wink to Bernadette…

"I shall redouble my efforts, sir!" Howard, nervously.)

Meeting in the forward Arturo compartment…

"Well, we've held our meeting with Putinsky." Tom noted.

"That slimy lil' jerkweed…That forked tongue rattlesnake…" Proton fumed. Amy eyeing him.

The Texas really coming out here…

Nice. I mean if it translates to… ("Amy!" Rajesh snapped. "Oh, grow up, Raj." She fumed. "Right, bestie?" to Penny.

"What does it…Translate to…? What is…It?" Penny asked, nervously.

"I've never been in a movie this steamy…" Wil noted happily to Leonard. "Could Putinsky get his own sex scene, maybe with that Wyckcliffe girl? Villain on villainess sex sells you know…"

"I will hurt you if you suggest sex with the Commander." Leonard, coldly.

"Dude? She's my niece, isn't she? I'm Evil not a pervert." Wil shook head.

"Though of course it would be a new direction for me to…" he pondered.

"What?" he eyed Leonard's quickly reddening face.)

"Yeah, but at least he's still anxious to seem in line with the UN. Anything he does still has to be covert, limiting what he can throw in here."

"But…He must know it means war if he seizes the ship or its cargo…?" Dr. Amy, perplexed.

"He's hoping…Clearly…To use the Wyckcliffes as his fall people." Tom shrugged. "Claim they stole the ship and cargo while he has it studied."

"No one would believe that…" Proton frowned.

"He's very good at covering up and getting people to believe or at least, accept, his lies…" Tom noted. "His people may be in a grip of fear but he still has genuine support. And once he has the ship, he could cut deals with China and other powers to share out some portions of the tech and biological info. Even if the UN can make a case against him, he could drag things out for a while unless the other powers decide war is the only option."

"Yikes…" Bernadette spoke for all.

"Yeah." Tom nodded.

"Can we get to the ship first and hold it? In the face of whatever he's got coming?" Bud asked.

"We can try. I think we can beat him to the ship." Tom mused. "But what happens after that? Hard to say."

"Not really." Bud frowned. "He has his people sink us and claims it was all a tragic accident or a deliberate attempt by us to steal the ship. Tom, I love you and I know we don't want to use violence but…"

"We do have some defenses, Bud." Tom eyed him. "I don't want it to come to shooting or war but we have some defenses. My own that you know about and a few new ones…" he grinned at Proton.

"We've been busy…" Proton noted to Amy's stare.

"Seriously? The two of you? Tom Swift, the pacifist inventor, and Proton, the kiddie show host?" Bud eyed them both.

"Kiddie show host?!" Dr. Amy rose.

"With a dark matter energy device…" Tom smiled. "Please, Amy…Believe me…Proton's pulling his oar here."

"Honestly? Arthur?" she turned to Proton. "You turned your dark matter research to weaponry?"

"Uh…Well…" Proton blinked. "Needs of the…uh…"

"Good…" Amy smiled.

Come to think of it, Smerek could probably pound a hole into any ship the Russians send and mash any troops into goo, Bud noted to Bernadette.

"Ready for splashdown, Bud?" Tom turned to Barclay who nodded and moved to the controls.

"Prepare for descent. Everybody strap in till we hit water!" he called as the ship nosed down.

"So, we go underwater again?" Proton sighed to Amy. "I don't like going underwater…The fish pee there. Plus, the pressure at two miles down could crush us into two-dimensional line creatures."

"But you love two-dimensional creatures, Proton." She noted.

"True…From a theoretical point. It's being crushed into one that bothers me."

Sudden scream startling all… ("Cut!" Howard cried.)

("Oh…Honey…" Penny beams at Leonard, head in her lap. "Before your asthma kicked in and I screamed when we couldn't find your inhaler, I was the proudest wifey/actress/pharma rep on the planet."

"Len, I really am so sorry, buddy…" Wil had come over.

"And…?" Penny, grimly narrow-eyed look Wheatonward.

"Was truly terrified by your macho defense of your woman's honor…" he nodded, anxiously.

"Thank God I learn lines fast…That girl scared the willies out of me." He notes to Bernadette, taking seat off camera.

"I don't blame him…She was terrifying." Mr. Jones nods from his seat.)