"The Adventures of Professor Proton, Jr: The Proton Express…"

Summary: In my first longer Proton Jr tale, can Prof Proton Jr. aka mild-mannered Sheldon Cooper and Dr. Amy aka Amy F. Fowler save the world at Christmas…And can Proton Jr. keep that blond sob of an engineering genius Tom Swift, Jr. away from his girl?

Equally important…Should Cameragirl Penny allow this thing to appear on her acting credits or just accept that all hope of a professional career is gone and just enjoy while peddling her drugs?

Disclaimer: All is Chuck's…

Part XXIX…

"Sermek…Extend right claw." Bernadette commanded. The giant B-9 Sermek standing before her extending claw as ordered.

"Ok, pick up the analyzer tube…"

Sermek's claw closed on the said tube, crushing it.

"Uh-boy…" Bernadette shook head. "Open claw." Picking up the shattered tube from the floor…

"I dunno, guys." She eyed the robot in the Arturo compartment, all having moved back from Suburo after the communication with the Outpost in Space and Swift's additional sweeps of the two compartments and the rotor section for listening devices. Swift having pronounced the Arturo most likely the place where any such had been concealed given the placement of Proton's dark matter detector.

"Sermek's very good but he's not up to handling the sort of instruments I'd want to use."

"I beg to differ, Dr. Rostenkowski-Swift." Sermek replied in crisp tones.

("The tones of Dick Tufeld, the original voice of the "Lost in Space" B-9, through the miracle of digitalized audio dubbing, Howard proudly noted.

Of course, for Mr. Jones, my new copy will be seven feet. He's a stickler for detail, which I appreciate, he noted to Bernadette.

"He is paying for it?"

"Materials and he'll record our phone greeting. 'You've failed me for the last time, Caller….Wrong…Number.' Heck, we'll never see another solicitation call again." Beam.

"Good enough." She nodded.)

"I am fully capable of handling any instrument with proper programing. I recommend more extensive programming…By a competent programmer. Huh-huh-huh." Indicator lights flashing.

"Hey!" Bernadette glared. "What's with the cracks, Sermek?"

"Sorry, ma'am. I was clearing my audio circuits." The robot noted. Bernadette giving it a narrow-eyed look.

"Cute." Bernadette frowned at the eight-foot tall Sermek, the robot keeling over to the right with an "unh…", arms flopping down, as she yanked his side power pack. "That your idea, bro?" she eyed Swift who rolled eyes.

"He's not mocking you, sis. Just stating the facts as he sees 'em." Swift noted.

Proton archly eyeing Dr. Amy… I saw that wave Barclay made to Sermek to keep quiet.

"Fine…So?" Bernadette frowned.

"Bud and I'll see what we can do to fine tune him." Swift sighed.

"And you might erase his attempts at Seinfeld bits while you're at it. I still think I should go in…There's no need to take such chances." Bernadette insisted.

"I don't get why your best buddy, Tom, lets this go on, Proton." Amy hissed to Proton as they watched. "We found the listening device an hour ago in the rotor section."

"He wants the Wyckcliffes to think they've fooled him. And to feed them misinformation." Proton whispered, shrugging. "Sounds wise to me…Give that sidewinder the same he gave us."

"Yes, but we're telling him pretty much exactly what we intend to do…" she noted, in whisper. "Aren't we?" at his look.

"So, assuming Swift has no way to stop the ship befowre it hits watewr…" the newly arrived from his nap, Bwarry began as he, Commander Putinsky, Munson Wyckcliffe, and several Russian officers sat round a table in the control room of the Lermontov.

("Will you stop grinning at Leonard?" Howard in uniform hissed to Penny. "You supposed to be his commanding officer, not his girlfriend. Not to mention, a professional." Stern look.

"Watch it, Wolowitz." Penny, grimly. "You can give me a little firm direction, director, but don't impugn my Craft. Besides, my honey looks so cute in that thing…" beam Leonardward, Leonard returning beam.

No lines and I'm demoted to Russian Lieutenant…Raj frowned in his seat.)

"You think he might…?" the Commander interrupted.

"He's Tom Swift, Jr., ace inventowr. But he's not had much time to come up with anything and his wrepelatwron hasn't wowrked on that thing, accowrding to youwr intel."

"Our guess was that it was a low power test from his Outpost two days ago to see if he could alter course…" the technician who'd been monitoring the listening device on the Ocean Arrow spoke up.

(Right, Raj fumed in his seat. Leonard the Ruskie tech gets lines but the real astrophysicist in the bunch gets nothing. Couldn't I be the expert? I would normally be the guy checking things like this for the government if Bezos or Branson were playing around in deeper space with aliens.)

"Tom seemed pretty sure his repelatron wouldn't be the answer here…" Munson noted.

"Oh, and he tole you that, when? And in who's bedwroom?" Bwarry sneered.

"Hey!" she snapped. "You know damned well, he told us all in conference."

"People…" Commander Putinsky frowned.

Fine time to bring dirty families' laundry out…

"I did what I did for you, Bwarry. Because I believed in you…" Munson fumed.

"I didn't ask you to swleep with Swift!" glare.

Nice he is concerned brother, I suppose, the Commander eyed him.

"I mean…I betrayed Tom for you…And what we believe in. Who I sleep with is my business, brother." Glare.

("I'm feeling rather uncomfortable here, Amy." Sheldon noted. "Do they have to be sleeping together in real life while they play brother and sister? I mean I knew a few cousins back home who…" Amy staring… "…but…I think my Mom won't want to hear of such things."

"Trust me, buddy…" Howard rolled eyes. "Your mom is never going to see or hear of this."

"Really? But she and Meemaw loved 'Sheldonopolis'. Though Mom says she'll have to pray quite a few Sundays for the girl robot without a soul."

Really? Penny beamed.

"And the real girl who fornicated with Howard and me."

"That'd be me…" Bernadette, archly.

Yeah…Amy, darkly. And don't think I've forgotten, Hel.

"Cwoopewr…I been fightin' fowr that pwrivilege for days hewre. You and your mom no way are screwing it up." Lesley, grin to Kripke who grinned back.

Now you'wre talkin' wright, he nodded.

"Just suspend the disbelief and mind youwr own business, Sheldon." Barry smiled. "And isn't Lesley doing a gwreat job hewre?"

Sure, sure…But really it's much tougher to play an evil robot playing a saintly girl than just a human girl, torn between good or evil, right? Penny noted to Leonard.)

"Fine…" Bwarry shrugged. "But at least lets considewr the possibility youwr deawr boyfwriend was lying to us, especially since he always suspected us."

"Meaning I'm a fool?" Munson frowned.

"Meaning you put a wroll in the hay with Tom Swift ahead of the most impowrtant event in human histowry and the salvation of the planet." Bwarry, coolly.

Really? Commander Putinsky stared. Meaning this fellow really does care? Astonishing.

And perhaps, troubling.

"The test seemed quite conclusive, sir." The technician spoke up. "And we confirmed it should have had an effect even if miniscule. Somehow the ship's structure avoided any response."

"Ok…Fine." Cool stare. "So, we wrule out the wrepelatwron."

"I don't think he has anything to stop it and that he intends to try to recover it down here." Munson noted.

"Pull it off the ocean floowr? Possibly, if it doesn't sink into the muck down thewre at bottom. If so, we'll have to get thewre first, while he's twrying to come up with something."

"Wait…" Commander Putinsky frowned. "Doctor. You do realize the ocean floor here averages two to two-and-a-half miles down and the canyon near Mr. Swift's undersea city where your coordinates focus is three miles down. Our crush depth is 10000 feet under the best conditions."

"Pitiful. No offense but given Swift can take his boat down four miles…Pitiful." Bwarry noted, shaking head. "I expected bettewr fwrom Mothewr Wrussia."

"Much offense taken, Doctor." The Commander scowled. "I and my crew are quite willing to die for our country but not throw our lives away. However, we do have the deep-diving submersible you requested be taken on board. You claimed that could take you two to five miles down…"

And leave you there, if necessary, she did not say.

You not being the only one concerned with the salvation of this planet…

"…Which should be quite sufficient."

"For the retrieval…We'll still need your firepower." Munson noted.

Bwarry looking noncommittally…

"You have it, Doctor…Within our operational range and on my order." The Commander noted. "And I have my orders to avoid war if possible."

"But to die if necessawry…" Bwarry pointed out.

"Yes. If." The Commander frowned. The two other officers looking uncomfortable.

("Not quite so uncomfortable, Raj. You're a loyal Russian officer." Howard commanded.)

"And I know you have owrdewrs to take any means to stop Swift fwrom getting the cawrgo…" Bwarry continued. Munson now looking uncomfortable.

"Bwarry? I said no bloodshed." She eyed him.

"We'wre playing fowr keeps hewre, sis." Bwarry noted coldly. "If we can get to the ship, secuwre it, and get away, fine. If not…Swift and Proton and the othewrs have to take theiwr chances."

"You could distract them…" Munson suggested to the Commander. "Putinsky doesn't want war, it would be insane. If we can get down without being detected, they'll assume we're still aboard the Lermontov."

"If possible, I would prefer to avoid an incident. We can try to distract Mr. Swift." Commander Putinsky nodded.

"Bwarry?" Munson turned to him.

"Suwre, that would be fine…" Bwarry shrugged. "So long as they keep him away till we get away. But if Swift pulls some clevewr toy out…All bets awre off." He eyed her distressed look.

"You knew this was possible when you agwreed to help me, sis. You could have saved ouwr twraitous Dwr. Penova. Don't twry to back out now."

Munson, shaking head…Anxiously… "If you'll just promise we'll only use force if we have to."

"Done." Bwarry smiled. "Commandewr?"

"Of course, doing this peacefully is my preference." Nod.

"Gwreat. We'wer all good hewre, then." Bwarry beamed. "Hey, girlie?!" he called to the Russian at the listening console.

("That's it, Bernie. Channel that annoyance…" Howard nodded.)

"Anything new from Swift and co?"

"They are discussing use of robot, sir." She noted, looking over. "It seems robot is not so efficient for testing as they would like."

"Nothing about stopping the ship?"

"Nyet, sir."

"All wright, then."

"They will be in position within the hour." The Commander noted. "We are still over two hours away at top speed."

"But the ship won't awrrive for five more houwrs." Bwarry shrugged. "We've time to get thewre and for you to do your 'distwraction'. While sis and I get to where we need to be."

"Indeed." The Commander eyed him.

We understand each other…Her look said.

"Sis, we'd best suit up and get in the Wyckmawrine." Bwarry noted. "We can match Swift's speed for a couple of houwrs anyway. Come on…I wanna test the gwrapple and the othewr stuff."

"Fine…" she rose. "Commander."

"Doctor." Nod.

"Not unless you have to, please?" she eyed the Commander.

"I would prefer as I've said." The Commander nodded. "And I prefer not to risk my crew…"

"Sis…" Bwarry tugged at her.

"We've reached the outer limits of the landing perimeter…" Barclay noted on intercom from Suburo. Swift and Proton now alone in the Arturo compartment. "Last report puts the ship moving now at 30000 miles per hour, about 100000 to go."

"Well, Proton…" Tom smiled. "You're up." As they both watched him pull a wire loose from Bwarry's listening device carried in from the rotor section. "Lets see what you got."

"I want you to know, Swift. I would only do-dad for my country and the greater good." Proton frowned, throwing several switches on the modified dark matter detector.