"The Adventures of Professor Proton, Jr: The Proton Express…"
Summary: In my first longer Proton Jr tale, can Prof Proton Jr. aka mild-mannered Sheldon Cooper and Dr. Amy aka Amy F. Fowler save the world at Christmas…And can Proton Jr. keep that blond sob of an engineering genius Tom Swift, Jr. away from his girl?
Equally important…Should Cameragirl Penny allow this thing to appear on her acting credits or just accept that all hope of a professional career is gone and just enjoy while peddling her drugs?
Disclaimer: All is Chuck's…
Part XXXIII…
Bernadette and Dr. Amy eyed each other as Tom finished outlining his and Proton's plan to the group in the Arturo compartment of the Ocean Arrow…
"Are you insane?!" Dr. Amy summarized their joint conclusion.
("Comic books, Avengers, Star Wars, Star Trek… C'mon Sheldon." Howard sighed at Sheldon, fingers in ears, crouched by his chair on the "set", actually the Cal Tech gym's basketball court.
"It's the basic suspension of disbelief, Sheldon…" Leonard tried. "We accept it all the time…You accept it all the time. And then bore us to death with endless discussions of the science holes."
"Sweetie." Penny, drily.
"Ok, we all do that." Leonard admitted.
"That's not what's upsetting him." Amy shook head, whispering in Leonard's ear.
Oh, right…
Naturally…Rolls eyes
Whispers to Howard who likewise rolls eyes. Whispering to Bernadette…
You gotta be kidding…
"Well…" Leonard shrugs. "If he actually had…"
"And anything for a little peace on my set." Howard noted. "And of course…" eyeing Bernie…
"The show must friggin' go on?" she eyed him. "Fine. But…"
"I was prepared, actually." Leonard turns to a zippered bag.
"His" set? Penny, blinking at Howard in monocle, in portable beach chair with paper "Director" sheet taped. And that's an actor's "show must go on…" line. Friggin' or otherwise.
Well, so long as I'm in good with herr director…
And his "assistant" being Bernadette, I know it's "her" director.
"Seriously?" Bernadette stared.
"I'll do it." Amy offered.
"No, that could be construed as nepotism." Leonard noted.
"Oh, come on…" Bernadette glared.
"I'll do it, Howard." Penny offered, with smile, standing in her Commander's uniform. "I kinda look like a glorified messenger boy/girl."
"Hey…That's my role." Raj frowned to Howard.
"The suckin'-up's fine so long as it's to the Director, not you." Bernadette hissed to a slightly concerned Howard.
"Professor Arthur Proton, Jr…?" Penny, standing by the still crouching Sheldon. "Proton! Proton! Proton! Hey!" she tapped him hard on shoulder.
"Hey?" he took fingers out of ears and regarded her.
"Leonard?" Penny turned to him, he coming over. "Go."
"I represent the Nobel Prize committee of 2021…" he began, speaking to her. She repeating to Sheldon. "Based in Oslo, Norway, we…"
"I represent the Nobel committee, yadadada…"
"Upon review of your ground-breaking research and based on its unique insight, we the Committee for 2021 in Physics, have decided to award you, Dr. Arthur Proton, Jr., the Nobel Prize in Physics for your brilliant practical application of dark matter…"
"We have decided to award you the Nobel Prize in Physics for your brilliant practical application of dark matter…"
"…detection to dark matter induced warping fields." Leonard continued.
"What he said." She noted, airily.
"Hjimar Svenk, Chairman." Leonard noted, a bit proudly.
"Whoever…" Penny shrugged.
"Oh…Wait, I know all the Committee members' names, there's no Hjimar…" Sheldon began. Freezing at Penny and Bernadette's mutual glares.
"Proton, I'm so proud of you." Amy noted. "Now accept the damned thing graciously and lets get on with it." She glared. He taking the trophy Penny offered him.
"Isn't this a bowling…?" he froze at the glares.
"Well, I don't know what to say…" Sheldon, rising, holding trophy. "But I have a ten-page speech written down so just a minute…", reaching into pocket.)
…
"Use the converted detector to reach the ship and enter it, in Fat Man suit? You'll be killed! Or we'd be killed, since I'd never let you go alone!" Amy glared, Bernadette considering.
Would be something if… "Why not just extend your bubble around the Arrow? It's space capable." She noted.
"No, even if we could extend the bubble to handle the Ocean Arrow's mass and we could enter there's not enough room in the ship to accommodate it. We'd simply be destroyed clinging to the outer hull as the ship penetrated the atmosphere." Proton noted calmly.
"We have the ship schematics…" Tom noted. "And you can take Sermek to analyze the atmosphere outside the life support chambers for the specimens, though I'm fairly sure it's Earth-like as our space friends knew we'd need to work inside."
"You?" Bernadette, blinking…
"We've calculated we have one shot to get Sermek, the detector, and if we do the calculations right, two people in Fat Man suits to the ship before it enters the atmosphere. And you, sis…And Proton, are the logical ones to go." Tom, calmly.
"What?" Amy stared.
"What?" Bud stared.
Hmmn…Bernadette, rather pleased but…Sidelong glance at Proton's smug look…Me, the logical choice… "What?"
("Wait?" Sheldon stared. "Am I the logical choice because I dodaddled this ridiculous 'warp bubble proton detector' thing?"
"Welcome, brother engineer…" Howard, evil grin. Bernadette chuckling.
"No…Oh, God…No. NO!" Sheldon backed away.
"Come on, Sheldon…You're the hero, for the moment." Bernadette, shrugging.
"Well…I suppose I am…My counterpart that is…" he reflected.
"And as Proton, Jr, you do do all sorts of dodaddle experiments and such, all the time on your show…Right?" Howard, winning tone.
"Well…I guess so…" nervous look.
"Now…Become one with the Engineered Side of the Force." Howard grinned.
"I can't be an Engineer! Nooooo!"
"I'd say Proton's more of an experimental scientist, right, honey?" Penny smiled to Leonard.
"Arghhh!" Sheldon, fleeing.
"You know I blame you two, not Howard." Amy, pausing, darkly to Leonard who beamed, and Penny who gave sheepish look, chasing after as Sheldon ran off.
"Sheldon!")
…
"Guys…" Tom sighed, after ten minutes of rather intense debate on the part of Bud and Amy… "I don't love the idea of sending anyone but this is our best shot at actually halting the ship before it crashes into the sea here."
"You have no way of knowing if Proton can access the controls…" Amy frowned. "Or it the ship would allow entry."
("And you jerks be glad I was able to easily outrun Sheldon. And that I'm a professional…" Amy glared at Leonard and Howard who grinned back. "Or this production would be over due to the neural paralysis of the director, screenwriter…And two female bit players."
"Hey…I'm also Assistant Screenwriter." Bernadette, sly smile to Penny.
"Yeah, and I'm also…Videographer." Penny noted. "And I am not a bit player." Some genuine annoyance.
So? Again, I miss my potential big break as stand-in…Raj, looking over, morosely.
"Mr. Jones, Wil Wheaton…" Wil having finally, by mix of filming schedule and finding the nerve, managed to approach Mr. Jones. "I'm such a fan."
"Wil Wheaton? The star of 'Serial Apeist II?" eyeing him.
"Uh…Well…" Wil blinked. "Yeah. And I was on 'Star Trek'? And 'Eureka'?"
"Oh, yes. Television. I never watch…Television." Grimly cool tone.
"Right." Brightly. "Nice meeting ya…" Wil nodded, sheepishly backing off. "Gotta go check over my lines…" Hurrying off.
Penny eyeing Mr. Jones…He winking…
"Sheldon told me about how lil' Wesley there gave you and Leonard some trouble a while back. Besides, I just love giving it to the Trekker side." Mr. Jones grinned to Penny. "Last year? I did the same thing to Frakes at Comic-Com."
"I'm just hopin' you never actually see 'Serial Apeist'… Anything." She sighed.
"Too late, I'm afraid… 'I feel like my DNA has already been replaced with killer gorilla DNA, ooh, hoo, grrr…' My son Flynn howls at that one every time we watch it. You'll have to autograph our DVD." Grin.
"James Earl Jones wants your autograph, yay. Right?" Leonard, helpfully.)
"Actually…We suspect we won't be able to phase at the craft, due to its own dark matter compatible, though as yet unknown elemental composition, but we believe we can use the symbols sent to Tom for opening the craft when we reach it." Proton noted.
("See how a professional handles it?" Amy beams at Sheldon.
"After you chased him down, got him a YooHoo and his tangerine chicken, and we promised to write in a comment saying the contribution of Dr. Sheldon L. Cooper as science advisor was actually theoretical dodaddling." Leonard frowned.)
"So, you're outside, in Fat Man suit, trying to keep the detector, Sermek, yourself, and your companion, namely me, likewise in Fat Man suit, from flying off into space or burning up, depending on where and when we try this insanity." Bernadette frowned.
"I thought you wanted to be the first to study these unique specimens." Proton noted, quizzically.
"I can't do that crashed into the ship, flying off into space, or burned!"
"Maybe I would be the better one to go with Proton…" Bud suggested.
"I don't need anyone to carry my equipment…" Proton shook head. "Though if I do, we'll be weightless so even Bernadette could manage to carry it."
"I should go with Proton! I'm a biologist." Amy insisted.
"You're a neurobiologist and not as experienced with microorganisms as my sister." Tom replied. "Believe me, and not just cause Dad'd have my head if anything happened…"
"Oh, yeah…" Bernadette beamed. "Not to mention, and first, Bud's."
"I don't want to send my sis on this excursion on the 'Proton Express'…But it's our best hope and you all know the world is at stake here."
"So, I just sit around here…While Arthur goes off and…" Amy paused.
"You process the observations and results Bernadette and Sermek send and try not to get killed yourself along with Thomas and Barclay while you distract our enemies." Proton eyed her calmly. "Not to mention if this fails and Tom must try something else, you're the backup biologist who's got to analyze these samples."
("Ok…" Amy, breathing heavily. "Leonard, you just made up for things, including your reprehensible pairing of Bernadette with Proton, with that incredible display of machismo scene."
"Are you all right?" Sheldon, eyeing her. "You're all sweaty and breathing like when we…"
"Fine! I'm fine!" Amy cried.
Reprehensible? Bernadette quietly fumed to Howard. "What? She thinks Proton and I…" narrow sidelong glance to him and then Leonard. "You didn't…? Leonard?!"
"No, of course not…" Howard sighed. "Though come to think about it…"
"It would generate a fair degree of sexuality sparked jealousy on my part…My character's." Amy nodded pensively. "And if sex sells, there's nothin' like a good womano e womano to…"
"Amy?" Penny stared.
"I'm in!" Bernadette cried.
"In? In what?" Sheldon, anxiously. "Mother of God, she's not going to have coitus with my character, is she?! Leonard?! I can't do coitus on an alien vessel with an alien woman, even if Earth human and even if acting…"
"Sheldon. Our audience is largely children, if we ever manage to find one." Leonard sighed.
"Given we probably won't…Ooohlala…" Bernadette shrugged, smiling at Sheldon on the oohlala.
"I think I'm getting very afraid…" Raj eyeing Bernadette and Amy, to Penny.
"Enough, the ladies are kidding…" Howard put up a hand. "Stop upsetting our ultra macho General with your truly terrifying image, girls."
"Well, I mean if Leonard could allow my bestie to play Wil Wheaton's half ape love interest…" Amy reflected.
"My God, I was good in those scenes…" Wil nodded in his chair, patting the pocket where Mr. Jones' kindly bestowed autograph now rested. He having apologized for the little counter-franchise teasing…
I'm really not quite as noble as I seem in "Lion King", Mr. Jones'd noted.)
"Exactly…" Tom noted. "And believe me, we'll be in danger here on the Arrow, not merely sitting and waiting for our loved ones to come home. Between the Russians and the Wyckcliffs…"
"Tom?!" Bud cut in… "We're being hailed! Sonarphone."
"Nice of the Russians to let us know they're here." Tom noted.
