A Little Lower Than The Angels

Chapter 11

Disclaimers: I don't own any of the JAG characters. I don't own any product or label mentioned for the purposes of telling the story. Any similarities to situations or persons living or dead are purely coincidental.

Spoilers: Anything through 'ATWII' in Season 9. The Season 5 episode 'Cabin Pressure"

A/N: This isn't betaed, any mistakes are mine.

From chapter 10

Friday

May 2, 2003

American Airlines flight

Somewhere over the Southern Atlantic Ocean.

The Admiral had reclined his seat and appeared to be sleeping, but he was not.

Harm and Mac's open affection didn't concern him. He had known their relationship was well underway prior to this mission. What concerned him was the weary and haunted look in Mac's eyes. What she had seen and heard would return to her. He knew from his own experience that she needed to deal with it immediately, before it had a chance to damage her and her continued success in her career with the JAG corps. She would need more than the obligatory counseling session recommended after a mission like this.

Kern had been studying them as well. He noticed the tears along with Harm's bandaged head and quiet demeanor. This was not the 'pain in the ass, AJ had described when he spoke of him prior to their trip and in their many conversations about Rabb. He nudged his old friend and said, "The walking wounded."

The Admiral nodded his agreement and returned to his own thoughts.

Pondering Rabb's behavior in the hotel and on the trip to the airport, the Admiral had been surprised that the old Harm didn't surface before they boarded the plane. This was not the cocky aviator lawyer he met when he assumed command of JAG, over 8 years ago, he had been uncharacteristically quiet. Medically, he definitely had to have some type of issue. According to Mac's account of their crash, he had taken quite a blow to his head and had been unconscious for some time. How many more 'hard landings' could Rabb take before he did himself permanent damage? Whether or not he had the discipline to maintain a career in the Navy would be a moot question if he kept this up. Rabb wasn't Peter Pan anymore, he needed to understand that. He knew without Harm saying it that he was just beginning to realize what he had done. The Admiral knew he would want to come back and if the Admiral were honest with himself, he would admit he was conflicted about whether or not he should allow it.

2315

Friday

May 2, 2003

Ronald Reagan International Airport

Washington DC

Harm and Mac both stood waiting to claim their baggage and Admiral Chegwidden and retired Admiral Kern appeared to be waiting for them near the exit to the parking shuttle. They had not spoken through out the entire 15 hour flight. Harm remained as silent as he had been before they left Paraguay.

After they had both picked up their baggage, they approached the Admiral and his traveling companion.

The Admiral looked at both of them and then centered his attention on Harm. "Rabb, you should know your resignation has been processed. You and I appear to have come to 'a parting of the ways' so to speak. I have been your commanding officer for 9 years, I would prefer not to leave things as they are, but we need to have a discussion about that, among other things, and I don't intend to do that at JAG."

Harm remained silent, looking at him steadily.

"I don't intend to extend this opportunity to you again, if you are interested, I will expect you at my home at 1700, Sunday."

He looked at the Admiral, not quite sure what they had to say to each other now, but respecting him enough to honor his request. He nodded his acquiescence.

The Admiral focused on Mac, "Colonel, be in my office at 0730, Monday morning."

"Yes, sir"

Without another word, he and Kern walked away from them, stepping out of doors and catching the next shuttle out.

Harm watched them for a few moments, still silent.

"What do you think he wants to talk about?" Mac asked finally.

Harm answered quietly. "I don't know." He reached down to pick up his bag. "Do you have your car here?"

"Yeah." He had changed the subject. "I can drop you, if you didn't drive."

Harm was still looking out the exit doors, though the shuttle had already gone. "That'll work." He looked at her, his expression unreadable. "Are you ready?" Mac believed what he had told her on the plane, she knew he didn't regret coming to Paraguay for her, but she also knew him well enough to know that what he had impulsively done, was just now coming home to him.

"Yeah." She picked up her bag.

Harm nodded and they made their way out of the building.

20 minutes later….

As they exited onto the Beltway, from the airport, Harm looked over at Mac, deciding to ask the question he had been pondering for hours. "I know that the last thing you need now is pressure from anyone…."

Harm seemed to be struggling for words, feeling awkward, now that they were home.

"What is it, Harm?"

Harm gently reached for her hand, where it rested on the steering wheel. "Mac, will you stay with me? I'm not assuming anything; I'm not taking anything for granted. I know you're tired, I am too. I just want ….I don't want to let you go, not yet."

Mac shook her head slightly, wondering, 'what could he be thinking?' She glanced at him, smiling. "There is no other place I'd rather be."

She held on to the steering wheel with one hand and enclosed his hand in the other and she saw him return her smile, for the first time since they were leaving Paraguay.

0145

Saturday

May 3, 2003

Kern Residence

Saint Michaels, Maryland

Admiral Chegwidden parked is Ford Excursion in the driveway of the waterfront home, which Kern had inherited from his father. It had been a long drive, and the Admiral had an equally long drive home.

"Why don't you just stay, AJ?"

"Nah, I should get back, besides I wouldn't want to interfere with the homecoming." He winked at Kern.

"Hey, it was a few days, not six months." He waved the Admiral off, chuckling at his excuse.

The Admiral gave his friend a devilish grin, "Getting old, Kern?"

"I'm getting old AJ, just not 'that' old." He got out of the vehicle and closed the passenger door.

AJ laughed with him. "Seriously, I have to get back; I slept on the plane so I'll be fine."

"Okay." Kern raised both hands in surrender.

The Admiral suddenly became serious. "I want to thank you, Rich. I had no idea what I would be walking into down there." He offered him his hand. "I won't forget that you agreed to come with me, without hesitation." Kern had reached through the passenger window and shook his hand.

"Any time AJ, you know that." Kern paused for a moment and then gave him a wry grin. "I'll be here the next time one of your problem children lands themselves in hot water."

"Hey, as long we don't end up in a sewage plant, we'll be alright." Both men laughed at the memory of their unfortunate experience during a mission when they were both still SEALs. While in search of a fuel depot, they came up in a sewage plant, ruining their scuba gear and making themselves fodder for their SEAL team's 'head' jokes for months after.

"You're not really going to let Rabb resign, are you?" If Kern didn't know it before this trip to Paraguay, he knew now, that AJ saw Harm as he would his own son.

"I don't know, I just know things can't go on as they have been, or neither of us will have anything to show for our careers."

Kern nodded, understanding his old friend, and telling himself, in this instance, he was glad to be out of a job with that kind of pressure.

The Admiral was thoughtful for a moment. "To tell you the truth, I'm seriously considering putting in for retirement next spring; I've had a good career, its time I got a life outside the Navy."

"It's a pretty good life AJ. I highly recommend it."

"Whatever happened to your plans to move to France?" The Admiral looked at him curiously.

"My Dad left me this place last year. I wanted to see more of my grandchildren….You should bring Meredith sometime, I did take those cooking lessons."

The Admiral nodded, "I may do that." Before Kern could nail him down to a date, he continued. "I'd better get back."

Kern nodded and just then the light on his front porch came on. Kern's wife stood in the doorway. He turned toward her and then back to AJ. "Hey…Let me know what you decide," He tapped the frame of the window and said, "stay in touch….will ya?"

The Admiral smiled. "Will do."

As the Admiral drove out of the long driveway, when he looked into the rearview mirror, he saw Kern's wife come out to meet him. He wanted that, someone at home waiting for him. He used to think he would have that someday, but more and more, he understood that someday, was right now.

The question was who would he come home to? He still wasn't sure he saw Meredith in that role. He had thought many times of proposing, he did love her after all. Every time he had determined in his own mind to do it, he always pulled back at the last moment. The funny thing was that she always seemed to sense it and when he didn't ask, she seemed as relieved as he was.

He didn't want to retire alone, but knew that he might have to. As he turned out onto the highway, he decided that tomorrow he would have a conversation with his daughter, Francesca. There was no way to get back what he had lost with her, but they had to begin some where and his retirement might just give them both the time they needed.

0230

May 2, 2003

Saturday

Harm's Apartment

North of Union Station

Mac lay on her side, with Harm lying closely behind her. They were both in a deep sleep. He was resting his arm protectively around her waist, as she rested her head on his other arm and the pillow above it.

Earlier that evening….

They had driven home in near silence, each of them lost in their own thoughts. Harm had held onto her hand, resting it on his thigh, drawing soft circles on the back of it. An action that still gave Mac butterflies in her stomach.

Harm's quiet manner was still a bit bewildering for her, but she didn't want to question him now. She had learned in recent weeks that Harm would tell her what was on his mind in his own time. Mac also understood that everything in Harm's life had turned completely upside down. Harm's resignation was something she still couldn't fathom.

When they had come into his apartment, Harm offered to let Mac take the first shower. He had tossed her a T shirt and told her where the towels were. Harm appeared in the doorway of the bathroom after Mac had showered, just as she slipped the T shirt over her head. Mac had turned to him and smiled.

He leaned forward and kissed her cheek. "I'll just be a minute," he told her.

Mac had slipped into bed and lay there listening to the water from the shower. Though Harm was still being very quiet, his presence was so comforting, the tone of his voice and his touch so soothing, that she was glad he asked her to stay. She couldn't believe she was here, in Harm's bed. She snuggled down into the pillows and comforter and taking a deep breath, she stretched and rested her arms above her head. Just as she felt herself begin to relax and drift off to sleep, she felt weight press down on the other side of the bed. She opened her eyes and looked over at him sleepily. He grinned at her indulgently. "Hey…wait for me, sleepyhead."

She lifted her arms and he came into them. As he kissed her lightly on the lips, she teased him, "Hey, it's not my fault if you can't keep up….get in here."

Harm turned her away from him, pulling her snugly into his body and folded her into his arms. Mac rested her head on his bicep, holding onto to his thickly muscled forearm. She kissed the inside of his arm. "Mmmm, this feels nice. I may never let you go."

"I intend to hold you to that; I never want you to." He leaned forward kissing her shoulder.

Mac thought she had never felt so safe in her life. As she began to fall asleep she felt Harm's arm's grow heavy and his breathing deepen. He was sound asleep, and in a matter of seconds, she joined him.

0515

Saturday

May 2, 2003

Harm's Apartment

Mac lay still resting in the protective circle of Harm's arms. As she began to wake her consciousness took a detour into the dark and murky depths to which her nightmares could sometimes pull her…she recognized a voice.

"Our path is soaked in blood….and so we write in blood…a language that you can understand…"

Sadiq Fahd stood above her; his dark eyes appeared to be black, with barely controlled hatred.

He turned away from her and suddenly she saw him aiming his weapon at the head of the missionary, Karla Robinson. He pulled the trigger, nearly blowing her head off, her blood spattered on the ground and into the face of her husband, as he knelt beside her. The images in her mind seemed to place her much more closely to the situation than she had actually been.

Suddenly she smelled blood, and a metallic scent. Then her nostrils were filled with another scent entirely, it was the dirty mattress on which she and Clayton Webb had slept. It smelled of body odor, urine and the animals that had inhabited the shed before Sadiq had locked them away in it. She covered her mouth and nose, trying to keep the scent away. Now she knew she was sitting in the makeshift prison Sadiq had made, Clayton Webb's bloodied face was before her.

"I'll keep them away from you as long as I can…this is all my fault, I'm so sorry Sarah…"

She heard her own voice, "Clay….no…." She felt as though she were outside herself, her voice sounded small and far away.

Now Mac heard an engine, her mind took her back to her and Harm, trying to make their escape in the bi plane. She could smell the oil burning and gas, she heard Harm tell her to hang on and she felt the planes nose go up and then quickly down, the green of the trees and the landscape seeming to be rushing up to meet them. Harm called out to her again to hang on as the plane leveled and crashed into the trees below them….Mac began to call out to Harm, he wouldn't answer…Mac could hear her own heart pounding in her ears, her thoughts jumbled…he couldn't be dead…where was he? She turned in her seat and looked behind her. Reaching back she tried to rouse him, he still wouldn't respond.

She frantically freed herself from her seat and climbing out, she turned and shook Harm, his chin was on his chest, his forehead bloody, she tried to find a pulse, and he had none. Panic gripped her and shot through her entire being; he couldn't lose everything because of her. She gripped the collar on of his shirt and tried to lift his head.

"You cant be dead….don't leave me….your life cant be over….not because of me…This cant happen… Harm!"

In her dream, Mac felt someone try to pull her away from him, she fought against the hands trying to hold on, she couldn't leave him, there had to be something she could do….he couldn't be dead.

"Mac!"

Mac was finally jolted awake by the sound of Harm's voice.

"Harm?" Her breath was coming his short gasps; trying to make him more real to her, she reached up to touch his cheek. He was here, she was with him, and it had only been a dream….a terrible, terrible dream.

Mac was sitting up in bed and Harm sat beside her, he brushed her tousled hair from her face. "It's okay…you were just dreaming."

"Yeah….it was just a nightmare…I'm sorry. I guess I'm still getting everything out of my system."

Harm was caressing her arm. "It's okay….Do you want to talk about it?"

"No, it was just a nightmare…" She scrubbed her face with her hands. "I'm a mess; I'm going to get a shower." She was covered with sweat; suddenly it embarrassed her that she had gotten so upset, over a dream.

"I've seen you look a lot worse." Harm waggled his eyebrows.

Mac was already up and walking toward his shower. "I'll take that as a compliment, Sailor."

She had thrown the comment over her shoulder and then the words she had spoken began to sink in. She turned to look back at him again, a pained and guilty expression on her face.

"I'm…..sorry."

Harm's look revealed some pain, but he smiled and winked as he told her, "Even if I don't return to the Navy Mac, I'll be your Sailor."

He got out of bed. "I'll make some coffee." He pulled on a pair of jeans and padded into the kitchen in his bare feet.

Mac turned again and headed into the bathroom, gathering her kit and towels as she went. She glanced back at him as he began making their coffee. The thoughts still tormented her, the thought that his dedication to her had cost him…dearly. Just as it had cost John….and Dalton.

She hoped with all her heart that he and the Admiral could come to some kind of understanding. The nightmare of Paraguay was bad enough, but Harm losing his career was still incomprehensible to her.

TBC

A/N: I'm not sure how many chapters on this yet. I have more to say on this but I'm just not sure how far into the season I want to go. If you'll just bear with me folks, while I try work this out, along with real life too. lol