"The Adventures of Professor Proton, Jr: The Proton Express…"

Summary: In my first longer Proton Jr tale, can Prof Proton Jr. aka mild-mannered Sheldon Cooper and Dr. Amy aka Amy F. Fowler save the world at Christmas…And can Proton Jr. keep that blond sob of an engineering genius Tom Swift, Jr. away from his girl?

Equally important…Should Cameragirl Penny allow this thing to appear on her acting credits or just accept that all hope of a professional career is gone and just enjoy while peddling her drugs?

Disclaimer: All is Chuck's…

Part XXXIV

"My orders, Mr. Swift, are to cooperate with you in your efforts to retrieve the alien vessel." Commander Putinsky noted, her image in the Lermontov control room on the Ocean Arrow's Arturo video screen. "As you requested, to demonstrate our peaceful intentions, we've halted, surfaced, and established video communications." Calm look. "And as yet, I see you have not surfaced but merely sent up a relay device and you remain on your course." Slight smile.

"You fired on us!" Bernadette cut in, glaring at the screen. "Well, your jets did!"

"Sis…" Tom put up a hand.

"I'm informed the aircraft that engaged you bore North Korean markings…" the Commander, cool smile. "If you have more evidence…? To confirm the small lady's charges…?"

(Funny man…Bernadette eyed Leonard grimly.

And don't think I don't know who let it slide…Narrow glare to Howard.

Thank goodness she isn't guessing I ad-libbed that one…Penny thought, offering reproving stare at Leonard.

Really? His stare back…My superior officer throwin' me under the bus?

"Как ты мог, командир?" He eyed her.

Aw…Don't say whatever that was, her look back.)

"We've submitted our evidence to the UN…" Swift paused. "But in the interests of peace and the mission, we've accepted President Putinsky's word his forces were not involved."

"Still…" to her smile… "The agreement with the UN strictly forbids other vessels from engaging without my request."

"We understand that…" nod.

Do I know her from somewhere?...Tom, Bernadette, Bud, Amy…

"Isn't she…?" Bernadette murmured.

"No, she can't be. Professor Hoftstadter is dead. We dumped her body overboard and she sleeps with the fishes, chum for the sharks, her dead and rotting carcass…" Amy hissed back.

("Amy?!" Penny cried.

"What?" So, she can ad-lib but no one else? Amy groused to Sheldon.

"You know the term 'ad-lib' comes from the Latin ad libitum, meaning at one's pleasure…" Sheldon noted.)

Hmmn…She might be a bit familiar but as my dad would say, all them Russkies look alike. Thievin' sidewinders, the lot, Proton thought, watching.

"However, my President feels that given the escape of the Wyckcliffes and the presence of armed unauthorized forces in the area, we should offer what assistance we can, ours being the closest vessel available. If you prefer, we can withdraw." Casual stare.

"No, that won't be necessary." Tom, calmly.

What? Amy, Proton, Bernadette, Bud.

"We welcome your assistance so long as you don't interfere with the retrieval operation."

"Of course, Mr. Swift." Nod, spreading hands. "We're at your disposal. Just let us know how we can help?"

"Well, if you could patrol the outer perimeter of the determined landing area for the Wyckcliffes or anyone assisting them or attempting to enter…?"

"We're happy to assist. We'll get underway at once. Shall we maintain communication by sonarphone? We'll contact you as soon as we reach the perimeter and begin our patrol."

"That'll be fine. Swift out." Tom smiled.

"Lermontov out." The screen went blank.

"Tom?" Bud eyed him.

"No point in arguing with them unless we planned to fight. At least now they're committed to reporting in." Tom shrugged. "I imagine Putinsky actually would prefer they 'cooperate' with us till the ship's been secured."

"Wasn't that Dr. Hoftstadter, though?" Bernadette asked. "Or her spitting image…"

"Eh…They all look alike. She even looks like that former governor of Alaska who was exposed as a Russian sleeper agent years ago." Proton shrugged.

"You know, come to think of it…She does." Bud nodded.

"I've no idea, she could be a relative of Hoftstadter's…She was related to Putinsky." Swift shrugged. "The issue now is to make sure they don't interfere with our plans or try to seize the ship later."

"You mean you intend to go ahead with this crazy plan?" Amy stared. "And then to land the ship here, after all?"

"I doubt we can avoid the landing even if we can get Proton and Bernadette aboard." Tom shook head. "But if we have a team in and Proton and I can puzzle out the ship's systems enough to get some sort of control…Maybe even maneuver the ship to our own coordinates, buy some time."

"This is crazy…" Amy shook head. "Arthur, you can't seriously be…"

"So, how does this thing work?" Proton, through the open door of an egg-shaped Fat Man suit he'd maneuvered out of its locker by remote control.

"You've established contact with Swift and Pwroton…Good." Bwarry noted on sonarphone from his seat in the Wyckmarine as it nestled against one of the abyss' cliff wall.

"Tom'll never buy that you're cooperating…" Munson frowned.

"No, I doubt he would." Commander Putinsky's voice on sonarphone. "But he is clever enough to accept the situation for now."

"Meaning…He's just about wready to twry something." Bwarry noted.

"Perhaps…But isn't the craft still a good distance from Earth?" the Commander asked.

"Yes, but he has something…" Bwarry pondered. "Both his wepleatwron and supewr electwromagnet have had no effect on the ship."

"The Ocean Arrow is space capable…" Munson noted.

"It could nevewr suwrvive an encountewr with the ship at its pwresent speed and even when the ship slows the Awrrow would buwrn up in the atmosphewere during the descent if he twried to dock or gwrapple hewr. Besides he could have twried unmanned wrockets, I even suggested it to him eawrliewr. No, ouwr fwriends Swift and Pwroton, dang them…"

("Excuse me, 'dang them'? Awren't I supposed to be a wruthless killewr?" Barry frowned.

"Sheldon objected to anything stronger and it is a film for kids…" Leonard noted.

"Uh-huh, with bwrutal killings and a complex pwlot for wowrld domination?" Barry, hard stare.

"Kids today…" Sheldon sighed to Amy.)

"…Has something totally new up his swleeve." Frown.

"The ship does operate on a dark matter drive of some kind…" Munson noted.

"And Pwroton has a dawrk mattewr detectowr." Bwarry nodded thoughtfully.

"A detector?" Commander Putinsky asked.

"Oh, just one moment, comwrade commandewr. We'll be wright back aftewr a bwrief discussion." Bwarry noted, clicking off sonarphone.

Americans. So rude. The Commander noted to her First Officer.

"You think Tom and Proton are using the detector to capture the ship?" Munson frowned.

"Could be. Pewrhaps they've wowrked out a way to use the thing as a beacon…"

"Like a landing beacon? To where they want it to land?" Munson asked. "You're saying Tom is going to try to divert the ship like we did, but using Proton's detector?"

"Could be, could be…Anyway it's time we took a little of the spunk out of Thomas Swift, Jwr. and his new best buddy, Awrthuwr Pwroton, likewise, Jwr." Bwarry, grimly.

"They could blast any torpedo the Lermontov sends at them with Tom's repelatrons." Munson noted.

"Yeah, but they'wre not wready for me. Are they still on couwrse to pass ovewr us? Sis?" he looked over at her. "Now's not the time to go soft on me, sis."

"They're still on course. Bwarry? You can't…"

"We agwreed, sis. Whatevewr it took. Don't back out on me now." grim tone as he snapped sonarphone back on. "Hey, Commandewr, sorry for the delay. You can leave Swift to us and 'coopewrate' the heck out of things. We'll deal with them."

"How so, Dr. Wyckcliffe?" The Commander's voice, stern.

"Best to allow youwrself 'plawusible deniability', Ma'am." Bwarry smiled.

("And lets move on…" Howard ordered.

"You don't want another take?" Lesley, rather surprisingly eager.

"No…It's as good as we're going to get, I'm sure." Sigh. "Especially if we're to maintain the idea you two are brother and sister." Howard eyed her.

"We're just very affectionate in the Wyckcliffe family." Lesley grinned, patting Barry.)

"Just fit your arms and legs into the pantagraphic controls, it's really very simple." Swift noted to Proton in his Fat Man suit.

"And you're sure this contraption is space-capable?" Amy frowned.

"It can endure anything from space to the equivalent of fourteen miles under the sea, if such a depth existed." Tom nodded. "It's basically a one-man, space-capable submersible."

"Besides…" Sermek's voice plate lit up. "No great loss if one proton in the universe goes missing. Huh-huh-huh."

"Hey!" Amy glared. "You want me to fix it so you end up in the sun?"

"Danger! Danger! To me…Tom Swift?" Sermek flailed arms.

"Sorry, Amy." Swift sighed. "Bud?"

"Just wanted Sermek able to lighten the load with a few choice jokes…" Bud smiled.

"You bubble-headed booby!" Proton cried, suddenly.

"Hey!" Sermek swung to face him. "That's my ole pal, Dr. Zachary Smith, saboteur and villain's, line…"

"Well, if you can be the B-9 and throw Smith jokes at me, I can throw a few booby head jokes at you." Proton, firm nod. "At least I'm a real PhD. in Physics. Not first a mere M.D. air force doctor, then holding some ridiculous Doctorate of Galactic and Environmental Psychology like Smith."

"You are a quack." Sermek replied.

"Oh, he's good." Proton beamed. "I want one when we get home."

Amy blinking.

Aboard the Lermontov…Now diving back to its cruising depth…

"What shall we do, Commander?" her First eyed her. "The Wyckcliffs clearly have a plan to stop Swift. If they do and seize the ship…?"

"The President gave specific orders to assist whomever is likely to succeed, Lieutenant. That is how we'll proceed." The Commander, calmly. "Hold at 3000 feet and proceed toward the perimeter of the defined area at full speed!" she called to the diving officer and helmsman.

"So, we'll just patrol, as Swift requested?" the First asked, a bit puzzled.

"For the moment, yes. But see that we remain rigged for silent running, though do not activate until I give the order."

"Ah…" shrewd nod. "So, that's why we disengaged the unit before contacting Swift…"

"Lieutenant…You are clever enough but discretion is usually the better part of valor." Stern regard. "I suggest you remember that and curb your forward tendency towards bein' a smart ass, don't cha know?"

Smile to his look… "My American slang is getting a bit rusty, but I still can manage it."

"Aye, Commander. My apologies."