"The Adventures of Professor Proton, Jr: The Proton Express…"
Summary: In my first longer Proton Jr tale, can Prof Proton Jr. aka mild-mannered Sheldon Cooper and Dr. Amy aka Amy F. Fowler save the world at Christmas…And can Proton Jr. keep that blond sob of an engineering genius Tom Swift, Jr. away from his girl?
Equally important…Should Cameragirl Penny allow this thing to appear on her acting credits or just accept that all hope of a professional career is gone and just enjoy while peddling her drugs?
Disclaimer: All is Chuck's…
Part XXXVIII…
Meanwhile…
About two million miles from Earth…
"Proton? Have you got the interface projector?" Bernadette called over her Fat Man suit radio.
"Your brother's fancy converted mobile phone to send a code by light pulse rather than receive? Yes." Proton, now standing on the hull, though swaying a bit. Legs secured by graviton projectors.
"Well, lets try to find the access port before we're all incinerated." She frowned at him through her glass portal.
"Correction." Sermek intoned, cutting in on radio. "I will be incinerated, you two will just look silly, drifting in space holding on to pieces of the hull once I toss you away."
"What?" Proton stared.
"Tom Swift has some crazy notion you're worth saving, Dr. Proton." Sermek noted. "And orders are orders, should you screw it up. Which I would estimate at an 87% probability. Huh-huh-huh."
"According to Bud, it was either this or Marvin the Paranoid Android's personality." Bernadette sighed to an annoyed Proton.
"God, I would have been so depressed." Sermek, chuckling. "But, I have humiliating Proton to rely on to cheer me up…Huh, huh, huh."
"Be glad we may need you, you bubble-headed booby." Proton glared.
("Oooh, listen to me, all Dr. Smith and all. Though not an evil saboteur and murderer who should've been tossed out the Jupiter 2's airlock." Sheldon noted, beaming.
"We could still manage that, Dr. Cooper. Huh, huh, huh." Sermek noted, chuckling.
"Oh, my…He's just great. Isn't he great, James?" Sheldon beamed to Mr. Jones.
"I think I'll want two." Jones smiled to Howard.
"You may have a whole new business here…" Bernadette hissed to Howard. "Wait till they see…"
Howard putting up a hand quickly…Now, now…
Lets hold something in reserve…
"Say it again…" Sheldon, to Sermek.
"Never fear, Sheldon's here. Oh, no…" Sermek noted. "Howard, save me. SAVE ME, HOWARD! CMON, YA LITTLE PUTZ!"
Bernadette grinning at the stunned Howard…
"You know who stood in for your mom for that audio clip…" she beamed.)
"Sermek? Have you been able to reach the Ocean Arrow?" Bernadette called.
"Negative, Dr. Swift-Rostenkowski…Nor can I contact Swift Enterprises or the Outpost in Space. The ionization is too strong."
"All right, well…We figured we'd be on our own. At least we made it this far, alive."
"Het-hem." Proton cleared throat.
"Yeah, yeah…Great job with the dark matter thingy and all that." Bernadette noted.
"You've earned your degree in kiddie science." Sermek agreed, chuckling. Huh, huh, huh…
"Be glad you're not wearing a space suit, you metallic moron." Proton, fuming.
"Proton!" Bernadette called sharply.
"Fine…All right, we should be able to trigger a response if we scan the surface a bit over the hull midsection, according to Tom's analysis of what his alien friends told him. Lets hope they're neither practical jokers like your boyfriend or curious about how we'd taste with BBQ sauce."
"I will ask them, post your mortem…Huh, huh, huh." Sermek chuckled.
"Whatever happened to Asimov's First Law?" Proton glared.
"It's the only thing keeping me from tossing you into space, you quack." Sermek noted calmly.
"Me? What about Bernadette?"
"I like her. She's nice…" Sermek, fond tone.
"Thank you, Sermek." Bernadette beamed.
"And she's your creator's sister, suck-up." Proton, archly.
"Boys? Could we?" Bernadette, annoyed.
"Certainly, ma'am." Sermek. "Very well…" Proton.
"Sermek, try matching the light frequency of the projector, if you can get even a generalized response having the two of you will cover the hull faster." Bernadette noted.
"Will do, ma'am. Come on, kiddie show host, let a B-9 show you how its done." Sermek noted to Proton.
"Oh, the pain…" Proton shook head. "And I mean that."
"Very funny…" he glared at Sermek as the robot flashed his audio projector's light onto the hull surface while playing the alien music key from "Close Encounters…"
"Sermek…" Bernadette sighed.
"Just setting the mood, folks." The robot noted.
"And Proton? You might want to use those primitive biosensors you call eyes. You just opened the hull." The robot pointed.
"My stars…So I did…" Proton stared. Bernadette hurrying as best she could over the hull.
"Oh, wow…" she peered into the opening…
"Sermek? Is it a vacuum in there?" She looked to him.
"The opening is sealed by a force field in the sixth dimension, which for meat-bag kiddie scientists is mathematically impossible." Sermek noted. "Huh, huh, huh."
"Enough, you clanktankerous clod!" Proton fumed.
"It is enough, Sermek." Bernadette agreed, gently but firmly.
"Sorry, ma'am."
"Is it really a sixth dimensional force field?" Proton stared.
"Oh, please…What is your degree in? Galactic and Environmental Psychology?" Sermek raised bubble-head. "It's just an electromagnetic field variation of Tom's repelatron, though quite advanced."
"But can we enter…And, as to the atmosphere inside?" Bernadette asked, patiently.
"Not possible to analyze from here. The field is fluctuating. I cannot determine how dangerous it is to enter."
"Ok, then…Go in." Proton noted.
"Say what?" Sermek turned to him.
"We need an environmental estimate. Go and make it. Onward, chop-chop." Proton waved hand.
"I'm sorry, Sermek. Just be careful." Bernadette pointed.
"If you say so, Dr. Swift-Rostenkowski." Sermek lowered head.
"She does, she does, get on with you!" Proton waved.
"Arthur!" Bernadette hissed.
"As in take him with me?" Sermek asked, hopeful tone.
"Hey!" Proton frowned.
"Just go on in Sermek, please. Time's running out." Bernadette urged. "But stop if it seems too dangerous."
"But don't be a robotic wuss. If your metal frame doesn't seem to be liquifying completely, or your circuits frying from intense radiation, press right on." Proton urged.
"I am a cybernetic hero…" Sermek sang, moving to entrance and extending arm into the opening.
"Hmmn…Sparkly. Well, here goes."
"Hurry it up, there, you bag of bolts." Proton urged.
"Careful, Sermek." Bernadette called.
"Must you?" Proton glared as Sermek began playing the "Also Sprach Zarathustra" by Strauss on his audio emitter.
"My god, it's full of stars…!" Sermek intoned as the robot entered.
"Just kidding. Hang on there, guys." As the robot disappeared inside.
"Oh, come on." Proton frowned.
…
"Wyckmawrine to Lewrmentov…Wyckmawrine to Lewrmontov…Come in, Commandewr." Slight annoyed tone. "Dang infewriowr Wrussian tech. No wondewr they lost to Ukwraine."
"So…What's with you, sis?" Bwarry frowned in his rearview mirror at Munson as the Wyckmarine sped on.
"There was no reason to torment and threaten them, Bwarry." She noted calmly. "Wasn't it enough we left them disabled on the sea floor, nearly two miles down?"
"Appawrently not, deawr. Hello? Didn't you heawr?" he glared. "Pwroton may be aboawrd the ship wright now, fewrritting out hewr secwrets!"
"You were ready to kill them." She eyed him in mirror. "For no reason."
"Again, hello? Wowrld's fate in question and again, cleawrly with good wreason, given Swift and Pwroton teamed up to get deawr old Awrthuwr to the ship." He fumed. "But that little twriumph will fade wreal quick."
"They won't nuke it, Bwarry." Munson sighed. "The Russians are just using us, we knew that."
"No…We awre using them. Get with the Playbook, sis. And they will if they think it's lost to them. But we don't need the actual Kewrpow…PFFFF….Mushwroom cloud of a medium-sized H-bomb to achieve ouwr goal hewre." He smiled into mirror.
"You think you can get Proton to surrender by threatening to nuke the ship?" she stared. "I may have very little respect for his scientific abilities but he's no coward, Bwarry."
"And I echo youwr kind sentiments, sis. Pwroton is a twrue hewro and will soon die as such. But, to save a pwriceless cawrgo and whoevewr was foolish enough to twravel with him, if anyone, he will come to the table."
"What are you planning, Bwarry?"
"Wait, see, and applaud youwr wremawrkable bwrothewr, sis. You'll be impwressed, I pwromise."
"I'm already…Impressed…With what lengths you'll go to, Bwarry." She noted calmly. "And a little horrified."
"Then you should be cawreful how you speak to me, sistewr. I'm saving Eawrth hewre fwrom its wowrst enemy and biggest mistake…And I've no time to wowrry about family mattewrs."
"You'd wipe out Humanity…Using the cargo?" she stared.
"No, not all Humanity…" he noted. "I'm sure about 10-20% will manage to suwrvive. Dawrwin does it again. Those folks most out of contact, least offensive to the wrest of those we should shawre, not lowrd ovewr this planet with, will make out." smirk.
Cold eyeing of her in mirror…
"Don't give me that shocked look of mowral howrrowr, sis. You knew what I was about and you agwreed to wowrk with me, you can't back out now. I won't allow it."
"I knew you might threaten the world…But…"
"Did you lift a fingewr to save poowr Doctowr Hoftstadewr? Or youwr ex-boyfwriend? You knew what I was up to. Now, eithewr you'wre in fowr the full Monty…Owr…While I still have some family feeling, I can leave you adwrift at the suwrface in the lifewraft. You only get one chance, sis. Choose befowre we bwreak suwrface…And don't change youwr mind."
"I won't." she said, simply.
("Do we have to?" Sheldon sighed to Amy who frowned.
"Sheldon, Barry and Lesley are doing terrific work here. And you know Lesley is anxious about things with him, Bernadette says she's feeling we haven't been giving him much support. C'mon, she's been very nice to you in this. And even Barry praised your work."
"Oh, all right. But you will keep your word that I get the next available Sermek Howard can build?"
"Yeah, yeah…Though actually a robot constantly insulting you and putting you in your place? I think I could deal." She noted with arch look to his somewhat concerned stare. "Now, go on…" she pointed to the group about Barry and Lesley.
"Really great job, guys." Penny beamed to the two. "Barry, I hate to have to admit you're as good an actor as you are a creepy little freak. Or as my other ex-creepy little freak friend Howard is a director. Great job."
"Yeah…You two are really bringing some tension into my screenplay. The one I wrote…So carefully to bring out the various characters." Leonard, a bit plaintively.
"Yeah, yeah…You did good, sweetie." Penny nodded, patting him. "Just make sure you keep churning 'em out, with more lead roles for me."
"Barry. Sheldon has something to say as well." Amy, bringing a reluctant Sheldon forward.
"Ah, Coopewr, wready to tell me how much I stunk up the place?" Barry smiled at Sheldon, Lesley rather fondly tapping him. Barry…
"No. Amy says I should tell you how good you are. You make a fine supervillain. And I'll be very relieved to see you dead at the end, that's how scary you are."
"High pwraise indeed, thanks, Sheldon." Barry grinned.
"And you're doing a great job, too, Lesley." Sheldon noted to her wan smile.
"Thanks, dumbass." She grinned. "I can guess how hard that was for you."
"I didn't say you had to praise Lesley." Amy hissed as they walked off.
"But she was…" he began… "OW!"
Lesley looking over as Amy pulled Sheldon off…
"Is she…?" she eyed Penny.
"Don't worry, that's nothing. She was so jealous of me and Sheldon she pretended to be my best friend and to have a latent lesbian interest in me for years." Penny noted.
"I thought she was your best friend?" Lesley stared. "Yeah…?" Leonard stared.
"Oh, well…She is now. She grew into the role." Penny smiled.
…
