a/n: yet another chapter! Thanks to the reviews, you few are probably the only reasons that I'm continuing the story. Anyway, on we go . . .
Chapter 30: On the Outside of Both Worlds
Peter sat with the rest of the Marauders and their ladies, sipping butterbeers while listening to Dumbledore discuss Order business. Glancing around the room, Peter was impressed, as usual, by the outstanding loyalty that shone on the faces of his fellow members. Sirius and James; their normal grins replaced by somber sincerity and poise. Remus observing the meeting quietly, as he always did. Lilly, Gretchen, Tabitha, and Alice, sitting together, yet at the same time apart, as they always seemed to do, their eyes intelligently assessing the world around them and their security in it. Or so it seemed to Peter. The newly met Weasleys, Molly and Arthur, always prepared with a laugh about their Boys (and they were always Boys). Emmeline Vance and Kingsley Shacklebolt, new Members, just like him. They all stood, or sat around the grand old Professor as he spoke of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named's movements and followers. After a few reports from some Aurors, and a set up for ambushes and guard assignments, chairs began to shift and slide back; a signal that the meeting was over and Peter needed to once again pay attention to things beyond his own imaginings. Glancing to his left, he noticed James begin to shift a little nervously in his seat. As Peter's eyes began to squint questioningly, Sirius clapped James on the shoulder and whispered something to him. James laughed softly and nodded. He sat perfectly still for a moment before squaring his shoulders, clearing his throat, and standing up swiftly.
"Everyone! I'd like your attention for a moment." The rest of the Order members stopped their chatter for a moment to watch young James Potter.
"Now . . . we've all been together for a . . . a few months now, and . . . you're all friends to me. We understand each other, I . . .I think." He paused, gulping audibly. Frank Longbottom looked at him briefly, before smiling knowingly. Mad-Eye Moody's magic eye rolled once before glinting in an obnoxiously omniscient manner.
"Um . . . I'm sure you all know that . . . um, that Lilly and I are dating. Have been dating."
"Will date" Sirius whispered to Remus, chuckling softly. Remus shot him a glare and shook his head gently.
"And I . . ." By this point, Lilly was looking at James in an odd manner, her green eyes darkening and glistening.
"Oh, sod it!" His hand plunged into his pocket, bringing out a small velvet box and he came to his knees in front of Miss Lilly Evans. Professor McGonagall gasped softly and brought her hands to her mouth.
"Lilly-flower, I love you. I know this is no time to be married, no time to even attempt to start a future when the present it so precarious. But as Alice said, this may be all we have. You're my Firehair, you always have been. Ever since that first day at Platform 9 and ¾. I want to spend every day with you. I want to have kids with you. Little boys with green eyes and little girls with red hair. Hopefully they won't get mine, of course. . . I know it's soon, and I know it's dangerous, I just . . . I don't want to spend another day wondering if we'll live long enough to be 'the Potters'. I don't want to spend another day pretending that I don't want you to be the one next to me for the rest of my life."
At this, he opened the small box, revealing a gold band with six gemstones spanning the top in a row. The alternating diamonds and emeralds sparkled merrily in the glimmering candlelight that lit the room. It wasn't very big, and it wasn't too terribly impressive. It was understated and elegant, a small touch of class; just like Lilly. Lilly smiled down at James, then looked around the room. Professor McGonagall looked as un-composed as Lilly had ever seen her in her whole life. Gretchen's lower lip was trembling violently, and Alice was unabashedly crying into Frank's shoulder. Remus had his arm around Tabitha, her head leaning against his shoulder. The candlelight just caught the wet trail of a tear slowly traveling down her left cheek. Lilly then looked at Professor Dumbledore, who stood smiling gently at the front of the room. His hand was laid gently on the back of a wooden chair, and his blue eyes twinkled merrily at her. Then, she remembered a late night kitchen run, which now seemed so long ago.
'And, if I may Miss Evans; anyone can see that Mr. Potter wants to care deeply for you. The question is: Will you let him?'
Looking back down at James, she slid off the chair to kneel in front of him.
"You just name the day, James. I'd marry you today if I could."
Peter stood, shocked, as the room erupted into cheers. James had knocked Lilly to the floor in a kiss that didn't seem like it would voluntarily end any time soon. Sirius finally pulled James off of the floor to pull him into a brother hug with the obligatory slap on the back. Remus shook his hand vigorously, as both he and Sirius said "I knew you could do it, we told you that you could do it." Frank moved over to him, saying cheerily, "welcome to the club, Potter"
The girls had swarmed around Lilly, examining the ring, now on her left ring finger, chattering excitedly about colors and flowers and all other blather. But Peter couldn't focus on that. All he could focus on was what Remus and Sirius had just said. 'We told you that you could do it.' That meant that they knew. They knew he was going to propose. And Peter hadn't. They hadn't told him.
Now, Peter was not a stupid man. He knew that in the grand scheme of things, he was the last Marauder. He had always been on the outskirts. The last to get the joke, to know the prank. But he'd always been secure in his position as third best friend. Then the girls came. Before seventh year, Lilly had been like a ghost. A phantom that flirted around James but would never come true. And then she came, and Peter became fourth. To all of the Marauders, not just James. Who couldn't resent that? Then all of the girls came, and Peter backslid into eighth place. He hated Lilly. Hated that jumped-up mudblood who had just come in and changed everything without asking anyone if that was what they wanted. Backing away from the happy crowd, he quietly disapparated back to his flat. Sitting down at his kitchen table, he examined the folded up slip of paper he had left there that morning. The curving skull and snake winked seductively at him. It was her fault, he thought. Her fault that everything has changed. With her out of the way, things will just go back to the way they were. We'll be the Marauders again, and everything will be fine. Bellatrix said so. Unfolding the paper, he saw her formal writing.
'Soon, Peter, tonight. You will meet the Great Lord, who will make everything alright. He has power beyond your imagination. He will shelter you, protect you. Make you more than you ever dreamed to be.'
The war had changed everything. She had changed everything. Peter used to think that he could face anything, with Remus, Sirius, and James there to protect him. Bitterly remember the scene he had just left, he came to the conclusion that he was no longer one of their priorities. Upon hearing a thud in his living room, Peter walked in, hand still clutching the note. A common brown box lay on the floor. Carefully opening the box, Peter pulled out a long span of filmy, soft black material. A cloak. Throwing it over his shoulders, he noticed something in the bottom of the box. It was a white mask, shaped like a skull. He knew that mask. It had haunted his dreams since he first saw it in Hogsmeade. Now it seemed to whisper to him. To tell tales of glory and righteousness. Tales that were never told in Order meetings.
At the school gatherings, Bellatrix told him that he had to remain on the outside of 'their' world until he was worthy to be on the inside. The Order led him to believe that he was on the inside when he was only on the outside. But now he could be on the inside. He could be protected again, important again.
His trembling fingers clutched at the mask, bringing it shakily up to his face. The last thing he saw as his navel jerked backwards were the edges of the eyeholes of the mask, and a picture on his mantle of the Marauders at graduation. James kissed Lilly on the cheek as Remus grinned proudly and Sirius laughed, his head thrown back. Peter stood to the side.
Peter did not see Lilly dash over to give him a kiss on the cheek, or Sirius lock his arm around Peter's neck to drag him closer.
No, he didn't see. For Peter had landed far away, in the deep forests. He was surrounded by others in masks and cloaks, sprawled at the feet of a figure more snake than man.
He would no longer be on the outside of both worlds.
