"The Adventures of Professor Proton, Jr: The Proton Express…"

Summary: In my first longer Proton Jr tale, can Prof Proton Jr. aka mild-mannered Sheldon Cooper and Dr. Amy aka Amy F. Fowler save the world at Christmas…And can Proton Jr. keep that blond sob of an engineering genius Tom Swift, Jr. away from his girl?

Equally important…Should Cameragirl Penny allow this thing to appear on her acting credits or just accept that all hope of a professional career is gone and just enjoy while peddling her drugs?

Disclaimer: All is Chuck's…

Part XLIII…

"Well, she's heading for the surface…" Bud eyeing Amy on video feed, then Swift as they stood in the Suburo compartment, now slowly taking on water despite their efforts to plug several small but steady leaks.

"Yeah, hopefully she should make it in an hour." Swift nodded. "Sorry about this, Bud." Indicating the rising water.

"Never a dull moment with you, ole pal." Bud grinned. "But lets keep blame where it belongs, Bwarry Wyckcliffe. Whom I hope to pay back in kind, soon." Nod.

"I just hope Bernadette and Proton are ok. But they've got Sermek to watch 'em and keep Arthur on his toes. Wish we could reach them, though."

"Lets hope alls well there and trust them to do their stuff. Bud, I think we've got two choices." Swift noted. "We try to get through to the suits in Arturo which are probably too damaged or…We try to release Suburo from the rest of the ship."

"With the weight on us, even if the manual release works…" Bud began.

"I have an idea. A risky one, and it'll depend on using just about all the battery power we've left." Hard stare.

Smile…"You know I like to live dangerously. And I agree, Arturo's a wreck and even if we could get through in the hydrolungs, the suits there are probably out of commission. What're the details on option number two?"

Aboard the alien vessel, Bernadette and Proton had reached an impasse with their hostess…

"You can't alter course even in an emergency?" Bernadette stared at the floating image.

"I'm sorry. I should be more…Specific. I/The ship can self-destruct if there is danger of a breech of containment or impact with Earth. I can self-destruct if an unapproved person or device attempts to enter and defense mechanisms do not contain them. However, I can't alter course at this point without my superiors' approval. And that would take several days to transmit and receive." Mary explained.

"Several days? That's remarkable…" Proton stared. "Is that some sort of subspace transmission?"

"The principle is similar but more comparable to use of warped particle transmissions via tachyons." Mary smiled.

"Fascinating…" Proton shook head.

"That's great, but we need to act now…" Bernadette insisted. "You allowed us to board. Isn't there anyway to do some sort of emergency landing protocol or course change that we could approve?"

"Your interface code allows access only, I'm sorry. A course change could only be done with authorized approval, I'm very sorry, Bernadette." The image offered a faint sigh. "But I can destroy myself once you and your companions evacuate, without danger to Earth, if you feel it's too dangerous for me to land at the set coordinates."

"That would be a terrible waste…" Proton shook head.

"I agree." Bernadette, pondering. "You have a system for landing, correct? Some sort of retro-rockets? Something?"

"Or just the dark matter drive you employed to get here." Proton noted.

"The main drive you refer to is too powerful and therefore, dangerous, to use so close to the Earth." Mary explained. "I employ what you would call a 'magnetic drive' to perform braking and landing at this stage. But the course and landing coordinates are preset."

"And you can't alter them…" Bernadette sighed. "Without authorization…Wait!" she looked up through the glass portal of her suit. "Is Tom authorized? Your superiors accepted the course change earlier, thinking it was him. Can he authorize a course change, if we can reach him?"

"A moment…" Mary faded, then reappeared. "Yes, Tom is authorized, as is his father."

"Seems a bit sexist…Bernadette is a Swift." Proton noted. Bernadette regarding him with surprise through her portal.

"Sexist? Oh, I see." Mary's floating head nodded. "Oh, no. No offense was intended, we were not aware of Bernadette's connection to Tom Swift and his father."

"Well, now you know…" Proton noted, sidelong glance through his suit's portal to Bernadette…

See, this is how you use feminism to get things…As Bernadette frowned at his coy look.

"…perhaps you can grant Bernadette her rightful authorization, as a Swift of the female persuasion."

"I cannot as of this time, Professor Proton." Mary, apologetic tone again. "However, I will submit a request to my superiors and I'm sure they will approve when they receive the message in a few days. Again, no offense was intended, Bernadette."

"None taken…" Bernadette sighed. "And thanks for trying…"

"Well…I think it's outrageous." Proton insistent. "And you, as a female, whatever you are, should be defending your fellow female and her rights."

"I am sorry, Professor Proton. I cannot grant authorization myself." Mary noted. "But I will note your statements in my report to the Home and Council."

("Say…That sounds almost exactly like Ms. Davis from our HR department…" Sheldon noted.

"Thank you…" Penny, mock-bowing. "Actually, Howard has about a hundred of her voicemails and gave 'em to me for practice."

"Well, you were terrific." Sheldon nodded. "Maybe in our next video piece you could play a character based on her…"

"NO! No!" Leonard waved frantically, calming as he saw that Mr. Jones had left for the day.

"…in brown makeup." Sheldon finished, beaming innocently.

"I don't think so, honey." Penny sighed. "But thanks for the complement."

"You know, putting aside Sheldon's innocently insensitive racism, it might not be such a bad idea to have a version of Ms. Davis in our next epic, maybe as Proton's HR lady on the show?" Howard pondered, nodding to Bernadette.

"You know, for comic relief with her trying to keep Proton, Jr. in check on his show?"

"Hmmn…I dunno…Maybe." Bernadette considered.

Couldn't we do something a bit more "epic" next time than another Professor Proton, Jr? she thought.

"I wonder if Regina King's doing much these days?" Howard pondered to Bernadette. "I always told Janine she was her spitting image."

"Be cheaper just to hire Ms. Davis." Bernadette shrugged.

"Uuhhh, no. Not a good idea." Howard shook head.

"What did you do?" she frowned.

"I meant it as a compliment…Really." he noted. "But I suppose in my admittedly wilder days, it was more like an invitation to star in a porn video…"

"He offered me a role like that." Penny nodded to Leonard. "I punched him so hard he went across the room, right against the wall…" she smiled fondly at Howard. "Good times, ya know?" to Leonard.

"What?" he eyed her troubled look.

"I only said I'd think about it, this one time, when I was really, really hard up." She sighed. "I mean, after all…It was only Howard. I knew I could keep it practically G-rated. And it was the biggest salary I was ever offered for acting.")

"That's too bad." Bernadette sighed. "But can you reach Tom? He's about 10000 feet below the sea near the landing site. Or maybe my father at Swift Enterprises?"

"I'm sorry, Bernadette. I am trying but the ionization is too intense right now for a signal to be transmitted." Mary, apologetic tone.

"Damn…" Bernadette sighed. "Well, please keep trying…"

"Of course…" Mary, nodding. "But perhaps you three should consider returning to Earth or some safe location. It may be necessary for me to self-destruct if I cannot transmit a signal to Tom or Dr. Swift and an attempt is made to seize me by unauthorized persons."

"I'd hate to see you do that, Mary." Bernadette shook head. "Lets keep trying to find something. Heck, even if you do follow the protocol and land in the ocean, Tom was working to find a way to reach you first. We'll stay…Unless, Proton…?" she turned suit to eye him through her glass.

"What?" he stared back through his.

"She thinks you're a wuss and need an excuse to run." Sermek explained.

"Sermek! Certainly not." Bernadette glared. "I just know you have Dr. Amy waiting for you, Proton…And you aren't required to risk your life here."

"Not being a Swift, you mean." Proton eyed her.

"No, Arthur…" she began.

"I'll have you know Arthur Proton, Jr is a son of Texas…" indignant tone. "And sons of Texas, however, mildly concerned they might be at the prospect of being burned up in the atmosphere, nuked, exposed to radiation or deadly organisms, are required to stand tall and fast, lil' lady."

(Oh…Amy, gulping. "I need some water.")

"So much for your brief foray into feminism." Bernadette eyed him with sour frown but then grinned. "Ok, thanks for staying, Arthur."

"Certainly. Now, as to our problem with obtaining authorization status…One surely up my alley…Maybe you could wear a mask of your father's face?" Proton suggested to Bernadette who frowned at him.

"Brilliant idea…" Sermek, sardonically. "A galaxy-straddling artificial intelligence could never see through that."

"It is a worthy idea." Mary, diplomatically, with smile. "But it would not pass my security protocols, I'm so sorry, Professor Proton."