Chapter 11
Aria's pov
Of all the places in Rosewood and even Pennsylvania, he brought me to Rive Gauche. Which most of the time, was our date night spot after he got shot. Why would he bring me here, to the only romantic restaurant in town? Especially since he has a girlfriend, and we're getting divorced. I just have no idea what else we could even talk about.
"You know we didn't have to come here for dinner, we could've gone to The Grille." I pointed out.
"You deserve a nice dinner and we haven't been here in a while. But I hope you know I'm always going to consider this our spot." He said, taking a bite of his salad.
"Yeah." I said quickly, not really sure how to respond.
Neither of us said anything, as we ate our salads. I couldn't think of anything to say, what should I say? He hasn't spoken to me for two weeks, then after ditching the ultrasound for the baby… he finally talks to me. But that was to say he wanted a divorce. What the hell am I supposed to say tonight?
"There's a chance that Ali will get released for a weekend. But Mr. Dilaurentis is pushing for her permanent release." I said, remembering Cece's words.
"Is there any way we can stop it?" He asked, and I shook my head.
"Doubt it. He's been trying for the past year, which I don't get at all." I told him.
"Parents will do anything for their children. Remember when you said you'd fight blood and tooth for Malcolm?" He reminded me
Our waiter came, taking away our empty salad plates and refilling our drinks. One good thing about Rive Gauche, you don't have to ask for a refill. I wonder how Josh is doing at work right now. As our waiter walked off, I looked back at Ezra. I can't be thinking about Josh right now… no matter how much I want to be.
"Then why did he walk away after she came home? He may not be her biological father but according to Alex, he treated Ali like an angel. Wait a minute; he wasn't Alex's father either and he treated her like crap." I pointed out.
"Oh, did I forget to tell you? I found Alex in this little pub a few blocks away from my flat in London. She's here for a while, and she'll be at the wedding." I said, noticing Ezra's confused expression.
"How do you keep meeting people in pubs?" He asked with a hint of offensiveness in his voice.
"You know, I think we should tell the boys about us soon. But we should ease them into it… especially Oliver." I said, changing the subject.
"Maybe we should hold off on the divorce for now. I said that when I was hurt and angry, that isn't fair to you."
"I want a divorce too." I lied, secretly hoping that he didn't see the look in my eyes.
How could he just suggest we hold off on the divorce? It wouldn't be fair to Nicole; what would that look like to her? We decide to get divorced and start the process then all of a sudden, we're no longer going through with it? But as unfair it would be to Nicole; it'd be worse for me. I've had enough of all of this hurt …I just need closure.
"You say it's not fair; but it wouldn't be fair either way. Route A; I lose my husband, who I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with. Or route B, we hold off on the divorce, which wouldn't be fair to Nicole and will just confuse me even if there's no chance of us ever getting back together. So please, tell me how any of that is fair." I blurted out before I could stop myself.
"Besides, I already called Peter and made an appointment to start the process." I said, before Ezra could respond to what I just said.
"Yeah." He said quietly.
…..
I poked at my filet mignon, which was the only thing that sounded good to me. Neither of us have brought up the divorce since I pretty much blew up on him earlier about it. It's just mostly been small talk about the boys or work. God, I miss being able to have actual conversations with him. Maybe I should tell him about Carrie's email… it's not like I'm even considering going back.
"The other night, Carrie Emerson emailed me. She invited me back-." I started to say
"So, you're just going to take Oliver and leave!" He snapped, interrupting.
I glanced around to see people staring at us, like we're some soap opera couple or something. Well this should be spreading through Rosewood like wildfire in about an hour… maybe sooner. Why the hell did we even need to have dinner in town? Hell, the taco bell right outside of Rosewood would've been a better choice. Realizing that he'd just assume I was going to take the job; I began seeing red. How could he just think, that I'd take the job without talking to him first? He's barely been in Oliver's life, and now he thinks I'd just take Oliver and jump on the next plane?
"Listen to me, I was never going back to London. You've barely been in Oliver life already Ezra! You being able to see him every day… that means everything to me. How could you just think that I'd jump on the first plane out of here?" I asked angrily.
"Youve done it before! Do I need to take you to court, so that you can't take my son and leave the country again?" He asked angrily.
The second the words left his mouth; I felt the tears brimming my eyes and choked back a sob. There's no way he would actually do that… would he? We both know he only said that out of anger, but that doesn't mean the words didn't hurt like a bitch. Holding back tears, I looked dead into his eyes.
"You wanna become those bitter exes? Is that what you want our kids to see as they grow up? I told Carrie I was honored, but I'm happy here… in Rosewood. Where OUR son could see his father more than he has these past four years!" I said quietly and he sighed.
"Not seeing you or Oliver last summer because you were off in London…. It killed me." He told me
"Ezra, you're acting as if I'm the only reason we hadn't seen each other at all that summer. You had your book tour for 'Ostinato' and Malcolm was in New Jersey for soccer camp. Not seeing each other was obviously in the cards, you cannot just put all the blame on me." I told him.
"I shouldn't have said any of that, I'm sorry. And I just fucked up our dinner, great." He said.
"Hey, I'm not done eating and we still have dessert." I reminded him.
"Yeah, we still do." He said quietly, with a soft smile.
"This might be completely random, but I think you should write about what you and the girls had gone through… everything." Ezra said, and I knew he also meant our relationship.
"I'm not saying this because you're the mother of my children. You have a gift for writing Aria, one that shouldn't be kept from the world." He continued.
"Ezra, I don't know if that's something I can write about. I still have the nightmares, and sometimes they merge together. Which makes it even worse." I said, and he took my hand in his.
"Aria, I want you to call me whenever you have a nightmare. I don't care what time it is." He told me.
"Ezra, I can't keep coming to you for every little nightmare I have." I pointed out.
"Who knows your nightmares better than me? I want you to call me whenever you have one… because I love you Aria." He said.
"Yeah, okay." I responded quietly.
Neither of us said anything as we continued eating, what could even be said? Ezra loves me…. He probably didn't even mean it like that. There is no way he could still actually love me after learning I almost slept with hardy and didn't tell him about it. I still loved him after learning about him and Alison… but he has Nicole now, I didn't have a whole new boyfriend already.
"When is the next ultrasound? I swear on my life I'll be there." Ezra asked.
"First of all, don't swear on your life. The boys have spent enough time without you in their lives, and it's in two weeks." I told him, receiving a soft chuckle from him.
"Okay. So, um I haven't told Nicole about the baby yet." Ezra said carefully.
"When you tell her, that's up to you. That's a big conversation to have." I pointed out
…
I stared out the window as Ezra drove down the street, we hadn't really said much after we almost kissed when we were talking about my internship. The kitchen light was on at Caitlyn's, I'm sure one of them is just waiting to make sure I came home in one piece and not in tears. Ezra pulled into the driveway and rushed out to open my door. I quickly got out and he walked with me towards the porch, I wonder if Oliver managed to convince Hardy or Caitlyn to let him stay up until I got home.
"You do realize that you don't need to walk me to the door, right?" I inquired.
"Walking the girl to the door after a date is the right thing to do." He said, then realized what he said.
"Screw it." He whispered.
His lips were on mine, catching me off guard and I cupped his face. As he gently pressed me up against the wall, I softly moaned and he slipped his tongue into my mouth. Realizing what was happening, I quickly pulled away. What the hell were either of us thinking… Wait, what am I thinking of not fighting for him or for us? But he seemed pretty happy with Nicole this morning and I can't make him choose like that.
"Thanks, for dinner." I said quickly and turned to open the door.
"Aria, we really should talk about it… that kiss." He begged, taking my hand in his
"I'm going to pretend that didn't happen, because it shouldn't have happened. Goodnight Ezra." I told him, with my voice cracking.
Taking my hand back, I quickly walked into the house before he could say anything more. I quietly shut the door and leaned against it. Taking a deep breath, I held my tears back and waited for him to leave. As I heard Ezra pull out of the driveway, Hardy walked in from the kitchen and we shared a look.
"How about some tea?" He suggested.
I watched as Hardy boil some water and grabbed the box of chamomile. As Hardy placed a tea bag in each coffee mug, I walked over to the fridge and stored my leftover on the bottom self in. Turning around, Hardy already had the tea ready and I took the mug from him gratefully before sighing. He wasn't going to push me to start talking about it, but this needs to get off my chest.
"It was so damn confusing. He brought me to Rive Gauche, and told me that he'll always consider it our spot. We sort of fought about Carrie's invitation to go back to London, and there might have been a kiss on the porch a few minutes ago." I told him.
"And?" Hardy asked, knowing there was more.
"I'd be lying if I said I wish it didn't happen, it did make me think again about fighting for him - for us. Tell him that he's just wasting his time with Nicole and that we were the ones meant to be together." I said quietly.
"What stopped you?" Hardy asked.
"He set me free so I knew for sure that I wanted to be with him forever… I have to do the same for him. Think I might head up to bed, pretty sure a headache is forming." I said, sipping on my tea.
"Well I should warn you – Ollie is in your bed." He told me.
I gave him a small smile as he took my mug and I headed upstairs. There too many questions running through my mind, I just want to go snuggle Oliver and fall asleep. Walking into my room, I saw Oliver curled up with bubba on the left side of my bed. I quickly changed into my pajamas and crawled into bed with him.
…...
Next day
The girls and I were at The Radley, which is now a hotel and spa. Alex was going to come to meet Emily and Hanna, but Spencer told me; Alex wasn't feeling well and that Mary's taking care of her. We both know how much Alex wanted to meet everyone, especially knowing what Alison put all of us through.
"How would you girls feel if I wrote about everything we went through? I can always change your names if you want." I asked, taking a bite of my veggie omelet.
"Maybe it could give you closure from what Mona put you through." Emily said.
"Em, we all went through it." I pointed out.
"Ar, she didn't kidnap all of us for months." Hanna carefully reminded me.
"Maybe, you should consider talking to Sullivan again if you do write about everything." Spencer suggested.
None of us said anything, Hanna sipped on her mimosa and Emily dug into her skillet. I glanced over at Spencer and we shared a look. We all know that I usually just want to forget what Mona did, to me and to Toby. Then it got worse when Mona shot Ezra, those nightmares destroyed me more than the ones where I'm back in the shed. Hanna set down her glass and took my hands in hers.
"Aria, I'm going to say this with love. I think you really should consider talking to Sullivan again, or anyone." She said softly
"I'll consider it, I promise. But you girls are sure you're okay with me sharing everything?" I asked.
"Of course, we are. I bet your book will be adapted into a movie." Spencer said.
"With everything, I think of it becoming a tv show instead of a movie. Too much has happened, for it to be a movie." I joked.
"Are you… going to add about you and Ezra's relationship?" Emily asked.
"Yeah, he said that I should write about everything. I really don't wanna talk about my dinner with him right now=, it was so damn confusing and my brain still hurts from it." I told them and they nodded.
Also, the fact that I'm still pretty confused about the kiss we shared and that he told me he loves me. Was it a slip or did he actually mean either of them? But he's with Nicole now, there's no reason he should be telling me he loves me or kissing me the way he did.
….
"Your server tonight is going to be Annie, and she'll be with you shortly." I told the older couple, after seating them.
I walked back to the host stand to see a folded-up piece of paper with my name written on it. This is not from Alison, or mona. They're locked up…. At least Alison's locked up for now, until Kenneth finds a way to get her released. Taking a deep breath, I opened it to see two tickets for the showing of All about Eve on Friday.
'How about we add a movie after dinner Friday? – Josh.'
Looking up smiling, I caught Josh's eye right away and nodded. He walked over as I slipped the tickets into my purse. Today has been so stressful, and this made it a little bit better. Before he could say anything, he got notification on his iPad that one of his tables needed him. Chloe walked over and handed me another glass of water as my phone lit up with a call from Malcolm. She nodded and I quickly answered my phone as she took over the host stand.
"I'm almost off work, what is it honey." I answered, and I could hear Oliver having a meltdown in the background.
"You may want to get here now…. Dad told Ollie about him and Nicole." He told me.
I could feel my heart dropping into my stomach as he told me. The one thing I didn't want to happen – happened. He met Nicole without me preparing him, did Ezra introduce them? He wouldn't do that after I asked him for time to prepare Oliver… or would he?
"I'll be there as soon as I can, can you please try to calm him down?" I asked, Chloe glanced over worriedly.
"Yeah, I'm trying but you're the one he - I WANT MAMA!" I heard Oliver cry over Malcolm.
"Go, I can handle it up here." She said as Malcolm and I hung up.
Grabbing my purse, I quickly punched out and ran out. Running through people, I made my way towards the brew. Running into The Brew, which was empty except for Oliver in one of the accent chairs holding bubba to his chest. Rushing over to him, I gently scooped him up and kissed his forehead. He held onto me as I sat us down onto the chair.
"Shh, mama's here baby. Mama is right here." I whispered, kissing his forehead.
I rubbed his back as he slowly stopped crying. Looking around, I didn't see Ezra or Nicole as Malcolm came over and handed Oliver two funfetti sugar cookies. Ezra's probably in his office, waiting for me to come talk to him. Why hadn't he called me instead of Malcolm?
"You learned something really big today, didn't you Ollie?" I asked, receiving a nod.
"Daddy don't love us no more." He cried.
"Oh baby, Daddy loves you more than anything." I said softly.
God, I should have been preparing him for this in case something like this happened! He offered me a bite of a cookie, I took a tiny one and kissed his forehead. Hopefully, this won't make him ice Ezra out again. That's one of the things I don't want to happen out of all of this.
"How about we go and visit Uncle Tobby? I'm going to go talk to dad, you two start heading over." I told them.
Malcolm took Oliver's hand and they started headed for the door as Ezra came out of his office. He glanced over at me, before turning to see that the boys were going to leave without telling him goodbye. What did he expect from them after what happened today?
"You hurt Ollie's heart!" Oliver exclaimed.
"Congratulations asshole, you broke your own child's heart." Malcolm yelled at Ezra.
"Malcolm Jeremy Fitz! Do not be swearing like that, especially in front of your four-year-old brother. Now, go walk over to the station while I talk to your father. Just so you know, we'll be having a discussion later about cursing at your father." I said.
"I'm four and three quarters." Oliver told Malcolm.
I watched as the boys walked out of the brew, it broke my heart how hurt Oliver was from everything. Even though I knew he'd be confused, but the last thing I wanted to ever happen was for him to think Ezra didn't love him.
"Was I delusional that things were starting to get better between us? You've broken his heart before, but not like this. Now once again… I'm the one to pick up all the pieces!" I yelled the moment the boys were outside.
Without saying another word, I walked out and headed towards the police station. People glanced at me, as I wiped my tears. Of course, this had to happen today, right when I'm starting to think everything is looking better. One of Toby's coworkers held the door open for me as I hurried up the steps, and I smiled a thank you. I saw that the boys were patiently waiting in Toby's office, I felt an arm around my shoulders. Looking to see who it was, Toby smiled at me and his smile vanished when he saw the tears in my eyes.
"Tell me what's wrong." Toby said
"Oliver knows about Nicole, resulting in a huge meltdown." I said quietly.
We got to Toby's office and saw Oliver curled up in the desk chair, Malcolm was trying to cheer him up by spinning the chair. Malcolm stopped when he saw us, and came to give Toby a hug.
"Lieutenant Oliver, there's been a robbery." Toby told Oliver.
"Daddy hurt my heart." Oliver said quietly.
Toby walked over to his chair, lifted Oliver up and sat down. Malcolm and I were sitting in the chairs, on the other side of the desk. I don't even know how it all happened, didn't even ask Ezra why he did it. With everything going on between us, there's no reason to do that to our son. Especially after barely being in his life for the past four years.
"Tell uncle Tobby what happened." Toby said.
"Ollie heard Daddy and Nicole talking about a date." Oliver told him.
I shared a look with Malcolm as Oliver went on telling Toby everything, I realized he didn't know Oliver had only overheard and that Ezra didn't just tell him. If Oliver just overheard, then why didn't Ezra say anything? Oh my god, because I just stood there and accused him without letting him say anything… crap. I keep royally screwing up and one of these times, it's really going to fuck everything up. I wouldn't be surprised if Ezra tried to fight me for custody at this point, I keep screwing up each chance of us getting along.
…..
The boys headed inside as Toby drove away, and I waited as Ezra's car came down the street. At least Hardy and Caitlyn took Rosie to see a movie and have dinner, the last thing I need is Hardy trying to interfere into this. I made my way across the street as he got out of his car. Walking up to him, I couldn't tell what he was thinking.
"Okay, let me have it." I said.
"Aria, you didn't let me say a word! You just yelled at me then stormed off, set on I was to blame." He yelled.
"I'm so sorry, I should've let you talk and not assumed you told him yourself." I said softly.
"You seem to be saying 'sorry' a lot lately." He pointed out in a snarky tone
As the words came out of his mouth, I stared at him. It feels like things will never be anywhere near okay between us. Was that dinner just a trap into falsely thinking that we could finally be able to co-parent, without having there be obvious issues between us. I made a mistake, now I can never try to fix what I had broken? Feeling the tears, I didn't bother to hide them, I'm tired of trying to be strong.
"I get it Ezra! I broke all the trust you had in me, then I accuse you of telling Oliver about you and Nicole! I'm a stupid dumb bitch, is that what you want to hear?" I cried.
"No… it's not." He said softly and I ran a hand through my hair.
Without saying another word, he lifted his hand and cupped my face without breaking eye contact. I could feel my heart racing. I moved my face away and looked across the street, this cannot happen again.
"I should go get started on dinner… for the boys." I said quickly.
"Yeah, of course… Think I could come over later and talk to Ollie?" He asked.
"Sure, come on over in about half an hour." I told him.
Walking across the street, I could feel Ezra watching me. I have so many questions about why he keeps kissing me… but I'm not sure I even want to know the answers. What would have happened if we had signed those divorce papers after I learned about him and Alison? Would we even have Malcolm, or would Hardy and Caitlyn even be together? Every choice made… paved its way to this moment. As much as I think it would be easier if we had signed the papers back then, I couldn't imagine our lives if we had.
AN – If you celebrate, Happy fourth of July! Just wanted to let you guys know that it might be awhile before I post the next chapter. As of right now, I only have chapter 12 and I want to write more chapters before I post anymore. Don't forget to send in names you think should be used to name Ezria's baby and Spoby's baby, along with your guesses on whether either baby will be a bot or a girl! I hope you enjoyed this chapter!
