A/N: This is chapter three. It's incredibly long for a chapter that I've written. Over four thousand words. Anyways, again the italics are a flashback. Enjoy. Read and Review! -Mac

Disclaimer: I don't own Life with Derek, or the song—that belongs to Mae.

Chapter Three

Quiet Aches Intense

Driving in the rain to the hospital. Quiet aches intense. What at once just seemed the impossible now makes perfect sense. We held hands to face the uncomfortable, cold and lonely room. Magazines and empty distractions barely got us through.

The rain pelted the windshield as I sped down the street. Of course it would start raining now, of all times. The rain had begun to fall just before we left the house. We were soaked before we reached my car. So we were wet, cold and completely silent as I navigated us to the hospital.

I had been completely dressed and ready to go in five minutes, probably less. Casey threw on some jeans, tied up her hair and followed me to the car once she grabbed her purse and house keys. I was no longer thinking. I was running on instinct. I just had to get there, and get there fast.

I watched the windshield wipers and their perfect rhythm. The twenty-minute drive to the hospital felt like it was taking ages. I hit another red light and let out a frustrated yell, slamming my hands on the steering wheel. I should have been there already. Why wasn't I there yet?

Casey slipped a comforting hand onto my forearm. I turned to look at her. I noticed the clear tracks that winded down her face. When did she start crying? I hadn't ever known. She had always been quiet when she cries. She never wanted anyone to know when she was hurt, but I always did. I reached over and wiped a couple fresh tears away with the pad of my thumb.

"It will be okay, Derek." She whispered.

"How do you know?" I choked out. Oh hell, when did I start crying?

"I don't." Casey admitted, "But it just has to be."

I took a deep breath before I began to drive again at the green light. I took the first parking place I found once we arrived at the hospital. Casey was right behind me as I rushed into the emergency room. I made a beeline to the nurses' desk, and we found my dad and Nora there talking with one of the ladies there.

"Dad, what's going on? Is there any news? Anything new?" I questioned rapidly.

"Derek, Casey! Thank God you're here." Nora exclaimed before she proceeded to hug us both tightly.

"Mom. News? Anything?" Casey repeated my curiosity.

"Nothing new." Nora shook her head, "She's still in surgery. We don't know anything yet."

My dad took his turn to hug us both before saying his part, "And we're stuck here with a mountain of paperwork. So we couldn't find out anything if we wanted to."

"George, I'll do this—let me do this." Nora replied and punctuated her point by pulling the clipboard and papers out of my dad's hands. "Why don't you head down to the cafeteria, get some coffee, get me some coffee. I'll find you if we hear anything."

"Okay, okay." My dad nodded and headed toward the elevators.

"The waiting room is around the corner, why don't you two wait there, I'll be there as soon as I'm done here." Nora suggested.

I nodded and headed in the direction Nora had pointed, but Casey held back. "Mom is there anything I can do? Anything at all?"

"No honey. Just wait with Derek and try not to fight right now. We really don't need that right now." Nora replied.

"We won't. Promise." Casey said simply.

"Oh Casey." Nora responded and out of the corner of my eye, I saw here embrace Casey once again. Then she noticed it, "Is that Derek's shirt?"

"What? Oh yes. I was asleep when I got the call, I was in my pj's, it was the first thing I found in the laundry. I didn't even realize it at first. I wasn't exactly thinking straight." Casey explained quickly—lying through her teeth and she was good at it too.

"I don't think any of us are." Nora sighed.

"I know mom. We're all going out of our minds a little."

Not long after, Casey joined me and we continued on to the waiting room. We sat down together in a row of empty seats. I felt...broken, stuck, like I'm moving but going nowhere. I wasn't quite numb yet, but close to it. I ran a shaky hand through my already mussed up hair. I let out a deep breath and jumped in surprise when Casey's hand latched onto mine. I hadn't forgotten she was there, I just wasn't aware of every move she made like I usually was. I was really out of it tonight, with good reason though.

"Why is this happening?" I nearly sobbed out. I was crying again. I hadn't cried in like ten years and tonight I was already onto my second bout of tears.

"I don't know. I really don't know." Casey murmured.

"Little Marti. God, how could this happen? Casey, things like this aren't supposed to happen. What did she ever do to deserve this kind of pain? What did we ever do to deserve this?" I rambled.

"Derek, calm down. Everything will turn out all right. But we need to be collected, kept together to be here for Marti." Casey replied, her tone mildly scolding. "This is nobody's fault."

"This is my fault." I corrected looking her in the eye. It was my fault, she just didn't know what I had done.

"How do you figure that?" Casey frowned.

"This is my fault. I should have just said yes." I said quietly.

"I don't understand. I don't know what you're talking about Derek." Casey responded.

"I said no. I said no and now we're here. It's my fault!" I exclaimed.

I was downstairs, settled on the couch and flicking channels on the TV. The noise of everyone getting ready faded into the background. I was already excited. Casey and I were finally going to get some time alone together. It was such a rare luxury. I was really excited. Thank God for birthdays! Thank God for Daddy-Daughter days (plus Nora)!

I was deeply absorbed in my plans for the day when my dad approached me. I was surprised he was the first one ready. Nora must have gotten stuck getting Marti ready. She was probably insisting on the cat ears again or the costume from last Halloween. I chuckled silently to myself at the very thought. I finally turned my attention to my dad. It was obvious he wanted to talk to me.

"Hey Dad, what's up?" I replied, nonchalantly.

"Derek I have a favor to ask—but I completely understand if you say no, because you probably already have plans." My dad responded quickly.

"What is it, Dad?" I shrugged.

"Could you maybe watch Marti for today. I know we've been planning on taking her out, but Nora and my anniversary is coming up soon and I was hoping to maybe take Nora out on a little preview, just the two of us, as a surprise." My dad answered.

My first thoughts were about the plans I would be making for Casey and my anniversary. I shook myself from those thoughts and remembered my plans for today. I had my cover already thought out.

"Well, I already made plans with Sam for today. You know I would love to spend the day with Marti, but I promised Sam I would hand with him." I began, "I could cancel, I mean it's just Sam."

"No, it's fine. I completely understand. The two of you haven't really gotten to spend much time together since...well you know."

"Since Casey and he broke up. You can say it Dad. She's completely over it." I finished his unfinished sentence. "I mean, it's been six months. Come on, she's a big girl."

"Right." My dad nodded. "Well, there's Nora and the kids. We'll see you later—late afternoon, maybe early evening, really depends on the little one there. You know the rules. We're really trusting you here, after the last time..."

"I know." I nodded, "Just go, already!"

"Try not to fight too much with Casey, please." My dad added as he joined Nora near the door.

"I promise I won't burn the house down...with her inside it." I joked. "Really, everything will be fine. We don't even fight that much anymore."

"Well, I'll believe that when I see it." My dad said sarcastically. "See you later, Derek."

"Bye Derek, and be careful." Nora replied as she walked out the door, followed by Lizzie and Edwin, who waved shortly before leaving.

My dad picked up Marti and she waved vigorously at me, "Bye Smerek!"

"See ya, Smarti!" I called back to her. Two minutes later I was upstairs in Casey's doorway. I never thought that might be the last time I saw her. I never thought my choice would wind up getting her hurt. I never thought.

"I let them take her. I was so selfish. All I could think about was finding a way to be with you. If I had just said yes, this never would have happened." I explained everything to Casey. "This is my fault."

"Derek stop!" Casey exclaimed cutting off any of my further ramblings, "You had no way of knowing what would happen. This isn't your fault. Derek, you didn't do this. It was an accident. It wasn't your fault. The one at fault, really at fault, it is the person that crashed into them. Not you."

Why was she always right? No matter what she said, though, I would always harbor some form of guilt for the whole thing. It wasn't going to just disappear. I had a chance to prevent this from happening and I let it pass by. No matter what happens, I would always wonder what would have happened if I had said yes. If I had kept Marti with me, if I hadn't let them take her, what would have happened?

We stayed quiet after that. I leaned back in my chair, resting my head against the wall behind me. Casey's thumb stroked the back of my hand and I tried to focus on that feeling to get my mind off my worries. It didn't work. I picked up a magazine off a table in front of me and absentmindedly flipped through it. Casey's head came to rest on my shoulder, propped up to read along with me. It was an empty distraction and it worked for only a moment before I tossed the thing back.

Casey sat back up and put her free hand on the shoulder her chin had just vacated. She massaged it gently, sending me silent words of comfort and support. I sent a weak smile her way, which she returned, before I pulled our entwined hands up to kiss the back of her hand gently. That was how my dad and Nora found us.

At first they ignored it. Nora sat down next to Casey with my dad in the seat next to her. Casey's eyes had gone wide for a moment before returning to normal. Casey avoided looking at them, as did I. Our gazes traveled toward the ground and stayed there. My that is an interesting spot there on the floor.

"Any news?" Casey asked.

"Nothing yet. All they keep telling us is that she's still in surgery and a doctor will come and find us as soon as they know something." Nora answered, then after a long, drawn out pause she voiced her own question. "How long has this been going on?"

"Six months." I answered quickly and without hesitation. What was I supposed to do? We were already caught. Besides now wasn't a time for secrets, especially ones as big as this one.

Before another word could be spoken, we were interrupted by the arrival of Lizzie and Edwin, accompanied by a frazzled looking woman.

"Lizzie!" Casey jumped up instantly and hugged her sister tightly. Edwin silently moved toward me and I gave him a half hug from my seat. Leaving Casey's seat open, he sat down in the other chair next to mine. Once Casey released her, Lizzie claimed the open chair next to Edwin.

I was glad he had her, like I had Casey. Like my dad had Nora. We would need them, especially if things got any worse.

"Oh Nancy, thank you so much for bringing them here. We just had no way to get to them and I had Casey and Derek come straight here." Nora had stood and was now frantically greeting the woman who had come in with Lizzie and Edwin. I pegged her to be a mother of one of their friends.

"Nora, Nora! Please, it's no problem. Is there anything I can do for you? Anything at all?" Nancy asked, her voice soft and sweet. It was nice to hear real compassion in someone's voice. "I can't even imagine what you're going through."

"No, we're fine here. Well not fine of course, but...there's nothing you can really do. There's nothing any of us can do right now. We just have to wait and see what happens. And pray the outcome is good." Nora was now silently sobbing but we could all hear the sadness in her voice. "You should be home with your kids. We've got everything we need."

"Okay, but if you need anything don't hesitate to call. We'll pray for her." Nancy offered before leaving.

Nora wiped her face before turning to Edwin and Lizzie, hugging them both. She returned to her seat and grabbed my dad's hand. He must be torn up. I haven't really spoken to him yet. Not that I could even find words to say to him. Casey's hand slipped back into mine and she rested her head back, her eyes closed. It was silent amongst us, until Lizzie asked a question I was too afraid to ask—I thought it would have upset my dad and Nora—but had been mentally voicing since the call.

"Mom, what exactly happened?"

Nora met her daughter's eyes momentarily before she began to explain. They had been on their way to pick up Lizzie and Edwin. They had promised Marti ice cream but had saved it for last so they could take Lizzie and Edwin too. They were halfway through an intersection when it happened. A man in a truck ran the red light and slammed into the tail end of the van as it attempted to pass. The car had practically curled in on itself. They would find out later that the man had been drunk. Marti took most of the impact. Nora and my dad escaped with just a few scratches and bruises. It was then that I noticed the slight gash in my dad's forehead and the discolored bruising along Nora's neck and shoulder—what could be seen around her shirt—which I credited to the seat belt.

Nora said it took almost a half an hour to even get Marti out of the car. She was alive but unconscious and she was hurt really badly. They were afraid they wouldn't make it to the hospital in time, but they had. All that was left to do was wait. So waiting we were.

Hours passed with no news, no sign of anyone to tell us anything. I was exhausted, hungry, thirsty, and a ton of other things, but I couldn't move. I wouldn't move. I wasn't going to move. Not until I heard something about Marti. I wasn't going to walk away. So I stayed put, barely moving a muscle, and held on to Casey's hand for dear life. She was the only thing keeping me together. She was keeping me strong, and I bet she didn't even know it.

I checked the clock on the wall in front of me for probably the hundredth time in the last minute. I was tired of waiting, I wanted to know what was going on. I hated not being clued in. It made me feel even worse than knowing something was wrong. At least if I know I could figure out a way to handle it. Not knowing was killing me.

I stood up abruptly and Casey sent me a surprised look, "I'm going to the cafeteria. Find me if anything happens."

"I'll come too." Casey said standing.

"Lizzie, Edwin do you want to come? Get something to eat maybe?" I asked my eyes on my brother's sad face.

They both nodded weakly and followed me. Again, Casey hung back, "Mom you will find us if anything happens, anything at all?"

"Yes, honey." Nora nodded. "Look after the kids...and Derek."

At the sound of my name my ears picked up. I turned slightly toward slightly toward them, in time to hear my dad ask, "How is he taking it?"

"It's been really hard on him. He blamed himself for awhile, but I think I talked him out of it." Casey answered.

"He told you then?" My dad replied in response. "About this morning?"

"Of course. We tell each other everything." Casey said simply and rejoined me. Edwin and Lizzie had gone ahead and hadn't heard a thing.

"Nora, how could we have not known?" I heard my dad say as we turned the corner.

"What happened this morning?" Nora questioned instead.

The four of us traveled down the hall until we came to the elevators. I pushed the down button with a little more force than I meant to. When the doors to the elevator finally opened, I waited for the small group of people to get out and went in first. Casey gestured Lizzie and Edwin in, and then followed. She pushed the button for the appropriate floor. I leaned against the back wall of the elevator and closed my eyes for the brief moment we were moving. Every second that passes seemed to lag. It felt like the night was never going to end.

Casey's hand touched my shoulder urging me out of the elevator that had now stopped moving. The cafeteria was still and quiet. There were probably six people in the whole place: the woman at the register, a couple nurses in line buying a late dinner, and a small family of three sitting at a table by the far wall. I handed Edwin some cash to buy himself and Lizzie something and then headed for the vending machines around the corner. I wasn't up for the pudding, jello and cold sandwiches the main cafeteria served. The crud I had sent Edwin to. I was in more of a junk food mood. I wasn't really in the mood for anything, but I would settle for some chips or something. I dug some change out of my jeans' pocket and bought myself a water bottle and a bag of chips.

"Do you want something?" I asked as I sensed Casey's presence behind me.

"A water would be nice." Casey answered coming to stand beside me, observing the selection.

I handed her mine and searched for another quarter to buy myself a new one. Once I had it in my hand I turned to Casey. "So we tell each other everything?"

"Don't we?" She responded quietly.

"Of course." I smiled and leaned forward to press a kiss to her cheek.

We found a table—not hard, due to the emptiness of the cafeteria—and Lizzie and Edwin joined us a moment later. We sat there silently. Man, we were really falling into a pattern. Edwin had taken a bite of his 'cold meat sandwich'—as the label read. Lizzie sat picking at her cup of jello. Every so often Casey would take a sip off of her water bottle. My own bottle, and bag of chips, sat unopened in front of me. It was just quiet.

"What's with you two?" Edwin asked suddenly, addressing me.

"Yeah you're usually fighting by now." Lizzie added, looking up from her jello.

"Out of respect for...Marti." Casey murmured, but the last word, her name, came out in a sort of stifled sob.

"That's a lie and you know it." Lizzie replied, "You're terrible liar, Casey."

"No she's not." I corrected and all three turned to look at me. How do I explain this one? I could always tell when she was lying, but that wasn't because she was a bad liar. I just knew her well enough. "Dad and Nora seem to believe every word she says, no matter how farfetched it is. Like the whole tee shirt thing today, I can't believe she actually believe that."

"What tee shirt thing?" Lizzie frowned.

"Nothing." Casey responded, "A mix up."

"She's wearing Derek's shirt." Edwin informed her.

"Why?" Lizzie head tilted to the side as she observed the shirt Casey was wearing.

"Like I said, a mix up." Casey repeated.

"What kind of mix up would end up with you in one of Derek's shirts?" Lizzie inquired.

"Oh you know the regular kind of mix up." I joked lightheartedly. This was nice; it kind of got my mind off of Marti. It helped.

"Edwin, I get the feeling there's something going on between them, they aren't telling us." Lizzie replied.

I let out a little chuckle despite myself, "Oh just tell them. Dad and Nora already know. No more harm can be done."

Casey shook her head, "It's not the time, with Marti and everything..."

Again she had trouble saying her name and I noticed all right. "Casey are you okay?"

"With this situation, no." Casey said simply. "I don't think we should tell them, not right now."

"I meant about Marti." I corrected.

"Are any of us okay?" Casey questioned, throwing her hands up, and looking at each of us in turn questioning. "Why did this happen?"

"I was asking you that a few hours back." I shook my head.

"We're all thinking it." Edwin piped up. "None of us want to think about it, but we are."

"What is it?" I asked a little confused.

"What it would be like if the worst happens. What it would be like if it doesn't turn out okay, like everyone says it will." Edwin explained. "No one wants to believe it could happen, but what if it does? Derek what would we do without our little sister?"

I watched as tears began to fall down his face. I kept replaying his words. The kid had it right. I didn't want to think about it. I wouldn't think about it. Marti had to be okay. She was young, strong, and a hell of a fighter. She would make it through this. She had to. I didn't want to think about what would happen if she didn't. What would life be like without Marti? She was a big, ball of energy. She was a bright spot in everyone's day. What would we do without her?

"She'll be okay. She has to be okay." Lizzie voiced my thoughts, "Right Casey?"

"Right Lizzie." Casey answered immediately. She nodded and reached across the table to hold her sister's hand.

It was just too much for me. Everyone thinks things will work out and God I hope they do. I just wanted to know what was happening. I just wanted to know.

"Come on, we should head back." I suggested.

"Okay, let's go." Casey nodded.

We piled back onto the elevator and pushed the button for the floor. When the doors open Lizzie and Edwin went out first and were around the corner in a moment. I went next, but Casey stopped me right outside the elevator before I could get too far down the hall.

"Derek, how are you doing?" Honestly, how are you doing?" Casey inquired, "Because I know I can read you semi-well, but I haven't asked you."

"How do you think I'm doing?" I responded.

"I know how much you love Marti and I know how much this must be hurting you." Casey began, "Talk to me."

"What's there to say?"

"Could you maybe not answer my questions with another question?" Casey exclaimed.

"I don't know, can I?" I joked with a smile.

"Derek, I know you've never been very big on talking about your feelings, but it's me, Casey, your girlfriend. You can talk to me."

"I know that, Case. There's just not much to be said. I know what could happen, but I have no idea what I would do without her. I'm scared. I'm worried. I'm freaking out. I don't know what to do." I sighed.

"I'm here for you."

"I know. I know you are. You give me strength. Did you know that? If you weren't here right now, I would have completely broken down by now. You're keeping me together Casey."

"No matter what happens we'll get through this." Casey said before hugging me tightly, wrapping her arms around my neck.

I wrapped my arms around her waist, in response, pulling her closer. I held her there for a moment. I was savoring the feel of her arms around me—now that Nora and my dad knew, who knows when I'll get another chance. They were leaving it off because of Marti and everything else that was going on, but what happens when it's over? I pulled away slightly, so I could see her face. She gave me a little smile before leaning forward to kiss my lips. I returned it with the slightest desperation. I stumbled back against the wall, pulling Casey with me. She let out a short laugh. I smiled and let out a laugh myself. I pulled her back into my arms and hugged her to me tightly.

"Thank you." I whispered right against her ear.

"For what?" Casey responded.

"For a minute there, I kind of forgot what was happening. For that, and for being her for me." I explained, then lowered my voice. "I love you, Case."

In hushed tones, Casey responded, "I love you too, Derek."

"Derek, Casey!" Lizzie's voice called. We instantly jumped apart to see her turn the corner. "Are you guys coming?"

"Yeah, Lizzie." Casey nodded, following her sister down the hall.

"We were back in the waiting room again. There were a few more people waiting there now than there were when we left. More worried people waiting for answers to their questions. We sat down in the same seats we had left I didn't get a chance to get comfortable—not that I would have been able to—because barely a minute after we got back, a doctor finally came looking for us.

"The family of Marti Venturi?" He said.

My dad and Nora instantly stood up without a word. My dad just nodded. I stood as well and Casey followed suit, immediately catching my hand in hers and giving me a short squeeze. She was trying to tell me she was there for me, like I didn't know that already. I squeezed back. I took a deep breath waiting for him to say something. We were waiting for news and he was there to give it to us. Was it just me, or was it taking an awful long time to spit the words out?

He opened his mouth and I listened intently, more intently than I ever have before. He spoke just two words. Two words that under any other circumstances would have been a good thing, but under these meant a lot hurt. I never thought that two words, so small and insignificant, could pierce the heart in such away.

"I'm sorry."

Guess I was wrong.