2
He had shown up at the hotel where Mycroft had arranged both Molly and Mrs Hudson very late in the night, but Molly was not sleeping. The first thing Sherlock had said as soon as he closed the door behind him was "I meant it". Molly, sitting with her legs to her chest, her arms crossed over her knees and her chin resting on them, had looked up. Her face was pale, her eyes were swollen from crying and her lips were trembling, but to his eyes she was beautiful, "I know…or I wouldn't have told you back".
He, encouraged by her statement, continued "She knew…how to burn the heart out of me", Sherlock ruffled his hair and then whispered "When Eurus threatened to blow you up…" he kept moving restlessly around the room, "I tried to handle the situation with as much coolness as I could, but when you refused to say I love you because it was true and it always was…inside me I felt like something explode. Terror and happiness together".
He stopped standing beside the bed, a few steps away from her who was watching him and listening attentively, "I didn't think you still loved me…I thought your crush on me was an old story having seen the worst of me more than once. I was convinced you understood I didn't deserve you…that I was not, am not, the right man for you".
Sherlock nervously passed a hand over his face and then walked over to the window, "But the way you strenuously refused to say it made me realize how deep you feelings were for me and, paradoxically, how deep mine were for you. And then I panicked…I had your coffin at my back, time was passing and I couldn't think clearly…I only had the thought you were in danger because of me, because of all the people in the world, you loved…me!".
He almost screamed in a heartfelt tone "Everything I touch dies or is in danger of dying, Molly", his eyes filled with tears and his vision was clouded as a result so Sherlock hadn't realized she had gotten out of bed and stood in front of him.
"You have an adventurous life, Sherlock. It is who you are, for better or for worse. And all those around you who love you, including me, are aware of it and accept the consequences", he wiped his tears with the back of his hand and glued his eyes to hers "It's up to you to decide whether to cut us out of your life and keep us safe" Molly said quoting with her fingers the last words, "Or allow us to share everything with you, the good and the bad".
He had deeply inspired and remembered John's words about the 'chance that didn't last forever', and so he had whispered "I want you in my life". "You have me, Sherlock. I'm your friend" she had said biting her bottom lip and looking down shyly at her bare feet, "It will take me some time to process this day, but I won't let you down, I promise".
Sherlock had taken a few hesitant steps towards her "I don't want you to be just my friend". Molly's head had snapped up, "I don't understand, Sherlock" she had whispered giving him a confused and tired look, "I'm too exhausted to figure out what's on your mind, so please…" as she said it, she had freed her long hair from the elastic band held them in a ponytail.
Seeing her brown hair fall over her shoulders, framing her face, making her look more vulnerable and fragile than ever, Sherlock instinctively, as if attracted by a magnet, had covered the distance between them, "I want you to be my Mary" he spat out.
"What?" Molly's eyes had sought his, showing even more confusion, "Molly" Sherlock had uttered her name softly, "What I meant was that I want you with me" he had paused briefly to take a deep breath and she had smiled at him. A sadly sweet smile, couldn't help but notice Sherlock.
"You're saying this on the wave of today's emotions. You believed your sister wanted to kill me and you yourself didn't know if you would get out of that prison alive…", Molly had brought her hands to his jaw and caressed his cheeks with her thumbs. "As far as I know that you are, after all, an emotional man, I also know you don't do feelings or romantic relationships…so please, don't do this to me, Sherlock".
Sherlock's stomach had twisted painfully to see her heartbroken expression, "Just knowing you love me is fine with me…no need to say or do anything else, Sherlock". He had taken her by her forearms "You're right. Today was a shitty day. I had to deal with a sister I had buried deep in my memory for the harm she had done to me when I was a child. I practically risked losing my brother, my landlady and my best friend…again".
Tenderly he had put his fingers in Molly's hair lifting her face so that she could look into his eyes and understand he was sincere, that his words weren't a sop, "But nothing is absolutely comparable to what I felt when I realized what it meant to me to lose you".
And before Molly could contradict him, he kept talking "I love you and…" he added, preventing her certain objection "…before you say I love John, Mrs Hudson or even my brother as I love you…let me disagree" the corners of his lips quirked into a knowing smile, "There's a very much different chemistry between us".
Then he was serious again, "But it's true I have no idea how a romantic relationship works or what is the best way to act on my feelings for you…". She didn't react to his words, at least not right away, then Molly put her hands on his chest without pushing, but holding Sherlock at bay. Her face looked thoughtful, "Do you really want us…" she bit her lip, "In the morning you might regret it" she whispered hiding her face in her hands still resting on his chest, "And I don't know if I could bear it, Sherlock".
He wrapped his arms around her waist, holding her tight against his body, "You know me, you know when I made up my mind I have no second thoughts" with one hand Sherlock caressed her hair, "But I understand your doubts…I've been such a moron to you that you have every reason to reject me".
"I'm not rejecting you. I'm protecting me" she stated breathing deeply before looking him in the face again, "What do you expect me to say?". Sherlock smiled sweetly and leaning his forehead against hers, he whispered "If you could tell me I'm enough…for you, at least for the moment. Enough would make me happy".
And enough Molly said as a faint blush spread across her face. "You need to rest" she added reaching with her hand her back to take one of his and Sherlock tamely let her take him to the bed, "It's all yours…I'll settle down on the sofa", he shook his head and said in a firm tone "Absolutely not. I'll take the sofa".
Molly giggled looking first at the object of their argument and then at him, "You're too tall! You should be a contortionist to sleep in there!" her hand slipped away from his and Sherlock felt a sense of emptiness.
"What if" he grabbed her hand again making her turn "What if?" she asked, blinking in surprise. Sherlock blushed, ran a hand nervously through his dishevelled hair and then in one breath said "What if we shared the bed?".
"O-ok" Molly stammered, "I…I need to take a shower, first" he nodded letting go of her hand, "Well, I guess I need one too" he said, taking off his jacket and arranging it next to his coat. She put an hand in her trousers' pocket and, awkwardly, pointed to the bathroom's door with her thumb "Mm, do you want…?".
"Share it too?" Sherlock said observing her from under his lids, "What? No! What I meant was…" she stammered blushing and pausing to see his joking expression, "That's not funny, you jerk!" she said throwing him a pillow that Sherlock obviously dodged with a cat's deftness, "A little funny it is!" he said with a big smile that almost immediately went out making him serious again.
"You go first" he urged, pulling off his shoes and socks perfectly aware that Molly was wondering how long it would take him to process the traumatic event of the day. When Sherlock finished showering and went back to the room, he felt quite nervous. In that moment he would have liked to be an ordinary man, without complications or childhood trauma of any kind, able to show the woman to whom he had declared his love a short while before, how deeply he loved her.
Molly was lying on the bed, her eyes on the ceiling, wearing the soft white bathrobe provided by the hotel, "Light on or off?" she asked in a faint voice as Sherlock walked to the opposite side tightening his bathrobe's belts at his waist, "Off" he replied stopping by the bed while Molly turned off both the chandelier and the lamp on bedside table.
Clearing his throat he looked at her and shyly asked "Curtains open or closed?", Molly turned her head and opened her eyes half sleepy "Closed, but not completely, please". He obliged her and then lay down, covering both of them up to their waist with the soft duvet.
They stood next to each other for a couple of minutes. Sherlock, contrary to usual, had no idea what to do. Should he get closer to her? Should he hug her? Should he speak to her, reassure her? Kiss her at least? His heart was pounding and his mind could not stop from swirling.
Suddenly he felt the fingers of Molly's right hand intertwine with those of his, "Hush, Sherlock". He turned to look at her and saw she had settled on her left side in a foetal position with her arm under the pillow and was observing him with her warm, golden brown eyes, "No rush. Let's take one step at a time. Now try to get some sleep".
Sherlock smiled as his heart returned to normal beating and his mind stopped spinning. Molly always had this power over him. Soothe and calm down. He gently squeezed her fingers tightening his grip on them, "Night, Molly". Her lips quirked in a sweet, tired smile "Night, Sherlock".
