I own nothing but my OC.


That Butler, Activated 4


'thoughts'

"speech"

"Demonic speech"

[speech heard over telephone]

{setting/stage directions?}

*sound effect*

An entire sentence like this, without quotes, is narration for dreams or stuff like written letters.

=†=†=†=†= scene shift/time shift


"—Now then." Undertaker said, once he had served everyone their tea, and they were all seated. Chêne stared at her 'teacup,' wondering if she could trust something that had been served to her in a glass beaker that had probably already been used to mix the different preservatives, like formaldehyde, that were used to preserve dead bodies. Those chemicals would've killed any germs, but the thought was gruesome... Chêne decided she wasn't all that thirsty, as did Ciel. Madame Red, Grell, and Lau looked a little green around the gills as they too stared at their beakers of tea.

"You want to hear about the Jack the Ripper, yesss?" Undertaker said as he opened an urn containing bone shaped cookies... at least, Chêne hoped they were cookies. She had given him the recipe for Lacey's favorite 'skeleton sugar cookies', but Chêne had usually used a skull shaped cookie cutter for it. "The Yard's starting to get their knickers in a bunch about it now, but... this isn't the first time I've had a client like that." Undertaker told them.

"!!" Ciel and the others said.

'So, these murders have been going on for longer than they let the public believe...' Chêne thought nervously. Now they were getting into the gory details.

"Not the first time? What do you mean?" Madam Red asked.

"Have you seen other corpses with similar wounds?" Chêne asked. She had a feeling she knew that answer to that already, but she didn't want to let on just how much she knew about the Jack the Ripper of her world, since it would make her look incredibly suspicious to anyone who didn't know her... circumstances.

"Yes, very good, little Miss Maid." Undertaker said as he munched on a bone cookie. Undertaker held out the urn/cookie jar to Chêne. "A reward for you~!" He said, grinning a little creepily. She smiled wryly, and decided to try a cookie, out of curiosity. The cookies were probably safe, since they looked the same as when she used to make them... the only thing that was different was the shape.

"Heheh... thanks." Chêne said, laughing wryly as she took a cookie and started to nibble on it. Ciel sweat dropped as he watched her eat it. So she wouldn't touch the tea, but she had no problem eating cookies that had been kept in an urn...?

"In the past, there've been a number of cases... involving murdered whores." Undertaker explained. Undertaker noticed how Ciel was staring at Chêne. "Fancy a biscuit, Milord?" He asked Ciel, grinning.

"I'll pass." Ciel said, sweat dropping. Chêne hadn't gagged or dropped dead yet, but better safe than sorry.

"But their intensity and cruelty continues to escalate." Undertaker said, continuing his explanation, and shrugging as he closed the cookie urn. "The yard failed to take notice because the murders weren't terribly bloody at the outset... but all the prostitutes killed in Whitechapel had a little something in common."

"Something in common?" Ciel asked.

"...You say?" Sebastian finished. Chêne was on the edge of her seat, munching on the cookie, like an entranced moviegoer, who was absentmindedly stuffing their face with popcorn.

"Well, what could it be? What ever could it be? Wouldn't you like to know?" Undertaker taunted Ciel as he leered at the young earl.

"Ugh..." Ciel said, frowning slightly as he and Chêne sweat dropped. Of course he wasn't going to make things easy for them.

"I see. That's how it is. Being an undertaker is only his façade for normal society." Lau said. "How much do you want for the information?" Undertaker perked up at that.

"How much?" Undertaker said, suddenly lunging towards Lau. "I do not desire a single one of the queen's coins!" Lau and Madam Red flinched in surprise. Undertaker whipped his head around. His eyes gleamed as he locked onto his new target, Ciel. Undertaker loomed over Ciel, who flinched, sweating nervously. "Now, Milord... Give it to me..." Undertaker said, drooling slightly as he held Ciel's face with his hands.

"Urrrgh..." Ciel said, plaing slightly. The undertaker's creep factor was going into 'maximum overdrive.'

"Bestow upon me the choicest 'laughter...!! Then, I shall tell you anything...!!" Undertaker said, panting slightly as he hugged himself, blushing and drooling in anticipation. "Aaah! Haah! Haah! Ohhh, yesss!" Undertaker moaned as he leaned on a coffin.

"Hey, is he alright... in the head...?" Chêne whispered to Ciel, sweat dropping.

"What a creep." Ciel said, beyond grossed out.

"..." Sebastian said, unable to refute that statement.

"Heh... Lord Earl, please allow me to handle this." Lau said, stepping forward. "People have called me the sleeping tiger of New Year's parties in Shanghai... and now, I shall demonstrate that in full!!" He declared dramatically as he took a death breath, preparing himself for his show of comical genius. "A fool on the futon." Lau said, smiling.

"..." They all said, staring at him. The room was so silent, you could hear a pin drop.

"... Oh?" Lau said, puzzled when no one laughed at his clever pun.

'Why the heck is a Chinese man telling a Japanese joke in English...?' Chêne wondered, sweat dropping. She had a felling the nickname 'sleeping tiger' wasn't really meant as a compliment to Lau, after all.

"You'll never do, Lau... Very well." Madam Red said, stepping forward as the next challenger. "Madam Red, star of social circles... shall share with you her best tale!!" She declared grandly, striking a pose.

"Madaaam! Ahhh!" Grell said, swooning slightly at her radiance.

"So then... his—beep—was—beep—!! And his—beep—was—beep—too!" Madam Red said, laughing as she launched into telling a lewd story.

"?" Ciel said, wondering what was going on. Sebastian had quickly placed his hands over Ciel's ears when Madam Red stated her intentions, suspecting it would be something of this nature. Ciel glanced at Chêne. Judging by her reaction, he was better off not knowing. Chêne, a girl who didn't even bat and eyelash at having to sit on a coffin, was standing there, frozen, as though she had been turned to stone. Her mouth was twitching. Chêne wasn't sure how to react, but she thought Ciel should consider himself lucky that Sebastian had saved him. She felt like her ears were being raped. Sebastian, however, looked just as calm as always. Damn demon. Undertaker didn't look too amused, either. It was a little late, but Chêne decided to cover her ears, before she could be even more mentally and emotionally scarred, as Madam Red continued her tale, oblivious to her audience's feelings on the matter.

=†=†=†=†=

{An hour later...}

*Bzzzt! Bzzzt!*

A buzzer, like the one you hear on cheesy game shows when contestants get an answer wrong, went off for both Madam Red and Lau, and their mouths had been covered buy masks with big red x-marks on them as a sign of their failure.

"That leaves only you, Milord." Undertaker said, grinning. "The last time I was a bit generous if I do say so myself..." Chêne and Ciel sweat dropped as they remembered what had happened the last time they came...

=Flashback=

"Chêne, while the young master and I are out gathering information for the investigation, I want you to go to the market and buy the items on this list. I will need them in order to prepare dinner tonight." Sebastian told Chêne as he handed her the shopping list and money to purchase the items.

"Alright, but I usually just go to the market on the edge of town, since it's closest to the manor... Do you have a map I could use, so I don't get lost now that we're in the heart of the city?" Chêne asked, furrowing her brow slightly. She didn't really want to walk around London all by herself. She knew a few moves for self-defense, but if someone tried to mug her with a gun, she wouldn't be able to do much, and Ciel and Sebastian were taking the carriage since Ciel didn't feel like walking.

"I'm certain you will be just fine." Sebastian said, giving her a brilliant shit-eating grin.

"Ugh..." Chêne said, her eyebrow twitching in irritation. That was obviously a big fat 'NO.' She suspected Sebastian might be a sadist or something, the way he seemed to enjoy making things difficult for her...

=†=†=†=†=

"You purposely sent Chêne away on a fool's errand, didn't you? I'm surprised she gave in so easily, since she usually kicks up a fuss whenever we do something 'fun' without her." Ciel said as he rode in the carriage with Sebastian. They were on their way to see the undertaker about information for his case.

"Yes. I did not think it would be productive to bring her along with us, given the nature of our destination. Female humans never seem to handle things like corpses very well." Sebastian said, smirking. Ciel glanced at the demon butler, slightly surprised.

"... You... have you developed feelings for Chêne...?" Ciel asked suspiciously. "You did something considerate for her, without being ordered too." Sebastian gave him a sparkling shit-eating grin.

"I was merely carrying out my duty as your butler by removing anything that might inhibit your work." Sebastian said calmly. "I do not have 'feelings' in the same sense that humans do."

"..." Ciel said, eyeing the demon critically. That made a little more sense, but it was still slightly suspicious. He knew Sebastian viewed Chêne as a toy for his amusement, but Ciel was fine with that, as long as Sebastian didn't actually inflict serious harm on her. "Hmph, so you say." Ciel huffed as the carriage pulled up in front of the undertaker's shop. Chêne was a strange girl, but she was still a girl, nonetheless. He didn't think she'd be too comfortable in the Undertaker's shop either. Ciel wasn't exactly thrilled to be going himself.

"Are you in, Undertaker?" Ciel asked as he and Sebastian entered the shop.

"Hee... Hee... Greetings, Milord..." Undertaker cackled as he looked up from the 'client' he had been examining.

=†=†=†=†=

"That's strange..." Chêne thought out loud as she wandered through the streets of London. "I could've sworn this was the way I took to get here, but none of this looks familiar..." Chêne had somehow managed to find the main marketplace without getting too lost, and had already finished the shopping, so she had tried to return to the townhouse, but now she had no clue where she was, and the grocery bags were getting heavy.

"!" Chêne said, surprised when a cold raindrop landed on her cheek, and the rain suddenly came pouring down, drenching her. "Oh, you have got to be kidding me!" Chêne shouted in exasperation. 'I have to get out of the rain, before these paper bags tear and all the groceries spill out onto the ground!' Chêne thought anxiously as she scanned the area for a place she could wait in until the rain stopped. As luck would have it, she seemed to be in a mostly residential area, and the only actual shop on the street was a shady looking business that had a skull on the sign, but Chêne couldn't read the name on the sign through the heavy rain. "Ugh! I don't care anymore!" Chêne yelled in annoyance as she ran for the shop.

=†=†=†=†=

"So, what is the price for the information we wish to know?" Sebastian asked the undertaker when he wouldn't tell them the information they needed.

"If you want me to tell you..." The undertaker said, grinning creepily. " You'll have to..."

*BAM!*

The shop's door suddenly slammed open, and in ran Chêne, ladened down with grocery bags, like a pack mule.

"Excuse me—eeeeeeeeh!?" Chêne shrieked in surprise as she slid across the floor. Apparently, Chêne's shoes were to wet to have enough friction to let her break all of her momentum from sprinting towards the shop, and she was headed straight towards an unfinished coffin that the under taker had propped up against the wall. For some reason, the oak coffin was missing its back. "Kyaaaaaaaaah!?" Chêne cried as she slammed face first into the coffin, unable to shield herself, since she was still holding the grocery bags in her arms.

*WHAM!*

Chêne bounced off of the coffin and fell backwards, landing on the ground. She didn't even have time to flinch before the coffin had fallen over her.

"..." The three men said, stunned, as they stared at where Chêne was lying on the floor, trapped beneath the coffin. Ciel was just about to order Sebastian to lift it off of her, so they could see if she was all right, when the lid flew open, and Chêne sat up—popping up like a jack-in-the box.

"Phew! That was close!" Chêne said, wiping her forehead with the back of her had. "—!?" Chêne gasped, startled.

"What's wrong?" Ciel asked, trying not to sound too concerned. Chêne looked at him, horrified.

"I-I think I broke something..." Chêne said nervously as she felt around for something inside the coffin. "Oh...!" Chêne cried in dismay when she held up a huge brightly colored lollipop. It had been snapped in half when she fell. "I'm sorry, Ciel... one of the kids recommended this to me, so I bought it for you with the money I had left over, but now it's ruined..." Chêne said, visibly wilting in disappointment. Ciel sweat dropped. That's what she was so upset about...? He thought she might've been seriously injured. He noticed that he undertaker was shaking. Was he angry that he had been interrupted? And how was Ciel going to get anyone to take him seriously when his maid was a walking Murphy's Law...?

"My, I sent you shopping so you wouldn't interfere with our investigation, but it would seem you have somehow still managed to do so in a most spectacular way. Your natural talent for causing trouble seems to be in top form today." Sebastian said, smiling a positively radiant shit-eating grin at her.

'Oh crap! He's definitely pissed!' Chêne thought, scooting away from the demon butler as he loomed over her.

"S-Sebastian... I know it might be convenient for you, since I'm already in a coffin, but..." Chêne said nervously. "—Please don't burry me over spilled groceries!!" She shouted, ducking back down into the coffin as she slammed the lid shut, hiding from Sebastian's eerily calm smile.

"Buh—!" Undertaker said, unable to hold back any longer. "—BUHAHAHA~!!" He laughed maniacally, bursting out into laughter. Undertaker laughed so hard, the shop was shaking. Chêne peeped out of the coffin, wondering if they were having an earthquake. Sebastian, Ciel, and Chêne stared at the undertaker, confused.

"...Hey, did we break him?" Chêne asked them, concerned.

"Ahahaha! Haaah~! I have glimpsed utopia~!" Undertaker said dreamily, drooling as he slumped onto a coffin, and tried to catch his breath. "You, my girl, are a comical genius!"

"Umm... Thanks?" Chêne said, sweat dropping and smiling wryly, not sure if that was really a compliment or not, since she hadn't done it on purpose.

"Very well, Earl... since this charming young lady is with you, I shall count this in your favor, this time..." Undertaker said, grinning.

=End Flashback=

"... But no specials this time." Undertaker said, grinning at them.

"Guh..." Ciel said, grimacing. He glanced at Chêne, hoping he wouldn't have to humiliate himself. Chêne shook her head.

"Sorry, Ciel, but I can't do stuff like that on purpose... It only happens by accident." Chêne said, rubbing the back of her neck. "... Besides, why do I have to be the one to sacrifice my dignity again?"

"Oh, you still have some?" Sebastian asked her, smirking. Chêne scowled at him.

"I pride myself on being 'rechargeable'!" Chêne huffed indignantly... whatever the hell that meant...

"Damn..." Ciel said, full of dread. If Chêne wasn't going to help him, then... Sebastian stepped forward. "Sebastian!?" Ciel said, surprised.

"It appears there is nothing for it." Sebastian said, adjusting his gloves. Chêne raised an eyebrow in surprise. She hadn't expected Sebastian to just volunteer like that.

"Ohhh...? Master Butler's giving it a go, now is he?" Undertaker said, grinning.

"Everyone, please step outside if would." Sebastian said calmly.

"S-Senastian." Ciel said, sweat dropping. Just what was he planning to do.

"Wait, why do we have to leave?" Chêne asked curiously.

"You must not, under any condition, peek inside..." Sebastian said seriously, glaring at them calmly to let them know he wasn't playing around.

*Shut.*

The others all sweat dropped when they were herded out of the shop, and Sebastian shut the door. It was completely silent as they all stared at the shop.

"... When he says not to peek, it just makes me want to look even more!" Chêne said, sweat dropping as she tried to control her curiosity. Curiosity killed the cat, after all.

"I won't be held responsible for whatever he does to you, if you do." Ciel warned her. Suddenly a huge roar of laughter erupted from within the shop, shaking it so hard, that the sign fell down. They all flinched in surprise.

"Ahahahaha! No... Stop... Heeeeeeeee!" Undertaker yelled hysterically in between laughs. What the heck was going on in there...!?

*Ka-chack.*

The door clicked as Sebastian opened it again to let them back inside.

"Please come in. He has agreed to speak to us." Sebastian said, giving them all a blindingly bright shit-eating grin. The undertaker was slumped onto a coffin, twitching, as he struggled to breath after laughing so hard.

"I saw paradise..." Undertaker moaned blissfully.

"What did you do?" Ciel asked, sweat dropping.

"Nothing much." Sebastian said carelessly.

"Yeah, and I'm the Tooth Fairy." Chêne deadpanned sarcastically. Sebastian leaned down and smirked as he whispered in Chêne's ear.

"I could tell you, but then I might have to kill you." Sebastian told her, smiling.

"Ah... on second thought, I'm not that curious..." Chêne said nervously, avoiding his gaze.

"Well... to get back to the matter at hand... Gufu...! I'll tell you anything you wish to know..." Undertaker said once he had calmed down enough to speak rationally again. "For a while now... I've occasionally had... clients who are... how shall I say... lacking, you see? Guh-fu!"

"... Lacking?" Sebastian asked.

"Yes, quite lacking." Undertaker said, grabbing an anatomy dummy. "Their innards... that is."

"!!" Everyone said, shocked. Sebastian furrowed his brow and frowned slightly. He glanced at Chêne, and noticed that she looked a little pale, but she didn't actually look surprised, like the others. She remembered hearing something similar about the Jack the Ripper victims in her world. It hadn't always been consistent in what organs were removed, but they had all had at least one organ taken from them.

"Before my clients can rest easy on their beds, I must get them nice and clean, yes? Like putting back whatever might have spilled out." Undertaker said as he rubbed the dummy's face with his hand. "And examining (read: playing with) them as I do my duty is a little hobby of mine, you see?" Madam Red, Lau, and Grell all stared at the beakers of tea they had been drinking, a chill running up their spines at the thought of what might've previously been in them. Chêne was really glad that she and Ciel hadn't drunk any of their tea now. Lau cleared his throat, deciding it was probably best not to dwell too deeply on that last thought.

"So, they were all lacking a kidney or somesuch? In that case, the killer is a loan shark or the like..." Lau said thoughtfully.

"Chinese cellar rats think up the most disturbing things! That's not what I meant." Undertaker said. "Ohh, how frightening, frightening!" Undertaker cooed as he petted the dummy soothingly. A vein mark throbbed on Lau's head. "It is something only a prostitute... a girl would possess. This little one doesn't have it either." Undertaker said, referring to the dummy. It was a model for a human male's anatomy. Undertaker glanced at Chêne, grinning. "I bet Miss Maid can guess... which organ was missing...?" Chêne gulped and clenched her fists nervously, gripping the skirt of her uniform.

"I-It's the uterus... I think." Chêne said, looking extremely pale. She was feeling sick just thinking about it. What an awful way to butcher a woman's body...

"!" Ciel said, frowning slightly. No wonder Chêne looked so disturbed. Undertaker smirked, confirming that what Chêne had said was indeed correct.

"Lately, I've been seeing a rise in such 'clientele' all of a sudden... and their crimson rouge is becoming gaudier by the day. It's all keeping me very busy." Undertaker said.

"Even with few passersby, committing murder on the street... moreover in the dead of night... would it not be difficult for an amateur to cut out the womb with the necessary precision?" Sebastian said.

"... If I were being attacked... I would fight tooth and nail, and I'd scream my lungs out." Chêne said, forcing herself to get a grip. Being scared wasn't going to help get this creep off the streets. "Since no one seems to be coming forward as witnesses of such a thing, it could be that they were killed somewhere else first, and the killer removed their womb before killing them... They're prostitutes, after all, so the killer could have pretended to be a client, and taken them somewhere more secluded... though, I don't know what the crime scenes looked like, so I can't be sure..."

"Quite the bright candles, aren't we, Master Butler, Miss Maid? I have considered that myself." Undertaker said, walking over to Ciel. "Well, let's see... First, I'd take something sharp... and slash the throat..." He made a slicing motion in front of Ciel's neck. "... Then, I'd cut riiiight here... and steal away the precious." Undertaker said as he gestured to Ciel's lower abdomen, where a woman's womb would be, and mimed more cutting motions.

Chêne absentmindedly placed her hand over her own womb. She really didn't feel comfortable discussing this. She had no problem with violent horror movie gore, but... this was the real thing, and these poor women really were being murdered and mutilated.

"The 'skill' involved... and ... 'the lack of hesitation' points to a professional." Undertaker continued to explain. "And most likely, someone of the 'underworld,' at that. And that is why I knew you would come here, Milord." He said, leaning over Ciel's shoulder, and poking him in the cheek. Ciel sweat dropped. He was officially out of his comfort zone. "If there were a possibility that the killer belonged to the 'underworld'... I expected you would be summoned here without fail. Heed my words... another will die. And so will the murders continue... until someone stops them." Undertaker said ominously. "Can you stop the killer... 'Aristocrat of Evil,' Earl of Phantomhive?" Ciel stood up to leave, and Chêne followed suit as Sebastian helped Ciel into his coat.

"The underworld has its own rules. Its residents do not kill those on the other side without reason... and they do not invade polite society using the powers of the underworld. By our family coat of arms... I vow to eliminate, without exception, all who defile the gardens of the queen... by any means necessary." Ciel said coldly.

"Excuse our intrusion... Undertaker."