Angry II
"It also appears that I am suffering from a severe case of split personality," said Severus Snape, as he poured himself another Firewhisky. "Sometimes I feel heroic..."
The front door blasted open, and Snape sprang to his feet. Fearing for Dumbledore's safety, he shouted, "Get behind me now! I'll take care of-"
Dumbledore smiled benignly and peered over his half-moon spectacles. "I am a ghost now, Severus, and nothing can hurt me."
Severus ignores him although his heroic pride was wounded.
At the doorway stood Voldemort in his full glory.
"I have come for Potter," rasped the Dark Lord coldly. "It is your duty as my servant to hand him to me."
Severus shrugged off his robe, muscles rippling in the moonlight. "I will not let you have the boy," he said, winking at the drooling fangirls.
"Then duel me."
They dueled for hours, never tiring. Voldemort summoned a Basilisk and Snape retaliated by summoning a black dragon. He just shouted "Accio Solution!" and the dragon appeared, opened its jaws and seared the flesh off Voldemort's bones.
Actually, the dragon did 99 percent of the fighting, but Snape trudged back to Dumbledore bloody, sweaty and basking in worshipful glory all the same. A phoenix started singing in the background. The world was saved, thanks to Snape. Harry Potter was a no-show.
Dumbledore blinked, and said-
"That's very heroic of you, Severus," the ghost told him. "But Voldemort isn't yours to kill. He is Harry's."
Snape glared and shrugged his robes back on. "You think I wanted to do that?" he demanded heatedly. "It just happens! It's as though someone out there is writing my life story, and I am forced to live it out!"
"Worse, sir, sometimes I become good."
An old crone suddenly entered his house, carrying a bundle in her arms. "Please, good sir," she croaked. "I am old, arthritic, poor, rheumatic, and I have a babe in my arms. Pray allow us shelter."
Snape swope down on them, to Dumbledore's vast amusement. "I will do more than that, my lady," he said gallantly. "I shall take you into mine own home, and treat you like my own mother. The child I shall raise as one of mine blood, and all my knowledge will be passed on to him. Or her. And I swear to protect you with my life, I swear it by my wand. And I will swear it all over again," he enunciated solemnly.
"But sir, I know how you treated your mother. You packed her away didn't you?"
"Er, I mean, I will treat you better than my mother."
But the crone was not to be consoled. She vanished suddenly into thin air, and was gone forever.
"Good riddance," muttered Snape. "She must've been that Skeeter woman in disguise. Why else would she know that I packed my mother away…oops."
Dumbledore held Snape's eye. "And why would Rita know of such a thing?" His ghostly gaze seemed to penetrate Snape's defiance. "Did the both of you-"
"Enough," snapped Snape. "Romantic liaisons isn't a charge you can lay at my door. I never loved a woman. I am not romantic. I refuse to be."
"But this is the night your one true love is prophesized to appear, Severus," Dumbledore said. "We shall see how unromantic you are then."
He came like the night wind, black and silent. His cool fingers brushed the curtains back, and he leapt gracefully into Snape's hall. A cloak as black as ebony hung from his broad shoulders, and his hair flew like a dark river down his back.
"I have come, Severus," smiled Sirius Black.
Snape took one look at Padfoot and screamed.
It was half an hour later before Snape trusted himself to open his eyes. "Sirius Black," he sputtered shakily. "Never!"
Dumbledore only nodded sympathetically. "Sometimes it happens, you know. Anything is possible in the world of fan fiction."
