Um...hi...DON'T SHOOT!
Sorry...anyways, I go to college NEXT FRIDAY! WOOOOOOOOT!

On with the story!

Wyatt Halliwell-Wyatt is a weird name...and other random thoughts
by MEEEEEEE

"Good morning, Paige...what do you want for breakfast?" Piper asked, coming downstairs and seeing her baby sister with her head in her arms.

"Nothing."

"Well, that's not an option. Pancakes?"

"No. Don't-" Paige started.

"Waffles?"

"No, please, Piper, just-"

"Eggs? Ham? Bacon?" Piper opened the fridge, took out the bacon and started up the stove. When she looked up, however, Paige was no longer there.

Piper just shrugged, assuming her sister had once again gotten fed up with her nagging ways. It was all part of being a mother.

And speaking of motherhood...

"MOM! Chris won't stop bugging me!"

"Well, Wyatt told me that he's moving out! Mom! You can't let him move out!"

"Why not? I can take care of myself." Wyatt smirked.

"Because...because...I said so!" Chris said, obviously on the verge of tears. Piper knew it was time to chime in.

"Wyatt, stop teasing your brother. You're not moving out. Chris, Wyatt's just going to Brian's house for a party. He'll be back by dinner." With that, she put an egg on another frying pan.

"He will? You will?" Chris said, turning to Wyatt, who in turn began to laugh.

"You're stupid."

"Hey! Don't call me stupid! MOM!" Chris whined, and Piper simply shooed her sons off. They took care of these kind of arguments on their own, which made Piper incredibly happy.

"You realize that your sons are a bit loud, right?" Paige said, sulking back in.

"Decided to have breakfast after all, huh?" Piper said, putting a plate in front of Paige. But Paige just pushed it away and groaned.

"No. Don't even talk about food..."

"Oh no, not again..." Piper said, realizing that Paige was not simply being stubborn. For the past three weeks, Paige had been throwing up half of what she ate for breakfast. And lunch. And dinner. And all those other snacks that people enjoy eating because, hey, this is America. Land of the food. "Paige, you need to see a doctor."

"I won't. It's just the flu."

"Paige, come on. You know it's not just the flu." Piper replied, and Phoebe came in, holding Melinda.

"Mommy, I can walk by myself." Melinda pulled away and walked the two steps to the kitchen chair. She climbed onto the seat and stared into Paige's face. "Aunty Paige, are you ok?"

"I'm fine, sweetie...just a little tired." Paige groaned.

"Paige, I made an appointment for you for today, like you asked." Phoebe said, grabbing a plate of pancakes from Piper. For about a second, Piper was offended by the theft Phoebe had just committed, but then realized that...well...she was a chef, and could probably achieve a couple more pancakes if she tried really, really hard.

"Like I asked? When did I ask?"

"Well...you asked when you ruined the cord for my laptop...again." Paige had the uncanny ability to somehow find Phoebe's laptop and trip on the cord every single time she ran to the bathroom. Even if the laptop was in a different room. It was almost intentional. Almost.

"I said I would pay for it."

"Paige, for God's sake, just go to the damn doctor!"

"Why does Aunty Paige need'a go ta the doctor?" Melinda asked, mouth full.

"Don't talk with your mouth full, sweetie." Phoebe avoided the question. She quite enjoyed avoiding questions...that way, no one could be angry if her answer was wrong...or right.

Unfortunately, it doesn't always work.

"Why does Aunty Paige need to go to the doctor?" Melinda re..asked...

"Are you done with your pancakes, honey? Why don't you go play with Wyatt and Chris?" Phoebe said, and Melinda sighed. She was a Halliwell...she knew when she wasn't getting an answer. She moped out the door, looking for her cousins.

"I'm not going." Paige was stubborn. When she wanted to do something (or ..not do something...), no one could make her. No one.

Alright, maybe one or two people could...when they threatened to throw her keys, favorite earrings AND her favorite cashmiere sweater down the garbage disposal...

"You wouldn't be able to fit it all down there, you know..." She grumbled.

"We would have cut it all up before." Piper said, driving her wonderful black SUV...which she just bought this past year. And before anyone says anything about SUV's, remember one thing. This is San Fransico...everyone worries about the environment...Piper figured that she could drive an SUV, because instead of the environment, she gets to worry about other things...

Like...demons taking over the world- and then polluting it with all their icky guts...

"You know, you don't have to come in with me." Paige said, slamming the door.

"Hey! Watch the car..." Piper snapped. "And yes I do. Or else you'll just run away...I swear Paige, sometimes you act exactly like Chris..." For instance, the last time they tried to eat mashed potatoes...or the last time Piper asked either one of them to clean a room...or-

"Where do you think he learned it all?" Paige laughed.

"Come on..." Piper said, grabbing Paige and going into the doctor's office.

Back at the Manor, Chris was...bored out of his mind...

"Cwis, do you want more tea?" Melinda asked him. Chris stared at his full cup and sighed. He wished Wyatt was back from his party...but he wouldn't be back for another four hours...

"No thanks, Mel. Do you wanna play something else?" Chris asked, but Melinda was set on tea party. She had the whole set up. A pink rolling tray, cups with plates...even a working teapot that Phoebe had filled with apple juice!

Of course...apple juice. Chris hated apple juice with a passion. The Passion of the Chris...it was all anti-round-red-fruit...

"You want more sugar with your tea?" Melinda asked him, and before he could say no, she poured in some of her "sugar"...oddly enough...it was sugar...Splenda, maybe...but sugar...

By the way, never mix apple juice and sugar. You will throw up. Chris found this out the last time Wyatt went to a party. He sure had a lot of friends...too many for Chris' liking. Wyatt and him were supposed to be best friends. That's the way all the TV shows are!

"Um, Melinda. I'm kinda sick of tea-"

"CWIS! PWAY WITH ME!" Melinda shrieked and Chris realized that he was stuck. Stuck in little girl hell...

"Wanna play hide and seek?" He tried.

"Alwite!" Melinda said, and jumped up.

"Ok, you hide and I'll come find you. Ready?" Chris started, and Melinda squealed while she ran out of the room.

Good...that'll hold her off for a while, but -

He really wished Wyatt was here...

"Paige Matthews?" The receptionist finally called her name...

"Finally...damn, why do doctor's offices always have to be so slow? Paige mumbled, as Piper prodded her into a hallway.

"Alright, so you're in here because of..." And the lovely nurse (who smelled far too clean for Paige's liking...it was like sniffing the bottle of hand sanitizer...and that stuff burned like crazy...) listed her even lovlier symptoms..

"Yeah, yeah..." Paige said, and Piper (astounded at her sister's ...assholiness...), smacked her.

"She's a little cranky." Piper excused her sister's behavior, and the nurse just smiled...perky little bitch.

Well, let's get your height and weight first, shall we?" Ms. Perky asked, but Paige knew that she couldn't exactly say no. So, she jumped off the stupid crinkley paper on the stupid hard sofa/bed...thing... and walked outside.

"Alright so...five eight..."

"And a half." Paige insterted, but the lady wasn't listening. She heard this all day, every day. People claiming to be thinner, taller...whatever.

"And 131 pounds." Now, THIS was Blasphemy. Paige Matthews had never been over 130 in her life. Not even when she became a "chocotarian" and ate nothing but chocolate for three weeks!

"Your scale must be wrong." Paige said, stepping off.

"Sorry, our scales are scaled to perfection." This lady's face was going to be punched to perfection if she didn't shut up...

But Paige held back as the happy-pills-nurse brought her back into the room...and then got something out of a drawer. "So...we can figure out what's wrong with you in about 5 minutes. My guarantee."

"Really? Can you get rid of it that fast, too?" Paige asked, and the receptionist looked offended.

"...No..." She said, and then, the smile came back to her face, "Why would you want to do that?"

"Because it's damn uncomfortable." Paige said, hating this woman more by the minute. No, the second. Especially when she told Paige what she had to do.

"I just need you to pee on this stick." The nurse giggled.

"What? No, that's impossible." Paige said, eyes widening.

"I assure you it's not...Miss Matthews." Finally, a doctor walked in and took the chart from perkybitch.

"Finally..." Paige muttered, and the nurse, looking scandalous, huffed out.

"Alright, Paige...I just need you to take this into the bathroom..." And the doctor trailed off. Paige seriously wanted to say that she would take it into the bathroom and sharpen it so she could stab the perky nurse who insisted she was a fatty with it, but she thought that might not be appropriate. Plus, why sharpen anything if she could just orb a pair of scissors or something into this guy...which she would never do, of course.

"I'm telling you, that's impossible." Paige repeated. She could not be, she would not be...

"It's not hard. All you have to do is..."

"I'm not saying the test is impossible. I'm saying that the results are. I am not pregnant." Paige was exasperated.

"Are you sure?" The doctor said, and Piper started thinking about this. Paige...a mother? This was gonna be weird...

"Yeah. Promise, doc. Now, give me some anti-flu pills or something, 'cause that's what I got." Paige wanted out. She had a job she had to get to...

"Alright...if you could just follow me, then. We'll get some blood..." Ew...Paige hated doctors...she hated blood...she hated everything about this place. Especially at the moment.

"Melinda, did you know that you were adopted?" Chris said, finally understanding why Wyatt was so mean all those years ago... Melinda had played hide and seek for all of 20 seconds before jumping back to the living room and demanding that Chris play Barbie with her...he had had enough...

"Apotted? What's that?" Melinda asked, bewildered...

"Um...adopted...it's when..." And she looked so eager to learn that Chris almost felt bad about what he was doing... "When your mommy's not your real mommy. Your real mommy is an alien from the planet...Venus." It was a planet...he thought...all he knew was that his Mommy always told his Daddy that women were from Venus. Made sense to Chris...

"Mommy? ...I don't believe you." Melinda said, although her lower lip was trembling. And Chris realized in that moment that he couldn't do it. He couldn't tell Melinda the horrible things that Wyatt told him...wait...yes, he could.

"Fine, don't believe me...but don't come to me when your mom gets sick of you and gives you back Ms...Pipe...she's your real mom. And she eats children!" Chris said, smiling (he couldn't believe how great that was! No wonder Wyatt always tried to trick him), and Melinda broke out into tears. "Oh, Mel...don't cry." Now, Chris was gonna get in trouble...great. "I was just kidding."

Melinda stopped crying immediately and started giggling. "Told ya." Melinda had been faking it! That's so unfair! He had to go and believe everything Wyatt told him, go running to his mother...blowing up whatever was around him...and here's Melinda, who just fake-cries and he folds!

Rather than get angry..angrier...though, Chris decided to pass the time another way.

"Hey, Melinda...do you wanna hear a story?" Chris said, and Melinda snuggled up to him as he told the story of their parents...and a demon...

Alright...I hate writer's block...and I was on vacation..and I'm obsessed with college...

..and I'm making way too many excuses. Please, don't hate me. I will try to write better...

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Love,
PianoWoman...