Hesitation settled in my chest the farther I forced my brown stained shoes to walk along the uneven ground of the forest. My feet dragged along the ground as if I was trying to further delay myself from getting back to the group. The walk back was taking so much longer than before because I was completely lost. The sun had moved the longer I walked, and the instructions I had been given were no longer helpful.
There was a twinge in my chest after another ten minutes of walking, and I had to ignore the nagging doubt that was telling me I would never find the group. Would they come looking for me? I hope so. Maybe they would be waiting on the road for me to come back, which meant that they placed way too much faith in my ability to navigate a forest. I was never getting back—at least the woods seemed like a nice place to live.
What was I thinking? I did not have the skillset to live off the land. Also, I didn't have a weapon to kill any walkers with, which was the number one reason I was wandering around in the woods to begin with. If I had any tool I could sharpen a stick, but I had nothing.
I bit the inside of my cheek as the bank came into view, taking one last look around the forest behind me, before climbing up the dirt hill. All my energy was gone, so I clambered over the fence and looked either way to find the group. Still, I had no idea where I was, but this was definitely the same motorway.
The first thing I recognised was the car with a smashed window, the one that had the first aid kit earlier. When I looked to my left, I saw the RV peaking over the top of the surrounding vehicles, which meant that the group would be a little further back than I anticipated. I was just shocked that I even found the highway, let alone the caravan.
The group was all gathered around in front of the motorhome, and none of them looked very happy. They were all too busy talking to each other that they didn't notice when I cornered a car to meet up with them. At least they seemed concerned.
I swallowed hard when I saw Rick kneeling on the ground near a railing, in front of Carol who had her hands buried in her face. Lori was sitting on the railing next to her, pulling her into a hug as Rick spoke, but Carol never lifted her head to look at either of them.
That was enough for me to call out, "Guys?"
They all looked over so fast that I thought each of their necks would simultaneously snap in half, and all of their eyes widened. Some of them ran over to meet me, but they didn't look much happier as they neared.
Rick was one of these people, running over ahead of the others. The crease in his forehead gave me some of the most anxiety I had ever felt. Well, that was until he spoke. "Ace. . . Sophia? Where is she?"
That only confirmed my suspicions. "She . . . she isn't here?"
Rick turned away, exhaling deeply and burying his head in his hands. Shane straightened up and rubbed the back of his neck, and the others awkwardly glanced away to the side. T-Dog, who was holding a rag over his arm, had leaned back against a car and his eyes lowered to the ground.
I noticed that Lori was now tightly hugging Carol, who had sat down on a nearby railing. She only cried louder when she heard me, and my heart sank. I looked back to Rick hopefully, but from his sidewards expression, I knew that she had not been there.
And it suddenly hit me. She wasn't here, Rick didn't find her or bring her back as I anticipated, and I was now the worst human being alive. I left a little girl out in the woods and just expected that Rick would find her in time. Sure, I lured away a walker, but try telling that to me.
My head shook automatically like I was denying accusations that had yet to be thrown my way, "I had to-to lure a walker away, and I told her to wait for you. She wasn't there when I got back, so . . . so I thought you got her."
Carl walked over. "Dad?"
When I heard his voice, my stomach dropped. I so hoped that Sophia would be here with the group because I didn't have the skills to scour the forest looking for her myself. But she wasn't back, and that was on me. I left her and she was alone now. The large glassy eyes Carl gave me were enough heartbreak to last a lifetime, and I couldn't even look at him. I couldn't make it better. I couldn't fix it.
"Well, the hell are we still doin' 'ere?" Daryl, who had been leaning on a car away from the group, straightened up and grabbed his crossbow from the ground. "Let's get back out there, see if we can find some tracks."
"Yeah, she's still out there," Shane nodded his head, talking more to Carol than the rest of the group. "She's out there and we're gonna find her."
When looking at Rick, I realised that he now remembered to grab a knife, something he forgot when chasing after me and Sophia. Maybe he felt just as guilty as I did for leaving us because if he had his knife he could have just killed them quietly. But it wasn't on him, it was on me. He left me with Sophia, and I let them both down by leaving her alone.
I had to do something.
"I'll come too," I announced, following Daryl towards the railing.
Shane shook his head, "I don't know if that—"
"—I'm coming."
I looked at Rick, hoping his answer would be different, but it didn't really matter what any of them said. My mind was made up, and I was going out there and looking for Sophia. She was alone because of me, and I would find her.
Rick pressed his lips into a thin line, before giving a single nod, "Okay."
"Do you guys need any help?" Glenn stepped forwards.
"Yeah," Shane grabbed a shotgun that was resting on the bonnet of the Cherokee, holding it out to Glenn. "Here."
"Let's go!"
From the yelling, I realised that Daryl had already jumped down over the railing and was standing at the edge of the forest waiting for us. With how annoyed he sounded, I was surprised he would even wait at all, but I never expected that he would even care enough to look for Sophia.
I felt my cheeks heat up. I followed after him—mainly so Shane couldn't argue anymore—and jumped over the railing to catch up with Daryl. I used my hands to stabilise myself as I slid down the dirt bank. Daryl gripped my elbow, so I didn't fall at the bottom.
"Thanks," I muttered.
Daryl didn't answer, just waiting for the others to join us. When they finally scrambled down the hill, Daryl nodded to Rick so he could show us where we were going. I barely remembered, so it would be better for Rick to direct us.
As we walked, Rick gave some verbal directions as he spoke about what happened and where he left us. Then he said that he had to kill the two walkers with a rock he found and used the trees to split them up so he had enough time.
When he finished explaining, he turned to me, "What happened out there?"
"A walker saw me, so I tried luring it away from Sophia. I told her to wait for you unless she got spotted by a walker, then she should go back to the motor—" I shook my head. Maybe they understood the word motorway, but I did not want to go through that confusion again. "—highway."
Shane raised his eyebrows. "You killed a walker?"
"No."
He almost seemed disappointed by my answer, which made me want to argue with him. Kill it with what? Sure, Rick was able to take down two walkers with a rock, but in all fairness, he was a fully trained policeman, let alone the fact that he was a grown man.
Before I could say anything, Rick jogged ahead of us and called back, "It's just over here!"
We followed after him, stopping just as we reached the pond where Rick left me and Sophia. I internally cringed at the thought of getting back in the water and dirtying my shoes even more than they already were. I didn't even get the chance to clean the mud off my legs.
Shane looked down. "Is this it?"
"I left them here, in a nook down there," he jumped off the bank and into the water below, just as he had done before. Glenn and Shane stayed where they were, at the top of the bank with me. I would have gotten into the water again if my red shoes still resembled their former glory.
"Gotta look around for tracks," Daryl frowned, inspecting the ground for what I assumed to be any footprints. I don't know, I can't track. "Sure this is the spot?"
"I left them right here," Rick sounded flustered, not that I blamed him. He probably never expected me to lose a child. "I drew the walkers way off in that direction up the creek. She was gone by the time I got back here. I figured she just took off and ran back to the group. I told her to go that way and keep the sun on her left shoulder."
Shane turned to Rick, his hands resting on his belt. "That's assuming she knows her left from her right."
I got physically angry at his tone, and the doubt in his voice about Sophia. I was too flustered to even tell him that I asked her to show me her left hand, so I kept my mouth shut and just continued watching Daryl. My silent treatment didn't get them to stop fighting, however.
"Shane, she understood me fine."
"Kid's tired and scared," Shane continued. "She had her close call, two walkers. Got to wonder how much of what you said stuck."
I forced myself to ignore them while I thought of any information that may help Daryl find her. "I ran off that way. She wasn't here, so I thought Rick came back and got her."
I pointed in the direction I remembered running from the walker. It seemed important, but honestly, I had no idea what mattered right now. Maybe she ran after me, and Daryl would see those tracks. I don't know, just standing around and looking at the ground was making me agitated.
Daryl glanced back to where I pointed but didn't go over to check. It didn't bother me, maybe he had already looked, or maybe he had seen something where he was. It wasn't my place to tell him what to do, so I turned and kept a close eye out for walkers.
"Hey, short round!" I thought he was yelling at me, due to my height. When I looked down, Daryl was waving his hand at Glenn and making him move away so he could see the tracks. "Why don't you step off to one side? You're mucking up the trail."
Glenn muttered a quick sorry before stepping closer to me. I unconsciously moved out of his way, biting the inside of my lip and giving him a small smile. Glenn lowered the shotgun so it was hanging to the ground in one arm and just waited for Daryl to look at whatever he found.
"Got clear prints right 'ere. She did like ya said, headed back to the highway. Let's spread out, make our way back."
Daryl jumped up the muddy bank, grabbing Shane's hand to pull himself up. Shane lowered himself to the ground and held a hand out to Rick, pulling him up the side of the bank, too. Rick nodded to him, quickly following after Daryl who was crouched to the ground and following the invisible tracks.
"She couldn't have gone far," Shane tapped my shoulder, pushing me in front of him. "Hey, we're gonna find her. She'll be tuckered out hiding in a bush somewhere."
"She was doin' jus' fine till right 'ere, all she had to do was keep goin'. She veered off that way," he pointed his hand along the ground and raised it in the direction where she ran off to.
Glenn frowned. "Why would she do that?"
"Maybe she saw something that spooked her," Shane suggested, "made her runoff."
"A walker?"
Oh, God! she ran off into the woods in some random direction and now she was gone! I felt my eyes widen as all the possibilities crossed my mind of what could have happened to her. I am an awful babysitter, I should never be allowed to be in charge of a child again. Sophia was alone because of me.
Daryl shook his head. "I don' see any other footprints. Jus' her's."
Maybe it would be okay then, if there were no other footprints, that meant there were no other walkers. Here, I interrupted myself. There were no other walkers here. And it dawned on me. There may not have been any walkers around here, but there definitely would be more in the woods, the woods that Sophia had run off into alone.
All because of my stupid actions.
I hated the feelings that were building up in my chest, but I knew I deserved them. My lips pressed into a thin line, and I looked to the others for some guidance on what we were doing next, but they didn't really know what to do either.
"So, what do we do?" Shane asked. "All of us press on?"
Rick shook his head. "No, better if you, Glenn and Ace get back up to the highway. People are gonna start panicking, let them know we're on her trail doing everything we can. But most of all, keep everybody calm."
I frowned, looking back at him over my shoulder. This was my fault, and I wanted to go out and find her. Sophia could be hurt, or worse, and Carol was back at camp worrying about her daughter. The least I could do was stay out there and look for her.
Rick must have noticed my look because he said. "Me and Daryl got this. We'll find her."
Shane stepped forwards, "I'll keep 'em busy scavenging cars. Think up a few other chores. I'll keep 'em occupied. C'mon."
I walked slowly behind Shane and Glenn. My gaze never left my cracked shoes; I crossed my arms tightly to my chest. The voice in my head wouldn't stop blaming and berating me, and it was killing me that I couldn't do anything about it.
Carol would be crushed that some of us were coming back without Sophia. She would want every able body out looking for her, and I completely agreed. I couldn't go alone, I would only be lost again, but I wanted nothing more than to go out and find her.
My chest was heavy, and my heart felt like it was sitting at the bottom of my stomach. The closer we got back to the motorway, the slower I walked.
"Hey," Shane's voice made me raise my gaze from the ground. He was standing a few metres in front of me, nodding his head as a gesture. "Try to keep up."
"Okay," my voice was so quiet, I barely heard it.
Shane waited for me to catch up with him, placing a hand on my shoulder to keep me walking at his pace. "C'mon, she's gonna be just fine."
I wanted to believe him, but he had been so pessimistic back at the pond that I found it hard to know what he really thought. He was a policeman and had dealt with missing children before, but what he said didn't really line up with what his real opinions were half the time.
We made it to the bank in a few short minutes, climbing up and over the railing. I felt myself cringing as we neared the caravan, and I tried hard to avoid anybody's gaze as we walked past everyone who stood around the large vehicle.
"Where is she? You didn't find her?"
The second I heard Carol, I visibly flinched. I stayed behind Shane, my arms wrapping around my waist as he walked toward her. Part of me forgot I would have to see Carol, which made me even guiltier. Her child was missing because of me, and I couldn't even help them look.
Shane placed both of his hands on her shoulders. "Rick and Daryl are out there following her trail. We just gotta wait for them."
Carol was holding her hand over her mouth, stepping back away from Shane. Lori came up behind her, holding her upper arms in case she started crying. Tears poured down her cheeks and she sobbed silently into her hand.
I felt awful. Sophia was missing because of my stupid mistakes. If I had something on me to kill that walker with I never would have lost her. But no, I decided that I wouldn't need gun training, and look what happened. Shane was right, getting the proper training would be useful now.
When Carol saw me, the resentment grew behind her tears. "You saw her last! You couldn't have stayed with her?!"
I was too stunned to even think of an answer for a moment, and I just kept stumbling over my words. "Th-there was a walker."
"And you left her?!" Carol cried.
"I-I tried luring it away," I shook my head quickly. "I'm sorry I didn't mean—"
I had to stop any tears from falling down my face, but I could feel myself on the verge of sobbing my heart out. I bit the inside of my cheeks, digging my nails into my elbows to make myself think about something else.
Shane stepped in at this point. "Carol, Ace did everything she could."
"If she did, Sophia would be here right now!"
"Carol—"
Carol shook her head, ignoring Shane as she marched off to the RV and climbed inside.
I bit the inside of my cheek, my gaze moving to the ground. She had every right to hate me, I didn't blame her for one second. Because I hated myself too. I wanted the guilt to go away, but it wouldn't, not after what I had done.
I looked at Shane for a second, hoping he would change the conversation and distract everyone else long enough that I could restore what was left of my self-control. I didn't deserve to cry in front of them or feel any pity for getting yelled at. Carol was right, it was my fault and I should be the one paying for it.
Shane seemed to understand and turned to look at Dale. "You got the RV running yet?"
Dale shook his head. "No, still looking for some parts in the cars."
"Listen, when Rick and Daryl get back, we're going to want to move on," Shane then turned to Glenn. "You said you saw a bypass?"
Glenn nodded. "Yeah, there was one a few miles back. I marked it down on the map."
"Well, we have to siphon some more gas for the Winnebago and move these cars off the road, so Dale has enough room to turn around," Shane instructed, pointing around at the nearby cars on the motorway. "We should also get looking for some more food, and clothes. Whatever we can find."
Everyone nodded as he spoke, glancing around at the cars.
"Everyone know what they need to do?" Shane asked, and they all nodded. "Well, let's get to work."
Shane tapped my shoulder, nodding his head for me to follow him. "Come help me a sec."
I nodded, following him across the motorway.
"Me and Glenn found a truck with 5-gallon bottles of water, like thirty of them," he explained, looking back at me with a huge smile on his face.
I wished I could give him the same smile, but my face remained blank. I helped him pull the first few bottles out of the van.
"Hey," he stopped, putting the bottle he was holding on the ground. "You're covered in mud."
I looked down at my legs, the brown marks trailed up to my ankles, my red converses no longer red. The brown mud cracked across the top of my trainers as it dried.
Here," he reached into the van, pulling out a bottle of water that was already opened. A little water spilled onto the ground as he shook it, but he placed the bottle down on the ground. He reached in his back pocket, pulling out a rag. He tipped some of the water onto the rag, "clean yourself up."
I took the wet rag from him, kneeling down and wiping away the mud that dried around my calves. I wouldn't be able to clean my shoes right now, not that it mattered. They'd probably get dirty within a day anyway.
When I was almost cleaned up, Shane spoke up. "Are you okay? I guess no one really asked since you got back."
He was right. No one really asked since I got back, which I was grateful for. I didn't need the pressure of hiding the guilt I had been feeling, and if they ignored me then I would not get the added stress. I didn't need their pity either, at least not until Sophia was back and safe. It was my fault she was out there right now.
I stood up, handing him the wet rag back. "It doesn't matter; Sophia is still out there."
When I kneeled to pick up one of the bottles, Shane stopped me. "Ace, it does matter."
"It's not my biggest concern," I told him, reaching down to grab two of the water bottles to take back to the caravan. If I was working on gathering supplies for the group, it would still be helpful enough to distract my mind from not being on the search party.
Leaving him with the rest of the water bottles would also be enough of a distraction that Shane would stop asking whether I was okay. It was very clear that I was not okay, but I knew myself well enough that if I had to talk about what I was feeling or what happened, then I would burst into tears. First of all, it was embarrassing. Second, I really didn't want to cry in front of Shane. I had done it before, I'm sure it may happen again, I didn't need to do it today.
He didn't try speaking to me again as we made more and more trips between the RV and the water van, which I was grateful for. I wondered when he would ever get the hint. I was just happy enough to be doing something for the group, and talking about my feelings would not help with that.
I looked around and saw that everyone had taken on a job Shane assigned. Most of them were either moving cars or siphoning gas from the ones that had been taken off the road. I didn't know where the bypass was, but there was almost enough room for the caravan to turn around like they wanted.
On my last trip, I saw Glenn trying to push a car down the middle of the motorway, trying to move it out of the way of the RV. I crossed my arms, watching him.
"That would be easier if you turned the car on," I suggested.
Glenn stopped pushing, turning to look at me. His face was red and glistened with sweat. "I tried. It won't start; there's no key. I asked Shane to help, but I'm not really sure where he went."
I looked around and noticed that Glenn had Dale's tools with him. Before the herd came, I remembered that Dale had asked him to scavenge different parts from the cars, so I guessed that he was still doing that. I leaned over and grabbed the screwdriver from the top of the box.
Waving a hand at him, I walked around to the front of the car. "Here, move out of the way; I'll get it started."
I opened the driver-side door and sat in the seat. I jammed the screwdriver into the keyhole and twisted it. Sometimes this would start a car that didn't have a key, but it didn't work with this one.
I'd have to hotwire it.
Kneeling down outside the car, I reached under the dashboard and used the screwdriver to remove the panel underneath. When it was free, I chucked it over to the passenger seat. I stuck my arm up in the opening, trying to find the wires.
"Do you have a knife or something?" I questioned, gripping the bunch of wires in my hands and yanking them down from under the dashboard.
"I'll see if Dale has a knife or anything."
He returned a few minutes later, holding out a penknife for me. "Here, he said it's all he had."
"It's just what I needed," I grabbed the penknife, turning on my knees to look at the different wires.
Glenn stood there with his arms crossed, waiting for me to finish what I was doing. Before I could even start, I began talking.
"I can teach you if you'd like," I offered, turning back to look at Glenn. "It might be useful."
"Um. . ." He paused for a second, before nodding. "Yeah, okay."
"Okay," I sat on my knees and moved over, waving for Glenn to sit down next to me. "There should be two bundles of wires. One is for things like the wipers and lights, and the other is the battery and the starter motor and ignition."
I grabbed the latter bundle, holding it in my hands.
"So, you find out which wire is connected to the battery and which one is connected to the ignition—"
"And how do you know?"
"Oh yeah . . . sorry," I held out my hand. "The battery one is normally red, and the ignition one is normally yellow or brown. These ones are the right colours, but sometimes the colours are different, so you can just check the manual. A lot of people keep them in the glove compartment."
"Okay," he nodded.
I continued explaining to him, how to strip two of the strip wires, before holding the penknife to him.
"Here, you can try."
I leaned back, allowing Glenn to move in closer and strip the wires of the insulation. Even though I leaned back, he was still quite close in front of me. I bit the inside of my cheek, glancing away and waiting for him to finish.
"I did that."
"Um. . . okay. So now twist them together," again, he did as I told him. "And when you're done with that, strip the starter motor wire and touch that to the ones you just twisted."
I knew that he'd done what I said when the ignition and radio switched on.
"Is that it?"
"Yeah," I pushed myself up and away from him, stepping back from the car. "Just, make sure you don't stall it or you'll have to do all that again."
He nodded when he stood up. "Okay."
Glenn sat in the driver's seat, bringing the car to bite before he started moving forwards. He laughed when it moved, looking over at me. "Holy shit!"
He drove it over to the other side of the motorway, making sure it was far enough away for the RV to turn around. I crossed my arms, watching as he left the car with the biggest grin on his face. Who knew something as easy as hotwiring would be enough to make Glenn happy?
"C'mon, I'll ask Dale how many more cars have to be moved," Glenn nodded.
I walked with him back to the caravan, and when Glenn found Dale he walked away to talk to him. The only thing I heard was that we still had a lot of work, which meant a lot more cars probably had to be moved. It made sense, the RV probably had a huge turning circle, I wondered whether he would have to drive it into the ditch in the middle of the road to turn it around.
Carol came back out of the RV while I was there, and started looking at the forest beyond the railings. When I neared, I saw her turn around, looking back over at Dale. "Why aren't we all out there looking? Why are we moving cars?"
"We have to clear enough room so I can get the R.V. turned around as soon as it's running. Now that we have fuel, we can double back to a bypass that Glenn flagged on the map."
Shane nodded, joining them. "Going back will be easier than trying to get through this mess."
"We're not going anywhere till my daughter gets back," Carol said.
Lori walked past, placing a crate on the ground, "Hey, that goes without saying."
"Rick and Daryl, they're on it, okay?" Shane assured me. He glanced at me when he said that, before looking back at Carol. "Just a matter of time."
Andra nodded in agreement. "Can't be soon enough for me. I'm still freaked out from that herd that passed us by, or whatever you'd call it."
"Yeah, what was that?" Glenn asked. "All of them of them marching along like that."
"A herd. . . That sounds about right. We've seen it. It's like the night camp got attacked. Some wandering packs, only fewer," some of them nodded in agreement before Shane continued. "Come on, people. We still have a lot to do. Let's stay on it. Let's go, come on."
I helped out a lot before hiding away behind one of the cars. Carol's stare anytime I walked by or spoke to someone was getting to be too much, and I just needed some privacy to work over the problem in my head. I went back and forth over whether losing Sophia was avoidable or not.
The walker would have seen me no matter what, and I didn't have a weapon to fight it. This meant that no matter what happened, I never would have been able to kill it. Me and Sophia would have had to run again, and I got lost coming back to the motorway as it was. We probably would have run into just as much trouble.
I don't know. Every time I thought the scenario over in my head, there always seemed like there could have been a different outcome.
"What are you doing down here?" T-Dog was standing over me with an old beige blanket wrapped over his shoulders. He had a canister and rubber hose in his hands, which meant that he was siphoning more of the cars.
All I could do was shrug at his question.
He nudged the side of my leg with his foot. "Come on, don't want you getting lost again."
"Okay," I answered quietly with a nod.
I pushed myself to my feet, realising that I had been sitting in front of the petrol filler cap anyway.
T-Dog kneeled in front of me, putting the rubber hose into the cap. Part of me was glad that he was doing this job, and the other part of me needed something to do also. I watched as he set the rubber tube in the correct position to siphon the fuel.
"I can do that if you want," I offered.
He shook his head. "I got it."
I crossed my arms and leaned back against the car, the scenarios of what else I could have done for Sophia still plaguing my mind. Maybe I could have used a rock as a weapon like Rick did, or maybe that would just end up in my own death. Think about something else, my brain finally stepped in.
I had to oblige.
As T-Dog coughed up some of the liquid and shoved the hose into the canister, I noticed his arm again. There was some gauze being held around the wound with some tape, and I felt bad that we didn't have enough medical supplies to deal with his arm properly.
"How's your arm?"
He shrugged. "It's okay."
I could tell that he was lying, but he wasn't going to act like it was hurting him. I didn't push. Not until I realised that I had no idea how it happened, because he cut his arm during the time I ran off with Sophia.
I had to ask, "What happened?"
"I cut it on a window when the walkers came," he explained, glancing down at the covered wound. "Guess a piece of metal or glass was broken, cut my arm on the frame."
I smiled. "It wasn't the one I broke, was it?"
"Nah," he laughed. "You only hurt my feelings with that one."
"Sorry, Theodore."
T-Dog only rolled his eyes at the use of his name, but the smile didn't leave his face. When the final drops of liquid ran into the canister, he removed the tube from the car and stood up. He winced as he grabbed the canister in his bad hand, which made me cringe slightly.
I was still worried about his arm. "That doesn't sound very safe, you could get tetanus or something. Did you find any medicine?"
"Got some painkillers, I think it'll be fine."
I frowned. "But how deep is it? You might need stitches."
T-Dog shrugged. "There's nothing we can do about it now, as many cars as we searched there's no needles or thread. All I can do is wait and see if it stops bleeding."
I was seriously worried now I knew how he had gotten the injury because it wasn't just the cut he should be worried about. Cars and metals were really dirty and often covered in germs. He could even get blood poisoning, so if he didn't get the right treatment he could probably die.
"I can look for some stuff for you?"
"It should be okay," T-Dog shook his head. He switched the hand he was using to hold the red canister. "It's actually getting pretty full now, gotta switch this out for the empty one. Maybe start filling the RV, gonna need to do a lot more siphoning for that one."
I followed him back to the caravan, knowing that I had been gone for a while before T-Dog found me by the car, and I didn't want the group to get worried about me. They should only be worried about Sophia.
As T-Dog walked to the back of the motorhome, he started pouring some of the fuel into the fuel tank. I stood at the front of the RV to wait for him. T-Dog was more fun to hang around than anyone else, and I wanted to distract myself from Sophia.
The stairs creaked on the other side of the RV, and I walked around to see who it was. Dale walked around to the engine, which I only now noticed was still opened up to be fixed. Dale had a rag and some tools in his hands, and I assumed that he was still working on replacing the hose. He smiled as he passed me, standing in front of the engine.
My lips pressed into a thin line. "Is Carol okay?"
Dale glanced over but continued working on unscrewing something I couldn't see. "She's a little upset, but I'm sure she'll be doing better when Rick and Daryl come back with Sophia."
"I hope so," I nodded my head.
T-Dog rounded the RV, and I knew he was done fueling. "I'm sure she's okay. Don't worry, Ace."
I cringed when he patted my shoulder, "I can't not worry."
Dale glanced around, his gaze moving up to look at the now orange sky. "It is getting late."
"Dale, it'll be fine," T-Dog told him, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw that he nodded his head to me.
"Oh God!" Glenn called out, looking over the railing. "They're back!"
Rick ran up the hill near the RV, and he was followed by Daryl who was walking behind him. My heart sank when no one else came out after them. Still no Sophia. I squeezed my eyes closed, turning away from them and releasing a sigh.
Carol was the first person I heard. "You didn't find her?"
"Her trail went cold," Rick answered her. "We'll pick it up again at first light."
I turned to face them, watching as everyone walked over and surrounded them. I stayed where I was, knowing that accusations would be thrown at me. Carol's voice was high like she was trying not to cry as she spoke. "You can't leave my daughter out there on her own to spend the night alone in the woods."
It shocked me when Daryl spoke up. "Out in the dark's no good, we'd just be tripping over ourselves. More people get lost."
"But she's 12!" Carol shook her head, turning back to Rick. "She can't be out there on her own. You didn't find anything?"
"I know this is hard," Rick said. "But I'm asking you not to panic, we know she was out there."
"And we tracked her for a while," Daryl stepped in.
Rick nodded. "We have to make this an organised effort. Daryl knows the woods better than anybody. I've asked him to oversee this."
Carol looked up at him, but she didn't look much better. "Is that blood?"
Rick glanced down at his shirt, which did have a spot of red on the front of the shirt. His gaze moved up to meet her eyes and he was unwilling to say, "We took down a walker."
No, no, no! My head snapped to look at them, and the only thing I could think of was that there were more walkers in the woods. More walkers meant that it was more dangerous for Sophia to be out there.
"Walker?!" Carol exclaimed. "Oh my God."
Rick gripped her arms, leaning down to meet her eyes. "There was no sign it was ever anywhere near Sophia."
Andrea frowned, and took a step forward. "How can you know that?"
"We cut the son of a bitch open," Daryl explained. "Made sure."
"Oh, God!" Carol cried as she sat down on the railing, her back hunched over. "How could you just leave her out there to begin with? You left her with an irresponsible teenager! How could you just leave her?"
A few eyes trailed back to me, but I just bit the inside of my cheek and faced away. I felt selfish, but some of the thoughts that came to me reminded me that I was also the one that had been lost. I threw myself in the way of walkers and stopped Sophia from getting bitten as long as I did.
But I was the one that left her behind. Even if I was luring a walker away, I still left her behind. The only thing was that the way Carol constantly blamed me really hurt because all I was doing was blaming myself. I deserved it, but that didn't stop it from hurting.
Shane gripped my shoulder, leaning closer to whisper, "She doesn't mean it."
She should. I just shook my head and walked farther away, hoping to find a way to distract myself.
Rick glanced back at me but didn't say anything. Instead, he kneeled down in front of Carol, placing a hand on her knee. "Those two walkers were on us. I had to draw them off. It was their best chance."
Shane walked over to them. "Sounds like he didn't have a choice, Carol."
"How was she supposed to find her way back on her own?" Carol asked, her voice wavering. "She's just a child. She's just a child!"
"It was my only option," Rick said and looked back at me. "Ace's too."
I shut my eyes, turning away to avoid any looks I may have gotten from them after that. They didn't really believe that, none of them did. They couldn't. Rick wasn't there, he was too busy trying to save us. I wished there was a way of knowing the exact right option, so I could go back and fix it. I would do anything.
Shane spoke up next. "I'm sure nobody doubts that."
I doubted that, but only for myself. I was a hundred percent sure that Rick did everything he could because he couldn't look after both me and Sophia and take down the walkers. The same logic did not apply to my scenario, at least not in my mind. At the time it seemed like the right thing, but Sophia was alone now, so it was obviously wrong.
Carol buried her head in her hands as she cried. "My little girl got left in the woods."
