Sorry. Had the cheek to go on holiday! Now. Where was I ... ?


John looked on in concern as Alex slowly rolled onto her back. He saw her biting her lip against the pain and she grunted with each slight movement. Leaning against the side of the bed, he held on tightly to her hand and straightened the sheets, trying to help her reposition herself.

The sonographer waited patiently, warming up the large ultrasound machine and entering the data she needed. She glanced back and saw that Alex was ready. With a small smile at her she began to explain what she needed to do and then turned to John for him to translate.

Alex kept her focus on John, her face full of fear and anguish. She listened to his voice and nodded slowly. Pushing the sheets down and lifting her gown clear, she closed her eyes and tried to relax back against the bed. The cold transmission gel made her shudder and she squeezed John's hand as the ultrasound probe pressed into her skin, too close to where the dressing covered the deep wound in her abdomen.

John watched the watermarked grey and black images on the screen and glanced at the sonographer. She was silent in her study, angling the probe and entering more commands into the machine. And then she smiled.

John could all of a sudden feel the turn of the Earth and stared in silence at the screen. Unable to quite believe the words of the sonographer or even breathe, he could only stare.

"John?" Alex prompted, tugging on his hand.

John suddenly turned to her and cleared his dry throat. He nodded slowly and tried to find the right words. "Nine … um … nineweeks."

Alex's face was unreadable. She then closed her eyes and a small smile pulled at her mouth.

John watched her for a moment, his mind racing. Nine would be about right. Before Kazakhstan and the Pandora's box that he and Scott had opened, he had shot over to London on the spare of the moment and they had not left her house the whole time. His heart raced with the memory and he frowned slightly as he recalled that they had been careful. But then accidents did happen. He opened his eyes and saw the grainy image still paused on the screen, showing clearly the small grey blob of accident that floated in the blackness.

The sonographer had finished her work and printed off a small image for Alex to keep. She placed the photograph on the bedside locker, smiling and wishing them both well before then heaving the heavy machine from the room.

John sat down on the edge of the bed, careful not to jog Alex too much. He wrapped his free hand around the fingers that still squeezed his and listened to the quiet of the suddenly warm room.

Alex kept her eyes closed and seemed deep in thought. After a moment she looked up at him through sudden tears and shrugged her uncertainty.

"How long have you known?" John asked quietly.

Alex looked down at her abdomen and considered her response. "I had my suspicions but …" She sighed and closed her eyes again, "About a fortnight , I guess."

"Why didn't you say something?"

Alex gave a small laugh, wincing as it pulled at her injuries. She looked back at him and shook her head slowly, her face showing her answer.

"If I had known …" John continued.

"What?" Alex retorted, anger rising, "You'd have thought twice about some of the things you've done?"

John looked hurt.

"Shit!" Alex pulled her hand from his grasp and turned her head away from him.

John watched her in dismay and swallowed back tears. "Please, Al …"

"What?"

"I'm scared."

Alex turned back to him and saw his sadness but it only made her anger grow. She had been hoping he would have all the answers and it was so disappointing to see his tired face full of more questions. She shook her head and turned back away from him. "Leave me alone."

John closed his eyes, tears escaping. "Please, Al."

"Just GO!" Alex shouted suddenly, pressing her hand into her side and tensing against the pain. "Go back to your damned obsession and leave me the hell alone."

"You don't mean that."

Alex groaned. His voice seemed small and quiet like a frightened child. The complete opposite of what she needed right then.

"Al?"

"WHAT?" She spun back at him and grunted in pain, angry tears spilling onto her cheeks. "What do you want from me? You don't need me. You never have."

John stared at her in disbelief.

"Just … go find Henry and end this. I just want to go home."

"But …" John shook his head slowly, "I said I would leave it, Al. I told you. You could have stopped this."

"Oh, don't you dare put this on me!" Alex gasped, "This is all your fault!"

John nodded slowly and his face crumpled as more tears fell.

"Oh, for god's sake!" Alex groaned in annoyance, "You started this, John. I came with you to help you, to stop you doing anything stupid. But you won't listen. Not to me. Not to Henry. Not to anyone." She sighed and shook her head, "And now there's so much more at stake."

John wiped his face and nodded in agreement. "But it's too late now."

"What do you mean?"

John shrugged, "They know who we are."

And suddenly Alex could see where he was going with that. The warnings from Ted. Henry's concerns. The many people they had questioned. Someone had turned the tables. Someone was now hunting them.

"Shit!" Alex gasped suddenly and pulled herself upright, groaning and clutching at her side as she sat up in the bed. She threw back the sheets and hissed in pain as she slid first one foot and then the other over the edge of the mattress.

"Where are you going?" John queried.

"The hell away from here."

John watched her pause to catch her breath and stood quickly, he hurried to the other side of the bed to block her escape and shook his head determinedly. "You're not going anywhere."

"I bloody am." Alex tried to push him aside. "Get out of the way! I need to go home. You can stay here and get shot at but I've got more to think about than myself."

"What?" John placed his hands on her shoulders and tried to ease her back onto the bed. "Come on. You need to stay here."

"NO!" Alex shouted, her breathing rapid and her face flushed as she suddenly began to panic. "I need to go! I have to get out of here!" She edged further to the side of the bed and gasped as her IV lines snagged her arm. With a groan, she grabbed at the cannula and ripped it from her hand.

"Al, no!"

"I have to go!" Alex insisted, pushing him as hard as she could. Her feet found the floor and she tried to stand, moaning in pain.

"Al, stop this!" John warned, trying to hold her back but not wanting to hurt her.

"Move!" Alex insisted, taking a step forward and then finding to her horror that she was tethered to the bed by another tube. She looked down at the thick tube and followed it to where it ended at a large bag, gasping in revulsion. "What the fuck? What is this?" Alex demanded, grabbing at the tube between her legs and confirming to her dismay just where it went.

"It's okay, Al. You had to have that." John explained softly.

"Get rid of it! Get it out of me!"

"No, Al. Come on. You're gonna hurt yourself."

"I need to go! Let me go!" Alex whined, the first sobs making her body tremble. "I need to get somewhere safe." She met his frightened gaze and shook her head urgently, "I need to get it to safety."

"You're safe here."

"No!" Alex thumped at his arms and took another step, yelping in pain.

The door then opened and John saw one of the nurses lean her head inside to investigate what the commotion was about. She gasped and hurried off to get help.

"(No! It's okay!)" John shouted after her and groaned in annoyance. He turned back to Alex and sighed, "Come on, Al. Stop it." He pleaded, his voice firmer, deeper.

"No. I need to go!"

"Al! STOP!" John shouted suddenly and shoved her hard. He grabbed her shoulders just in time as the back of her legs met the bed and she toppled backwards. Half lifting her, he ensured her safe return onto the bed and grabbed her wrists to keep her still.

Alex was crying and fighting against him, kicking out and shaking her head in panicked determination.

"Easy." John soothed, placing one knee on the bed and crossing her arms over her chest, he pressed her back against the pillows as firmly as he dared. "Calm down." He chanced leaning in close to her and rested his forehead against hers. "Ssh … come on, babes. I need you to calm."

And slowly she stopped fighting. Whimpering softly, she relaxed beneath him and tried to calm her breathing.

"That's it." John soothed, "Shh … you're okay. I'm here. Nothing is going to happen to you. I promise," he urged evenly, "You're safe."

Alex looked up into his stern face and blinked away fresh tears.

"Both of you."

Alex was still and quiet, regarding him in uncertainty.

John smiled down at her and watched her brief nod of understanding before she began cry again, if a little more gently. John released his grip on her wrists and she quickly slipped her arms around his neck and hugged him close. "I'm here." He affirmed quietly.

"I'm sorry." Alex managed in a whisper.

"It's okay."

"Oh god, John, I can't - " She choked on a sob and shook her head beside his neck. "I'm not strong enough for all this."

John leaned back from her and placed a kiss on her hot forehead. "Then I'll have to be."

Alex smiled and pulled him back down against her, hugging him tightly despite the pain from the pressure of his weight on her abdomen.

John closed his eyes and nestled his face into her neck, sighing in relief. And then three nurses burst in through the door and surveyed the mess of the room in concern. He stood up slowly and smiled in greeting. "(It's okay. She's fine now.)"

One of the nurses began to tidy the sheets and scattered equipment from the floor. Another pulled on a pair of gloves and grabbed Alex's hand, pressing down on the bleeding IV site and muttering something about having to put a fresh cannula in.

"It's okay." John stroked Alex's hair back from her face and smiled down at her, stepping back a little so the nurses could check on her. She tensed as the nurses ensured her wound dressings were secure and he held on to her hand tightly. He watched as they adjusted the catheter bag and the movement of the tube made Alex flinch hard. She instinctively shoved the closest nurse away and then quickly apologised.

John watched the nurses mumbling together and frowned in concern as they agreed that Alex was too agitated to treat safely. He began to protest and then gasped as one of them took a small syringe from her pocket. "(No. She doesn't need that. She's okay now.)"

"(It's for her everyone's safety.)" Came the stern, if apologetic, reply. "(Doctor's orders.)"

"(No. Please.)"

Alex looked between John and the nurses in confusion and then saw the syringe. She gasped and edged away from them, reaching out for John.

"(Please. Don't.)" John urged.

"(She needs to be still. Calm.)"

"(She will be.)" John assured and then turned to smile softly down at Alex. "They're worried because you were somewhat agitated before."

Alex groaned and closed her eyes. "God … I'm sorry. Tell them I'm sorry. I don't mean to be such a pain in the arse." She smiled as she looked back up at him and then her face crumpled with new tears. "I'm just so scared!"

"I know." John leaned down and smoothed her hair back from her forehead to kiss the damp skin beneath. "It'll be okay." He glanced up at the nurses and nodded in reassurance, sighing in relief as the sedative was put away.

The nurses edged closer again and began to reattach the various monitors and tubes.

"Angry from hot." Came a gentle voice.

John turned to the nurse in question and saw that she had taped up the bleeding IV site but still held Alex's hand, gently stroking her fingers and watching her in concern. She met John's gaze and nodded in reassurance.

"Anger is from hot."

"Very hot." Alex agreed with a sigh, looking across at the nurse and smiling thinly. "Is that bad?"

The nurse shrugged, "Is not long. Get better." She nodded to Alex's hand and pointed at the detached IV.

"Oh. Sorry."

"Is not fault," The nurse continued, "Is okay." She smiled again and squeezed Alex's hand before glancing back at John. "(We need to sort her out now. Perhaps you could wait outside? I'll be here.)"

John nodded in understanding and kissed Alex's cheek, seeing her heavy eyes beginning to give in to her exhaustion before he then headed from the room.

Once outside in the corridor, reality slammed into him and he crumbled. The weight of everything that had happened was suddenly too overwhelming. He fell back against the cool white paintwork of the wall and the tears came.

He was numb and tired and helpless to fight against it. His legs trembled beneath him and slowly he began to sink down the wall as the gentle sobbing started.

"JOHN - !"

John looked up through his tears and saw the blurred image of the man running towards

him, certain that his mind was playing tricks. He closed his eyes and continued to slide towards the floor. It was then that a pair of strong arms caught his fall and he whimpered in relief as he realised he really was there.

"It's okay, John. It's okay. I've got you."

The world was suddenly spinning around John and he groaned dizzily. "Scott?"

"Yeah. I'm here."

And a new wave of tears shuddered through John's exhausted body. He was held firmly for a moment and was then carefully guided along the corridor, stumbling beside Scott and leaning heavily into his tight hold.

John was lowered into a chair and Scott quickly perched beside him, again catching his weary body in a tight embrace

"It's okay, bro', it's gonna be okay." Scott whispered, nestling his face into John's hair and kissing the top of his head tenderly.

"Scott?" John husked dryly, "It's all gone wrong, Scott. It's all gone so wrong."

"I know. I know." Scott murmured, "I'm here."

John clutched at his brother and let the tears continue to fall. Scott was holding him so tightly that it was almost hard to breathe but he didn't care. He listened to his brother's gentle words of comfort and for a few precious minutes his mind was blissfully quiet.

Tbc …