A/N: I'm back! With a sunburn and all that, but it's all about you guys! Enjoy!
Chapter 16
We jerked apart as if we had been doing something terrible. I whipped around to stare at Lana. She sat upon her horse and looked unfairly radiant… even with tears streaming down her face and a bandage across her nose with the appropriate bruising. She ignored me completely and turned those limpid pools of chocolate directly on Clark. "How could you?" she wailed and turned her horse about to gallop off.
Shame burned curiously in my chest, but I wasn't taking that too seriously. Sometimes habits are hard to break. I turned around and looked at Clark. He looked crushed and that familiar guilty look filled his eyes. Now the shame turned to a burning fury. "You have to be kidding me…" I shrieked, my heart breaking once again into a million pieces. "You have to be freaking kidding me!" I stumbled back from him in horror.
He looked at me with those eyes and the guilt seemed to somehow deepen. "Chloe, I…"
He looked like he was going to try and calm me down or something, but there was no way I was in the mood for him to touch me. I felt like I was going to explode. After all that we'd gone through with the secrets and what he'd said about Lana the other day, not to mention our date and that night, I couldn't believe that he could even harbor those feelings. I wanted to cry but the anger wasn't letting that happen. He kept coming closer and I couldn't hold back any more. "Don't touch me!" I screamed and held my hands out in front of me.
Suddenly, fire engulfed my hands and roared forward like some sort of weird fire ball straight at Clark. I gasped in horror as he was knocked off his feet and flew 100 yards into the distance. Almost as soon as it happened, all the fiery rage drained straight out of me. All I could think was that I was a total menace to everyone around me. Now the only thing I wanted to do was get out of there as fast as I could. I rose up into the air to put myself somewhere Clark couldn't get to. "I'm sorry," I whispered and then moved off toward my house. I kept rising into the air until I was fairly certain no one would be able to identify that it was a person where a person wouldn't normally be expected.
As I slowly traveled home, the slight feelings of guilt that had started when Lana had appeared was now a roaring pit of shame. I wasn't worried about Clark being hurt, but what if it hadn't been Clark? What if I'd let loose like that at Lana? She would have burnt to a crisp! How could anyone possibly think I could defeat any great evil when I couldn't even control myself or these darn powers?
As I flew on, even the experience of effortlessly floating through the air didn't relieve any of the blame and anger I piled on myself. My mind continued to go round and round in ever-negative circles and I wondered how I was ever going to live with myself. When I glanced at the ground, I realized how high I was and it felt like a solution was before me. "You don't deserve to be here. You should just let yourself drop and then everyone's troubles would just melt away…"
I was absolutely shocked at the idea, so much so that I started to drop out of the sky like a rock. With every ounce of willpower, I pulled my attention from the terrifying descent to focus on floating back up into the sky. It took a few terrifying seconds, but suddenly I stopped as if I'd actually hit the ground. I hung there for a moment, gasping for breath with my eyes tightly shut. I had no idea why that thought had crossed my mind. Like any normal teenager, I had my bouts of depression, but I'd never even considered suicide before… which this would have been.
When I got my breath back, I looked straight forward and kept my destination fully in mind. As it turned out, it was good that I was concentrating with all my might on that because the voice came back. "Chloe, you know very well that you don't deserve these powers. All you've done with them is abuse them in one way or another. Do you really think some higher power would give you a 'gift' like this?" I tried with all my might to ignore it, but it was strangely compelling. "All you've really used it for is for cosmetic enhancements anyway…" I could feel myself weakening toward it and tried to put more speed on to my floating meandering, aiming for a patch of woods outside of my neighborhood. Why are there so many trees in Kansas? I thought for a moment and realized that the thought sounded somehow different than the other ones. I couldn't understand what was going on.
"Of course you don't understand. You pretend that you're soooo clever, but you always have to be rescued from messes of your own making. You hardly have the skills to use your computer properly." I gasped at the hurtful things that kept insinuating into my mind. I couldn't understand it. While I did have certain self-doubts, I'd never torn myself down so brutally before.
It wasn't until I was safe on the ground that a theory came to mind. I knew that there was a force out there that wanted me defeated so it could run roughshod over the world. Wasn't it possible that it could have similar powers to me and maybe it was trying to subvert me somehow? "You never do want to take responsibility for your own actions, do you, Chloe?" The sneering quality made me quail inside. "Why does this have to be someone trying to hurt you rather than your subconscious telling you some hard truths? You're a coward… Just like your mother!"
I gasped with each new venomous thought. Could my subconscious really be trying to make me see the light? Wasn't it possible? I trudged through the woods until I came to the road and started walking to my house. The negative diatribe continued with each step and I slowed down further and further. Tears started running down my face. Everything felt so hard and hopeless. How could I possibly be expected to save the world when I was so flawed?
When I turned the corner and saw Clark sitting on my front porch, I nearly turned and ran back the way I'd come. I didn't want to face him… not now, not ever. "You might as well go and talk to him and get it over with. He'll be breaking off all contact with you and soon you'll be all alone. After all, you've already lost your other best friend, Lana, today."
Obediently, I trudged on, but my brow wrinkled in thought. I hadn't thought of Lana as my best friend since shortly after this had all began and she'd thought such thoughts about me. And how did I really know that Clark was going to abandon me just because I'd lost control for a moment? Something really odd was going on… but I didn't seem to have the time to figure it out.
"Chloe," Clark started, standing as soon as he saw me.
I could hardly look at him. All I really knew was that if he'd been a normal human, I would have killed him today. Considering how little I actually knew about him, maybe I could have killed him anyway. "Clark, I'm so sorry," I whispered, stopping at the bottom of the porch steps.
"Chloe…" he began, but I couldn't bear to let him continue before I'd said my piece.
"Clark, I was just so mad that you'd felt guilty about being with me when you'd said that your feelings for Lana had changed. I'm sure it was just a momentary lapse and that you'll be back on the Lana bandwagon as soon as we're done here. I'm sorry for losing control." I would have continued, but the tears clogged my throat and I could barely breathe, let alone speak.
"Are you done?" he asked wryly. That snapped me out of my pity party and my head snapped up to look at him in shock. "Because I'm not sure how much more I can stand listening to you before I shake some sense into you."
I smiled a little, but it probably came off a little pained. "Clark, you have every right to want to break off contact. After all, I'm a danger to everyone right now."
"You're more a danger to yourself than anyone else," he said softly and took my hand. He drew me to the porch swing that Dad and I had never used but that had come with the house. "What if you hadn't expelled that fire and it had burned you? At least I'm fire proof."
I looked him over closely. He didn't even smell of smoke and there weren't any smudges of soot on him. "Did you change before you came over?" I asked inanely. It seemed to be the only question I could get out at the moment.
Clark laughed. "Turns out that it was a good thing you left when you did, Chlo. Your fireball didn't leave me much in the way of clothes left."
I blushed to the roots of my hair. Deep inside of me, I wished that I'd managed to control my mortification to see Clark in his entire glory emerging from the flames, but another part said that, if we were to have any sort of relationship, now wasn't the time for that sort of thing. "Sorry, Clark."
He laughed even harder. "In some ways, it was nice. You wouldn't believe the trouble I go through trying to salvage clothes that aren't going to be salvageable. This time I won't have to justify buying new clothes."
"Ah, Clark. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cost you money…" Now I wasn't only mortified for what I'd done to Clark, but now I realized that I'd hurt the Kents as well.
He took my shoulders and shook me a little. "Chloe, snap out of it. Did we not just discuss this morning that it takes practice to control a new power? Did you know that you could throw fire out from your hands?" I shook my head mutely. I was only able to look at him in wonder. What had made him become so forceful, opinionated, and sensitive? Was this what our relationship had been missing? The secrets had kept this from us? But he wasn't musing over those types of things and I had to pay attention. "So, we'll just practice that later. It'll be a good defensive weapon if you can modify the intensity and definitely works for offense."
I could only look at him for a moment. Then I smiled, the doubts easing from my mind. "Thanks, Clark. I thought you were going to tell me off, but I should have known better." I frowned and would have said more, but he cleared his throat uncomfortably.
"Chloe, we need to talk…" Rarely before had I heard anything that made me more nervous and anxious than those four words. We'd gotten over the fireball thing… why did he have to bring her up. Couldn't we just let it go? I dropped my eyes down to the ground and focused on Clark's shoes. I couldn't deal with this right now. Couldn't he see that? "Chloe?"
"We don't have to, you know…" I still refused to look at him. If he was going to start going off on how great Lana was again, I was going to lose it. I already felt like I was going to throw up my liver, so why did I need to talk to him about it? "You know, on the way back, it was really odd…"
Clark wasn't having any of that, which surprised me. It hadn't been that long ago that he'd grasp an excuse to abandon an uncomfortable conversation… no matter how flimsy. "Chloe, we can talk about that in a minute. We have to talk about what happened."
I lifted my head and stared at the siding right beside his head. I pasted on Smile #12 in desperation. "But we did Clark," I said brightly, which sounded slightly shrill, even to myself. I suppressed a shudder of derision because he would notice that in an instant.
"We haven't talked about Lana," he said softly. I could feel his gaze on my face, but I couldn't… I just couldn't bear it.
I advanced my smile to #22. "What's there to talk about? You still like her. It's totally understandable. You've loved her since you were in diapers." I stood up. "You know, I should probably get inside. Dad'll be wondering what's keeping me."
I would have moved, but Clark hadn't ever let go of my hand and showed no signs of allowing me to leave. "I don't, you know."
It was said so softly that I wasn't absolutely certain I'd heard it. "Don't what, Clark?" I said and inadvertently looked straight into his eyes. Those green pools captured me as sure as if someone had held a gun to Dad's head. I felt like they could look straight into my soul and it was so bruised and torn right now that I had to suppress an urge to gasp and make a move to protect myself… hide somehow from my best friend who had inexplicably turned wise overnight.
He took a deep breath. "I don't still love Lana."
My jaw dropped open and I wasn't sure how long my knees were going to hold me up. "But you… When she found us…"
He grimaced. "Do you really think that's how I wanted her to find out about us? She's our friend, Chloe."
I could feel the tears streaming down my face, but I didn't even have the energy to dash them away. "She may be your friend, but I don't think she's ever been mine. After all, you guys didn't seem to mind me walking in on you last year."
He looked as if I'd just hit him in the stomach, but this was too important to pull any punches. "We didn't mean to…"
"Exactly, Clark. And neither did we." I tugged at my hand but that just turned into an exercise in futility. "I don't know what the difference is."
"The difference is that we both had that prior experience to draw from. Would you have wanted Pete to find us like that?" He was still staring at me and I felt trapped.
"Not really, but that's different."
"How?" I gaped at him for a minute and I saw his eyebrow rise. I felt trapped. "Really, Chloe, how was it different? Pete's had a crush on you forever, but has submerged all of that in your friendship. Lana and I tried the relationship thing, but we were both pulling away into the safe realm of friends. So how is it different?" I opened and closed my mouth a number of times, but absolutely nothing would come out. His lips twisted and he nodded. "Exactly. If you hadn't called me this morning, I had been thinking about going to the Talon and telling her the good news. But sometimes things don't go the way you plan."
All of the tension left my body in a huge rush and if Clark hadn't pulled me back down to the swing, I may have just collapsed to the ground. It almost seemed too good to be true. "Truly?" When he nodded, the tears came again. But this time, Clark gently brushed them away.
He smiled at me gently. "So, would that have been a good thing or a bad one?"
"It's good. Good…" I took a deep breath. I really needed to get a hold of myself. My cup seemed filled to overflowing right now and I couldn't help but wait for the next shoe to drop, but that was too negative. I had to be honest. "It just feels… Now that you've said that, I'm almost waiting for you to run off."
He laughed wryly. "Don't worry," he said and he put his arm around my shoulder, drawing me close. "I'm not going anywhere this time."
It was such a pleasant feeling to be held by him that I could have shivered in ecstasy. "Oh Clark, I'm so…" Before I could finish saying anything, everything went black. I was nebulously glad that I had been sitting down because otherwise I would have been bruised from head to toe.
I was back in that shadowy blank area that I'd just visited the night before. But right out of the corner of my eye, I could see a black cloud radiating menace. I wanted to shrink from it, but there was nowhere to go. It felt like it was growing… starting to surround me… suffocating me… until I saw a pinpoint of light gathering me. The dark flinched from it and finally retreated entirely.
"Chloe," the voice from the previous night said to me, "you have to go to Coast City."
"What was that?" I gasped. I now felt warm and secure, but it didn't totally dissipate my terror.
"What are you talking about?" he asked. I thought he sounded a little testy about the interruption. He probably wasn't used to having questions thrown at him instead of unquestioning acquiescence. "There's nothing here. It's something we have created to make you feel more comfortable."
"There was a dark cloud here." Even in my dream, I was shivering. "It… I don't know what it wanted, but it was almost like it wanted to hurt me."
"A dark cloud? That's impossible!"
That comment set me off rather nicely. "Yes, it's impossible… in a dream landscape that you somehow forced me into while I was having an important conversation with Clark. I know what I saw. Fine. Whatever! You want me to go to Coast City? Can I bring Clark?"
"He has already been factored into our calculations and authorization has been given for him to be integrated into the network."
"Network? What network? Can you tell me where to go?" Did they just expect me to know these things?
"The address has already been sent to your phone. You must hurry, Chloe. The world depends on you."
"How am I supposed to do that?" I asked angrily. "I've had my powers all of, what? Three days? How can I possibly be expected to win here?"
"You have shown more progress than any girl before you. Perhaps it is your willingness to believe in the supernatural. Perhaps it is something internal to you. But you can do this, Chloe. You can be the Champion of Good." I could just feel the naïve belief radiating from the PTB.
I could have screamed. Didn't they realize that Good doesn't always triumph over Evil? That human beings, by their very natures, have a bit of each in them? But it was a fight worth dying for and I was already committed on a number of different counts. As I was hurtled back, I couldn't help but sigh. Were the Forces of Good always so single-minded that they couldn't see that things could go horribly wrong with their system? Maybe I'll have to instruct them when I have the time…
A/N: Oy! Can I just say that you really have to be careful with the whole sunscreen thing… especially when you float down a river during a beautiful summer day? My shoulders are absolutely killing me… AND I have to be at work today! Where's the fairness in that?
I received a warning from a reviewer that my Author's Notes might be getting a little long which might cause my stories to be removed. It's not that I disbelieve this person, but, PTB, please let me know if this is true. I don't want to break the rules, but I do like giving personal shout outs to those kind enough to review. Thanks!
#12 – Totally insincere, but trying to pass as genuine
#22 – Sick but I can't allow for weakness
iluvsmallville1: Oh my goodness! What were you doing? Waiting at your computer for me to update? (Just kidding, of course… But yours was absolutely the first review I got and received five minutes after I posted my update…) Lana… Well, what does Lana usually do when she sees or hears something that she doesn't like? (And can you tell that I totally adore "Weird Al"?)
BabyC2003: Well, as I've said, I have some serious issues with the Lana character. And I've been reading transcripts of the show (for another project) and those issues are getting better. But you know, even now that she is together with someone else (and I don't want to say who and spoil it for anyone), she would have the same reaction. I let it color my writing occasionally, but I try and get control of it. No need to let it get out of hand… ;D
reborn: Welcome! I'm glad you liked it!
CSLUVSCK: But of course, you're welcome! ;D Life just went off the deep end yesterday, but my goal is to keep up the regular posting… but I also seem to say that all the time!
Cherri202: It's nearly done… Can you believe it?
markmark261: Lana just makes a quick appearance here. And you're right about the shirt. It's probably the only one he's ever owned that lasted more than a couple weeks at most. They need to look at some flame-retardant stuff for him! ;D
