Chapter One: Never Truly Alone

Everyone seeks attention, however the one thing that varies is the way that they acquire it. Some people hurt themselves, some people hurt others, and some people lash out and have breakdowns crying until their eyes hold no more moisture. People like me, well, they don't do anything, they fade into the background hoping that their body language will be enough for the people around them to see them crying out for help.

Not everyone gets noticed though; some people get forgotten or left behind. That's my case, when the world was congratulating and celebrating these two heroic boys, they forgot about the girl who was there the whole time. Who knew that sitting in a familiar old compartment in the train surrounded by people that I thought my best friends and familiar faces could still feel so lonely. Looking out the window is my only option of things to do. A conversation with the two boys sitting across from me is utterly impossible.

Watching the scenery passing by through the window is somewhat relaxing. I can just focus on that and then everything else around me fades; everything else is minimal and unimportant. There are so many things in this life that just get passed by and overlooked people never really seeing their true beauty like much of the England countryside. I never once noticed the vibrant oranges and pinks of the flowers, or the deep greens of the leaves, which are near the time for foliage. You never notice any of these things until there is nothing left for you, until there is nothing else left to focus your time and energy on.

I can faintly hear in the background murmurs of the conversation involving the boys and the girls who flock to them, wanting to hear them recant the sordid tale of pain, heartache, tragedy, and ultimately victory. It's been told so many times, I am beginning to wonder if they really even remember what actually happened. Part of me feels proud that they tell it with such enthusiasm, that it was important enough for them to be so proud of, and part of me is sickened with the way that they talk about it. Haven't they ever thought that with all of the happiness that the two of them have what about the rest of us, the ones who are grieving for the loss of our friends, of our families, of ourselves?

They never cease to amaze me, before the war I never would have thought that they could do something so wrong as they are doing, without them even realizing that it is wrong, without feeling any sort of remorse for those who lost the battle. I wish that I were strong enough to stand up to them, I wish that I were strong enough to object, but I am only one person against a crowd. All odds are against me, and all bets are off. One day, I hope that there will be someone to stand out against them, not in the evil sort of way, but in the way that they know that they are wrong.

I can't stand the sound of the fake, annoying, high pitched giggling that is coming from the swarm of girls around the two boys so I take it as my cue to get up and wander around the train. I take my robes with me in case the train stops before I can get back to grab them and change. I walk into the changing rooms and look at the empty soul that I have become, but I don't do anything about it. Instead I change, splash some cold water on my face, and leave the bathroom before my past comes to haunt my present.

I'm walking around with no purpose, no destination, and no determination. The only thing that I have is what I am thinking, which isn't anything much, nothing that isn't bitter. I hear footsteps coming my way, and reluctantly I look up to see what I once considered the wisest wizard in the entire wizarding community standing in front of me. Let's just say that the awe feeling has passed. He looks at me with those twinkling blue eyes behind the half moon spectacles. I wonder what he is doing on the train? Is something wrong, not that it really matters at this point, to me everything is wrong. He looks at me and I can almost feel him searching the depths of my mind looking for something, what I can't say but none the less he is looking.

"What's the matter Ms. Granger?" He looks at me. I wonder if he is just asking because he doesn't know, or if he wants to confirm what he already knows. I figure that it is the latter of the two, he has never not known something before the person has a chance to spill the beans, so instead of telling him, I leave him with the generic answer that I have given everyone. No one really cares what is wrong; all they care about is overlooking any problems so that they can go on with their light, fun, carefree existence.

"Nothing is wrong, why do you say that? Really, everything is fine, honest." But we both know that I am not being honest, and we both know that there is something that is bothering me. Most people would find it comforting to tell someone their problems, but not me. I would rather a million people asked me and never answering, because guaranteed ninety nine out of the hundred people couldn't give a rat's ass about the answer. By asking and semi listening they can clear their own guilty feeling that they aren't doing something that could help.

He looks at me with interest, no doubt wondering why I refuse to look him in the eyes. He shrugs it off, and must be thinking that when the time is right or when I want to I will spill all of my feelings and then he can pity me like everyone would, but I wont do that. He really doesn't want to know like all of the others, so why would I bother to waste my time telling him what he really doesn't want to hear. I distantly hear him say something, not really sure what he is saying, probably adding in one of his famous words of wisdom. Nodding and trying to shake him off I walk away going in the same direction that he had come from. I look at the time and notice that I was supposed to have been to the prefect meeting over twenty minutes ago. Maybe that is why he was looking at me like that; it's the first time that I have ever skipped out on a responsibility.

But it really isn't skipping out when you forget about it right? Doesn't matter I didn't really want to go anyways. I keep walking down the path until I get to an empty compartment and I sit down and quietly resume my watch out the window. Things are so serene and peaceful that I didn't even notice when someone walked into the compartment and sat down silently watching my every move. Calculating exactly what he was going to say, he waited until he had everything that he figured he could break me with. But what damage can a person do when some one is already broken?

"What, did your friends all desert you mudblood?" I could practically hear him sneering across from me, but I didn't look at him. I didn't even wince at the wretched name that he had just called me.

"Yeah, I suppose that they did Malfoy." I knew that he was shocked that I didn't come up with something witty, and that I didn't threaten him for calling me a mudblood, but in the end does it really matter? I continued to look out the window, determined to not let Malfoy get under my skin. I could feel his piercing glare on me as I continued to ignore him.

"What's it really like Malfoy." I said before I paused thinking over what I was about to say. He looked at me curiously.

"What's what like?" He said to me almost civilly. I looked at him for the first time with tears brimming in my eyes, they were shinning this much I knew because for the first time ever he looked me right in the eyes. Waiting for me to go on.

"To be completely alone?" I asked him, and his face immediately hardened and his gaze went back to the ice cold sneer that I had grown used to over the years of bullying and torment. I looked back out the window intent on not letting him bother me. In reality though, I was really curious about the answer to that question I had just asked. He didn't seem to want to answer me however, he just looked out the window the same way that I had been. In that moment I think that we came to a silent understanding. He returned his look to me before answering.

"I don't know. I haven't ever been truly alone Granger." He answered with what he must have thought the honest answer, but I knew better. I knew that he had been truly alone even with all of the girls and all of the people who practically worshipped him. He probably felt more alone than I did without even realizing it. Maybe he didn't realize it because that's how he grew up, that's how he was raised, always completely alone. I suddenly had a new outlook on the boy that I had always thought to be Draco Malfoy.

When we arrived at the castle we went our separate ways. I went back to the compartment that I had been in with Harry, Ron and Ginny, plus who ever else had managed to squeeze their way into the compartment so that they could hear the amazing voyages of the two boys inside. I walked into the compartment and made a grab for my bag, going completely unnoticed by the people in the compartment. I took my small bag in one hand, wand in the other and left the compartment in order to go and find a carriage.

I was hit with the harsh coolness of the air on my face as I made my way to the carriage. I stopped and looked at what was taking the carriages up and for the first time saw a real thestral. I remember in fifth year when I was jealous that Harry could see them and I couldn't but now I just wished that I could go to bed. I jumped into the first empty compartment that I saw.

I almost expected for Harry and Ron to come and find me, but they didn't. With the way that those two were acting I shouldn't have been surprised. What was the surprise, was who came into sit with me. Draco Malfoy stepped up into the carriage and sat opposite from me, not saying anything, but there was nothing that really needed to be said. I immediately realized that I had been staring at the boy who sat across from me and mentally kicked myself before concentrating on the small window that overlooked where the rest of the students were piling themselves into carriages. The first years were separating themselves and going with Hagrid. Most of them looked so scared and vulnerable I almost wanted to laugh.

When the carriage jerked to life I was a bit startled but quickly regained my composure. I looked back at Malfoy who was staring intently at me. It made me feel a bit uneasy, but I brushed the feeling aside and met his eyes with my own. He opened his mouth ready to say something but immediately thought better of it and closed it and continued to look at the castle, which was coming more and more into view with each passing second. That majestic castle which had been my home now seemed more confining than comforting. I almost hated the sight of it, resented what it brought back to me more than anything. Memories, memories of the troll, of all of the stupid things that we had done within it's walls and even the stupid things that we had done out side of it.

I couldn't help but laugh bitterly at the thought of all of this, which earned me a sideways glance from Malfoy before he added, "My thoughts exactly". So I wasn't the only one who was a bit less than enthusiastic about coming back here. I looked at him and saw that his cheeks were tinged with pink, whether from my staring, or from the frigid winds on this particular night I will never know.

Sooner than I ever remembered it happening the carriage came to a halt with the big inviting doors of Hogwarts Castle standing right before us. I climbed out of the carriage and tripped on my robe and fell to the ground my stuff falling after me, only to be a reminder that there would be no one to catch me when I fall, that I was truly on my own from now on. I picked up all of my stuff and headed inside, skipping the ceremony I went right to the hospital wing. I needed somewhere to sort out my thoughts without someone else praising Harry and Ron for their achievements. On top of that there was a searing pain in my wrist that led me to believe that when I fell I may have broken it. I walked into the hospital wing and Madame Pomfrey was nowhere in sight. I sat down on one of the chairs, deciding that I would rather wait then have to go and hear the opening speech. I sat there for what seemed like an eternity and while I was sitting there I felt the familiar pricking of warm tears in the corners of my eyes. I leaned my head back and willed them to go away, not strong enough to control even my own tears they fell. I swatted them away.

I closed my eyes and soon after I heard the opening of a door before sniffling my nose and looking up to see the school nurse startle and look my way.

"Oh my, you gave me a fright. What are you doing in here dear, shouldn't you be in the Great Hall listening to the speech and eating? Is there something wrong, would you care to talk about it? Are you hurt?" She looked at me searching my face for some sort of un-evident sign of emotion.

"No, I don't want to talk, and yes I hurt my wrist. I tripped and spilled onto the ground and I think that I may have sprained it or something. Would you look at it please?" She looked at me, her eyes filled with a look that I had seen all to often as of lately. Pity, how I hated that one emotion with everything that was in me. She bent down and examined my wrist all the while tutting about how people these days ought to be more careful. I ignored her and waited for her to determine exactly what was wrong with my wrist.

"Yes, you did do something to your wrist. You broke it, must have been one hard fall. I will fix it, let me just go get the potion, I will be right back." She said before promptly getting up and walking away leaving me sitting on the hospital bed by my lonesome. It took about twenty minutes and I secretly wondered if she went to Romania to get the potion, but said nothing. She handed me the cup (to the hand without the broken wrist) and I looked at it questioningly. I knew that it would taste something awful and I really had no particular drive to drink it at the moment, but never the less I drank it. It tasted horrible, like rotten fish and dirty old socks.

With that I got up and despite her protests left the hospital wing in search for my warm comfortable bed in the Gryffindor tower. I grabbed my things and headed up the seven flights of stairs until I reached the portrait, then it dawned on me, I had no idea what the password was. Meaning that I would have to wait until either Filch caught me and sent me to Dumbledore, or until someone who knew what the password was came and let me into the common room. I figured the first one had a better chance, and thought that maybe I would go and see Dumbledore and ask him for the password. Then it dawned on me that I didn't know what the password to his office was either.

I knew that I went to those prefect meetings on the train for a reason, that's where they came up with the passwords. I decided that instead of sitting in front of the portrait waiting for someone to come helplessly, I would go and walk around and hopefully find someone that I knew. I walked down the corridors, and before I knew where I was going I came to the room of requirement, but there was already a door there. My curiosity getting the better of me I ventured into the room, only slightly opening the door to hear arguing. I didn't know who was arguing or what they were arguing about, but I decided not to intrude so I just shut the door silently. I began to walk away when I heard a door slam, no doubt the door of the room of requirement. Instead of turning around to see who had left the room in one hell of a hurry I just kept walking to my unknown destination.

"Well, well, well I would have thought that eavesdropping is beneath you Granger." I hesitantly turned around and shot Malfoy a look that said 'does it look like I care?' and turned back around to continue walking in the opposite direction.

"You weren't at dinner." I rolled my eyes, how observant. I continued to walk away. "Are you going to talk to me or are you going to ignore me?" I turned to look at him and he had a certain angry look about him, and I decided not to test that out, especially when I had no where to go seeing as I didn't know the password to get into my common room.

"No, I wasn't at dinner. What else do you want me to say to you Malfoy?" I looked at him. He seemed to be having an internal debate as to whether he should say something or not.

"What the bloody hell is your problem Granger? You don't even stand up for yourself now. I don't know what you should say to me, but at least say something damn it! Your silence in unnerving, it's not like you to never have your own input. Bloody hell all these years I have been wishing that you would shut up, and now here I am contradicting myself wishing that you would at least say two words." He said making sure not to let me get to far ahead of him. I could see him getting frustrated, and a little muscle in his jaw was contracting and then resting which I found a bit amusing.

"What are you doing on the seventh floor when the Slytherin common room is down in the dungeons?" I said without even looking at him. Not even I recognized my own voice it was so blank and monotone. It was a bit scary, but I had no feeling to change it. He seemed a bit relieved that I had finally spoken more than what he was asking me.

"Well I don't believe that is much of your business. You never said why you weren't at dinner." He looked at me with a smug look on his face like he had outwitted me or something.

"Well I don't believe that is much of your business." I said mocking him. He didn't look so smug now. I had decided on where I was going, I would go to the kitchens to get something to eat since I had missed the feast, and if Malfoy was going to follow me there then so be it.

"Oh, your just so funny Granger, really I mean it. Where are we going?" He asked me looking a little doubtful of where I was going. Not that I let it bother me at all.

"I am going to the kitchens. You are following me." I said with a matter of fact tone in my voice that I immediately recognized. So part of me was still clinging on for life, and this I was thankful for.

"That's the Granger I know, and I am not following you. I am just not going right back to my common room. How do you know where the kitchens are?" He asked.

"That's a secret." I said not wanting to tell him about how we had found the kitchens from the Marauders Map. I kept walking until I came to the painting of fruit when I reached out and tickled the pear. It giggled and then the portrait swung open revealing a vast kitchen with dozens of house elves working about. I looked over and inwardly laughed at the look on Malfoy's face.

"I'm surprised that you didn't know about this." I said not looking at him, but rather at the house elves that were trying to stay away from me. They didn't really like me since I was always trying to free them and such. "I'm not trying to free you anymore, I don't even care." I said aloud to no one in particular, but all of the house elves nodded before moving closer to us. Dobby came over, but cowered in Malfoy's presence. Understandable I thought seeing as Malfoy had been Dobby's previous owner. He didn't seem to notice though.

I told Dobby what I wanted to eat and he brought me the food while myself and Malfoy sat in two chairs at a small table. I ate very little, I was hardly hungry and I couldn't help but wonder if it was from the potion that I had taken earlier or if it was because of my company. He looked at me oddly, while eating a piece of apple pie and I wondered what he wanted.

"Why aren't you eating?" He asked me without looking me in the eye, which was hard to do seeing as I was looking down at my full plate. The plate that I had hardly touched but the thought of eating anymore made my stomach sick.

"Food is of little importance anymore." I told him, which was the truth. There were some things in life that were necessary but that didn't make them one of our top priorities. He looked at me strangely again, but sensing that I didn't want him to make a big deal or say anything more of it he didn't mention it again. When we were both done a couple of minutes later we walked out of the kitchens and began to walk to the staircase and were about to go our separate ways. I was halfway up the set of stairs when I remembered why I was in the hallways in the first place. Malfoy being my only hope I turned to him.

"Malfoy, do you know the password to the Gryffindor common room?" I asked him a little bit embarrassed, but he had to understand because I wasn't in the prefect meeting, and I wasn't at the feast. He looked a bit amused but pushed it away and yelled back up to me.

"Fairy wings." He said before turning around and heading back down the stairs. I turned and walked down the stairs and went towards the portrait of the fat lady but I was in no particular hurry. I could almost swear I felt someone running behind me and I turned around only to see Malfoy jogging down the hallway, his robes billowing out behind him.

"Forget something, Malfoy?" I asked him as he slowed down and looked at me. He shook his head signaling that he hadn't forgotten anything, but then I didn't know why he would be here if he hadn't.

He leaned in close to me, so close that I could feel the body heat radiating off of him, and could almost hear his heart beating. He had his mouth right next to my ear and I completely froze waiting for him to do whatever it was that he was going to do. "You wont ever be truly alone Granger, I'm always here." He said to me before looking at me intensely for a second or two before turning around and walking away leaving me there alone with my thoughts. I didn't know what exactly he wanted me to make of that, but I wasn't going to loose sleep over worrying about it.

I got to the portrait shortly after my little confrontation with Malfoy, said the password and then she let me in. I was thankful that Malfoy hadn't decided to get me back for slapping him in third year, or something like that. After The Fat Lady huffed loudly, obviously annoyed with me for interrupting her singing and then not going in right a way I walked determined not to aggravate the portrait on the first day back. I heard the portrait shut behind me, almost as if signaling my entrance. There was a decent amount of people in the common room, surprisingly enough but no one that I had any particular interest in talking to. I went over and sat down pulling out a book from my backpack.

I was at a somewhat dull point in the book, but I knew that it would get better after all this was the sixth time that I had read the book when I heard someone approach me and sit down next to me. I refused to look up though and continued to read.

"Really laying it on thick those two are. I was there and it didn't seem all that glorious to me, I mean don't get me wrong…" I looked up to see Neville trying to work himself out of a jam just incase I felt the way that Harry and Ron did about the battle.

"Oh, no trust me I know that they are laying it on thick. They haven't even thought about the people who have lost loved ones in that battle. The only thing that they can think of is how to make themselves sound better. I would have expected better from Harry. After all of the things that he has been through you would certainly think that he would want time to be normal and everything but he seems to be really enjoying this whole hero complex. I don't get them really any more." I said feeling slightly relieved that someone else found that they were being gits about the whole situation as well. He sighed showing that he was glad that he hadn't stepped on any toes with the whole subject. I suddenly knew how he must have felt all of those times.

Being compared to everyone else, whether they were smarter or better at something than he was and he was constantly put down. I felt bad, but I wouldn't pity him because I knew how that felt and I hated it, and he had been pitied far more than myself so I could only imagine how much he hated it as well. He was constantly lost in the shadow of the other Gryffindors like Harry and his amazing accomplishments. Or Ron and his ability to be… well to be Ron. Or me and my ability to show off my knowledge and I felt like I owed him an apology.

"Listen, Neville. I'm really sorry if you ever felt intimidated by any of us. I didn't even realize that we were doing it, or that it would make you feel bad or anything. I didn't mean it. I know what its like to be forgotten and pushed aside." I said hoping that he accepted my apology; it was one of the only things that I had said that day that I had actually meant.

He smiled at me before saying anything. "Thanks, I know that you didn't mean to. I'm sorry about the whole Harry and Ron thing, they don't know what they are missing out with by doing this to you. Thanks for apologizing. Listen if you need to talk you know that I am here right?" He said. I smiled knowing that maybe I would be able to talk to someone who would know what I was talking about.

"Yes, I do know. Thank you. I'm a bit tired so I think that I am going to go to bed. I will see you tomorrow morning, and more than likely in our classes." I said before smiling collecting my belongings and heading up to the seventh year girl's dorm. I winced as I tried carrying some of my stuff with my hand, which was still a bit sore. I got into the dorm and found my trunk and flopped down onto the bed. There was no one else in the dorm, which I was thankful for, I don't think that I could have dealt with Lavender and Pavarti right now, and I definitely had no wish to go to Azkaban on the first day of my seventh year, not what I would call fun.

I changed into my most comfortable pajamas and went and opened the covers on my bed before lying down under them. It was so comfortable and all I wanted to do was go to sleep right then, but before I could I was awoken from my half dazed state by none other than Ginny. She looked a bit upset but I didn't care I should have been the one upset I was almost asleep! I groaned when she told me that she wanted to talk, but I sat up in my bed anyways.

She immediately went into how she was so mad at Ron, and how he could be so stupid sometimes, and how Harry was ignoring her. She just kept going on and on until I finally spaced out thinking only of how badly I wanted to go to sleep, which she was preventing me from doing. Never mind her being worried about my not being at dinner or anything, but her problems were more important than my going to sleep. She looked at me angrily before getting up and putting her hands on her hips.

"HAVE YOU EVEN LISTENED TO A WORD I SAID?" she yelled at me, clearly as annoyed as I was. I looked at her rolled my eyes, and silently wished that she would get over herself, not everything is about her, doesn't she realize that?

"I am sorry, I sort of spaced out after you were telling me how Harry kept ogling at all of the girls that were throwing themselves at him. But you have to admit, you're the one who came in here and woke me up. So I can't be blamed for a short attention span." I said hoping that her infamous temper wouldn't flare up and kill me as we spoke.

"Oh, so now I am an inconvenience to you? Is that it? Well don't let me get in the way of your precious sleep, when I clearly have problems that I need to talk to, and seeing as you're my best friend I thought that maybe I would talk to you. You know what Hermione, you need to get off of your high horse and come back down to earth. Not everything is all about you, and you need to get over yourself. I mean you walk around here like you are the ultimate and that no one will ever be better than you, but you're nothing! You know what, I wont bother you with my problems anymore." With that she began to stomp out of the dorm. Something that Malfoy was running through my head though.

'It's not like you to never have your own input'. I was certainly not about to start now either.

"You know what Ginevra Molly Weasley, I have been listening to your Harry problems for the entire summer. Do you know how tiring it is to listen to you drone on and on about a relationship that will never work, and the only one who doesn't seem to see this is you! I have not been on a high horse, in fact I have been trying to ignore it when everyone comes up to me to ask how we did, I don't even take any of the credit!" I was almost done with my rant but she felt the need to interrupt me with her own opinion.

"You don't deserve any of the credit!" Ouch, that one hurt. I wasn't going to let her get away with that one.

"You say that I'm your best friend, or was, but we all know that I am only your best friend when it is convenient for you. Don't you think I know that I am nothing, and that I don't mean a thing, for Merlin's sake I already know this! I tell myself this at least a million times a day, so don't you ever dare go around and think that you are better than me because in reality, you aren't. You're not better than me, just like I am not better than anyone else. Now if that is all I would like to go to bed. Goodnight." With that I shut my hangings around the bed and muttered a silencing spell so that I wouldn't hear anything until my alarm went off in the morning.

Now that I was wide awake and had adrenaline pumping there was nothing that was going to bring around sleep. I looked at the clock and it read 3:17 a.m. Perfect, just what I needed for the first day back to classes is less than three hours of sleep which even that looked doubtful at the minute.

I climbed out of my bed and walked down the stairs into the deserted common room, surprised by how un-tired I felt. I got down and pulled out my wand and relit the fire so that the warm air hit me while I was curled up in the closest chair to the fire while continuing to read my book from earlier. Slowly the sun rose and the room was illuminated with light. I got up stretched looked at the clock and decided that it would be an appropriate time to get begin getting dressed. I went upstairs took a long hot shower in order to try and sort out all of my wander thoughts. Soon I was done, and stepped out of the shower and got dressed. I brushed my hair before using the spell that I had to make it a bit less frizzy, and easier to handle.

I went down the stairs and decided that I would catch an early breakfast so that I could get my schedule and leave before everyone else was there and I could avoid the whole, 'Are we in any of the same classes?' chances are that when you are in the same house almost all of the classes are the same other than the electives. Hadn't they figured that out by now? I got down to the great hall and went in, got my breakfast ate it and grabbed my schedule before being called back by Dumbledore.

"Miss Granger, as I am sure that you can imagine, things this year are going to be a bit different…"