DECEMBER 2000
It was on a cold evening, early in December when two lonely, hurting souls found each other and bonded for life. The day two hurt, rejected people took comfort in each other and changed their own lives forever.
After he found out Mac had moved Brumby's ring to her left hand Harm drove directly to his favorite bar, intent on drowning his pain and forget about Sarah MacKenzie for at least a while.
He had to forget her and move on, since she obviously didn't feel anything for him. He was a fool for pining away for that woman for so long, especially after she had taken every opportunity after he came back from flying to show him that he was no longer a part of her life and no longer the receiver of her friendship and affections. Other men were getting that from her now. Not Harm.
He was well into his 3rd glass of Scotch on the rocks when he saw her enter. By the looks of her she had as lousy a day as he.
Though they were not exactly friends he invited her over. After all, misery loves company.
After a slight hesitation she joined him in company and drinking. He didn't push her to explain why she was there and she didn't push him. Still he told her and to her credit, she didn't look even a little surprised. More angry at Mac than pitying him. After another few glasses she was ready to share her burden. And what a burden it was...
"I've just found my boyfriend in bed with another man." Harm had made the unfortunate mistake of taking a sip right then and it burned when it exited his body through his nose under pressure. Thankfully she wasn't in the way when he sprayed his drink. He started to cough and she thumped him on his back, drawing the attention of other patrons.
After he recovered sufficiently she went on. "I came home from work, let myself into his apartment with my key, intending to surprise him and then I was the one surprised. And digusted. And found my own boyfriend doing 'it' with another man. To make it worse he was the passive one. I'll be scarred for life by that sight. Thank god I waited with sex until our blood tests came out. I only got mine today and was thinking of moving our relationship forward and then this happened."
Harm only sat there, listening in shock. It was official. Her day and life was definitely worse than his.
He put his hand on her shoulder in sympathy and she leaned into him. He looked at her puzzled but then put it down to alcohol and trouble with equilibrium. He was having his own share of problems sitting up straight.
"Better you found out now than before you got much serious with him." Harm winced at how lame his attempt at comfort sounded.
"I can't believe that bastard didn't even intend to tell me! Thank god I was smart enough to hold off with sex, god knows what I'd catch." She didn't seem to have heard him or she just plain ignored him, she was too deep into her rant. "Was it my fault? Do I make men turn into gays?" she turned to him, her eyes pleading for him to tell her it wasn't her fault. "I know people think of me as cold, but am I really that bad that a man would rather have sex with another man than with me?"
Harm was transfixed by her deep, soulful, hurt eyes. He could only manage to stammer "Definitely not."
"Then why? Why did it happen to me?"
Harm knew what he would say next would impact his future relations with this woman and he surprised himself when he realized he wanted to be friends with her. They knew what the other was going through and could sympathize. They were just two lonely people, who'd just been rejected by the ones who had held their hearts and had so carelessly broken them. They could help each other survive one day at a time by just supporting each other, since each knew what the other was going through.
"I can't tell you why it happened. I can't tell you why he would lie to you. But I do know one thing. You didn't deserve it. You're not cold. Highly motivated maybe," both snorted in amusement at that "but definitely not cold and you did NOT push him into that and you are definitely NOT a reason why a man would become a gay. I know we don't see eye to eye when it comes to our jobs, but you are not a bad person and you don't deserve anything bad in your life. I think you've had too much of bad things happen in your life already as it is." She looked into his eyes and saw the sincerity there. A tear tracked down her cheek and she wiped it off impatiently.
"It wasn't the most eloquent speech, it wasn't the longest one, but it was sincere. I see it in your eyes that you meant everything you said and to me that means more than anything else. I don't know how the Colonel could've chosen someone else over you, especially not that australian bozo, but for just a moment I am selfishly glad that she did because that is why you are here saying these words to me. Nobody has ever said anything as nice to me as you just did. Thank you."
Harm looked at her in wonder as she leaned against him and put her head on his chest.
'Well, this was unexpected. Not that I mind it that much, but she's behaving strangely tonight. Or maybe she's just being herself for the first time ever around me.' Realizing he was just sitting there, he forced himself into action and put his arm around her. Feeling his arm wrap around her, she snuggled in closer.
Having found comfort in each other's company, they had mutually decided that they had no need for alcohol anymore.
They payed their tab and left the bar. The cold air and their talk had sobered them enough to drive safely home, but they were still drunk enough for their reasoning to be affected.
Which was proven when they were saying goodbye at her car. A moment of silence, a long gazing into each other's eyes and suddenly they were embracing and kissing as if their lives depended on it.
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Harm woke up, being greeted by the glorious feeling of holding a warm, naked woman in his arms. The events of the previous night rushed at him.
After doing their best attempts at devouring each other they had managed to get into Loren's car and drove the few blocks to Harm's apartment, since it was closest.
They couldn't keep their hands off each other during the drive and when they finally managed to get into his apartment they just started tearing each other's clothes off. Which lead to their current position.
Harm chuckled silently.
'I can't believe I've just spent the entire night having the best sex of my life with Loren Singer. Those who call her the Ice Queen are real idiots. I have never met a more giving, tender and generous woman.'
Harm sighed contently and drew her in closer, burying his face in her neck, breathing in her scent, which was particulary nice when mixed with the smell of sex and sweat. Another part of him, that hadn't seen any action since he had broken it off with Jordan, since he and Renee broke it off too soon, was stirring for another round. But Harm was still too tired so he didn't intend to do anything about it. She'd worn him out.
He was just drifting off when he felt her awaken. But her reaction to their position was certainly not what he had expected.
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The first thing that Loren became aware of when she woke up was the sensation of a delicious heat at her back. 'Why is it so hot in my apartment?'
But then the memories of last night hit her. The drinking, the confessions, the hot make out session in the parking lot and the best sex of her life that followed. Which is how she had suddenly remembered who was holding her in his arms so tenderly.
She stiffened in his arms. 'Oh god, I can't believe I've had sex with the Commander! And everything I've told him. What kind of wimp and loser must he now think I am?'
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The stiffening of Loren's body filtered through Harm's sleepy mind. That was not what he had expected. The expression of panic on her face when she turned in his arms and looked at him was also not expected. What he expected was more along the lines of a sleepy smile, a kiss and a re-enactment of the previous night. While he would rather have had a talk about their new relationship and how it would proceed, what he got was her sudden scrambling out of his bed and frantic search for and putting on of her clothes.
By the time he recovered from shock at her reaction she already had her panties and T-shirt on. He quickly strode over to her, trying to get her attention.
"Loren? What are you doing?"
She ignored him completely, tugging on her pants. Seeing as he wouldn't get through to her that way, he grabbed her arms, stilling her. Her head whipped up, fear, panic and disgust in her eyes. Shaken he dropped her arms, thinking she feared him and was disgusted by him. But the disgust was aimed at herself for being so weak and the fear came from the irrational panic over what they did. She was out of control and none of her actions were made rationally. Her body had decided for the run instinct and went along with it.
As soon as Harm let go of her arms she quickly finished tugging on her pants, ran from the room, collecting her bra, jacket and purse along the way and darted out the door. Seconds later the rumbling of the elevator was heard.
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Harm still stood there, frozen to the spot in his bedroom, plagued by self-recriminations.
'She's afraid of me! My god, what have I done? I took advantage of her. She was drunk and vulnerable and I took advantage of her.' He had completely forgotten the fact that he was drunk and vulnerable too and if he were to follow his logic, then she had taken advantage of him too.
He wanted to call her and apologize, somehow make it up to her, if she'd allow it. But he didn't know her cell phone number and didn't want to use the official channels to find it out. Her cell phone, same as his, was supplied by JAG and the number was not in any normal phone book. The only way he could get it was to call JAG and go through official channels, which would raise flags and questions. And he definitely didn't want to answer those questions.
Her home phone number was in the phone book and he wasted no time dialing it. Soon, he had to give up. Either she wasn't home or wasn't answering her phone.
Deciding he would try again at a later time he gave up and decided to go pick up his SUV.
Over the rest of the weekend Harm had tried several times to establish a contact with Loren. He even went to her home and rang the bell. But after receiving no answer he gave up and decided to wait for Monday to come.
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Loren breathed a sigh of relief when she heard him move away from the door. She wasn't ready to face him yet.
Not after what they did. Not after what she felt during their love making, as if the process of their souls melting together had started. She wasn't ready for him to tell her it was all a mistake. She was still hurting because of her ex-boyfriend and she didn't want to be rejected again. The tears started anew at her next thoughts.
'After all, why would he want the cold Lt. Witch when he can have any woman he wants?'
'Except for Col. MacKenzie. He doesn't want me. He wants her.' This thought made her cry harder and she curled up on her couch, sobs shaking her slender body.
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