AN: Hello angels, another trigger warning here. Bonnie's mental health hasn't improved at all, so please, if you want to skip this chapter you're more than welcome to do so.


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By the time her eyes opened, the room was engulfed in golden light. Tiny little flocks danced in the air in what seemed to be a very simple waltz. Methodic and connected. Even the ones that did go out of formation did so with such grace that it was mesmerizing. They seemed to enjoy the light coming in, fostering them in all shades of gold.

Beyond them, beyond the dance, Bonnie could see the sky and some of the tree branches moving slightly. Yet, the only move she made was to essentially tuck the blanket safely under her chin and curl up in bed even more.

At this point, she couldn't tell whether it was a new day coming in or an old one fading away. She sighed deeply and decided she didn't care. She wanted to stay there, where she was successfully avoiding Silas and the world. She figured that, sooner or later, this nightmare would end and she would be finally free. Until then, she'd wait here.

Right then, her stomach growled loudly and she realized she hadn't eaten at all for a while now. She knew she hadn't eaten since arriving at her ancestor's house, and before that she vaguely recalled having something at one point. Bonnie closed her eyes and tried to block out her body's demands. She was stronger than this. She wasn't even hungry, just tired. Completely and utterly tired.

And still, her stomach kept growling like a venomous monster that she couldn't tame. Fuck. Even if she was hungry, just the mere thought of leaving the house was a dreadful one. The threat of Silas was still very present but so was the unwavering loneliness that came with this place. The empty streets, supermarkets, schools and what used to be a busy square. How was she supposed to go for a stroll around town when she had nineteen years of memories from her hometown?

She recalled that pit she felt in her stomach when they went to the Pub right after she woke up in Damon's bed. The overwhelming silence of it all contrasted all too painfully with all of the memories she had from the place. Memories she couldn't and wouldn't forget. After all, there was where she and her friends spent most of their time. It didn't matter whether they were gossiping and just having fun, or meeting up to discuss the latest plan. The Pub was almost a part of their identity, it had seen so much, been the field of so many battles...

Another deep breath in and Bonnie decided to sit up, her stomach was loudly awake and that had her head spinning so much that she had to catch her breath again. Her hand over her chest, she tried to get control of her body once again.

She thought of when she last went grocery shopping. She obviously went solo because Damon had pissed her off and there was no point in spending more time with him than necessary. It hadn't been even that long ago but that Bonnie was hopeful, that Bonnie was willing to work through all of the bullshit and find her happiness, that Bonnie, though scared, still held some sort of courage to her. This one, the one trying to ignore her human nature, had succumbed to her fears. This one was almost paralyzed by her emotions and she didn't know what to do. Truth be told, there wasn't much she wanted to do right now.

Sadly, there wasn't a miracle exit with her name on it, so why bother? Yet, she was so hungry... and still lightheaded.

Gulping hard, Bonnie made her way out of the bed as slowly as humanly possible. The minute her feet touched the cold ground, her legs gave away and she had to support her full weight on the bed. "Damn it!" she cursed under her breath.

She closed her eyes upset; she really had to get something to eat otherwise she'd faint at some point. After allowing her body to recover, the young witch took careful steps towards the nearest bathroom and washed her face. She took her right hand, had a few sips of water and soon found herself drinking it more and more. She hadn't even realized how thirsty she was.

Shortly after, she exited the bathroom and the house altogether. The minute she stepped foot outside, a gentle breeze caressed her face and prickled her arms. Her green eyes moved upwards to the sky; the sun was definitely rising. Licking her lips, she made her way to her car and drove slowly to the local supermarket. She managed to successfully avoid looking too much to her surroundings, after all nothing good came out of that.

She parked her car perfectly despite the parking lot being completely empty. Just then, as soon as she turned the engine off, she was taken over by a memory. When she and Elena came to buy the things they needed for Caroline's surprise birthday party. She was the second of trio to turn eighteen. First it was Elena, then Caroline and then Bonnie.

Funny, even in something as trivial as birthdays, Bonnie was the last one. She really didn't pay it any mind before, she always had fun at her celebrations, but now it was just straight up depressing. It was like the date was an omen to how little her life would matter when compared to her friends.

Her caramel hand gripped the wheel hard.

"Look, I know you're upset but this is Jeremy, Bon, he's not supposed to end up like the rest of us. I want him to have a good life, I want him to be happy" Elena continued her monologue "You have to believe me Bon, I don't want to be the one to come in between you guys but–"

"That's exactly what you're doing" she interrupted despite her better judgement.

Elena licked her lips upset "I just want him to be–"

"–Happy" Bonnie said "Yeah me too, but that's not the point. He should be able to make that decision himself"

The other girl huffed lowly "He's all I got Bonnie; I can't lose him. I just can't."

Yeah, she knew that feeling. That urge to do everything in one's power to save a loved one's life. She knew that feeling all too well; she was the living embodiment of that. To be fair, Bonnie understood where Elena was coming from; she too wanted Jeremy to be safe and away from all of the craziness that was going on, but she wanted to at least have the chance to talk to him before they parted ways.

Elena had broken the news knowing that she and Jeremy hadn't even had a proper conversation about his betrayal, she hadn't even had the chance to tell him how she truly felt without breaking down in a stream of tears. Hell, she hadn't even had a proper talk with her best friends about it.

How was she supposed to be okay with all of this? Jeremy was the one person that always made sure that she was okay after a spell, he didn't ask anything of her and was always by her side. He cared about her and her well-being more than her powers, that was a rarity sadly, but it was her reality. Slowly, he became her refuge, her home away from home and now that was gone too. Or about to be according to Elena.

The matter was that Jeremy meant so much to her and still, it had been so easy for him forget about her and slip away... like what they had built overtime meant nothing, like she meant nothing. That hurt, that really hurt and she needed to get it out of her system before it crushed her wholly.

Pitifully, she wasn't able to tell Elena any of that because the words got lost within her somehow. She couldn't get past the hurt she was feeling due to her best friend's actions. Not only that, she just wanted vent, like pour her soul out and find solace in Elena's friendship but she couldn't. Although the doppelgänger could be very empathetic, she wouldn't be able to see through Bonnie's point of view; so, in true Bonnie Bennett fashion, she held it all in. Jeremy was leaving and that was final; there was absolutely nothing she could do to stop it, even if it hurt her. Sighing deeply, Bonnie closed the door that led to more damage than good, and forced her brain to shut that memory out.

She couldn't let herself open those old wounds; she just couldn't. Better to focus on the task ahead than the other option. She swiftly opened her car door and stepped outside the vehicle slowly, and almost instantly, her whole body felt heavy, as if she was carrying a ton of bricks. Even the air around her felt too saturated despite being early morning.

The young witch made her way to the main entrance and took a shopping cart with her. The only noise that could be heard was the wheels being dragged across the tiled floor. She wandered around aimlessly, not really caring in which isle she should start first or which product she wanted to pick. She was just walking around; walking, walking, walking.

There wasn't a proper line of thought on her mind either. After having that small walk down memory lane in her car, it seemed as if her mind was now blank, better yet, no thought was being processed. The different product's colors blurred in an interesting mesh but it wasn't enough to catch her attention. Her stride mirrored that blurred effect; it was dragging, unsure, but it didn't come to a stop.

At some point, Bonnie's stomach grumbled loudly and that's what made her come out of her trance. She decided to actually look at the selves and realized she was in the bakery and pastries section. Her green eyes roamed the different choices before settling for a particular pie. It was a strawberry pie – her favorite fruit – and quickly made a decision. She took it to her soft pink lips and let her white teeth do the rest. In that moment, what she expected to be an explosion of flavors, turned out to be a mellow version of that. It was a nice pie, no doubt, but her tastebuds couldn't capture its full potential, or maybe it had been on that shelf for far too long.

The young girl sighed into the pastry ready to put it in the cart, however, her hunger was too strong now and she had no choice but to eat the whole thing. Licking her lips, she took some croissants, a tart, and placed it on her cart. Before she realized it, her hand reached for a small bag of bread which joined the other items promptly.

She walked around some more and reached the cheese and ham section where she took one of the small bread rolls and parted it in half, she opened a pack of sliced cheese and another of ham and added them to the bread. Her elegant hands worked quickly, urgently almost, and Bonnie had a sandwich ready in no time. She had a few bites and the same thing happened – she could taste the flavor but it wasn't like she thought it'd be.

The young Bennett placed the rest of her sandwich in the cart and had a deep breath. Her legs weren't shaking and her vision was clear again. She was feeling better now; the food was providing her some of the necessary nutrients she needed to hold on a little longer.

What's the point? Why am I even trying? She thought abruptly.

Silas.

That was it. The simplest and, simultaneously, the most complex answer to her existential questions. That monster was the reason she was trying to stay alive.

It was so weird though, that the person behind her current torture and her dad's murderer, was the only reason why she was choosing to fight a bit longer. To fight for survival and for sanity, though one could argue that her sanity was already slipping away. Fear got her through the day and she couldn't believe how she had gotten to this point.

Honestly, what the hell was her life? It didn't make a lick of sense but, at this point, what did?

Bonnie should've known better. She should've expected this outcome from afar.

It all started when she found herself aware of her consciousness and her body, when she was supposed to be dead. It went on when she found herself stuck with the useless Salvatore vampire and, somehow, she ended up losing her mind in the process.

She should've known that once Silas got the whiff of her fear, he would follow her into oblivion like the fucking lunatic that he was. He wanted to make sure she wouldn't get any rest whatsoever. Thar made Bonnie's anxiety spike up again in an inhumane rate.

The fact that Silas was crazy enough to come all the way to a parallel dimension, just to use her as some sort of game or whatever sadistic and twisted thing he had planned out for her, was beyond terrifying.

"Fuck" she whispered as she tried to get her breathing under control.

He wasn't supposed to have so much control over her! Her hands were shaking and her vision was cloudy again. Worried, the young girl tried to support her weight by holding one of the shelves, but much to her dismay (and complete surprise), the only thing her toned hand ended up grabbing was air. At this point, her legs gave away and she was on the floor, hands still trying to make a hollow effort to pick her small body up.

Bonnie's attempts to move the air into her lungs was purposeless; her respiratory system was refusing to give her the necessary tools to get out of that predicament. Her rib cage had become an oppressive and unforgiving prison; her lungs were straining to get the smallest amount of air in and she was sure the world was spinning.

Her hands finally stopped gripping the floor and just fell flat on the surface, her lids were too heavy and she didn't have any more strength left. Her body was shutting down again.

Bonnie.

She heard it again, her voice, but this time it didn't freak her out. Mostly, because she was almost unconscious, but she knew that nothing was going to happen. Sheila wasn't going to materialize out of thin air, as much as Bonnie wanted to.

Bonnie.

When she heard it again, it was almost a fading whisper. Or maybe she was fading away. Whatever it was, it was dream-like.

BONNIE BREATHE IN!

She felt it in her ears and in her soul.

That was the strongest she'd heard the voice and its impact alone prompted her to take a deep breath in as if her life depended on it, as if she had nothing to lose and this was her last chance to survive – in every sense of the word.

As soon as when she got her lungs stabilized, Bonnie moved into a sitting position confused.

That voice – Sheila's voice – had never been this loud or this real. Never. So, what did it mean? Was she actually hearing her grandmother and not going crazy like she thought? And even if she wasn't as insane, Bonnie was sure she was nanoseconds away from passing out from exhaustion and lack of oxygen, so how was she able to be pulled back into reality? She was certain she could feel her own essence fade away under the blanket of stress and hopelessness, but somehow, she felt something pull her out of it like a magnet. She didn't have much choice in the matter (and even if she did, she was so weak she wouldn't have any sort of active reaction). She was brought back to her body so fast that her ears were now ringing.

Her mouth was dry and her movements were very slow; she looked around still stunned, and tried to look for some sort of evidence that signaled that Grams was here, or that she was real and not a figment of her imagination. Much to her dismay, nothing seemed to stand out. Everything was as it should be, and yet, she could feel something in the air. The same energy she felt when they first went to Bree's, warm and inquisitive.

The Bennett witch shook her curls softly; she shouldn't have let herself get hopeful, even for a single second. That energy didn't mean anything, especially when she felt it before. It just showed how truly fucked up this dimension was.

Still, a small part of her couldn't get over of how strong and powerful the voice sounded, so certain and untamed but it wasn't frightening. She didn't feel scared at all. But as destiny, and life in general, showed her time and time again, one could never be too careful. Right now, she was choosing not to trust whatever energy spoke to her, she wouldn't be swayed by it.

After an assuring deep breath, Bonnie mustered the courage to steadily stand up and was very satisfy when her legs were able to hold her weight. Once she was back on her feet, she eyed her shopping cart and decided that she was done with the ridiculously domestic task. As she looked for bags to put her items in, she took a few apples and quickly bagged her products.

It was strange, she had only come grocery shopping today but she was feeling as if she had done a thousand chores. Her whole body felt heavy, and as soon as she sat down on the driver's seat, she exhaled hard and seemed to sink into the seat.

She lowered the window all the way down and then rounded the wheel with her tender hands. Being outside drained her, she couldn't wait to go back to the house and tune everything out.

She started the engine and drove smoothly to the ancient house. The sun rose as the miles went by and, soon, she reached the Old Witches House. However, as she pulled up on the driveway, she couldn't help the annoyance and anger that went over her. She grinded her molars and her knuckles were almost piercing her skin due to the amount of strength she was holding the steering wheel with.

He was leaning against that damn car, looking every bit like a villain straight out of a ninety's movie. He had that smug smirk plastered on his face and Bonnie actually pondered on running him over with her car. He would survive and she would get some sense of justice, even if briefly.

Her pink togue swayed around her gums and teeth in an effort to control her mounting anger. It was telling how Damon was able to get such a rise out of her without even saying a single word. That just goes to show how much of an asshole he really is.

She was getting so used to spending her time on her own that she almost forgot that Damon was stuck in this reality with her. Not only that, but she assumed that the vampire had gotten the memo that she was not to be disturbed. Of course, he would do whatever he wanted, to hell with other people's feelings!

That was Damon in a nutshell – a selfish, low-life and miserable vampire that brought evil into people's lives. She was done with him and his games. If he thought that all was forgiven because he did the bare minimum, then he was in for a surprise.

She left her car fast and spoke with venom "What the hell are you doing here?"

Damon, still leaning against his Camaro, replied with a cool tone "My my, where are your manners Bon Bon?"

She could feel the rage come out of her in strong waves "Leave. Me. Alone!"

His chuckle was low but she still heard it all the same "Look, it's been time enough. We still need to work on our plan"

She shook her head upset. Damon was never going to change, but that was no longer her problem. In fact, it had never been and she didn't have to answer to him.

She turned around and went to get her shopping bag. She was done entertaining that weasel. He could talk to himself for all she cared; she still wanted to get inside and get some sort of solace. Arguing with Damon was never worth it and it always left her tired – mentally, emotionally and physically. She was already fragile as it was, she wouldn't let him push her over to the edge. She wouldn't give him that power over her.

She wasn't Elena; she didn't like being bossed around, let alone by someone as crazy and impulsive as the Salvatore. No, she was her own person and she wouldn't allow Damon to talk to her like she had to obey him, not a chance in the world.

With that, she made her way inside and put in the best efforts to block out the sound of his voice. These days, making her brain go numb was becoming easier, and so, she soon found herself in that dark corner of her mind where nothing grows. It was nice there – cozy. Nothing could disturb her, not even her haunting thoughts.

She entered the kitchen for what felt like the first time but she knew the truth. Bonnie had come down to this particular room a couple of times, though she never lasted long.

It was strange because, before all of this, before the nightmares and her own untimely death, the young girl enjoyed spending time in the kitchen because it reminded her of all the times she and Sheila baked together. The many recipes they tried out together every Sunday and the long conversations that would soon follow.

It was in those afternoons that Bonnie would gain the courage to ask Grams about Abby. She knew it pained Sheila to talk about her daughter, and to be honest, it pained the younger Bennett to hear those things because she wished she had met her, but she couldn't help herself. Every girl wants to know more about their mother.

Bonnie's relationship with Rudy was already so distant, and Sheila, as much as she loved her deeply, she wasn't her mother, though Bonnie wished she was many, many times. The worst thing was knowing that Abby was out there somewhere in the world, she just hadn't come to visit or even called. That's why she kept on asking Grams all of those questions.

What was she like? Did she like to read? Paint? Could she sing? Why don't you show me her room Grams? I know you had it redone, dad told me. Why did she leave me? Why doesn't she love me?

Sheila would answer most of the questions every time she asked with a soft voice. She would hold her granddaughter's hands in her own and stroke her face gently.

In time, baby girl, you will know everything. For now, just stay here with me and you'll be okay.

They would then smoothly change topics into something else while they munched on cupcakes. That was one of their traditions, one of the many ways Bonnie would spend her time with Grams. Before the tomb vampires, the spells and before the Salvatores.

Back when hope was still alive.

This kitchen felt foreign – which in a sense it was. That familiar sense was amiss. It was too cold, it didn't have that sweet smell like Grams', nor was it as colorful. It lacked humanity in spite of being part of a deserted town.

She hated it, but it would have to do for the time being. The only good thing about it was that it was surprisingly clean, just like the rest of the house. She expected to see it covered in cow webs and dust but it was immaculate, almost as if someone cleaned it right before they visited it for the first time.

Huffing hard, she dropped the shopping bags on the counter hard. She then took a glass and filled it with water. Her throat was growing thick with sadness but she successfully swallowed it away. She was not letting her emotions get the best of her again.

As soon as she turned around, cyan eyes were staring right back at her.

If it had been weeks ago, Bonnie would have jumped at his proximity. The intensity of his stare was searing, the smell of his cologne was too strong and the urge to put at least a few good miles between them was demanding. She never liked having Damon close to her. Most times, she barely tolerated being in the same room as the vampire without ending up melting his face off.

Now, however, his closeness didn't faze her. She knew it served as one of his useless and meaningless intimidating tactics to pressure his victims into doing whatever he wanted. What seemed to escape the arrogant vampire, was the fact that she no longer cared about maintaining a semblance of a partnership going between them, nor was she willing to compromise.

The young girl knew he would stare her down, try to have her squirm under his gaze and eventually look away in defeat or annoyance. Most likely the latter; it was no secret how she felt about him. This time though, the anger, the annoyance and the intimidation didn't work. He wasn't able to work her up to the point where she would escalate and storm away. He couldn't scare her into submission because they both knew that would never work. Most importantly, she had already hit rock bottom; what else could he really threaten her with? Her life? It wasn't enough this time.

She knew the truth; she was better off alone than with him.

These past weeks, though plain horrible, would've been much worse if she had Damon breathing down her neck every three seconds with threats and jokes that never really landed. Her only worry was Silas and the damn voices in her head; but she didn't have to let him know about that.

Their short-lived partnership ended a long time ago, as far as she was concerned. No number of stares would change that. Damon would have to solve whatever problem he was facing on his own. The Bonnie Helping Hand Association was officially and indefinitely closed. She had resigned without any intentions of ever coming back.

So, she held his icy gaze; she was already frozen inside, he couldn't break her any more than she already was.

They stayed like that for a couple of minutes; her beautiful green eyes focused on him. The fire that used to inhabit her eyes had completely dissipated. What used to be an interesting and addictive mix of viridescent green shades and a few miniscule golden flocks, became a cloudy mushy green. Still beautiful but utterly lifeless. Not even her lashes coated along her eye line could really mask the apathy behind her eyes. Her curls weren't as vibrant and bouncy as they once had been; nor were her lips, usually coated in some sort of lip gloss or lip balm, now they were dry and slightly chapped.

Still, she held her head up high because this was Damon reverting back to his usually traits –harassing her until he got whatever he wanted. She would never give him that pleasure.

"We need to talk" he said lowly.

"You need to go" she countered in the same tone.

His jaw ticked; he was visibly upset but she couldn't care less, he was a grown vampire "Stop making this unnecessarily difficult Bennett. We had a deal!"

"Fuck that deal!" she spat "I told you; I'm done with you Damon. Why do I have to keep repeating myself with you?"

In that moment, she could see that the vampire was about to take over the man but still, she wasn't scared. After all, she had faced bigger and better vampires, Damon shouldn't be a problem.

"What, you want to stay here for all of eternity? Cause I sure as hell don't!"

She huffed because again, Damon's needs always seemed to come first whenever the vampire was concerned. He couldn't think or see beyond his ego. "I don't care Damon"

"We need to go back! We have to!"

She chuckled darkly "Have to? No, I don't think so. Need? Nope, still doesn't apply to me so you can go and solve that on your own for once"

"Wrong time to be brave now Bennett. Not cute" he dropped acidly.

"It's about damn time I stand up for myself and stop letting you boss me around!" not that it matters anyway, she wanted to add but refrained from doing so "I said I'm done Damon and you can take it or leave it, but I'm not changing my mind"

The older supernatural lowered his head so that he could level her. The blue of his eyes sure wanted to pierce her soul in a couple of different ways. He was breathing hard; mouth slightly parted but still managed to exude a sense of control. As if he was an animal getting ready to attack its prey. His pupils looked unbelievably large and she was sure that wasn't a good thing for her.

"What about Silas" he asked with venom.

She knew it was coming; Damon was very predictable when he wanted to be. Nevertheless, she expected her breath to get caught in her throat like it always did whenever she thought of him, or her heart to beat faster than normal, or dizziness to wash over her, just like it had back at the store. Instead, her body continued to function normally. As if Damon had mentioned something insignificant like a bag of oranges or the nice weather outside.

That was certainly new.

Bonnie knew Silas terrified her. Hell, she was being tortured by him so that was a natural reaction. However, right there and then, she realized something "What about him?"

"Oh, I don't know, but those voicemails you left me sure didn't make it look like you were happy with him being back and kicking somewhere"

She crossed her arms across her chest "So what, Damon?"

He huffed upset "So what? What do you mean so what? You were petrified Bonnie!"

"I can handle Silas" she said at once.

"Can you?" he asked craning his neck "Because you were a wreck the last time I saw you."

"So?" she shrugged "I can look after myself Damon"

"Until you come running back asking for help"

"Who's the one doing the begging now Damon?" she replied not one bit amused.

Again, they were stuck in this staring match; neither were willing to be the first one to lose this meaningless competition.

Lifting his chin, he finally said "Why haven't you been sleeping in your house then?"

"What?" she asked slightly shocked. Damon really didn't know any type of boundaries; he just assumed that he had to be involved in everyone's business.

"You heard me Bennett" he said impatient "If you're so fearless now and if Silas doesn't scare you anymore, why are you sleeping here?"

"I'm not gonna answer that. You have nothing to do with my life!" she argued and walked away before he could ask something else, but soon, turned around fast "Is this about the bedroom upstairs?"

He shook his head "No, Bonnie, it has nothing to do with the room but it does show how scared you actually are"

The young girl huffed mad and turned her back on him; he could be relentless.

However, Damon was ruthless; he wasn't letting her go off the hook so easily "You've been cooped up in here looking all depressed and I've been giving you space or whatever the hell you need to get over your feelings because God forbid Bonnie Bennett doesn't have her way!" she looked back at him with heat and ready to get back at him but he beat her to it "Well tough shit! It's been over a month and you need to get over yourself because I am not dying here"

Right there, she actually turned fully around and faced the horrible vampire. Over a month, really? Still, he had no right talking to her like that "Fuck you, Damon! You're always in your feelings, you're always whining about something or the other and then I have to clean up whatever mess you've gotten yourself in! So, please, spare me the lecture"

"Listen here witch–" he came closer to her but she quickly stepped back.

"–No, you listen here vampire. I'm done. You hear me? Done. You want to fight off Silas and find a way back; be my guest but don't count me in, I'm not doing it!" she said and walked away into the main room.

"I'm not playing games witch!" he threatened with such a menacing tone but she held her ground.

"Neither am I Damon" she spoke after a while, in a lower voice which took him aback for a quick second. He was expecting her to continue their screaming match but she changed the pace "I'm not doing it and that's final. You want to go back to them, then go; but have you thought that maybe they're better off without you? Huh? Maybe Elena will get to live a normal life without having to worry about who you're going to kill next or threaten or torture because, let's face it, that's your nature."

Bonnie knew she hitting very sore spots but, at some point, he'd have to face reality and stop living in a fantasy world. Truthfully, she hadn't even been thinking about Elena or Stefan or any of them; the words were coming out of her mouth without going through the careful filtration process she had curated over the years. She was speaking directly from her heart and she couldn't (and wouldn't) stop it.

"And Stefan? He was fine before you came back to taunt him. He had his issues, sure, but he wasn't killing and turning and torturing people. You are the problem, Damon. Your death was most likely the best thing that happened to them, and I hope they find hope again even after you're–"

He had her by the neck and against the further wall before she could finish her sentence. Everything in him screamed Danger! Danger! Danger!

She was trapped.

"You must think that I have a problem killing you" he spat so close to her that it may have ironically looked like they were lovers and not sworn enemies at this point "I don't"

She could feel his tight grip around her throat "Then kill me. What else do I have to lose? What more can you take away from me Damon?" she asked back looking at him dead in the eyes "You've taken my Grams away, you've turned my mother, you killed Luka–"

"I literally brought you back to life Bonnie!" he argued

"And look what happened? I wasn't supposed to come back anymore! I've come back only to go through more pain than you can imagine and I'm tired Damon! Say what you want to say but I'm through. At least you have people to go back to, who do I have? It's not just you that they're better off without, it's me too. I don't have anything left to give them anymore... I don't have the magic, the strength, the drive... I don't have it in me anymore Damon."

She continued after she was met with silence "I'm dead. I've been dead this whole time and no one came looking for me for an entire summer... No one's looking for me now either and I'm okay with that; you should too. Or just leave me out of it. There's no hope anymore and I'm done pretending that there is. There's no such thing for people like us Damon. This is what we get – a ghost town... a never-ending nothingness."

"So, it really doesn't matter if it's been a month or a year since we last spoke because I know the truth now. We were never meant to be happy. We were just pretending" she continued.

The heaviness of that statement almost crushed them both. That was the first time she had uttered those haunting thoughts and she wasn't fully ready to face the consequences of such action. The impact was so deep, she actually leaned against the wall. Damon's grip wasn't bothering her any longer. She was melting into the wood and the numbness was slowly taking over. Good.

Bonnie's pretty eyes were still trained on him. A statue of a man.

And then, he let go. As soon as he did it, her body seemed to react to that action and she stood firmly on her own two feet. She didn't need a crutch to keep her steady; she could do it on her own, now that she wasn't blind by hope and love.

She could see the world clearly now. It was dark, cold and empty. Just like it had always been. In some twisted way, it sort of resembled her own cave, the one she liked going to whenever things got too tough. This, she could handle. The darkness and bitterness of it all. She preferred it because there weren't any illusions, it just was.

The good thing about carelessness is that she wasn't affected by the same things that were holding Damon back to an impossible future. Her ghosts were different but powerful. Right now, she was letting the numbness take over her person and engulf her in that veil where strong feelings and emotions weren't allowed. A state where she was blanketed from all of that.

Taking a deep breath in, Bonnie allowed her muscles to relax and relieve all of the tension that had been living inside of her. It felt good, like she was cracking some of the pain away. She was so tuned into her own body that it took her several minutes to realize that the venomous vampire wasn't standing in front of her. She didn't bother looking for any traces of him; he was gone and that's what she wanted.

"Good" she whispered.


It happened again and she didn't even know how. She was back in that damn basement. This was getting out of control; she literally didn't remember making the decision to go back to the particular room. Especially now that she had given up on carrying on with their plan. The timid light coming from the modernized light fixture was the only thing illuminating the room. She looked up to it confused; how come she was back here? The young witch directed her stride to the door and came to a sudden stop.

Bonnie.

No, not again, she thought, not again.

Bonnie.

She exhaled hard and covered her ears in an effort to stop the voices. They weren't as strong as the one she heard back at the store, but they bothered her. She couldn't live like this with eerie voices echoing in her head at any given time of the day. She just couldn't.

Bonnie, listen to me.

There. She had spoken too soon because that strong voice was back. Grams. But it wasn't really her, it couldn't be her because Sheila was dead and Bonnie was stuck in this parallel reality.

"It's not real. It's not real. It's not real" she repeated to herself and started pacing around the basement.

Bonnie.

I'm real.

"Stop it. Stop it." she continued "It's not real"

Bonnie.

This was insane; she couldn't be arguing with her own mind. She was probably exhausted (which she was) and needed to get some fresh air. That was it "I need to leave"

Bonnie, don't.

Bonnie, stay.

Bonnie!

"Stop talking!" she yelled into the nothingness of the room "LEAVE ME ALONE!"

Come see me, come to me.

"No, I'm going crazy" she said sadly "I can't do–"

Come to me child.

In that moment, her heart skipped a beat. That was the clearest she had heard Sheila's voice, even clearer than she heard at the store. It spoke directly into her soul and that feeling couldn't be part of her imagination. It was too real and too raw.

Biting her lip, she wondered; should she give in and ask again or should she walk away for her sanity's sake? She had told Damon earlier that she had nothing to lose but this was going too far. Extremely far. This was Grams that we were talking about; the most important person in her life, the one that raised her since she was a baby and the one she missed the most. The only person Bonnie couldn't really live without. Her Grams – Sheila Bennett.

Should she really risk it? What if this was all an illusion? But, at the same time, could she really keep ignoring the voice? Bonnie didn't want to get her hopes up at all, she wanted to face the harsh reality head on, and yet, the sureness and the familiarity of this voice – her voice – were so real. Its energy was warm, just like she had experienced before, and before she could realize it, she asked "Show me" her voice was trembling "If it's really you, then prov–"

Emily's necklace, which had still been glued to the same spot on the wall, flew to the center of the room, right in front of her, and then dove straight to the floor leaving a hole five times its size.

Bonnie shrieked. This wasn't what she was expecting, but then again, strange things did happen all the time around her.

We don't have much time child, come see me.

And then it was completely gone; that warm energy. Only an eerie sensation remained.

Bonnie.

She knew what she had to do. She meant to do it for a long time now, but she had been putting it off. Her mind was working almost as fast as the speed of light. It was as if she had been struck by lightning and her body was now energized.

She closed her eyes; she could feel it simmering just below her skin. That feeling that she got whenever she thought about going back to Grams' house. Fear – dread – panic. Right on cue, her body started to respond to these emotions. She was trying to fight them off because this was Grams and she had just proven to her that she was here and that meant something. She wouldn't delve much on what exactly it was that it meant, but she would push through one last time for Grams.

After spending the past month in utter solitude, she figured that this strange act of... love? Hope? No, she didn't believe in those anymore. Regardless, there was a clear sign that she was closer to her freedom. Or maybe fall further into this hallucination. Whichever was the case, she was ready to welcome it fully.

Then, the feeling she had earlier, that calming sensation came over her. As long as she had been at the Old Witches House, she hadn't been haunted by Silas, she somewhat had Emily's medallion, and now that she knew Grams was able to communicate with her, she knew she was safe. Well, safer than before that is.

I don't want to be afraid.

Bonnie was almost sure her hands were still trembling; her car keys were jingling, which provided an irritating but distracting noise. She stopped by the front door, hand on the handle and closed her eyes. For better or for worse, she was finally doing this; she was going to visit Grams' house, even if it terrified her.

I am doing this, she thought in an attempt to steady her racing heart.

She pushed the door open and was greeted by the golden light and birds chirping. Her car was still in the same spot and, for some weird reason, that was a relief. She got inside the vehicle for what seemed like the thousandth time and pressed the gas brake.

Bonnie figured she couldn't allow herself to think about what she was doing, or about to do, because then she'd chicken out and turn around. That or she wouldn't have the strength to go beyond Sheila's driveway. If there was one thing she learned with her past attempts to visit her grandmother, it was that she needed to stop thinking. Her brain needed to be floating on nothingness and block away all of the worries and anxiety.

Luckily, she had done this way to Grams' house at least a million times; back when she was alive, that is. Bonnie used to drive to Sheila's all the time so when she decided to shut down the rational part of her brain, she was still able to get to her destination easily.

By the last left, the Bennet girl was still in control. She hadn't broken down in tears, she hadn't had any panic or anxiety attacks and she made it in one piece. That was the definition of success.

But now, car parked in front of her favorite home, the emotions were starting to rush into her like an avalanche. She was staring at the house hard; her green eyes lasered the property as much as she humanly could without leaving the sanctuary of her car. The longer she looked, though, the more her bravado cracked, and shortly, her chin was quivering with sadness and regret.

She wanted to give up and go back home. She had every right to and there was no one around to stop her, and yet, she didn't turn the key safely lodged in the ignition. Both of her hands were still glued to the steering wheel.

Every fiber and her every instinct wanted to go; to run back to safety and leave this place. However, she heard Sheila's voice and, even if she was actually losing her mind and going insane, she needed to hear it at least one more time.

Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath in, Bonnie Bennett exited her Prius and made her way to the front door. Her steps were very unsure and she felt like she was going to faint each time she pressed forward. Her stomach decided to tie itself in mysterious knots but she couldn't let go of the rim of her t-shirt long enough to ease her discomfort.

When she came face to face with the wooden door, her nausea increased. She was sure she was sweating all the way through and she really wanted to go home, but she was fighting that urge, and she was fighting it hard. Her soft hand rounded the handle and pushed the door open at once. There was no reason to overthinking every little action, she was already feeling awful as it was.

She took that decisive step and found herself inside Sheila's house.


AN: Hey angels, here's another one. Please excuse any spelling mistakes or typos. Thank you for the reviews, follows and alerts! I feel honored. Thank you for allowing me to share my ideas with you in such a fun way.

Here's the latest and I hope you enjoy it! Bonnie's still very much struggling because, honestly, what she's going through isn't something that you can get over overnight, it's a process and it takes time. I may be biased here, but I'm very proud of her for finally having the courage to go to Grams' house. It has been a month and she's been very inactive in her choices - big or small - so it is rather impressive that she's made the decision to go to there. It's a rollercoaster but it'll be worth it. She's also realizing a few things but I want your opinion on that as well.

Also, Damon is back! Probably not the interaction some (or all of you) were expecting, especially after he basically put together an entire bedroom for her, but it will make sense I promise.

You've noticed that as far as plot, nothing has changed, I've always wanted to explore the characters rather than focusing too much on developing an intricate plot. Though I do love those so we'll see what this world has to offer. This is a strange land the one they're in and I'm so excited to keep exploring the different possibilities with you guys!