disclaimer: All characters (except the brief mentions of Jenny) are the property of Marvel and I expect no monetary benefit from this work of fiction.


The Journey Home
by Dizi

Chapter 4: Wolverine

That woman is beautiful, feisty, and sharp as a tack. It's no wonder she's a fit mate for me.

But if she don't stop takin' out my Johnny Cash CD, I'm gonna wring her neck!

'Course first I'm gonna hafta get back in her good graces so I can get inta the hotel room to do it.

I screwed up. I admit it, alright? I shouldn't oughta have brought it up every chance I got for a week. I shouldn't have pushed her. I sure as hell shouldn't have yelled at her about it. Like I said before, I'm a shit.

It would probably help to say all that to Jubes, but she ain't talkin' ta me right now. Kicked me outta the room, shoutin' at the top o' her lungs. Turned the TV up all the way ta block me out while I banged on the door. Yeah, I coulda broke it down. Just didn't seem the thing to do when she was glowin' like that. That's how angry she was.

So I went for a walk to cool off. Taught a few boys a lesson in not messin' with a man when he's got a certain look to him. That helped the process, as Jubes would say.

I'm insensitive. Nothin' new 'bout that. Oh, I pick up on things. Can scent a mood. See things. Hear 'em. Got great "observational" skills. Don't mean I let all them emotions get in my way when I want something.

And I really wanna put a hurt on the men who hurt my girl. She's mine, dammit! They deserve to pay for what they done. She don't want me to kill 'em? Fine, I'll just hurt 'em real bad.

But, nooooo! She said that would be the same result. Like hell! They'd still be breathin'... with a machine, but breathin' all the same.

I'm missing the point. She's missin' mine!

I'm a pig-headed, stubborn, old goat of a jerk. Think she's tryin' ta tell me somethin'?

So, I know I done wrong. I'm a man and make mistakes on a regular basis. This one was a real doozy. I just can't get it outta my mind. Kinda stupid since I found out about it almost a year an' a half ago, but I had other things on my brain at the time. Like the possibility of my girl committin' suicide, becomin' an alcoholic, and movin' every few weeks. Before that I was havin' a personal crises 'cause I was wantin' to sleep with my partner who I was still thinkin' of as a kid. Maybe my priorities were outta whack. Sue me.

Years ago, I went after and brought ta justice the bastards that had hurt Jenny. She was grateful once she found out. I sure as hell didn't feel the least bit of guilt or remorse. Not while I did it an' not later. Jubes can't accept that it would be the same fer the bastards that hurt her.

Maybe she's right. I like Jenny, care 'bout her, but I ain't in love with her. Maybe that could make a difference. Maybe I don't want to believe it would. Then it was a cold rage, it was something that needed to be done, for Jenny and all the other girls like her that had suffered. This time it could be revenge, which would make it a whole other game. I'm sure not feeling cold.

Jubes says I wanna know fer the wrong reasons. That I don't want ta make it better fer her but fer me. Again, she might have herself a point. How's a man like me supposed ta get past it without knowin' the details and gettin' justice fer his woman?

Do I want the details? Really? Hell no! But I need 'em, and not just for me. Jubes needs to cleanse her soul. Let out the poison. I know she talked ta Jenny, but it ain't the same. Part a her has been scared for me to know it all. Hah! How's that for bein' sensitive? She's scared I'll turn away from her. Not because of what was done but because I couldn't stop it.

Hell, she's right about that too. She's always sayin' she hates it when I'm right. Well, I hate that she's right just as much. More.

It ain't so much that she was captured in the first place - though that was bad enough and I had somethings to say about it ta Frost and Cassidy. I was there in that base, Jubilee helped us get out, and I didn't even know she was there. I left her behind. Never leave a man behind, that's the rule. Doesn't matter that I didn't know. I should have. Somehow I should have known. We're supposed to have a connection, a link that started back in Australia, an' I didn't know.

What good are these heightened senses? My great "observational" skills? How good a man am I when I couldn't protect her, save her? All I did was give Jubilee a ride on my back. Some help I was. None. I didn't really do a damn thing. She's tortured like a prisoner of war in ways grown men couldn't handle - and that's really just guessin' on my part from things I picked up - saves us, and I can only give her a piggyback ride!

Shit! There went a damn lamp post! Walkin' ain't coolin' me off.

I shoulda picked up on the rapes. I've seen the signs in others. Not sure if I didn't want to see it, she hid it from me, or I just chalked it up ta everythin' else that was goin' on. God knows, Jubilee is as good at keepin' things ta herself as I am. Since she didn't want me to know, I'll leave it at her door.

Yeah, right. Blame a fourteen-year-old scared kid for not comin' clean 'bout all the bad stuff that happened to her ta a big man like me? Oh yeah, I'm really gonna do that. Grown women can't always tell the police because of the shame they feel, but I expect a little girl woulda told me? I know better than that. I know Jubes better than that.

Probably, I woulda done just what I been doin' now. Ignorin' how she feels to get what I want to make ME feel better about it. Gone inta a rage, killed a few people, sent the bastards to their maker - an' I ain't talkin' bout God. That would have fixed everything, wouldn't it?

Not hardly. Damage is done. The nightmares don't go away because the bad guy's are gone. There's always more sicko's out there.

Part of me is just mad as hell that my girl ever had it happen. Nobody deserves that. Not Jubilee, not Jenny, not anybody. Why do bad things happen to good people? Because if it happened to bad people it wouldn't be so bad. Who would give a damn then? Nobody, that's who.

Gettin' a little off subject. Don't want to think about it, I reckon. Ain't like philosophy's my thing.

Jubilation Lee needs more from me than my rage. She doesn't want justice by my hand. She needs me to listen and understand. She needs me to be there for her. Like I wasn't before. I sent her away instead. That time it was my decision. I might not have known she was raped but I knew some bad things had went down with her. Things I didn't want to deal with. Granted, there were circumstances, but I knew she needed me. We could have had it out then and already been done with it.

I'm supposed to be this strong tough guy. I'm gonna have to prove it. I'm gonna have to give my word and work for years to keep it.

Jubilee wants a promise, then a promise she will get. I ain't startin' our life with this hanging over our heads. It won't fix it, won't make it go away. Kurt tells me Jenny still has nightmares. Jenny said once that he makes it better for her. Well, I have nightmares too. We can work on making it better for both of us. Jubes started doing that years ago for me. She would just be there, didn't do nothin', didn't say nothin', she was just there. It was what I needed.

We'll figure it out. The way she wants to. She's been living with it for years so I have to think she has an idea of what is best for her. If she's wrong, we'll try again. And we'll keep tryin' til we get it right.

So here's the plan. I'll wait a couple hours to let her cool off - literally. Then I'll apologize and let her tell it how she sees fit.

Can't be that easy. Our lives ain't easy. But as I went through hell for a year, what's a few more days?

Seeing as she's the one that brought up kids a few days ago, we better get on with gettin' this outta our way. Hadn't thought 'bout kids, but I'm warmin' up to the idea. Maybe a couple years down the road. A little girl just like her would be kinda nice. Lord help me.

Though He alreay has. He gave me Jubilee and the promise of a life together. What a beautiful thing.

Just like my Jubes.

Maybe if I mention that it'll help get me in the door.

to be continued.


note: My how things can heat up, huh? Next chapter we see the otherside and what happens after the fight from Jubilee's pov.

Thanks for reading and the support,
Dizi