Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh, or Shawn of the dead…

Warning: This chapter does include Zombies, Alistair and (shudders) Tea's return. May be unfit for sane minds… Also there are major grammar, spelling and phrasing issues throughout the whole thing, but oh well. You'll live… hopefully.

Previously on Yugioh…: Hm… not much.

Well there was a whole lot more walking, and a whole lot more dueling and Duke was eaten by Pharaoh, but in the end they finally made it to Dartz's little seaside resort… or where ever it is that he worships his monster.

"Wow, this place sure is tall ain't it Yug'?" Said Joey.

"Yes,' said the Pharaoh. "It is tall, how long did it take you to figure that out?"

"Two minutes." Said Joey, ignoring the look Pharaoh was giving him and smiling proudly. "I'd say that sets a new record for me, don't it?"

"It sure does." Said Pharaoh, "Here, have a sticker for your efforts."

"Wow! A sticker? Really Yug'? You're the best pal ever!" he gave Yami a hug and added "Hey! The sticker's shiny!"

"Yes it is Wheela." drawled Valon, "And I'll give ya ten more if you'll shut up for a bit."

Joey was about to exclaim 'okay', but settled for a simple nod. He remained silent for a whole ten minutes before he realized that he was being mocked, and then offered to give Valon a pounding he'd remember.

"Feed my great Leviathan…" Dartz murmured. "Feed off of all of the souls I've collected for you-" DING DONG. Dartz cursed as he got up to answer the door. Why couldn't he just chant to his pet in peace once in a while?

"Hello, who is it?" he asked, opening the door just a crack. Normally he would have had Raphael do it, but the giant was off collecting more souls for the cause at the moment.

"Hey there Ponytail." Came a familiar aussie voice. "We're here for Mai!" Kaiba knudged him violently. "oh, sorry mate, I mean we're here to plot your distruction."

"Oh, well come on in then!" said Dartz, politely inviting them all in. Once they were all settled in his living room (which looked more like a torture chamber), Dartz asked them how they were planning to destroy him.

"Well, we figure that you'll be awful mad when you see us that you'll get really frantic and not notice when I come up from behind and stab you with this Morgul Blade." Said the Pharaoh. The others all nodded, and waited for Dartz's reply.

"And what if I don't get frantic, but let you guys all inside so that you can tell me your secret plans?"

The others all looked at each other before Joey finally said "Well, I guess we'd be pretty much done for. Because then you'd have the clear advantage by tying us all up and torturing us in yer liv'n room."

"Precisely what I was thinking!" said Dartz, grinning evilly. "Valon, tie them all up."

"Righto, you're the boss." Said Valon, getting up eagerly and grabbing Pharaoh's arm.

"Hold on a second!" said Joey, fuming. "Your on our side!"

"Yeah…" said Pharaoh. "You can't tie us up!" Valon shrugged,

"What the boss says, goes, and Dartz is the boss."

"But I'm the Pharaoh!" snapped Yami. "I'm more powerful! And…and I've got a sense of fashion!" He stood proudly, showing off his spiked, multi-colored hair, and his purple jacket.

"Er…well yeah, but Dartz isn't like eight years old,"

"I'm not eight!" said the Pharaoh, turning red in the face. "Just because I'm the height of an eight year old doesn't mean I am one!"

"Really?" asked Joey, Valon and Dartz. Pharaoh was beginning to get really annoyed.

"Well I think me and Mokuba will just go." Said Kaiba, "Mom wants us home for dinner,"

"Oh, right." Said Dartz. "Well, goodbye then, come again some time." They all said Goodbye to Mokuba and Kaiba, and then all sat down again.

"Now how shall I torture all of you?" Pondered Dartz, "Slowly lower you into a boiling pot of water, cut off half of your tongue?" Joey and Yami winced.

"Hey Ponytail, why don't we let them have the bad one…" Said Valon.

"The REALLY bad one?" asked Dartz. Valon nodded. "You mean, the really REALLY bad one?"

"Yup, that's what I mean. They do deserve it after all, with everything they've tried to do to you!"

"True, true," said Dartz, thinking it over, "Are you sure its not a bit extreme though?"

"For them? Nah,"

"Okay, well lets do it then!"

"Do what?" asked Joey, looking just a little uncomfortable.

"Yes." Said Pharaoh (just because he felt like it.) Every one looked at him strangely.

"What?" asked Valon after a minute of awkward silence.

"Huh?" asked Pharaoh

"Yes what?" asked Dartz

"I don't know what you mean" said Pharaoh, he had completely forgotten about saying "Yes" just a minute ago

"We were talking about how we were going to torture you and you just said yes" said Valon.

"Oh" said Pharaoh "how were you going to torture us?"

"Well we haven't gotten to that yet now have we?" snapped Dartz "We were going to use the really, REALLY, -"

"Super duper" added Valon

"Ultra mega" said Dartz

"Stupendously, amazingly" they said together "bad one"

"And what exactly is it?" asked Joey after a slight pause

"Yes" said Pharaoh

"Huh?" asked everyone

"What" asked the Pharaoh.

"You did it again!" said Valon

"Did what?"

"We were just about to reveal our torturing device and you interrupted us by saying "yes"" Dartz was getting annoyed.

"Sorry" said Pharaoh "Please carry on"

"Thank you" said Dartz "now as I was saying, this is the really, Really, REALLY, REALLY bad one-"

"I'm sorry, am I interrupting you?" Rebecca's grandpa had just invited himself in "the door was open and I really needed a spot of Tea, so I came in, would anyone else like some Tea?"

"Jasmine" said Dartz "only twelve lumps of sugar for me"

"Wow" said Valon "are you on a diet? I'll have black with thirty four lumps of sugar"

"I'll have twenty" said Joey "and make it orange spice"

"Five hundred twenty two point one four lumps of sugar" said Pharaoh "with two tablespoons of Tea, and make it quick, my kingliness will not wait long"

Mr. Hawkins went to go make tea.

"Now" said Dartz "The Really, REALLY bad one is-"

"Where the hell is my Tea?" Pharaoh pounded his fist on the antique coffee table, shattering the two hundred year old glass.

"My table!" cried Dartz. "You idiot!"

"Sheesh Yug', the old guy just went into the kitchen to make you some." said Joey.

"Hmph!" said the Pharaoh, crossing his arms stubbornly. "Well its taking him long enough isn't it?"

"No, not really…" replied Joey hesitantly.

"I'll never be able to find another one like it!" moaned Dartz, picking up the fragments of glass and trying to piece them back together. "Valon, help me glue this back together!" Valon just laughed.

"Sorry Ponytail, I'm not on your side anymore, so I guess I can't help you there."

"Then you're on our side?" asked the Mr. Hawkins, stepping into the room again.

"Get back into the kitchen old man!" snapped the Pharaoh, "When I say I want Tea, then I WANT TEA!"

"But the water hasn't boiled yet-"

"I DON'T F'N CARE!" Joey had to restrain Yami while he said this, and the old man (as he is now referred to as) ran quickly back into the kitchen.

Five minutes later Yami was staring blankly at his Tea cup. "Its cold…" he mumbled, after taking a sip.

"Er…yes…why yes it is Ph….Pharaoh…" stammered the unfortunate old man, bowing repeatedly so that he wouldn't get murdered like the rest.

"Hey…wait a second…" said Joey, who was still restraining Yami incase he began to go wild again. "Kaiba doesn't have a mom…" Everyone else stared at him.

"Make your point already!" said Yami.

"Well, those Kaiba kids got off easy just by saying their mom wanted em home for dinner." explained Joey.

"And?" asked Valon, speaking on behalf of Dartz who was currently too preoccupied with glueing bits of glass together.

"Well, they don't have a mom…"Said Joey.

"You lost me wheela." Said Valon yawning, "maybe you shouldn't try to explain things with a brain your size, you might hyperventilate."

Pharaoh was still staring at his Tea, "all this is is white stuff" he said "where's the tea in it?"

"Well" the old man tried to explain "you said that you only wanted two tablespoons of tea and-"

"Goddamn it old man! When the almighty Pharaoh says he wants tea he means tea! Not sugar, get back into the kitchen and make yourself useful" he handed his cup, overflowing with sugar to the old man "and I want hot tea, HOT TEA! Is that so much to ask for!"

"N-n-no…said the shivering geezer. "I'll just go make it then, shall I?"

"Yes!" said the Pharaoh. "And NO sugar! God, how many times do I have to tell you that?"

"Only…only once sir…I mean your majesty…I mean your godliness."

"That's better, now go!" The Pharaoh pointed at the doorway as he said this,

"Hey Yug'…?" asked Joey raising an eyebrow. "Didn't you want him to go into the kitchen?"

"NO! He must make my Godly tea by rubbing sticks together outside and using only the purest spring water in a tea kettle hand made out of copper!"

"That's kinda asking a lot isn't it Yug'?" asked Joey sympathetically.

"No" said Pharaoh "the old man has to learn"

At this exact moment, miles away, Merek sat up from the couch where he had been reading his favorite magazine, and realized that the answer to life the universe and everything was 42. This is not his story.

"Can't you just let him make tea the regular way?" asked Joey, he leaned back and knocked over the antique vase that had been behind him.

"NOOO!" squealed Dartz "My vase!" he tried to catch it, but he was too late, it shattered into a million pieces.

"Oops" said Joey "sorry about that"

Dartz fell to the ground with dramatic sobs.

"Where's my Tea?" the Pharaoh called out the door where the poor old man was still rubbing sticks together.

"Very soon sir" came the weak answer; Rebecca's Grandpa was beginning to wish that he had just gone to Star Bucks, and if he had been smart he would have gone back to his car and left.

For reasons unknown, Rex and Weevil arrived.

"Gah! What are we doing here!" asked Weevil, in his annoying bug-like voice.

"How should I know!" demanded Rex. "You're the one who got us into this mess!"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah!" and they proceeded to fight…like they usually do… and as usual, nobody else seemed to notice their arrival. Which is sad because before Joey had even learned to use those Dueling Cards both Rex and Weevil had been child prodigies thanks to their skill. Now they weren't even shown on 'Where are they now'.

"My godly thirst is growing rapidly," Pharaoh complained over the noise of Rex and Weevil's brawl, "Perhaps I shall tell the old man that I want Iced Tea."

Rebecca's grandfather had finally got the fire started when Pharaoh approached him and announced, "Change of plans, I should like Iced Tea brewed in sunlight and iced with glacial ice from Antarctica, and make sure you carve the ice into cubes before its put in my glass! Its just better that way!"

"But-" Began The geezer.

"Did I hear a but?" Pharaoh demanded, "There shall be no buts while I'm Pharaoh, understand? You are to do exactly as I say! Now I just said I want Iced Tea so get me my Sun Brewed Glacial Iced Tea!" He went inside and sank into the couch beside Joey, "By the way that man acts you'd think I'd been asking for something ridiculous!"

Hours later Rebecca's grandfather came inside with precisely what the Pharaoh had asked for and had discovered that the Pharaoh had been just as satisfied with a coke from Mr. Dartz' Refrigerator.

"Here's your Tea" he said

Pharaoh inspected the glass closely "what the, I wanted the little blue glass, not this fat green one, give the fat one to Joey!"

"Raa Raaa Ra raa Raa RA Ra"

"huh?" said the old guy

"It's Weevil" said Pharaoh "he's trying to communicate, what were you saying Weevil?"

"Raaaraara raa raaa wra wra ree" said Weevil

"I think he asked if he could have the ice tea" said Pharaoh

"No he didn't you moron" said Rex "he quite clearly said that he thinks you're too demanding"

They spent the rest of the afternoon trying to decipher what Weevil said, everyone except for Dartz, who was still only a tenth of the way thru with gluing his table back together.

Forgetting completely about the torturing that he'd been going to give Pharaoh and Joey, Dartz invited everyone to have dinner.

"So…" he said, pouring some red wine for everyone. "Pharaoh, I hear you're the 'King of Games.'" He was only trying to make dinner conversation.

"Hear? You should know! You owe me $2800!"

"Er…well…yes…" Dartz downed the rest of his wine and filled it up again.

There was a pause that lasted thru most of dinner

Pharaoh looked at his dessert plate "sooo" he said "this is where you live"

"Uh yes" said Dartz

"It's, uh, nice"

Mr. Hawkins, who had made dinner and desert was now setting down a pot of Tea.

"Finally!" said Pharaoh "it took you long enough!" before anyone could stop him he poured himself some Tea. "It's tasteless" he said with disappointment.

"Well" Mr. Hawkins tried to explain "you didn't let it steep"

"Steep? STEEP? Why the hell did you bring it to the table if it wasn't already made!" he picked up the Ming Dynasty Tea pot and threw it at Mr. Hawkins. There was a crack as the Tea pot hit the old guy's head.

"Pharaoh!" said Joey "you just killed Rebecca's grandpa!"

"Good" said Pharaoh "now the whole pathetic family has been extinguished" he examined the little bowl of sugar that was in front of him, it was so tempting

"My tea pot!" moaned Dartz "Is there anything else you wish to destroy?"

"Pharaoh, NO!" said Joey, but it was too late the Pharaoh had just eaten a whole bowl of sugar in one gulp.

"Anything else?" said Pharaoh and grinned evilly "well, now that you mention it" he proceeded to burn the silk tablecloth, chop up the table, melt all the expensive candles and so on, until everything in Dartz's dining room had been destroyed.

"My dining room!" squealed Dartz "my beautiful, beautiful dining room!"

"Come Joey" said Pharaoh, with an air of superiority, "Our work here is done." As Joey followed him to the door, two people suddenly walked in. It was Raphael and Alistair.

"Where do you think you're going punk?" asked Raphael, he pushed Joey and Pharaoh back into the house.

Alistair looked at Pharaoh "Mikey? MIKEY! I've missed you so much" he went over to hug Pharaoh.

"Stay away!" Pharaoh warned "if I can kill a senior citizen then I can sure as hell kill you too!"

"Ra RAA REEE" said Weevil

"What's that" asked Rex, he pointed towards the window where they could see the silhouette of hands, lots of hands.

"Zombies" said Pharaoh "everyone, start boarding up the windows and doors with parts of Dartz's mahogany table"

"Humph!" said Alistair "when did you start giving orders Mikey?"

"I'm not going to take orders from someone who's, like, three feet tall" said Raphael

"And no one is going to use my table to board up windows!" said Dartz standing over his shards of table defensively.

"But we have to do something!" said Pharaoh "or the zombies will eat our flesh!"

"I think we should take a vote!" said Rex

"A vote?" asked Alistair "on what exactly?"

"On who's going to lead our group!"

"I'm not part of their group" said Raphael looking at Pharaoh and Joey

"And Valon is a traitor!" whined Dartz

"Yeah!" said Valon "hey wait-"

"Everyone!" Joey was sick of listening to everyone argue "we're stuck, in a house! And Zombies are attacking! If we don't do something right now, we're all gonna be zombie chow!"

"Right" said Pharaoh "this calls for immediate discussion"

"Who wants a hug!" a gushy voice came from outside.

"NO! Its tea!" shouted Joey and Pharaoh together, as they began to run around frantically.

"Ugg, I got here as soon as I could," they all turned to see Mai, who had just pushed her way into the house by dueling every single zombie.

"Mai…" gasped Valon.

"Mai?" questioned the Pharaoh.

"Ma-ma-" but Joey fainted before he could say anymore.

"Leave him." Said the Pharaoh, before Mai could try to wake up the unconscious Joey. "We must get to higher ground quickly!"

"But why?' asked Valon. "I mean won't that lead us right into a trap old chum?"

"My name is NOT old chum!" the Pharaoh said, growing red in the face. "Its not Yugi, its not Frodo, its not bud or Pal or 'the little guy with the spiky hair.' Its Atem! And you are to address me as the almighty and godly Pharaoh!"

"Oh, sorry chum-p!" said Valon, exaggerating the 'P' at the end.

"I think he's gonna explode." Said Mai helpfully, pointing at the Pharaoh, who was very red and shaking all over with rage.

Suddenly the door burst open. No one waited to see who it was, they were all too busy climbing the stairs.

"Suddenly I wish I hadn't killed so many people" said Pharaoh.

"This was your doing?" asked Dartz he was furious, by now the zombies had already reached the living room and had trashed the whole place. "Give me one reason for why I shouldn't push you into that crowd of angry zombies!"

"Because…" said Pharaoh, jumping into the attic with everyone else. "I've got a plan!"

"Really?" asked everyone. Pharaoh felt a bit indignant about the fact that nobody thought he would be able to come up with a suitable plan, but went on nonetheless.

"Yes, we're all going to the Winchester!" He said triumphantly, as if this was the greatest plan anybody had ever come up with.

"The what?" asked Joey who HAD regained consciousness…somehow.

"The Winchester!" said the Pharaoh. The others all gaped. "It's a pub." Nobody said anything. "Honestly! Haven't any of you idiots seen Shawn of the dead?"

"Wait, we're basing our plan on a movie?" asked Valon

The Pharaoh looked at them all seriously "yes" he said "here's the plan, first we duel our way out of Dartz's house, steal the coolest car we can find, we drive over to Kaiba's place, kill Kaiba's dad "sorry Phil…" save Kaiba and Mokuba drive over to Ryou's house, save him, go to the Winchester, have a few drinks, and wait for the whole thing to blow over"

"Wait" said Joey "First of all we don't even know a pub called the Winchester, and second of all if we go anywhere I want to hide out in a place where I can easily locate the bathroom and the refrigerator!"

"Right" said Pharaoh "Okay, here's the plan, first we duel our way out of Dartz's house, steal the coolest car we can find, then we can drive over to Kaiba's house, kill his dad "sorry Phil…" save Kaiba and Mokuba, drive to Ryou's house, save Ryou, then we go to the mall, have a few drinks, and wait for the whole thing to blow over!"

Dartz raised his hand "Why can't we just leave the others to their fate and go to the mall without them?"

"Because, that would be mean!" said a grey mass of flesh that sounded like Tea "And we all have to stick together, because we're friends."

Pharaoh winced. The smell that was wafting off of the Tea zombie was over powering. "Perhaps we should go." He said, turning to the others.

Well no one could really disagree with that so they all dueled their way out of Dartz's house and piled into a Volkswagen Beetle.