Disclaimer: Ugg, is this really necessary?
Chapter Warning: This chapter is starts out with the incredibly random Perky Perkinson. I'm not sure why, I guess I've been listening to the radio too much lately… Also I'm afraid there might be some Ryou bashing…throughout the rest of the story in fact… so sorry to the Ryou fans, I like Ryou nearly as much as the next person, but he's fun to pick on.
Yet another note. Bakura is the tomb robber, Ryou is…is Ryou…
"HEEELLLOOOO, it's Perky Perkinson your local broadcast network host just here to remind you that when the weather is cold, cold, cold the music we play is hot, hot, hot! Be sure to listen to me Perky Perkinson talk about stuff with your other host Happy Happinen and hear from our special guest Kim-Chi of the Northern Birds health clinic in Kentucky!"
"Hi this is Happy Happinen, remember also to tune in on Thursday afternoon when one lucky winner will win two tickets to see Jason Mraz live! Also, don't forget that if you're a member you may be eligible too win the $2,000,000 Jackpot! Just answer our question correctly and call within the next five minutes. The question is: Who played Denethor in the epic trilogy The Lord of the Rings, the number is 1-888-5-"
Previously on Yu-Gi-Oh! Mokuba was trapped in a glove compartment, and we still don't know who hacked into Kaiba's account.
"JOHN NOBLE!" Shouted Kaiba, furiously pounding on the radio which had just mysteriously turned off midway through the phone number.
"Uh…no," Said Pharaoh, "Not even close, I think that the person who changed your password was Bakura.
"What?" Exclaimed Backura in surprise.
"I meant Ryou," Pharaoh said grudgingly.
Bakura looked at his Millenium ring "myyy Puurrecious" he said and stuffed it in his pocket away from prying eyes.
"I don't think so Pharaoh." Said Mai. "Ryou's too nice and dumb to do something like that…he probably doesn't even know what a computer is..."
"Watch it…" growled Bakura.
"Probably right" said Joey "I mean, lets face it he's not even as smart as me!"
"Yes," said Pharaoh "We must take that into account, but who else could have done it?"
"Maybe in some freak coincidence, Rebecca actually did something when she pounded her fist onto Kaiba's computer" said Tristan.
"Rebecca?" asked Kaiba "That little brat couldn't hack into anything for the life of- hey! I thought you were dead!"
Tristan looked at them all and shrugged.
Everyone looked at Tristan and shrugged.
Then they all went to go get ice-creams at the mall. This was difficult, however, because everybody had already forgotten about the zombies and had not thought to bring weapons with them.
"Nice going…" muttered Kaiba as they all sat crammed on to the Vespa, in the parking lot and staring at the mall which was surrounded by zombies.
"Seto? Is that you?" asked a small voice from inside of the Vespa's storage compartment.
"Didn't I tell you Seto was dead!" asked Kaiba, irritably. Mokuba, who had been trying to puppy-dog-look his way out of his prison for the last half hour, was giving his older brother a headache.
"Seto's not dead! And he's gonna rescue me too!" Mokuba snapped. "He's the bestest brother in the whole wide world, he's even better than Alistair!" Kaiba smirked as Alistair gave the storage compartment a glare.
"Did you hear that Mikey?" asked Alistair, poking the Pharaoh in the back. Pharaoh, who'd been handling the controls fumbled, and the Vespa gave a groan before its two tires popped and the whole structure gave way. All the passengers tumbled from the scooter, screaming and cursing at Alistair (except for Kaiba, who's coat magically lifted him from the wreck and allowed him to land safely just yards away.) He smiled for a moment, a cold evil smile that simply said "Haha Losers" and then frowned. It wasn't that the sight of his injured companions didn't bring some joy to him, but Mokuba had managed to escape and was now running full speed towards his brother, flailing his arms and ready to give him a Tea hug.
Seto cringed as Mokuba wrapped his arms around his leg and began to laugh in his dorky way.
"Nii sama! I knew you'd save me, I just knew it. The evil guy told me that you were dead, but I didn't believe him because you're my favoritest brother, and-"
"Mokuba, get off of my leg." Kaiba said Icily "And your explanation doesn't make sense." He muttered, always eager to point out that he was smarter than other people.
"Oh, I love you SO much Nii sama! You're the best brother in the world." Mokuba released his brother's leg, but then promptly clung to the other one. Alistair glared at the siblings with disgust.
"Mikey, why don't you give me a hug…you know, and tell me what a great brother I am." Pharaoh shuddered with disgust.
"Umph…ow!...get outta my way!" said Joey, who had gotten stuck at the bottom of the pile. He pushed Tristan hard, who pushed him back and the two 'mutts' got into a fist fight. When they were done they were Joey and Babysitter again.
"Well, I'd say that the ice cream plan is out of the question." Raphael said to Alistair. Alistair frowned.
"It can't be…" he said, a Tear creeping into the corner of his eye. "All Mikey ever wanted in the world was an Ice cream cone! And I'm gonna be a good brother, and make sure he gets it!" Raphael rolled his eyes as Alistair rushed off into the mob of angry Zombies. The guy did seem a little crazy…in fact, Raphael couldn't believe that he'd ever trusted him as a Helicopter pilot, especially since Alistair had always referred to the Helicopter as "His own little world…"
"Look, I think it would be best if we left for somewhere safer…" said Pharaoh, standing on the pile of Vespa so that everybody could see him. True, there weren't that many people, but Pharaoh was very short after all.
"No shit Sherlock…" said Kaiba, pushing several Zombies away from him and Mokuba while he said this.
"Hey! My name isn't Sherlock-" began Pharaoh, but was cut off by the Roar of a Helicopter. All of the Yugioh characters standing in the parking lot, looked up to see a purple Helicopter, which lowered a ladder so that every one could hop aboard.
"Pegasus!" said Kaiba, scowling. "How dare his helicopters come to rescue us before mine!"
"Uh, Seto, you'd better climb on quick…" said Mokuba. "I don't know if the helicopter will be able to hold all of us."
"I'm not going anywhere!" Kaiba said Stubbornly, crossing his arms. " I'm going to wait here until Rupert…or Robert…or whatever his name is, comes to save us!"
"Its Roland." Said Mokuba. "And I don't think that Roland survived when I turned into a Zombie and killed all of those people."
"I don't care! I will not be outdone by a guy whose named after a mythical horse!"
"Actually, his first name is Maximillion…" said Mokuba. "And do you really wanna wait down here with Alistair?"
"Alistair?" asked Kaiba…suddenly looking nervous.
"Yeah, HE went to go get an Ice cream cone for his little brother…"
"Really?"
"Yeah, but don't worry Seto, I still think you're the best brother in the world. Even if you don't buy me ice cream."
"Grrr! First Pegasus and NOW ALISTAIR? I will not sit around doing nothing while they try to beat me at everything!" Said Kaiba, angrily glaring at…um…nothing.
"So you're going to come with us after all?" asked Mokuba, smiling. "I knew you wouldn't abandon me Nii sama!"
"No Mokuba, I'm going to get you an ice cream cone!" Then Seto turned and began to run full speed, anime style, into the warped crowd of the dead. Mokuba frowned. And people thought Seto was the smart one.
Seto came upon an ice cream stand where Alistair was trying in vain to tell the zombie cashier how to make a hot fudge sundae. "No no! You put three scoops of ice cream in! And I told you to hold out on the chocolate! Mikey's allergic! Hey! Put more fudge on- and then the whip cream-HEY!" Alistair frowned as the zombie threw the dish at him (It missed).
"Alistair," Kaiba said as he ran to the stand, jumped over the counter and knocked the zombie out with his coat (?) Quickly, he made a hot fudge sundae himself and dashed out again. Alistair copied Kaiba and they both raced out, each trying to get to their little brother first.
"Alistair!" Kaiba seethed while he ran, "You're an awful brother!"
"No I'm not!" Alistair huffed, "You are!"
With that Kaiba promptly rammed into Alistair and sent the guy flying into a mob of zombies. "Nii Sama!" Mokuba cried out in glee when his brother returned to the helicopter, "I told them not to take off until you got back! Ooooh Ice Cream!" Mokuba grabbed the dish from Kaiba's hands and didn't say another word.
"Whats this?" Pharaoh asked angrily when Alistair, appearing mauled and frazzled, presented his. "The presentation is all wrong and where is the chocolate ice cream? Its my favorite! My godliness can not handle such idiocy! Be gone with you!" He dumped the sundae onto Alistair's shoes and stomped off. But Alistair didn't notice, in his little world Mikey had loved his ice cream and had given him a super cuddle in return.
"No you're the best brother!" Alistair repeated over and over in a pretend argument with Mikey.
Kaiba had somehow thought that the experience should have given him more reward. He had started out feeling grouchy and disarrayed and one sundae later had returned.. grouchy and disarrayed…but Mokuba had shut up, so all wasn't a complete loss.
"SUGAR!" Mokuba suddenly screamed happily.
Kaiba's fingers went to his temples in the familiar stressed businessman pose and he stalked off into the helicopter. Once everyone had been seated in the grotesquely purple whirly bird the story's characters (The ones who were still alive that is) were all flown to the very purple winter house of Maximillion Pegasus.
"Hello Yugi-boy!" Pegasus said in greeting when they arrived, giving the deeply annoyed Pharaoh a hug. "and Joey boy-" He hugged Joey and continued down the line of guests. "-and Tristan-boy, and Alistair boy, and Valon boy, and Raphael boy, oh Kaiba Boy! I'm delighted-" Kaiba 'politely' refused the hug, "-and Moku-boy and Mai-boy, and Dartzy boy and Bakura boy! And Tea- oh good, she's not here-any one else?"
"Ahem!" Weevil cleared his throat and stood on tip toe.
"No?" Pegasus said, "Well then, lets-"
"You forgot to say hello to Mikey!" Alistair declared indignantly, pointing to Pharaoh. Pegasus looked at Raphael for an answer. Raphael returned it with a look that said 'don't ask just do it'
"and MIKEY BOY!" Pegasus said, resqueezing the Pharaoh, "Who has a VERY special brother."
"SEE?" Alister yelled over to Kaiba.
"You're an idiot, Alister." Kaiba said calmly, preferring not to look at him. He was busy struggling to hold on to Mokuba who was trying, in his Sugar high, to see if he could actually bounce off of the walls.
Pharaoh was very displeased with all of this hugging, if this didn't stop his jacket would wrinkle! "Oh Mikey!" Alistair exclaimed, pouncing on him, "I told you we were going to a cute purple house!"
"Get off of me you injustice to the divine!" Pharaoh sneered as Alistair only hugged him tighter. When Alistair let go, Pharaoh's coat hung limp on his body…like a regular coat…
He was so embarrassed that he left the room. Kaiba, despite himself, felt the taddest bit bad for the Pharaoh…just a tad, mind you. He imagined how he'd feel if someone had hugged the coolness out of his coat. Fortunately Kaiba had extras, unfortunately Pharaoh only had one. And unfortunately for Kaiba this gave Mokuba an idea.
At dinner that evening almost everybody was seated at a long pink table with those obnoxious cartoon bunnies drawn on. Mokuba and Pharaoh were still missing. "MOKUBA!" Kaiba yelled at the top of his voice (it still managed to sound suave and cool). "WHATS TAKING YOU SO LONG?"
Mokuba's little dorky form appeared at the doorway to the dining room, "I was just helping Yugi!"
"Pharaoh!" Came a gruff voice somewhere from behind Mokuba, trying in vain to correct him.
Kaiba's eyes narrowed, "How?" He asked.
Mokuba stepped aside and revealed Pharaoh who was wearing a Kaiba original Anti-Gravitational coat. Everyone at the table applauded….except for Seto Kaiba.
"WHAT THE (bleep) is that (bleep) doing in my (bleep'n) coat?" Mokuba shrank away in fear, Pharaoh tried to look tough and intimidating but somehow the fact that half a yard of the coat was dragging on the floor and that the sleeves had to be rolled up, diminished from the overall effect. "My coat is at the dry cleaners!" he said.
"Can't you just not wear a coat?" asked Kaiba
"I suppose" said Pharaoh "but all I've got is a tank top underneath and I wouldn't want to look like" he shuddered "Alistair"
"Yeah, because that would be copying my look" said Alistair "and Copying isn't nice, right Mikey?" he said to Pharaoh.
"Alright then" said Kaiba "I suppose you can wear it, but only while your coat is at the cleaners"
"Thanks" said Pharaoh
"Don't do it again" said Kaiba
"Sorry?" said Joey, who hadn't heard what they had said.
"Apology accepted" said Weevil
"Mikey tells me to burn things" said Alistair
"Yes" said Pharaoh
"What?" asked everyone
"Huh?" asked Pharaoh.
"Would you all just shut up!" said Kaiba who was getting thoroughly annoyed.
"God Bless us," Said Mokuba, "Everyone!" And with that they all sat down to their Christmas dinner and Seto Scrooge got a heart (and we learned that Yu-Gi-Oh advertises a creed…)
Anyhoo….THE END….or is it?
It, in fact, is not (readers groan). Because we still haven't heard from…
"Me," Said Rex, who had not been mentioned for quite some time now. The last time we'd heard from Rex, he'd just disappeared from the trunk of the abandoned mini cooper. He'd had to walk for the last ten miles, suspecting that his friends were all at the mall. Well…they weren't, and Rex wasn't sure where to go now.
"Hey Rex!" came a number of familiar voices from behind him. Rex jumped around to see a crowd of zombies, more specifically; Tea, Yugi, Rebecca, Duke, and Gramps.
They weren't looking too good.
"Uh…hi." Said Rex
"urrrggg" said Yugi
"uuuuggggggg" said Rebecca
"huuugggg" said Tea
"mmmmm" said Gramps
"eaaatttt" said Duke, and they all gathered round for their Christmas Rex roast… which is odd…because it wasn't actually Christmas…
"ahhh" screamed Rex as the zombies crowded towards him.
"Stop" said someone, Rex turned around just in time to see Ryou who had somehow come all this way from Pegasus's house to save him. "Let's all calm down and sit in a circle" this statement distracted the zombies somewhat. And they all started for him instead of Rex.
"Good work" said Rex "now let's run before they get you"
But Ryou didn't seem to hear him "Hello" he said as the mass of now very angry zombies approached "Everyone, sit down and we can play a game"
"What are you doing!" asked Rex "They're going to eat you!"
"Hahaha" Ryou laughed "That's a great joke, let's all encourage Rex for being so creative" he started to clap "You should join the game!"
The Tea zombie started clapping too but stopped as the other zombies glared at her. Yugi glared at Ryou, suspecting that this MIGHT turn into a duel in the shadow realm. "Now everybody have a seat," Ryou said, a little annoyed that he had to repeat everything to the zombies. Tea sat down on command.
Rex thought that this might be part of a strategy that Ryou was playing out, but when Ryou sat down as well his heart sank, this guy was a complete idiot.
"Hey! You!" Rex yelled to Ryou, "Yeah you, prissy boy! Are we gonna dump this joint or what?"
Ryou gave Rex a polite smile "Its alright, Rex, we're all completely open to the fact that you're not like other people, we all respect you, would you like to play a game?"
"Ryou!" Yet another voice came sounding out of the drone of zombies. This time it was Tristan. "Damn it Ryou!" He said, "I thought you were watching Joey!"
"I was," Ryou said, "He's taking a nap,"
"Joey doesn't take naps," Tristan said angrily, "He closes his eyes, waits until you leave and then goes and eats! EATS!"
"He promised me that he wouldn't," said Ryou in confusion "He made a pinky promise." He extended a pinky as if it were some kind of proof.
"How do you know he didn't lie?" Rex asked.
"Hush," Tristan hissed to him, "Ryou doesn't understand lies. He has more innocence then Yugi did, and that's saying something."
"Oh…" said Rex, scratching his head in confusion. "Then…what'll we do? We can't just leave him here…can we?"
"I have an Idea," Said Tristan, and then yelled to Ryou "HEY! I have an Idea for a game!"
"Really?" Ryou said, "Why that's excellent! Why don't you have a sit down with the group and explain it to us."
Tristan looked warily at the zombies who were staring at him hungrily, "Uh…alright…" He shuffled over to the group and sat down. "Hey Duke," He muttered to the zombie that was drooling on his shoelaces.
"Alright everybody," Said Ryou happily, "Tristan is going to Teach us a game,"
"Uggggarrrrrrr!" The group of zombies said in unison.
"Uh…yeah," Said Tristan, "Its called Lets chase Ryou to the helicopter, its pretty self explanatory- and Ryou, you HAVE to run fast, no going easy on people for being zombies."
Ryou frowned, this wasn't his kind of game, "Is it violent?" He asked.
"Uh..no," Said Tristan, hiding the cricket bat behind his back, "Just run-and if you're caught just kick and scream until we rescue you."
"Oh now really," Ryou said, "That's sounds very violent!"
"No it doesn't," Tristan said, "Who else wants to play Chase Ryou to the Helicopter?" The zombies all paused and then yelled "Uuuuuuuugar!"
"See? They said yes! Would you really deny them a game just because it's a little dangerous?" Tristan put on a 'Mokuba' face, which completely failed to look like Mokuba…but Ryou fell for it.
"Alright then," Ryou said, "I just hope that you can keep up, I ran all the way here after all." They all gave him a blank expression before he said "Well then, lets began shall we?"
"Oh, one more thing…" said Tristan quickly. "If you DO catch Ryou, then you are under NO circumstances allowed to eat him. Got it?"
"Well what a strange thing to say…" laughed Ryou. Rex rolled his eyes.
"Okay," said Tristan, after every zombie had nodded. "On the count of three! Ready? One…"
"Three!" squealed Tea, jumping to her feet and running for Ryou. Ryou, who was caught off his guard, faltered and tripped as soon as he'd gotten up.
"Wait!" cried Tristan. "No- its not three yet!" But Tea had already pounced on Ryou and was now suffocating him with a Tea hug. "No!" Tristan and Rex ran to help Ryou. Unfortunately the zombies thought that he had said 'Go' and followed in close pursuit.
"Tea, get off of him-!" Tristan turned to see the rest of the zombies. "Uh…Ryou, I think you should start running…"
"Why-?"
"JUST GO!" Rex and Tristan grabbed Ryou's arms and started running. Luckily Ryou only weighed 10 pounds, so Tristan and Rex easily outran the others.
"Hey, what's go'in on?" asked Joey, suddenly appearing beside them, eating a sandwich as he ran.
"Joey! I thought you were taking a nap…" said Ryou, looking perplexed.
"I was…" said Joey, "but then you left and I decided to go and get someth'n to eat."
"See?" Said Tristan, "I told you that's what he'd do!"
"Stop arguing!" yelled Rex.
"But…you promised, Joey…" whimpered Ryou, Tears suddenly filling his eyes. "You pinky promised…" he held out his pinky and stared at it as if in awe. Suddenly malicious laughter could be heard as Ryou's Yami, Bakura, took over. This made Tristan and Rex stumble, for as we all know, Bakura weighs much more than his Hikari (?).
"What's going on?" asked Tristan, spitting out a mouthful of dirt. He and Rex had both fallen head first into the ground. Bakura was smiling evilly at them.
"Ryou?" asked Joey, "Eh…you don't look so good… you're like wear'n eye make up and your hair looks pointier…"
"This is no time to comment about minor details!" yelled Tristan. "Can't you see that we're being chased by zombies!"
"Yeah…but he looks taller too…like Yugi does sometimes. Hey, ya think Yugi has a…I dunno, an alter ego or something?"
Tristan suddenly stopped, turned, gave Joey an exasperated look, and went to a nearby tree to hit his head against it. But somehow the head hitting just didn't seem to describe how frustrated he was, so he threw himself into the stampede of the zombies.
"Uh Tristan… are you alright?" asked Joey.
"Unfortunately yes!" came Tristan's voice. "Apparently I should've named the game 'chase Tristan'." This was true, for the Zombies were so entranced with this game that the ONLY person they wanted to catch was Ryou…who was now Bakura… who was now safely on the Helicopter (Well, he is a fast runner…)
Thank You for reading… and you had better review! Flames are welcome…in fact, make em really nasty. I'm very amused when I receive flames for a parody. But if you don't feel like flaming, and wish to tell me how good this chapter was, then by all means DO IT! It feeds my ever growing ego, and allows for my head to grow bigger… which is really annoying my sisters who are probably pissed that I keep on taking all the credit for this story. (receives a glare from a sister) Erm… yeah, they helped…But I did all the pure genius parts!
