Disclaimer: sighs i do not own yu-gi-oh, i do not own yu-gi-oh trading cards...and, on reflection, i didn't even own the pancakes...
(Ok, more bad goodness coming your way! Thanks to the REVIEWERS! Your our biggest fans, you know. Anyways, continue reading at your own risk, some material may not be suitable for american readers.)
Pharaoh had fallen asleep in his food (If you can call it food) and everybody ignored the absence of Valon.
"...and the bow ties..." Mokuba muttered, "So many bow ties,"
"Well I think I'll just be going now," Said Kaiba, tearing off the apron and throwing it into Pegasus's face, "Thanks for an...interesting time..."
"Oh but Kaiba boy!" Exclaimed Pegasus, throwing the apron that Kaiba had just thrown him into Dartz's face, "The funs only begun! Why you haven't even heard why I brought you all here!"
"You mean, it wasn't out of the goodness of your heart?" Asked Rebecca, who up until now had been completely ignored...because I don't like her.
"Of course not you fool!" Said Dartz, throwing the apron into Mr. Hawkin's face, "Since when does Pegasus do things out of the goodness of his heart?"
"I don't care," Said Kaiba, "You've seriously messed up Mokuba, and I haven't tended to the company in days."
"Oh that company of yours," Huffed Pegasus, "...come on, have a little fun once in a while, Kaiba Boy! Besides, you'll like what I have to tell you."
"I doubt it," Mumbled Kaiba.
"I'm holding a tournament!" Cried Pegasus, getting to his feet, "Right here, in my Purple Pegasus Palace! You're all invited and the prize is getting invited to another tournament! Oh isn't it wonderful?" He paused to let the rest of them applaud, however, no one was too enthused by the idea and simply coughed politely. "But I thought you guys loved playing my little games!" Said Pegasus.
"Games?" Asked Ryou hopefully, "Do we get to sit in a circle?"
"Will we be allowed to duel in the shadow realm?" Asked Bakura.
"Well no... I thought that we could have an honest dueling for once," Said Pegasus, "That is until you get to duel me, then you're toast and that means you Yugi Boy." He smiled at Yugi who gulped in turn.
"But I don't wanna participate in any more duels," Began Yugi.
"Duels?" Asked Pharaoh, waking up, "Did someone say something about duels? I'll duel whoever challenges me! Just bring it one and see if you can beat me! The King of Games! MUAHAHA!"
"Pharaoh, no!" Exclaimed Yugi, but the Pharaoh, in his sleep deprived state, would not hear of it.
"I'll defeat you all! And you'll regret having ever wanted to take away my victory! Bwahahahah-"
"Stop it: Cried Tea, "You aren't sounding like a very good friend right now!"
"Hey Tristan," Duke nudged Tristan, "That would be a good time to try out your duel disc-"
"I TOLD YOU DUKE!" Tristan snapped like a twig, "ITS JUST FOR SHOW!"
"Tristan, Duke! Stop Fighting!" Joey complained, covering his ears, "The neighbors can hear...i bet.."
"Yeah Tristan!" Duke yelled, "Quiet down! Don't make social services come again!"
"I remember them," Joey reminisced, "They were nice,"
"Joey," Tristan seethed, "If you mention food one...more...time.."
Joey's mouth was shut instantly. Mokuba had been forgotten at the table where he was still rocking back and forth. Pharaoh was back to singing jingles and Valon had just come in...with a computer...and many large dog sized scratches.
"Hello Hello," He said, sitting next to Mai expressly to show off the computer, "Why- lookey what I have here!"
"Valon," Mai sighed, "Thats a desk top..."
"So?" Valon asked, "You're jealous, aren't you? Jealous of my success!"
"You didn't even bring the server with you," Mai muttered, "This is useless, all you have is the screen..."
"I knew it!" Valon laughed, "You'll do anything for it! But will you go out with me for it?" He smiled.
"No," Mai said flatly.
"I'm so glad you agreed," Valon said, putting his arm around her shoulder, "Although it hardly surprises me, You've been looking for a reason to go out with me ever since we met-"
"I said no," Mai said firmly.
"Well we're not going out this minute. Don't be so impatient!" Valon said, he leaned over to Joey and whispered, "Girls, I just can't keep them away,"
Joey was steamed, "Mais gonna go out with me! Not you!" He exclaimed. He was about to punch Valon into Tomorrow but stopped when he heard Tristan and Duke sigh.
"Look at that," Tristan said, "Joeys got a crush,"
"Awe," Joey looked at the floor, "Now I'm blushing," He got up and yelled, "YOU GUYS ARE SO EMBARRASSING!" Before running out of the room.
Yugi and Tea, being the obnoxious friends that they are, followed Joey to talk to him.
"Its alright Joey," Said Tea.
"Yeah," Said Yugi, "Everybody already knew that you had a crush on her,"
"Really?" Joey asked, "Uh...that doesn't make me feel any better,"
Tea and Yugi just smiled blankly and nodded.
"Wow, that Valon guy really gets my goat!" Joey went on, "I just wanna kill him!"
"No...no, you shouldn't," Said Tea nervously.
"I know I shouldn't!" Joey said angrilly, "But I'm gonna!"
"Joey," Yugi laughed, "Just calm down,"
"Yugi's right," Said Yugi in a deeper voice.
"Pharaoh," Yugi said in a higher voice, "Get lost, you have your own body in this parody!"
"I'll do what I want to!" He told himself in a lower voice. Just then Pharaoh walked by.
"Whats wrong with him?" He asked Joey and Tea, they both shrugged and watched while Yugi continued to argue with himself.
-COMMERCIAL BREAK-
Perky Perkinson: Heeeeeeellllllooooo listeners! Today we got the classics and the hard and the blank and roll! You guessed it! We're rocking out...TO OLDIES! fake applause is heard Well I've gotta do my job right today or else I get fired so Yu-Gi-Oh is brought to you by...
Yu-Gi-Oh Trading Cards! There wouldn't be a show if we didn't have so many damn cards to sell!
And Scrub Dub, you clean it- then you eat it! Back to the show:
A lot happens but mostly you suspect that theres some mysterious toxic fume leaking inside Pegasus's Purple Palace... Pharaoh is singing Jingles, Joeys completely embarrassed and angry, Tristan and Duke can't stop arguing, Mais NOT going on a date with Valon, Yugi and Alistair are both insane: Weevil, Rebecca, Rex and Mr. Hawkins are being ignore and/ or are dead, Mokuba has been traumatized by Pegasus's Wardrobe, Kaiba and Raphael both wore frilly aprons and we had the characters read a few fan fics...they didn't really care...NOW ON WITH THE INCREDIBLE FAN FIC OF RANDOMNESS! (Yes, it goes on...like an energizer bunny...)
"Yugi?" Gramps was still stuck inside of the wardrobe, "YUGI! You let me out right now mister! Or you're grounded! I swear that you are!"
Yugi sighed as he tried to seal any cracks in the door to the wardrobe, as soon as Gramps used up the oxygen Yugi would be free from one more meddling grown up.
"Yugi, what are you doing?" Asked Pharaoh, coming across him in the hall. Yugi continued to jam the door spaces with cloth and crumpled paper. "Nothing," He said Innocently.
"Die," He said in a lower voice, "die, Die, DIE!"
Pharaoh rolled his eyes, "Kids and their games," He muttered as he continued to walk down the hallway.
"Suffocate you evil bastard!" Yugi laughed evilly.
"Help Me!" Came a muffled voice.
Pharaoh stopped in his tracks, "Yugi, what was that noise?"
"Nothing," Yugi shrugged, "Noise? I didn't hear a noise! You must be crazy!"
"Are you alright?" Asked Pharaoh. Yugi kept on looking over his shoulder in a paranoid fashion that suggested that he was doing something that he shouldn't.
"I'm not crazy!" Yugi shouted, "You're the crazy one! I'm just an innocent midget! Look at me! Ha ha ha!" He began stuffing faster.
"Help me! Some one!" Came the voice.
"Why, I swore I heard someone cry for help!" Pharaoh said, "-and it sounded like gramps!"
"Gramps? Gramps is dead!" Yugi laughed, "Or he will be!"
"Oh," Said Pharaoh, "Well, if you're sure it wasn't gramps than I'll be on my way"
THIS SCENE HAS BEEN DELETED FOR AMERICAN VIEWERS IT WAS REALLY CREEPY
"For the last time you two!" Said a very flustered Mai, surrounded by Joey and Valon, "I'm not going out with either one of you!"
"Why not!" Demanded Joey," If its me...then I can change, I'll stop dueling and...and eating! Please Mai!"
"Its not your eating habits that but me," Began Mai, "Though they are hardly acceptable in public places..." Joey blushed, "Its more of the fact that I'm eight years older than you,"
"But-"
"You're only two years older than me, Mai..." Said Valon annoyingly, "Just think about how great we'd be together. We could even start stealing souls together! It would be a dream come true!"
"Yes, well, you're just crazy," Said Mai, "And, like I told you before, Mai Valentine works alone!"
"But the accent!" Valon said, taken aback, "The accent's irresistable! NO GIRL SAYS NO TO MY ACCENT!"
"Or mine!" Said Joey proudly, Mai rolled her eyes.
"Listen, I don't want to go out with either of you. My true soul mate is...is..." Her eyes began to tear up.
"Who is it Mai?" Asked Joey, "Don't worry! I can take it! Just tell me who it is...please."
"It's-"
"Hehe," Said Valon, already distracted by his spiffy computer screen, "Look! I can see my reflection!"
"Would you look at that!" Said Joey, also staring into his reflection, "Whoa! This is some high tech stuff!"
"Oh forget it, " Mai sighed, walking off to find some place normal, (A hard feat that she would not succeed at).
Mean While...
"Tristan," Duke patted Tristan's back, "Don't cry, I didn't mean it! All I said was that sometimes, when we fight, I wish I were someone elses best friend..."
"And what I'm trying to tell you is..." Tristan sobbed and looked at Duke dramatically, "You're NOT my best friend,"
Duke gasped, horrified and then asked, "How long? How long were you going to keep this from me! Who is it? I ASKED WHO IS IT?" His eyes were buggy and freaky and stuff.
"Its...its..." Tristan paused for more dramatic effect, "Joey, it always has been,"
"THAT BASTARD!" Duke exclaimed, "-and you're a bastard too! You cut me deep, Tristan, real deep!"
"I'm sorry," Tristan said, "I...I have to go now," He got up and, giving Duke one last fleeting look, left...to the other room... Where duke watched painfully as Tristan sat down next to Joey and began to laugh.
"Come on Mokuba, Its time to go," Said Kaiba, trying to convince Mokuba to come out from behind the refridgerator.
"And then the shoes..." Mokuba whimpered, "I've never seen so many high heeled boots before..."
"I haven't got all day Mokuba!" Snapped Kaiba.
"And do you know what I found out?"
"Kaiba sighed, "No Mokuba, what did you find out?"
"He wears gloves!"
"What?" Asked Kaiba after a moment.
"Pegasus wears gloves, GLOVES!"
At the same time, Pharaoh came running out of the kitchen screaming , "PICKLES ARE CUCUMBERS! CUCUMBERS!" He dropped to his knees and cried in anguish.
"And green beans," Said Tea.
"And Gramps," Said Yugi, who was looking very smug about something.
"Well yes," Said Pharaoh, "But my point is, Why can't they just tell you that they're salted cucmbers?"
"Actually they do," Said Rebecca, trying to sound like a know-it-all.
"No they don't!" Said Pharaoh, "I read the label and all I saw was the word 'pickles'"
"Did you read the ingredients, Pharaoh?" Asked Yugi.
"Ingredi-whats?"
"Never mind," Sighed Yugi, and went off to check the closet to see if a certain someone had suffocated yet.
Rebecca chased after Yugi and Tea approached the Pharaoh, "So, have you figured out any more about your past?"
"What does that have to do with pickles?" Asked the Pharaoh.
"So you're free this evening?" Tea asked.
Pharaoh was about to say that he wasn't but Tea interrupted him.
"Good!" She said, "We can go and, you know, hang,"
"From where?" Asked Pharaoh curiously, "-and why? Do I look like a bat? Sometimes you mortals really are dumb!"
"Its an expression," Tea giggled, "I was just saying that we could go to a nice restaurant and-"
"Complain about their pickles? Thats a great idea!" Said Pharaoh, "After all, that is where pickles come from!"
"Alright!" Tea said happilly, "I do enjoy 'hanging' with my biggest fan!"
Pharaoh choked on his pickle concerning words to actually acknowledge what Tea had said, "You mean I'm your BIGGEST fan? I had no Idea that you were so repulsive!"
"You're the tallest one too!" Said Tea. This cheered Pharaoh up instantly.
"I bet I'm the tallest you've ever known," He said proudly, sticking out his chest.
Tea frowned, "No," She said, "Ryou offered to by a Tea fan too, I just meant that you were my buggest BESTEST Tea Fan!"
"Oh..." Pharaoh decided to ignore this, "Fine, I'll go, out of pity for you. But you're paying the bill,"
Whats with the closet, Yugi?"
Yugi spun around and jumped to see Rebecca standing there. "Nothing! Go away!" The midget snapped. But while he said this he poked some paper into a crack that hadn't been sealed yet.
"You're hiding somethinng, aren't you?" She didn't wait for a reply, "I knew it! Show me whats in there or I'll find out myself!"
"No!" Yugi pleaded, "Theres nothing in there but office supplies!"
"We'll see," Said Rebecca, and with that she shoved past Yugi amd opened the closet door, "Yugi! You were trying to suffocate Gramps-oof!" She had been pushed into the closet.
"We'll see how long you last in the closet with him!" She heard Yugi say, as he started to laugh evilly.
Kaiba had finally convinced Mokuba to come out of hiding and was now leading him out of the Purple Pegasus Palace. As soon as they were out Mokuba seemed to recover a bit. Atleast enough to ask "How did we get out of there alive?"
"Huh?" Asked Seto, his grip tightening as he led his brother to a spiffy convertible that appeared to belong to Pegasus.
"Well," Mokuba continued, "I don't think that Pegasus would've let us go willingly, just like that...so how did we escape?"
"Um... He was probably too preoccupied with the geek squad..."
"Are you sure, big brother? Because I still say he would have had his security team alerted just in case we decided to leave,"
Kaiba said nothing as they got into the car, and he started the engine, though he was wearing his triuphant scowl, which might have suggest that he was up to something.
"Where'd you get Pegasus's keys from?" Asked Mokuba, noting that his brother hadn't needed to hot wire the car.
"Uh...what?" Asked Kaiba, pretending he hadn't heard.
"The keys!" Mokuba shouted, "Whats going on!" He was beginning to look slightly mad, and Kaiba, fearing that he might return to his demented 'oh-the-horror-of-Pegasus's-wardrobe' state, had to give in.
"Listen Mokuba, I only put a small virus into Pegasus's system...its nothing,"
Mokuba squinted his eyes suspiciously, "Well if its nothing...then why didn't you tell me before? And that still doesn't explain how you got his keys!"
Kaiba rolled his eyes, "Listen, do you really want to hear about all of this boring grown up stuff? Just be glad that we made it out of there alive!" He began to back the car.
"But Nii sama!" Mokuba whined.
"What is it NOW?" Kaiba growled. He shifted the car into drive and began to drive down the road.
"Where are we going?" His little brother asked, "We're on an island!"
"What?"
"I said that we're on an island," Repeated Mokuba, "Didn't you know that? I think Pegasus has an obsession with them,"
"Oh Shi-" Began Kaiba but was stoppped just in time so that his brother wouldn't have to hear the rest of the profane word...even though it had been used more than once in this fic and Mokuba was quite used to it by now. "Uh...well, this road must lead to some where, so we'll just follow it until it ends..." He stopped as he saw what lay ahead of them, "Uh...Mokuba? How many palaces do you think Pegasus has on this island?"
"Only one," Said Mokuba.
"Crap."
(To Loyal readers: Thank you for being patient with this ever so slowly updated and horribly long story.
To new readers: Thank you in advance for being patient with this ever so slowly updated and horrible long story.
To Errant of the Violet Shockers: Have a pancake!)
