(A/N: Ok, so here it is, another chapter. And you may or may not be happy to hear that they'll be coming up a lot faster now! Regardless of whether or not this terrifyes you to no end it means that I now have time to write new chapters! Which means that the parody goes on! Thanks to Empress Caroline of Tamaran, "lurve" and Valexa Kaiba for actually reading a 13th chapter...and in advance for reading the 14th heh heh. Ok! Enjoy!)
Pegasus groaned as he sat up. His head hurt, and everything was dark. Where was he? Clumsily he reached out to try and feel where the wall was. His hand groped about until he felt something. It was soft… and it felt purple… He reached the other way excitedly and found the light switch. He flipped it and gasped.
It was his wardrobe! All of his beautiful, BEAUTIFUL suits and hats and shoes and so on. Ignoring the fact that he'd woken from unconsciousness in his closet, he began to try things on.
"I feel pretty! Oh so pretty!" He sang, half an hour later as he stepped in front of a full length mirror to pose in his sundress.
"This hat is soooo delicious!" He said. He wasn't kidding either, he was wearing a chocolate sombrero, "What do you think?" He turned to Rebecca and Gramps who were both staring…blankly. Gramps may have been dead.
"Pegasus!" Rebecca said, after she had recovered slightly, "Don't you know a way OUT of here?"
"Why would we want to get out, Rebecca-boy?" Asked Pegasus, "I haven't seen this wardrobe for ages! I lost it sometime back…"
"You what?" Rebecca asked, but the question was ignored.
"Now should I wear cool anime' boots or my ruby red slippers?" Asked Pegasus, looking at his wall of shoes.
"The stilettos," Rebecca said, hoping to outrun this guy when ever she found a way out, "What's that noise?" She asked. She heard something that sounded eerily like paper and cloth sealing the cracks in the locked door. "Wait! Somebody might be looking for us!" She said excitedly, "HELP! HEEEELP-uff!"
"Quiet down," Pegasus said, throwing a shoe at her, "Its Yugi-boy, he appears to be stuffing wadded paper into the cracks of the door…uh oh! Looks like he has glue, this time. Now would I look nicer in orange socks or blue ones?"
"HELP!" Rebecca shouted, "Help! Help! Help us damnit!"
Pegasus was watching the door with his millennium eye, "Well now, it looks as if Pharaoh and Tea are headed this way, Ooh! Yugi-boy is panicking… he's grabbing them now and," He stopped as the door opened, and the Pharaoh and Tea were thrown in to join them.
"Umph!" said Pharaoh, who had fallen face first into Pegasus's scarf collection.
"Why, hello Yugi-boy!" said Pegasus, mistaking the Yami for his Hikari.
"That's Pharaoh to you!" snapped the Pharaoh, coming into the light, covered in multi colored scarves. "Where are we? And why did Yugi stuff us in here!"
"This is my wardrobe," began Pegasus,
"I want answers old man!" He shouted, impatiently.
"Yes…well I was about to tell you Pharaoh-boy,"
"Then you're taking far too long! Can you not see that I am the godly, kingly, knightly, brave and daring Pharaoh! I require instant explanations lasting no longer than three seconds!"
"Well then, to make a long explanation short" said Rebecca, "Yugi is crazy."
There was a silence, and then Pharaoh said "You lost me…"
"Never mind Yugi-boy," said Pegasus, "You're in my closet now! I'd imagine this is a dream come true to all of you,"
Rebecca, Tea and Gramps (who might have been dead, but not really dead because the characters can't really die) all groaned. Pharaoh however took one look at the place and smiled at Pegasus.
"What…?" asked Pegasus, looking slightly put off. "Why are you looking at me like that…?"
"Dress me servant!" Exclaimed the Pharaoh, suddenly extending his arms as if he was at a Tailor's shop.
"Huh?"
"I said DRESS ME!" repeated Pharaoh. When Pegasus continued to stare blankly pharaoh began to get annoyed. "Do your ears work fool? I am the godly, kingly, knightly, brave and daring, handsome, godly-"
"You already said Godly," pointed out Rebecca.
"DO NOT INTERUPT me!" he again turned to Pegasus. "I am the high and mighty pharaoh, and I require an outfit that is fit for Ra himself!"
"But this is MY wardrobe!" argued Pegasus.
"Dress me or suffer my wrath!" Pegasus rolled his eyes.
"What could you possibly do to me, Pharaoh boy?" He asked, "Duel me to death?"
"I could try!" snapped the pharaoh. "But you won't have to find out if you just dress me NOW!"
"Well that wouldn't be very much fun…" said Pegasus, "I think I'd prefer the duel. What do you say Pharaoh-boy?"
"Er…well," Pharaoh looked down at his chest, where his millennium item usually hung. It was gone, for Ryou/bakura had run off with it somewhere between the zombies and the pancakes. "Well…you see, I can't really…"
"What?" asked Pegasus, looking amused. "The king of games can't handle one little, itty bitty duel with an old friend?"
"I can too!" Pharaoh said, outraged. "I just don't want to, because you always cheat!"
"But it was your idea Pharaoh-boy, And I promise I won't cheat this time…"
"Hmmm," said Pharaoh, giving him a critical look. "Do you pinky promise?" He extended his pinky, and Pegasus joined it with his.
"Well, okay then. Now that I know you won't cheat…"
The duel commenced… and Pegasus cheated. Honestly, did anyone but Pharaoh NOT see that coming? But, despite the deal they'd made, Pegasus still dressed Pharaoh for he thought it sounded like fun.
"Are you all closing your eyes?" asked Pegasus, after Pharaoh had lost his sixteenth duel in this story. Rebecca, Tea, Gramps and for some reason Yugi (who was still standing outside of the closet) all replied "Yes".
"Good," said Pegasus. "Because we've changed the plain old BORING wrathful ruler into a hip, young looking prince of darkness! Everybody, I proudly introduce Pharaoh Atem!"
Tea, Rebecca and for some reason Yugi, all clapped, while Gramps slumped over and hit his head against one of the many trunks in the room. Then they opened their eyes and both Rebecca and Tea gasped.
Standing before them was Pharaoh Atem, dressed in a sparkling red evening gown, and standing in clashing ugly green teddy bears slippers. His hair had been slightly curled…and slightly singed, and his eye brows had been completely burned off. He stood proudly…though he looked like he was in a great deal of pain.
"What's going on? How does he look? I can't see!" whined Yugi, banging on the door.
"Well?" asked the Pharaoh, spinning around so that they could see him at all angles. "What do you think?"
"Uh…" started Rebecca. "why are you in a dress?" she asked.
"He's wearing a dress?" demanded Yugi, still banging on the door.
"A dress?" asked Pharaoh, bewildered. "No, no. This is a Toga! Pegasus assured me! And he also told me that lots of guys wear togas! Why it was all the rage in ancient Greece!"
"Um, okay…" said Rebecca, though she looked doubtful. "What happened to your eyebrows?"
Pharaoh scoffed. "I had them removed, duh!"
"What?" asked Tea.
"You know, waxed off and such!"
"Oh…" said Rebecca," It looks like they were burned off accidentally…
"Well…uh… that's not the point." Pharaoh said, his cheeks growing red. "Just tell me… do you like the hair? It's a new style for me, I know, but I think it looks alright actually…"
"There's burn marks on your head." Rebecca said blankly.
"And it looks like Pegasus started to cut your hair and then just stopped in the middle…" Added Tea.
"Well," admitted Pegasus, guiltily "His hair was ruining the scissors…"
"You said they wouldn't notice!" Pharaoh growled.
"Ha, ha" said that kid from the Simpson's who always laughs at everything.
Pegasus glared at the kid who disappeared into oblivion. "Well beside the flaws, what do you think?"
Tea started clapping "me next, Rebecca! We can play dress up, but no peeking the rest of you" she giggled and blushed acting all bubbly and bouncy anime style.
"Tea!" Rebecca sighed "I don't even play dress up anymore, and your like, a lot older than me" she didn't say by how much because she had forgotten how to subtract (Aka: The author forgot how old Rebecca was and couldn't come up with a suitable number)
"Whatever," said Pharaoh, looking at his 'toga' with disappointment. "I think I'll just go change into the only outfit I appear to own." He sighed, and opened the door, so that he could go and change somewhere. Yugi, who had his ear pressed against the door, was knocked to the floor as Pharaoh swung it open.
"I want to see damn it-" he was in the middle of yelling when he gasped.
"Finally!" huffed the Pharaoh, taking his Hikari's silence as a good thing. "Someone who's shocked by the amazing transformation! At least you're a good fashion critic, Yugi, I thought you'd never be good at anything!"
"Me too," admitted Rebecca, stepping over Yugi as she escaped the closet.
"Me three," laughed Tea, good naturedly. "But then, I don't think you're a good fashion critic at all."
"Wha-?" Yugi sat there bewildered.
"Pegasus?" called Rebecca. "Are you coming?"
Pegasus peeked his head out of the closet… "Um… no." he said, "I think I'll just stay here for a while… Solomon-boy hasn't gotten his makeover yet…"
Rebecca, Tea and Pharaoh all raced down the hallway, trying to find the living room they'd started out in. That's when they bumped into Joey and Tristan who were still laughing at each other's jokes while Duke skulked behind them grumpily.
"Hey!" Said Joey as Pharaoh tried to shove past him, "Where do you think you're going, short stuff?"
"SHORT STUFF?" Pharaoh asked, outraged at yet another pun on his height, "Move aside pudgy, my great godliness will not tolerate mere mortals obstructing my path to freedom!"
"Whoa," Said Tristan, "Slow down little guy! What's going on?"
"LITTLE GUY?" Pharaoh was appalled, "My great kingly indignity could crush you with it's pinky toe! Looks are deceiving chrome dome, now out of my way!"
Tristan looked close to tears as he rubbed a hand over his scalp, where his dew used to be….all glued and perfect…
"That was harsh, yug," Joey said, saying the words that Tristan couldn't, "-and surprising coming out of such a small-"
"YOU'RE COMPLETELY MISSING MY POINT!" Pharaoh tried to swing a punch into Joey, but everybody knows that what Pharaoh has in dueling skills he lacks in physical strength. Joey waved him away and the gust from the single hand movement sent Pharaoh careening down the hallway.
"That was mean!" Said Tea, fiercely grabbing Joey by the ear as punishment.
"Ow!" Joey exclaimed, "Who taught Tea a new trick?"
"How dare you undermine me!" Tea said, pulling sharply on his lobe, "I learned this on TV!"
"Everybody stop bickering or I'll be forced to use my stun stare!" Rebecca said.
Duke suddenly came out of his waking comatose to roll his eyes, "Sure Rebecca," He said, "Like you could ever do that."
Everybody who's seen enough crappy movies knows that this is a cue for Rebecca to do some incredible act of stunning to prove the doubtful Duke wrong…trust me, she tried… She stood in consternation for five minutes while she tried to make everybody hold still and eventually everybody decided to act stunned so that they could get on with their day.
"See?" Rebecca stuck out her tongue at Duke when she had 'released' everybody of the stun stare.
"Can I please pass down the hall now?" Asked Pharaoh, huffing, "I need to get away before-"
"Pharaoh!" Came Yugi's voice, "Pharaoh! Where are you going?" in a lower voice he said, "Come back pharaoh, you forgot something in the wardrobe….."
"Oh! It's the real yugi!" Joey said, "Maybe you can explain why Yami Yugi is in a dress!"
"It's a TOGA!" Pharaoh was positively red with fury, "It's a masculine, tough, MANLY TOGA!"
"Its pretty!" Said Tea, letting go of Joey's ear to admire the 'toga' in all of it's sparkly splendor.
"Thank you," Said Pharaoh in a vain, typical pharaoh voice, "I thought it made my butt look big but-"he sighed, "I can't have everything, now can I?"
"Oh Pharaoh…" came Yugi's odd evil voice. "Don't you think we should have a duel?"
"Huh?" asked Pharaoh, looking at Yugi.
"In… the shadow realm perhaps?"
"No, can't you see I'm busy right now?"
"Well let me make it simpler for you then! Your butt DOES look big, your hair looks like some sort of electrocuted starfish, and its not a toga! It is a dress!"
"And the eyebrows?" asked pharaoh,
"Oh…actually I don't think you ever really had eyebrows to begin with…"
"WHAT! Of course I had eyebrows! You take that back Yugi!"
"Or what?" asked Yugi. Pharaoh fell right into the trap.
"Or else I'll duel you!"
(dun, dun, DUN!) Wow, how often does this actually work out? Someone gets challenged to a duel, they accept without delay, and they either lose… or the duel never even gets started. So why are we bothering going into another pointless duel? Because Pharaoh might actually win this one…why? We don't know. I'd be cheering on Bakura cough er…I mean yugi, but he is really asking for it now.
"Bla bla bla," Kaiba said. He and Mokuba, after circling the island several times, were back. "Stop all of these petty insults and start dueling for once. If that's too hard, then allow me to guide you through it! You, Bakura…er, Yugi, you will start out by playing an amazingly good card. You'll become over confident at once, unlike Pharaoh who will remain calm and focused. Pharaoh will counter attack that with his dark magician, which he will just happen to draw out of deck due to this heart of the cards crap. Then you, baku er…Yugi will receive a lecture about what a non-believer you are and eventually Pharaoh WILL win,"
"Wow, he's good." Said Pharaoh. "uh… I mean, that is sooo NOT what I would do!"
"Over confident!" Demanded Bakura- I mean, Yugi. Of course its Yugi(cough). "I'll show you over confident foolish mortal!"
"Blah, bla-"Kaiba began, but never finished because Bakur-er Yugi punched him in the stomach, an amazing feat for such a little guy to do…on his own… Kaiba kicked him back but found that it did little use, he had no physical strength since all he ever did was duel. He fell gasping to the floor "you're gasp pa-pantthetic"
"Bwahahaha!" laughed Bakura… er, Yugi. "Over confident my-"
"You're mean!" shouted Tea, grabbing him by the ear. Bakura (Oh come on, we all know its not Yugi) gasped, and tried to swat her away, but it didn't work. Tea, unlike the others, did so little dueling that she had lots and lots of physical strength. "Poor Seto," she said, to Kaiba's dismay.
"Ugg! I could've taken him!" said Kaiba defensively, getting to his feet. "I was just going easy on him because he's so short!"
"Oh, I get it!" said Pharaoh angrily, "So all those times I dueled you and won, it was because you were going easy on me? I want a re-match!"
"No." said Kaiba firmly, "I have to find Pegasus-"
"Oh, how typical!" said Pharaoh, haughtily. "You guys are all the same! Always worried about your pride!" Kaiba's face was turning red.
"Listen, I was just punched in the stomach, I don't really feel like dueling…"
"Yeah, whatever." Said Pharaoh, not really listening. "That's what they all say when they're faced with the King of Games!"
"I dueled you twice on the helicopter alone!" Kaiba said.
"Well then what's one more duel?" Asked Pharaoh.
"Would you stop arguing!" shouted Bakura. "I'll duel you both, will that settle it?"
"Yes!" Said Pharaoh.
"No…what?" Kaiba was growing more and more outraged. "Did you just agree to have me duel him, freak?"
"Hah! As if I'd do it alone!" Pharaoh snorted, "We will work together as a-"
"Don't you dare say it," Kaiba said, clasping a hand over Pharaoh's mouth. There were some things that Kaiba would simply not tolerate-actually there were a lot of things Kaiba wouldn't tolerate- but the 'T' word was a big one.
Pharaoh bit down on Kaiba's hand. Seto pulled his injured hand away quickly and slapped Pharaoh in the back of the head.
"I'm going to kill-" He began, but Pharaoh interrupted.
"We must work together, Kaiba, its destiny!"
"Was it destiny when you're pal Pegasus locked my brother into his closet of doom?" Kaiba asked, "Mokuba was only just recovering from the time Pegasus took his soul, too!"
"-and the leg warmers!" Mokuba shivered, "No one should ever have to see neon green leg warmers!"
"SEE!" Kaiba shouted, outraged, "I've had enough of this! If you're so pepped up on team work than why don't you join me in trying to get the hell off of this island?"
Pharaoh looked at Kaiba dramatically while he thought of what to say, finally he thought of the PERFECT reply, "Island?"
Kaiba rolled his eyes, "Yes Island, isn't that what I just said? I shouldn't have to repeat myself Loser- I'm always accurate the first time,"
Pharaoh looked blankly. "Let me explain this to him," Tristan said protectively, he knelt down to Pharaoh's level and took him by the shoulders, "Yugi? YUGI FRANCIS MOTOU, Are you listening to me? Look at me," He took Pharaoh by the chin, "Did you hear what mr. Kaiba said?" He asked.
Pharaoh looked away and shrugged, "I guess," He muttered.
"Yugi," Tristan shook his shoulders, "Did you understand?"
Pharaoh scratched the back of his head and nodded.
"What do you say, lil' guy?" Tristan asked, "Do you want to help Kaiba?"
Pharaoh dug a toe into the floor and mumbled something.
"What was that?" Asked Tristan, "SPEAK UP!"
"Don't be so hard on him!" Duke said, shoving Tristan out of the way, "He just needs a little time, don't you, Yugi?" He gave Pharaoh a lollipop. There was more nodding while Pharaoh stared wide eyed at Kaiba and licked tentatively at his candy.
"Stop spoiling him!" Tristan yelled to Duke, "You're always playing the favorite, you make me into the bad guy!"
"I can't help it if Yugi likes me better!" Duke sniffed, "Maybe I'm just a better da-friend…" His voice trailed off. Both he and Tristan looked suddenly very scared.
"This is messed up," Kaiba said, covering Mokuba's ears.
"Hey you guys!" Came Yugi's voice from behind them. Duke and Tristan wheeled around and did a double take. "Yugi?" Duke asked.
A smile appeared on Tristan's face.
"Those two are ALWAYS toying with us," Tristan said, walking up to Yugi and picking him up, "Don't you, lil' guy? Pharaoh! Get up and stop pouting! You look ridiculous!"
Pharaoh, who had been on his knees, got up and returned to his godly, kingly- well you get the idea- manner. "Right!" He said loudly, "I will team-"
"Collaborate," Kaiba corrected in a hiss.
"Right," Pharaoh said, restarting, "I will collaborate with your efforts to escape this perilous island!" He puffed out his chest in a heroic stance, "With team work we can accomplish ANYTHING!"
"Can we use friendship too?" Asked Tea excitedly, "I love friendship! It's the coolerest!"
Kaiba's hands were now at his own ears and Mokuba was sitting in a corner, rocking back and forth.
"Can we sit in a circle?" The voice of Ryou made everybody freeze. "I was just playing dress-up with Max and I heard yelling, so I came to see what was wrong and whether or not I could make a peace offering, but you seem to have worked things out on your own!" He smiled as if everything in the world was happy and just as innocent as himself. Tea smiled too, it was her second favorite hobby.
"We're not going to sit in a damn circle," Kaiba said flatly, "We're going to take action against Pegasus, we've been here too long!"
"Oh, you make me sooo sad Kaiba-boy," Said Pegasus who had also snuck up on them. He was almost dressed normally, but he was still wearing his chocolate sombrero, "I am ever so lonely around here, with only my money to keep me company,"
"Buy yourself some friends," Kaiba said, "That's what I do-er-" everybody was looking at him, he only blushed for a second but then countered it with a good looking glare( He had practiced it in the mirror all morning). Everybody looked away again and pretended that they'd heard nothing (Tristan and Duke were getting amazingly good at this)
"Where did your pal Dartz go anyhow?" Asked Kaiba. "I thought you guys were inseparable."
"Er… Dartzy-boy had some work to do so he went home."
"What! How come Dartz can go home for work and I CAN'T?"
"Because I say so" said Pegasus, he left it at that and broke off a piece of his sombrero.
Meanwhile, Rex and Weevil, who have not been mentioned for a while because (insert unlikely scenario here) now entered the room.
"Hey!" Weevil said, a mischievous grin spreading over his face, "Do you think that this could be the sort of dirt that Valon will pay for?"
"I dunno," Rex shrugged, "Think we should listen in?"
Weevil rubbed his hands together and chuckled "We're going to be super spies!"
They observed for at least an hour while Kaiba used some very profane words while talking to Pegasus. Yami and Yugi argued over who should get the now discarded chocolate sombrero but Tea used her 'amazing' physical force to get it instead. Tristan and Joey laughed together and Duke scowled as Rebecca explained her special ability to fly. Ryou and Bakura were the first to notice the two mini villains sitting in the middle of the hall way.
"Wow! Sitting people!" Ryou exclaimed, he went to join them in forming a circle but Bakura was more suspicious than that.
"What are you writing?" He asked Weevil, trying to read over the bug eyed kid's shoulder.
"What's it to you?" Asked Weevil, grinning as he schemed.
Bakura caught a glimpse of the note pad and wagged a finger at Weevil, "Naughty, Naughty," He warned "If the corporate hot shots find out that you're spreading gossip you'll be in deep shi-"
"SHIP!" Ryou yelled before Bakura could finish his sentence, "Yami!" Ryou scolded, "We're trying to keep a maximum of ten swear words per chapter here!"
Bakura scowled but did not finish the curse, instead he sighed and casually said, "It would be highly distressing if the love triangle between Pharaoh, Seto and Pegasus were found out,"
Despite the obvious fact that these three people could not loathe each other more Weevil ate up all of the juicy details and wrote down all the other rumors (That, oddly enough, all seemed to be at Pharaoh's expense.)
Another hour later and not much had changed from the hour before.
"So that's how Pharaoh ended up in a bus stop wearing nothing but his underwear and the millennium puzzle. As you can imagine Yugi never let Pharaoh touch alcohol again, but I hear that he's still rather relaxed about the drugs…" Bakura sighed as if the story were rather hard to tell, "How the mighty are fallen," He tutted to Weevil, shaking his head, "How the mighty are fallen."
Weevil had jotted it all down eagerly, which was more than could be said for Rex who was still drawing doodles and playing hangman with Ryou while he tried to coax gossip out of him. "Aren't there any SECRETS about anyone here that you'd like to get off of your chest?" Rex asked in an exasperated voice.
"Yes," Ryou giggled, "But it wouldn't be a secret than would it, besides, these are all very decent people," (Kaiba and Pegasus were trying to defend themselves from Pharaoh who was now using Yugi's spiky head as a weapon of some sort…)
"What are the secrets that you do know?" Rex asked.
"I pinky promised not to tell," Ryou explained and then shouted, "Tic Tac Toe! I beat you again Rex!"
Rex sighed as he drew out another set of lines and said "Well what if you just wrote them down? Technically you wouldn't have directly told it and then you won't have broken the pinky promise."
"That's bending the rules!" Ryou accused, "I can't tell you and that's final!"
Rex was silent a moment and was than struck by a brilliant idea, "But Ryou!" He said, "It's a game!"
Immediately all of Ryou's attention was focused on Rex, his face eager like that of a dog waiting for the ball to be thrown.
"Here's how you play," Said Rex, "You tell me the biggest secret that somebody's told you and I judge whether it was good enough to be a secret!"
"TEA STILL WETS THE BED!" Ryou shouted. The hall went quiet. Everybody looked at Ryou…than at Tea. Tea's chocolate covered lips began to quiver, her anime' eyes got super shiny, than she whimpered "Ryou…how could you…I… I trusted you with that secret…"
"But…" Ryou muttered, "It's a game…" He turned to Rex, "How did I do? Was it a worthy secret?"
Rex nodded, "That was an excellent secret, Ryou, I think you deserve a sticker!"
"A sticker!" Ryou shouted gleefully, "Look Tea! I have a sticker!" But Tea had run from the room and every one, even Rex, was giving Ryou a glare.
"You're a horrible friend," Kaiba commented, "I've always kept Mokuba's bed wetting a secret, you just betrayed Tea's trust."
"I say we kill him!" Pharaoh said, holding up Yugi like a spear ready to attack.
"Wait!" Pegasus said, "I've got a better idea!"
Five minutes later Ryou was rocking back and forth inside of the Wardrobe.(Poor Ryou…)
"We got the gossip!" Weevil shouted, running over to Valon who had gotten hold of both his sanity and another lap top of Kaiba's.
Valon looked over their information and smirked in a very aussie way(?). "Fantastic," He said, as he began typing it onto the computer, "Good bye Pharaoh fans!"
If you're wondering what Valon had been spending his time doing the answer was obvious, He was writing down fake stories of how heroic and charming he was and posting it onto his own fan site.
"I'll convert everybody," He had said aloud to the computer. Mai had heard and had commissioned a few stories for her own fan site as well.
Over all everything was beginning to seem normal… and the authors were wondering what to do next…
That's when the OC showed up. Oh the horror!
