Previously, on Yugioh: Dr.Phil arrived to solve some brotherly issues... and that really about all. Huh...
"Every one quiet now!" Dr. Phil interrupted, "We're back on with Alistair (he'd given up on Seto and Mokuba).
"Alistair!" groaned the entire audience.
"And don't forget Mikey!" Scolded Alistair, looking highly offended.
"And Mikey," added Dr. Phil, "Now, since we don't have a video for you two, would ya'll like to tell us what's goin' on?"
"You tell them Mikey." Said Alistair cheerfully, nudging the air next to him.
"No, I meant-" began Dr. Phil.
"Don't interrupt Mikey!"
"Hey Alistair! You're more messed up than me!" Said Kaiba, grinning. Alistair turned red.
"At least I'm a better brother!" He yelled.
"Seto's the best, and you know it!" Mokuba said, completely contradicting what he'd said earlier.
"Mikey!" whined Alistair, suddenly turning to Pharaoh. "Why don't you stand up for me?"
"Wait… so Mikey is real?" asked Dr. Phil, looking confused.
"When you're prepared to make me a decent hot fudge sundae, then I'll stand up for you." Said Pharaoh, crossing his arms as he turned away.
"Hold on Ya'll!" said Dr. Phil, beginning to sound frantic. "Mikey, why don't you come up here and explain the situation for your brother."
"Very well," said Pharoah, whipping a strand of spikey hair out of his face in a snooty, pompous sort of way. "If the viewers want to see the godly Pharaoh then I certainly won't disappoint them."
"But shouldn't I go up there as well?" asked Yugi. "I mean, he is my Yami…"
"Your what?"
"No Yugi! You always want to steal the spot light from me! And you're not even immortal!"
"So?" asked Yugi, "I'm good at playing games…" he trailed off. It was a lousy defense but Pharaoh gave in anyhow.
"Very well…" he sighed heavilly.
"Okay…" Dr. Phil was having a difficult time following all of this. "Now Mikey, tell us what your brother is like…"
"Him?" asked Pharaoh, pointing at Alistair.
"Uh… yes…"
"Oh, he's a complete looney. Send him to the asylum I say!"
"Mikey! That's not very nice!" said Alistair, putting his hands on his hips.
"But it is true!" Pharaoh argued, "Now shut up you crazy person you! I am going to tell them exactly what they want to hear, and YOU!" He shot a glare at Dr. Phil, "Interrupt me and your dead!"
"Now hang on-" Began Dr. Phil.
"THAT'S IT, YOU DIE!" Pharaoh said…again(gee he says that a lot), with that he grabbed Yugi like a sword and attempted to heave the boy into Dr. Phil's chest. (But Pharaoh duels a lot so his Physical strength was rather low…pathetically so)
"Just calm down," Dr. Phil said, "I see a lot of anger in this room so I just want everybody to be quiet and listen politely!"
Suddenly Joey ran up to the couch crying.
"I want to be on TV!" He cried.
"Joey!" Tristan said in embarrassment, coming up to retrieve his…friend, he grabbed him by the arm when-
"Don't hold him like that!" Duke said, running to them and pulling Joey away from Tristan.
"I was holding him just fine!" Tristan argued, "He's a big boy now! He doesn't need to be babied!"
"Oh fine, I see!" Duke sniffed, "You always have to contradict what ever I say!"
"Well I was doing just fine until you came up here and practically attacked me with how I was holding Joey's arm!" Tristan was steaming at the ears…literally.
"Don't start this… not in front of the kids…" Hissed Duke, taking Tristan's hand and trying to lead him off stage.
"Oh! So I started this?" Asked Tristan, yanking his arm free. "You think this is my fault?"
"You're going to scare Joey and Yugi!" Duke said.
"I'm okay." Yugi said, "I don't mind watching you fight. You do it all the time."
Dr. Phil sighed in relief. Finally a situation where he could actually lecture people.
"Meet Duke and Tristan." He said to the camera, as Valon sat Duke and Tristan in two high seated chairs. "They're relationship is falling to pieces because of their fighting. Duke says Tristan's too harsh with the kids, and Tristan says Duke spoils them.
"Do not!" muttered Duke. Tristan quickly shushed him.
"Now lets see what the kids, Yugi and Joey think." said Dr. Phil, pointing to the "kids" who were sitting in two other chairs. "Now Joey, what do you think when they fight?" he asked.
"eh… me?" asked Joey. He'd been waving at the camera and had hardly heard the question. "I guess they can get pretty rough sometimes… hey serenity!" He said to the camera. "Hope you're watch'n cuz I'm on TV!"
"And You?" asked Dr. Phil, turning to Yugi. Yugi had also almost missed the question, due to Pharaoh who was desperately trying to take his place in the chair. "Er…well… uh… PHARAOH! Stop it! Its me he wants to talk to, not you! Um… what was the question again?" He said, as Pharaoh sulked off into the audience.
"How does it affect you when they fight?"
"Well, sometimes they make my head hurt, because they yell so loud. But otherwise I guess it doesn't really. I just leave the room so that I can't hear them anymore, and then I pretend they don't exist."
Dr. Phil's mouth fell open in shock, and the audience (taking this as some sort of cue) all gasped in unison.
"Now, Duke and Tristan. Are y'all hear'n this? Did you know this was how bad you're fighting had become?"
"Its terrible," said Duke, suddenly bursting into tears. "I try and try, but no matter what we do we just end up fighting again."
"And you Tristan?" asked Dr. Phil, leaning forward in his seat.
Tristan shrugged. "Its not really my problem how they react…"
"Typical!" Said Duke, between sobs. "Always thinking about yourself!"
"All I'm saying is that if we wanna fight we can fight. They don't always have to get involved!"
"'Kay, Tristan. I just wanna give you a little bit of a wake up call on this one. What are you think'n?"
"That I'd really like to get off of this stage…"
"Just listen," snapped Dr. Phil. "Now I want you to look into the eyes of these two kids."
"I can't!" said Tristan, in annoyance. "Joey's still looking at the camera and Yugi's disappeared."
"What? Oh, then just look at Joey and tell me what you see."
"Hmmm…" said Tristan, rubbing his chin. "I see a boy staring at a camera, trying to get the attention of his family-"
"Exactly!" said Dr. Phil, sounding exasperated. "He's tryin to get the attention of his family. You and Duke, as his Parents-"
"WHOA!" said Duke and Tristan together. "No, we're not-"
"Duke and I are just-" started Tristan.
"Its not like that!" Duke said, nervously.
"No, we're just Joey's and Yugi's babysitters." Said Tristan.
"Yeah." Agreed Duke. "I don't think they even really have parents."
"Actually I do," said Joey, suddenly turning to them. "But they got divorced when I was just a kid, and tragically separated me and my sister… I thought I told you that already Tristan…"
There was an awkward silence and then…
2 minutes later.
"I don't see whats so funny!" yelled Joey over the uproar of Laughter. "I didn't say ANYTHING about FOOD!"
"Why, what's this?" asked Pegasus, suddenly walking into the room. "Why Dr. Philly-boy!" He said, seeing the Texan, laughing uncontrollably. "How did you get here? And how did this stage get to be here? And… SECURITY GUARD-BOY! I thought I told you not to let anybody but Dartzy-boy on to the island!"
"Yeah but…its Dr. Phil," Joe said, "You can't just NOT let Dr. Phil on to the island,"
"Where is Dartzy-boy anyways?" Asked Pegasus, "I thought he came yesterday,"
meanwhile, somewhere on a creepy island in a creepy temple, Dartz theme music plays and we all await to here what sort of creepy thing Dartz will say next.
"feed great leviathan, no souls today, eat a cheese burger instead."
Yeah… pretty creepy.
"For the last time! This is not Dartzy-boy!" Shouted Pegasus, pointing an accusing finger at Pharaoh.
"But sir," said Joe, awkwardly. "He assured me he was…"
"I am most certainly not!" said the pharaoh. "I am Pharaoh Atem! I am Godly and Daring and um… better than all of you in every single way!"
"Are you listen'n to yourself!" asked Dr. Phil, "I mean… do you hear what you're sayin'?"
"Yes," said Pharaoh, "My hearing appears to be fine…"
"Then, let me just say this. That is the most conceited thang I've ever heard."
"Why does everybody keep on calling me conceited!" Demanded Pharaoh. "I'm just telling you how it is!"
"Oh, so that WAS your profile on the Fanfic site?" Said Valon.
"What!" demanded Yugi. "But those stories all paired me with my Yami! It couldn't have been. Pharaoh would never write something so weird… right?"
There was a silence.
"Right?" he tried again.
"Well… it got reviews." Muttered Pharaoh.
"WHAT?"
"There's a tree over there," Tristan told Dr. Phil, helpfully.
"Argh! I can't take this anymore." Shouted Kaiba. "Mokuba! We are leaving NOW! No excuses! Call Roland, give him the coordinates and tell him to get his ass out here and rescue us already!"
"But Nii Sama!" Mokuba argued, "We haven't resolved our family issues and we never leave an issue unattended to!"
"Some things are better left alone, Mokuba," Kaiba explained, "Especially this island! Now get Roland on the damn phone!"
"You're swearing too much nii sama! The writers are going to have to start bleeping you out!" Mokuba yelled back, "Besides! We've gone through 172 pages of this and nothing has been resolved!"
"Well…I…." Began Kaiba, but even he had to admit that it was strange. Usually they had things wrapped up with in an episode or two…nothing even made sense now. "Fine!" He told Mokuba, he couldn't help it, it was habit, "But we can't stay here for ever! You're losing your mind,"
"No I'm not!" Argued Mokuba, but he had just put his socks on his hands. He saw his hands and screamed at the top of his lungs "THE WORMS! They're going to eat me! Save me Nii Sama! SAVE ME!" But Kaiba was finding it hard to save Mokuba since the boy had begun running frantic circles around the room.
"Save him, Kaiba-boy!" Pegasus said, covering his ears, "His noise isn't pretty!"
"I would NEVER let my little brother get eaten by worms!" Said Alistair, hugging Pharaoh as he said this.
"MOKUBA! Get back here!" Kaiba yelled, as if it would help.
"This isn't the way you should settle things," Came Mary-Sue's voice. She stood next to Kaiba and called to Mokuba "Here Mokuba! We won't hurt you! They're only worms!"
"THEY'RE NOT WORMS!" Kaiba interrupted her, "Those are SOCKS! He's wearing them on his hands and he REALLY needs to get out of here-" He stopped as Mokuba ran towards Mary-Sue…crying.
"There There," Said Mary-Sue, patting him on the back, "You're safe now."
"YAY! HUGS!" Squealed Tea, and pounced on the opportunity.
"How'd you do that?" Demanded Kaiba five minutes later when Mokuba had collapsed with exhaustion.
Mary Sue smiled "I'm perfect I guess,"
Readers gag
"Nobody's THAT perfect," Kaiba muttered.
"He just needed a nap," Laughed Mary-Sue in a very know-it-all fashion.
"A nap?" Kaiba asked, "I didn't even know that Mokuba slept."
As if on some cue Mokuba was suddenly awake again…running around the room. "Uugar, uugar, uugar, uugar, uugar…etc…" He recited…over and over and over..well, you get the point.
"Oh look," Mary-Sue huffed, "Now you've woken up the baby!"
Readers all turn green…why? I don't know…you tell me. You're the green one! Gawd!
When Mary-Sue had slipped Mokuba some sedatives in his Vodka Banana drink everybody had a meeting a decided to leave the island. Even Pegasus agreed "You're ruining my house!" He complained.
So everyone squished onto the Ferry, Joe lost his job and Yugi invited them all for a sleep over at the game shop.
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