Just One Look
By Valma
Part 6: Doppelgangers and Desperate Nights
My Journey Through Life - Niles Crane
I told Daphne that I loved her last night.
And it broke my heart.
As I uttered those words I came to the sad realization that we were never so close to each other, and yet so far apart, as we sat on those bar stools in a mundane singles bar that Roz had christened "The Sure Thing".
"Oh, I love you, Dr. Crane."
Said with the abiding affection that Dad talks to Eddie. True endearment, but limited somehow in its understanding of depth and passion.
"I love you too, Daphne."
More of a resignation than a confession to her of a yearning that just won't go away.
Resignation to a feeling that there is a chasm between us that we can't quite seem to leap over. For Daphne it is because that gap doesn't even register with her. From her perspective there is no need to attempt to make the effort to vault over something that doesn't even exist.
For me --- well, I've always been afraid of the ledges of life. I came close to the precipice tonight. It was her going out with Rodney that drove me to it. She finally was dating someone who was more like me than any of the other men she has surrounded herself with in the past. Not exactly like me, mind you, although Dad and Frasier would disagree, but more than Joe was at least.
She and Joe parted ways about a week ago and since Maris and I seemed to still be at a impasse, I was inspired to ask Daphne out --- you know, test the waters of compatibility, to see if all my obsessive dreaming was anywhere near reality. Of course Frasier thoroughly discouraged me, warning me to wait until she was less vulnerable, telling me that a day wouldn't make any difference at all. But it did, because while I procrastinated Roz took Daphne to a cocktail lounge where she met Rodney. That hit me like a blow to the head, but as an antidote to my despondency I resisted my usual habit of crawling into an emotional shell, and determinedly went to the very same bar and met someone myself. Her name was Adelle. We went out a few times. She certainly was an attractive, intelligent individual to be around, someone who helped restore my bruised and battered ego. She was a very lovely woman --- but she just wasn't Daphne. By a strange twist of fate, it came about that when Rodney and Adelle met they were instantly enamored with each other and decided to shed both Daphne and me respectively to pursue their mutual infatuation.
I took it upon myself to seek out Daphne. The official excuse was to commiserate with her on losing Rodney, but I really went over to Granville's determined to tell Daphne just how I felt about her once and for all.
And I almost did.
But in the end I back away from the crevasse.
Why?
Why indeed! Well, for one thing she told me that she would never get involved with man who was separated. I can see her point. Especially since she also said that it was evident that I still had feelings for Maris. Is she right?
Is my reluctance to tell Daphne about how she makes me feel really just a manifestation of my fear of losing Maris? Is that what is really holding me back from taking that leap - deeper feelings for my problematic wife than I care to acknowledge at the moment? I know I tend to look at Daphne and see in her everything Maris isn't - demonstrative, sympathetic, vibrantly alive with energy. But there is one thing that ruins that perfect vision - Daphne doesn't see me as a potential lover in her life. It just isn't there - I'm just not part of her life's equation. She has made that quite clear to me in many subtle and blatant ways - especially tonight.
So there we were - two wounded individuals sipping glassfuls of an inferior Hearty Burgundy and speculating about the misery in our lives. She was smarting from the sting of the Rodney's rejection, more in the mood for caustic comments about him rather than magnanimous ones. It didn't take much to get her to produce an extensive inventory of his less admiral qualities. Ordinarily this exercise of faultfinding of a former beau would have delighted me, but somehow her criticisms seemed to somehow fall uncomfortably close to my own shortcomings. She didn't mean to be cruel, but every comment she made inadvertently reached into my chest and mangled my already crippled heart. Even when she complimented me on my considerate, sensitive attitude towards women I cringed inside. I knew that I had been zealously plotting to make a bid for her affections earlier that week and it was only Frasier's insistence I postpone my selfish headlong rush towards her, that had impeded me from trying to attain my objective. I was fraud - no different from the other "unfeeling" men she looked at with such derision that night.
She asked me, if things had been different and it had been her and I who had met over drinks at Granville's, how did I think our introduction would have gone?
She said she needed "a smile". Those words slashed into my very hopes. The possibility of her and I being together was a source of amusement to her, a bit of absurd humour that would cheer her up.
Of course I obliged her - I can't ever deny her any request she makes of me. Even if it means walking across the broken shards of my emotional aspirations in my bare feet, smiling all the while and telling her how good it feels.
Hence, I laid out the desirous scenario that I had rehearsed a million times in my head over the past three years. We would have met casually, no tethers of guilt on my part to bind me to any other commitments, no preconceptions to hinder her from conceiving of me as someone with wooing potential. No subterfuge, no vacillations or misunderstandings - I would just come right out and say "What are you doing for the rest of your life?"
And that's when she laughed - that was the joke to her.
My most fervent dreams were a punchline to her.
So I gathered up the strewn bits of my heart and quietly laughed along with her. When I think about it, it is funny - in a tragic way. How many times have I sworn to myself that I will stop pursuing the idea that some day Daphne will be romantically interested in me? A dozen? Maybe more? And here I am again - doing just that.
It's an encore performance that sadly I just can't seem to get enough of.
I've got to break this cycle! I've have to either work things out with Maris or move on with my life and find someone who can return my feelings of affection! This time I mean it! If I don't succeed I think I will surely go insane! I think I will visit my old mentor Dr. Traxler at Harborview Hospital and have a chat with him. He helped me before when Mom died. Frasier's too close to the situation and I fear his advice would be tainted by his protective brotherly feelings for Daphne. I need the guidance of someone who is far enough removed from the familial aspect of my predicament so that I can be fully confident of the impartiality of his words. Bill Traxler is a skilled professional and someone whom I can trust. I hope he is available next week.
Adieu.
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Daphne's Diary
Dear Diary:
What is it with men and me?
First, Joe sneaks behind my back and finds someone new and decides to break this news to me during the main course of dinner. Needless to say I ordered the most expensive glass of wine on the menu and then proceeded to dye his shirt with it!
Then I met Rodney. I was looking for a totally different chap from Joe and I certainly found him thanks to Roz and a place called "Granville's". He was handsome, but not what I would call "hunky". I've had enough of those narcissistic guys, like Joe - always checking his looks he was, every time we'd cross in front of a store window. Rodney was more the sophisticated and well-bred kind of fellow - he knew how to treat a lady! We had a nice time chatting and he called me the next morning and asked me out. I enjoyed his genteel manners and his refinement. He made me feel like I was special and I was flattered that someone of his obvious intelligence would want to pay attention to me.
Well, everything was just rolling merrily along, when he ups and dumps me for some blonde tart that Dr. Crane had just begun to date! Bastard! Said he couldn't help himself - he was meant to be with her - blah! blah! blah!
What about me! Don't I deserve someone! I probably would have got stinkin' drunk that night if it weren't for Dr. Crane. He came along just in time and pulled me out of my funk, even though he was in a bit of pain himself, what with that Adelle pitching him over the side of the life raft for Rodney. He said he didn't really care all that much for her, but I think he was covering - trying to make me feel better, by putting on a brave face and showing me that we both could tough our way through this situation. And he actually has it worst than me - what with him being separated from his wife and all. He admitted that he still has feelings for her, the poor thing - I don't know why, but he does!
Of course look at me! Who am I to be judging anyone with their relationships!
As I told Dr. Crane tonight - I'm going to give dating a rest for a while. I'm through with all the Joes, and the Rodneys and all men for good long time! Best I'd better get out the old vibrator and learn to enjoy lengthy soaks in the tub! Speaking of which I think I'll go get a copy of GQ, some bubble bath, a drop of whiskey and entertain myself before going to bed - alone!
Tah -Tah!
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My Journey Through Life - Niles Crane
I hate myself! I hate Frasier! I hate watches that beep and thyroid pills! I hate all night pharmacies and prescription pads!
All those sessions with Traxler and the minute Daphne comes over in a sweaty T-shirt I get an erection the size of the Space Needle!
She even seemed receptive, for the first time since I've known her, to the idea that I could be someone who could satisfy her lustful impulses.
But it ended disastrously, of course and now here I am - hot, horny and alone and about to get drunk --- very drunk, so I can obliterate these thoughts of Daphne from my head once and for all!
Addddieuuuuuu you foooool!
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Daphne's Diary
Dear Diary:
I almost made one of the biggest mistakes of my life tonight! Thanks to a cheap twenty-dollar timepiece and a medical condition I developed as a young girl, I was saved from destroying one of the most precious relationships I have with someone.
I had a big row with Sherry, Mr. Crane's new girlfriend. She seemed to think I hadn't left my phone number on enough bathroom walls, so she took it upon herself to scan the barfly patrons at McGinty's and pass on my number to them as prospective dating material. Needless to say, after a shouting match with her, I left the apartment in a huff, spitting like a wet cat in a thunderstorm.
Well, after the disasters I've had in the dating department lately - what with "The Return of Clive", "Love 'Em and Leave 'Em Joe" and then "Mister High and Mighty Sir Rodney", I thought I could use a little of the tea and sympathy routine from a friend. I know what you are thinking - I ran over to Annie's place or Clare's, but neither of them were home, so I actually wound up on Dr. Crane's doorstep pleading with him to let me stay over for the night.
To tell you the truth I was glad I couldn't get a hold of either of my girlfriends. When Dr. Crane opened his door, there he was in a gorgeous white linen outfit, looking like some cultured gentleman overseer on a rubber plantation in Sumatra. A welcome sight for these sore eyes, let me tell you! At first I thought he was so shocked by my boldness that he was going to refuse me entry, but within a few minutes it became clear that he was really just feeling the affects of the beastly hot weather, as he proceeded to faint right there in the doorway!
Thank goodness I was able to drag him to the couch, where I managed to revive him - although it took several attempts. I had to unbutton his shirt a bit, to air him out and managed to get quite an eyeful of his manly chest, in the process. Who would of thought that such a frail looking person like Dr. Crane could have such a burly physique hidden under all those Armani suits and braces? I know a health care provider isn't suppose to notice things like this, particularly since the person is also my boss in a way, but I couldn't resist it, especially that night! I'm only human after all!
He was very sympathetic of my situation with Sherry, so I decided to throw caution to the wind and tell him how I frustrated I have been feeling since I have been living like I was a nun in a convent lately.
This seemed to make him --- uncomfortable. And I realised for the first time, that this was a man whom I was revealing my intimate details to - not just a friend. He seemed totally flustered by the direction that our conversation was taking. Suddenly the air in the room became very stifling and both of us fell into a deafening silence. I decided that in order to cool things off, in both senses of the word, I should make a quick exit.
I asked him if it was all right if I took a bath. He graciously assured me that it was perfectly fine by him and I left hastily.
The water was glorious and refreshing, but it did nothing to douse the fires that were beginning to ignite inside me. Throughout the bath the image of Dr. Crane's furry chest kept popping up in mind's eye, until I found myself instinctively getting aroused. Sure I felt naughty about having these thoughts about Dr. Crane, but a little moment of self- indulgent sexual fantasy wouldn't cause any real harm, would it? It wasn't like I was going to traipse down the stairs naked and tell him I was fondling the fig while I was thinking of him in the tub.
But the best laid plans ---
After bathing I slipped into his Chinese silk robe. It smelled wonderful - like sandalwood and spices. I quietly glided down the stairs to the living room, feeling quite elegant and sexy.
The minute I saw him, hurriedly putting the finishing touches on a tray of fruit and icing down a bottle of champagne, I knew that I wasn't the only one having some fantasies that evening. I could have put a stop to it right then and there, but I didn't. I made a conscious decision to pursue this urge that had begun with a private little glow and now was rapidly growing into a reckless craving. But there is an art to seduction and I didn't want to rush into things and spoil the mood. I paused at the foot of the staircase, positioning myself purposely in front of the fan just long enough to let the breeze catch the edge of the silk and lift the flap on the dressing gown. As I called out his name, he turned to face me. The bottle's cork, his eyes and God knows what else popped straight out at the sight of my exposed thighs and panties. Champagne gushed forth, overflowing briefly, until Dr. Crane regained control of the situation as best he could. I covered my semi-nakedness quickly - couldn't have him fainting again before the fun even began! I chuckled to myself - this was almost going to be too easy. I bet his wife never seduced him like this!
We sat down on the couch and began to chat, awkwardly at first, but after a few minutes things started to warm up a bit, as we talked about the intimacies missed by being suddenly single.
I decided to test the emotional waters.
I slipped a mention of his wife into the conversation and waited for his reaction.
The look on his face, as he remembered that she never even liked to hold hands with him, was one of pitiful embarrassment. I suddenly hated her for what she had done to this fine and sensitive man. To regain the mood, I leaned back and gently teased him by sucking suggestively on a rather large champagne drenched strawberry and for good measure I deliberately used the words heat, body and animal in one breath.
That did the trick nicely.
I heard him let out a low throaty growl as his eyes widened with anticipation and he licked his sticky, fruit stained fingers hungrily. I felt a tingling sensation sweep through my body. This delicious torment was a knife that cut both ways.
I was almost thankful when he eased the tension a bit by offering me some ice as relief from the terrible heat. I took the ice and rubbed it over my burning flesh. He turned his back to me, bending low to fetch a piece for himself from the champagne bucket. God! Why had I never noticed before that he had such a cute, tight bum? Now it was my turn to let out a moan of agonizing pleasure, which of course, didn't go unnoticed. Through half-closed eyes I could see him pivot around, staring at me with an opened astonished mouth, almost drooling at my scandalous exhibition. Was that some tenting in the front of his trousers that I saw? My tongue flicked desirously over my quivering lips. I decided it was time to push the envelope and kick this thing into high gear.
I hinted that it was all right by me that we share the fan and sleep in the same room. He seemed almost speechless at that suggestion, but more than willing to go along with the idea. He panted out some nonsense about the fan oscillating. I couldn't stand it any longer! I was throbbing from head to toe and my skin felt two sizes too small. I could smell his sensuous, musky odor as he edged in closer, coming up behind me as I sat on the sofa. His hot, ragged breath drifted down onto my neck. I swallowed hard and let out a small gasp. There he was, hovering above me, his whole body practically trembling with excitement - begging for some sweet relief. Our impetuous fantasy was about to become a reality for both of us.
It was then that we were saved by the bell - really! My watch alarm went off to remind me to take my thyroid pills and with that, the spell was broken.
It hit me like a bolt of lightning - I was simply using Dr. Crane the same way his wife would have. Teasing and torturing him for my own pleasure - manipulating him selfishly, so I could have my fun. I was so ashamed! How could I be so cruel? Dr. Crane wasn't in love with me - I was just pushing all his male panic buttons because I knew he was as lonely as I was. He had had enough misery in his life without me adding to his guilt and heartache. What would happen to our friendship after I had my way with him and he realised that I was using him as a "port in a storm"? I'd never be able to look him in the eye again if we went through with this. I felt like a Jezebel. I had to put a stop to this now, before we did something that we would both regret later.
I insisted on going back to the Elliot Bay Towers to get my pills. At first he tried to talk me out of it, but then he gallantly offered to go up for me so I wouldn't have to see Sherry. Like the coward that I can be sometimes, I initially agreed to this, but then realized while I sat in the car, that I would have to confront Sherry some time, so it might as well be sooner than later. When I got up to the apartment, I could hear Dr. Crane through the open door, trying to explain to Sherry and Mr. Crane why I was so upset. See what I mean about him? Even after I had left him in a very "hard" position so to speak, pulling the plug on him so suddenly as I did without even a decent explanation, there he was staunchly defending my position - fighting my battles for me without even a second thought! I sheepishly decided to give compromise one more try.
Unfortunately it didn't work out. Once the whole can of worms was opened up, Sherry and I were shouting at each other at the top of our lungs within minutes.
Mr. Crane called on his oldest son to sort things out and even though he was in the middle of his "aroma-therapy", which is a bubble bath to everyone else, he offered some pretty sound advice. He helped Sherry and me see that we probably were just feeling insecure about our positions in relation to Mr. Crane and more in likely that's what caused us to get into such a "cat fight" to begin with. We apologized to each other and by the time it was all patched up I was feeling much more chipper all round, actually. In fact, almost everyone was.
Sherry and I had come to a better understanding. Mr. Crane was happy that everything was back to normal. The elder Dr. Crane could feel good that he had helped everyone out of a difficult situation. And I --- I was glad that I hadn't let my feelings of being unwanted by Mr. Crane - how did Dr. Crane put it - "drive me to a rash and impulsive act".
The only one who seemed to get the short end of the stick was poor Dr. Crane.
He stayed behind in the bathroom a few minutes to chat with his brother, while the rest of us trotted off to the kitchen for some glasses of ice tea. When he finally appeared, I called out to invite him to join us, but he just trudged out the door with a look of pure nausea on his face. I don't know what his brother said to him, but what ever it was, it wasn't something that he wanted to hear obviously.
I felt so sorry for him.
I should call him later and apologize for my behaviour --- I should, but I probably won't. I feel so awkward about the whole situation and I can imagine he does too. It's probably best that I just let things settle down and we go back to being friends and pretend that tonight never happened. I hope he understands.
Good night, Diary.
Stay tuned for Part 7 (to be continued)
By Valma
Part 6: Doppelgangers and Desperate Nights
My Journey Through Life - Niles Crane
I told Daphne that I loved her last night.
And it broke my heart.
As I uttered those words I came to the sad realization that we were never so close to each other, and yet so far apart, as we sat on those bar stools in a mundane singles bar that Roz had christened "The Sure Thing".
"Oh, I love you, Dr. Crane."
Said with the abiding affection that Dad talks to Eddie. True endearment, but limited somehow in its understanding of depth and passion.
"I love you too, Daphne."
More of a resignation than a confession to her of a yearning that just won't go away.
Resignation to a feeling that there is a chasm between us that we can't quite seem to leap over. For Daphne it is because that gap doesn't even register with her. From her perspective there is no need to attempt to make the effort to vault over something that doesn't even exist.
For me --- well, I've always been afraid of the ledges of life. I came close to the precipice tonight. It was her going out with Rodney that drove me to it. She finally was dating someone who was more like me than any of the other men she has surrounded herself with in the past. Not exactly like me, mind you, although Dad and Frasier would disagree, but more than Joe was at least.
She and Joe parted ways about a week ago and since Maris and I seemed to still be at a impasse, I was inspired to ask Daphne out --- you know, test the waters of compatibility, to see if all my obsessive dreaming was anywhere near reality. Of course Frasier thoroughly discouraged me, warning me to wait until she was less vulnerable, telling me that a day wouldn't make any difference at all. But it did, because while I procrastinated Roz took Daphne to a cocktail lounge where she met Rodney. That hit me like a blow to the head, but as an antidote to my despondency I resisted my usual habit of crawling into an emotional shell, and determinedly went to the very same bar and met someone myself. Her name was Adelle. We went out a few times. She certainly was an attractive, intelligent individual to be around, someone who helped restore my bruised and battered ego. She was a very lovely woman --- but she just wasn't Daphne. By a strange twist of fate, it came about that when Rodney and Adelle met they were instantly enamored with each other and decided to shed both Daphne and me respectively to pursue their mutual infatuation.
I took it upon myself to seek out Daphne. The official excuse was to commiserate with her on losing Rodney, but I really went over to Granville's determined to tell Daphne just how I felt about her once and for all.
And I almost did.
But in the end I back away from the crevasse.
Why?
Why indeed! Well, for one thing she told me that she would never get involved with man who was separated. I can see her point. Especially since she also said that it was evident that I still had feelings for Maris. Is she right?
Is my reluctance to tell Daphne about how she makes me feel really just a manifestation of my fear of losing Maris? Is that what is really holding me back from taking that leap - deeper feelings for my problematic wife than I care to acknowledge at the moment? I know I tend to look at Daphne and see in her everything Maris isn't - demonstrative, sympathetic, vibrantly alive with energy. But there is one thing that ruins that perfect vision - Daphne doesn't see me as a potential lover in her life. It just isn't there - I'm just not part of her life's equation. She has made that quite clear to me in many subtle and blatant ways - especially tonight.
So there we were - two wounded individuals sipping glassfuls of an inferior Hearty Burgundy and speculating about the misery in our lives. She was smarting from the sting of the Rodney's rejection, more in the mood for caustic comments about him rather than magnanimous ones. It didn't take much to get her to produce an extensive inventory of his less admiral qualities. Ordinarily this exercise of faultfinding of a former beau would have delighted me, but somehow her criticisms seemed to somehow fall uncomfortably close to my own shortcomings. She didn't mean to be cruel, but every comment she made inadvertently reached into my chest and mangled my already crippled heart. Even when she complimented me on my considerate, sensitive attitude towards women I cringed inside. I knew that I had been zealously plotting to make a bid for her affections earlier that week and it was only Frasier's insistence I postpone my selfish headlong rush towards her, that had impeded me from trying to attain my objective. I was fraud - no different from the other "unfeeling" men she looked at with such derision that night.
She asked me, if things had been different and it had been her and I who had met over drinks at Granville's, how did I think our introduction would have gone?
She said she needed "a smile". Those words slashed into my very hopes. The possibility of her and I being together was a source of amusement to her, a bit of absurd humour that would cheer her up.
Of course I obliged her - I can't ever deny her any request she makes of me. Even if it means walking across the broken shards of my emotional aspirations in my bare feet, smiling all the while and telling her how good it feels.
Hence, I laid out the desirous scenario that I had rehearsed a million times in my head over the past three years. We would have met casually, no tethers of guilt on my part to bind me to any other commitments, no preconceptions to hinder her from conceiving of me as someone with wooing potential. No subterfuge, no vacillations or misunderstandings - I would just come right out and say "What are you doing for the rest of your life?"
And that's when she laughed - that was the joke to her.
My most fervent dreams were a punchline to her.
So I gathered up the strewn bits of my heart and quietly laughed along with her. When I think about it, it is funny - in a tragic way. How many times have I sworn to myself that I will stop pursuing the idea that some day Daphne will be romantically interested in me? A dozen? Maybe more? And here I am again - doing just that.
It's an encore performance that sadly I just can't seem to get enough of.
I've got to break this cycle! I've have to either work things out with Maris or move on with my life and find someone who can return my feelings of affection! This time I mean it! If I don't succeed I think I will surely go insane! I think I will visit my old mentor Dr. Traxler at Harborview Hospital and have a chat with him. He helped me before when Mom died. Frasier's too close to the situation and I fear his advice would be tainted by his protective brotherly feelings for Daphne. I need the guidance of someone who is far enough removed from the familial aspect of my predicament so that I can be fully confident of the impartiality of his words. Bill Traxler is a skilled professional and someone whom I can trust. I hope he is available next week.
Adieu.
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Daphne's Diary
Dear Diary:
What is it with men and me?
First, Joe sneaks behind my back and finds someone new and decides to break this news to me during the main course of dinner. Needless to say I ordered the most expensive glass of wine on the menu and then proceeded to dye his shirt with it!
Then I met Rodney. I was looking for a totally different chap from Joe and I certainly found him thanks to Roz and a place called "Granville's". He was handsome, but not what I would call "hunky". I've had enough of those narcissistic guys, like Joe - always checking his looks he was, every time we'd cross in front of a store window. Rodney was more the sophisticated and well-bred kind of fellow - he knew how to treat a lady! We had a nice time chatting and he called me the next morning and asked me out. I enjoyed his genteel manners and his refinement. He made me feel like I was special and I was flattered that someone of his obvious intelligence would want to pay attention to me.
Well, everything was just rolling merrily along, when he ups and dumps me for some blonde tart that Dr. Crane had just begun to date! Bastard! Said he couldn't help himself - he was meant to be with her - blah! blah! blah!
What about me! Don't I deserve someone! I probably would have got stinkin' drunk that night if it weren't for Dr. Crane. He came along just in time and pulled me out of my funk, even though he was in a bit of pain himself, what with that Adelle pitching him over the side of the life raft for Rodney. He said he didn't really care all that much for her, but I think he was covering - trying to make me feel better, by putting on a brave face and showing me that we both could tough our way through this situation. And he actually has it worst than me - what with him being separated from his wife and all. He admitted that he still has feelings for her, the poor thing - I don't know why, but he does!
Of course look at me! Who am I to be judging anyone with their relationships!
As I told Dr. Crane tonight - I'm going to give dating a rest for a while. I'm through with all the Joes, and the Rodneys and all men for good long time! Best I'd better get out the old vibrator and learn to enjoy lengthy soaks in the tub! Speaking of which I think I'll go get a copy of GQ, some bubble bath, a drop of whiskey and entertain myself before going to bed - alone!
Tah -Tah!
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My Journey Through Life - Niles Crane
I hate myself! I hate Frasier! I hate watches that beep and thyroid pills! I hate all night pharmacies and prescription pads!
All those sessions with Traxler and the minute Daphne comes over in a sweaty T-shirt I get an erection the size of the Space Needle!
She even seemed receptive, for the first time since I've known her, to the idea that I could be someone who could satisfy her lustful impulses.
But it ended disastrously, of course and now here I am - hot, horny and alone and about to get drunk --- very drunk, so I can obliterate these thoughts of Daphne from my head once and for all!
Addddieuuuuuu you foooool!
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Daphne's Diary
Dear Diary:
I almost made one of the biggest mistakes of my life tonight! Thanks to a cheap twenty-dollar timepiece and a medical condition I developed as a young girl, I was saved from destroying one of the most precious relationships I have with someone.
I had a big row with Sherry, Mr. Crane's new girlfriend. She seemed to think I hadn't left my phone number on enough bathroom walls, so she took it upon herself to scan the barfly patrons at McGinty's and pass on my number to them as prospective dating material. Needless to say, after a shouting match with her, I left the apartment in a huff, spitting like a wet cat in a thunderstorm.
Well, after the disasters I've had in the dating department lately - what with "The Return of Clive", "Love 'Em and Leave 'Em Joe" and then "Mister High and Mighty Sir Rodney", I thought I could use a little of the tea and sympathy routine from a friend. I know what you are thinking - I ran over to Annie's place or Clare's, but neither of them were home, so I actually wound up on Dr. Crane's doorstep pleading with him to let me stay over for the night.
To tell you the truth I was glad I couldn't get a hold of either of my girlfriends. When Dr. Crane opened his door, there he was in a gorgeous white linen outfit, looking like some cultured gentleman overseer on a rubber plantation in Sumatra. A welcome sight for these sore eyes, let me tell you! At first I thought he was so shocked by my boldness that he was going to refuse me entry, but within a few minutes it became clear that he was really just feeling the affects of the beastly hot weather, as he proceeded to faint right there in the doorway!
Thank goodness I was able to drag him to the couch, where I managed to revive him - although it took several attempts. I had to unbutton his shirt a bit, to air him out and managed to get quite an eyeful of his manly chest, in the process. Who would of thought that such a frail looking person like Dr. Crane could have such a burly physique hidden under all those Armani suits and braces? I know a health care provider isn't suppose to notice things like this, particularly since the person is also my boss in a way, but I couldn't resist it, especially that night! I'm only human after all!
He was very sympathetic of my situation with Sherry, so I decided to throw caution to the wind and tell him how I frustrated I have been feeling since I have been living like I was a nun in a convent lately.
This seemed to make him --- uncomfortable. And I realised for the first time, that this was a man whom I was revealing my intimate details to - not just a friend. He seemed totally flustered by the direction that our conversation was taking. Suddenly the air in the room became very stifling and both of us fell into a deafening silence. I decided that in order to cool things off, in both senses of the word, I should make a quick exit.
I asked him if it was all right if I took a bath. He graciously assured me that it was perfectly fine by him and I left hastily.
The water was glorious and refreshing, but it did nothing to douse the fires that were beginning to ignite inside me. Throughout the bath the image of Dr. Crane's furry chest kept popping up in mind's eye, until I found myself instinctively getting aroused. Sure I felt naughty about having these thoughts about Dr. Crane, but a little moment of self- indulgent sexual fantasy wouldn't cause any real harm, would it? It wasn't like I was going to traipse down the stairs naked and tell him I was fondling the fig while I was thinking of him in the tub.
But the best laid plans ---
After bathing I slipped into his Chinese silk robe. It smelled wonderful - like sandalwood and spices. I quietly glided down the stairs to the living room, feeling quite elegant and sexy.
The minute I saw him, hurriedly putting the finishing touches on a tray of fruit and icing down a bottle of champagne, I knew that I wasn't the only one having some fantasies that evening. I could have put a stop to it right then and there, but I didn't. I made a conscious decision to pursue this urge that had begun with a private little glow and now was rapidly growing into a reckless craving. But there is an art to seduction and I didn't want to rush into things and spoil the mood. I paused at the foot of the staircase, positioning myself purposely in front of the fan just long enough to let the breeze catch the edge of the silk and lift the flap on the dressing gown. As I called out his name, he turned to face me. The bottle's cork, his eyes and God knows what else popped straight out at the sight of my exposed thighs and panties. Champagne gushed forth, overflowing briefly, until Dr. Crane regained control of the situation as best he could. I covered my semi-nakedness quickly - couldn't have him fainting again before the fun even began! I chuckled to myself - this was almost going to be too easy. I bet his wife never seduced him like this!
We sat down on the couch and began to chat, awkwardly at first, but after a few minutes things started to warm up a bit, as we talked about the intimacies missed by being suddenly single.
I decided to test the emotional waters.
I slipped a mention of his wife into the conversation and waited for his reaction.
The look on his face, as he remembered that she never even liked to hold hands with him, was one of pitiful embarrassment. I suddenly hated her for what she had done to this fine and sensitive man. To regain the mood, I leaned back and gently teased him by sucking suggestively on a rather large champagne drenched strawberry and for good measure I deliberately used the words heat, body and animal in one breath.
That did the trick nicely.
I heard him let out a low throaty growl as his eyes widened with anticipation and he licked his sticky, fruit stained fingers hungrily. I felt a tingling sensation sweep through my body. This delicious torment was a knife that cut both ways.
I was almost thankful when he eased the tension a bit by offering me some ice as relief from the terrible heat. I took the ice and rubbed it over my burning flesh. He turned his back to me, bending low to fetch a piece for himself from the champagne bucket. God! Why had I never noticed before that he had such a cute, tight bum? Now it was my turn to let out a moan of agonizing pleasure, which of course, didn't go unnoticed. Through half-closed eyes I could see him pivot around, staring at me with an opened astonished mouth, almost drooling at my scandalous exhibition. Was that some tenting in the front of his trousers that I saw? My tongue flicked desirously over my quivering lips. I decided it was time to push the envelope and kick this thing into high gear.
I hinted that it was all right by me that we share the fan and sleep in the same room. He seemed almost speechless at that suggestion, but more than willing to go along with the idea. He panted out some nonsense about the fan oscillating. I couldn't stand it any longer! I was throbbing from head to toe and my skin felt two sizes too small. I could smell his sensuous, musky odor as he edged in closer, coming up behind me as I sat on the sofa. His hot, ragged breath drifted down onto my neck. I swallowed hard and let out a small gasp. There he was, hovering above me, his whole body practically trembling with excitement - begging for some sweet relief. Our impetuous fantasy was about to become a reality for both of us.
It was then that we were saved by the bell - really! My watch alarm went off to remind me to take my thyroid pills and with that, the spell was broken.
It hit me like a bolt of lightning - I was simply using Dr. Crane the same way his wife would have. Teasing and torturing him for my own pleasure - manipulating him selfishly, so I could have my fun. I was so ashamed! How could I be so cruel? Dr. Crane wasn't in love with me - I was just pushing all his male panic buttons because I knew he was as lonely as I was. He had had enough misery in his life without me adding to his guilt and heartache. What would happen to our friendship after I had my way with him and he realised that I was using him as a "port in a storm"? I'd never be able to look him in the eye again if we went through with this. I felt like a Jezebel. I had to put a stop to this now, before we did something that we would both regret later.
I insisted on going back to the Elliot Bay Towers to get my pills. At first he tried to talk me out of it, but then he gallantly offered to go up for me so I wouldn't have to see Sherry. Like the coward that I can be sometimes, I initially agreed to this, but then realized while I sat in the car, that I would have to confront Sherry some time, so it might as well be sooner than later. When I got up to the apartment, I could hear Dr. Crane through the open door, trying to explain to Sherry and Mr. Crane why I was so upset. See what I mean about him? Even after I had left him in a very "hard" position so to speak, pulling the plug on him so suddenly as I did without even a decent explanation, there he was staunchly defending my position - fighting my battles for me without even a second thought! I sheepishly decided to give compromise one more try.
Unfortunately it didn't work out. Once the whole can of worms was opened up, Sherry and I were shouting at each other at the top of our lungs within minutes.
Mr. Crane called on his oldest son to sort things out and even though he was in the middle of his "aroma-therapy", which is a bubble bath to everyone else, he offered some pretty sound advice. He helped Sherry and me see that we probably were just feeling insecure about our positions in relation to Mr. Crane and more in likely that's what caused us to get into such a "cat fight" to begin with. We apologized to each other and by the time it was all patched up I was feeling much more chipper all round, actually. In fact, almost everyone was.
Sherry and I had come to a better understanding. Mr. Crane was happy that everything was back to normal. The elder Dr. Crane could feel good that he had helped everyone out of a difficult situation. And I --- I was glad that I hadn't let my feelings of being unwanted by Mr. Crane - how did Dr. Crane put it - "drive me to a rash and impulsive act".
The only one who seemed to get the short end of the stick was poor Dr. Crane.
He stayed behind in the bathroom a few minutes to chat with his brother, while the rest of us trotted off to the kitchen for some glasses of ice tea. When he finally appeared, I called out to invite him to join us, but he just trudged out the door with a look of pure nausea on his face. I don't know what his brother said to him, but what ever it was, it wasn't something that he wanted to hear obviously.
I felt so sorry for him.
I should call him later and apologize for my behaviour --- I should, but I probably won't. I feel so awkward about the whole situation and I can imagine he does too. It's probably best that I just let things settle down and we go back to being friends and pretend that tonight never happened. I hope he understands.
Good night, Diary.
Stay tuned for Part 7 (to be continued)
