Just One Look
By Valma
Part 18: No Wedding and Two Funerals
Daphne's Diary:
Dear Diary,
It was just one sentence, one passing remark made by a little girl with an eye patch.
She came into the loo and caught me staring into the mirror. I had gone in there to get away from all the noise – the bridesmaids, me mum, my Aunt Ida – all them fussing and primping and giggling and crying tears of joy. It wasn't their fault – it was a wedding – my wedding --- and these types of activities were to be expected. It was only natural.
But it didn't feel natural; it didn't feel right --- for me.
Ever since I woke up and Donny was standing over me with a silly grin on his face and a kiss on his lips, I had felt like I was only doing what was "expected" of me. It was like I was in a play or a movie and I had a part to perform and even though I hadn't rehearsed enough, I was going to stumble through with this no matter what, because if I didn't the reviews would be just horrible. I thought I had to be a "trooper" – go out there and get married so that I wouldn't let anyone down.
It seemed like a fair trade – one totally broken-hearted man in exchange for Donny's happiness and both our parents and all my many relatives' glee at seeing me walk down the isle. And Mel --- I --- I had saved her marriage --- that shouldn't go unmentioned. And I don't even "like" her! I ought to get a medal for that kind of unselfishness!
Trouble is, it didn't feel balanced. It just looked that way on paper. In reality all those people's feelings didn't begin to compensate for the vast emptiness I felt whenever I remembered leaving Niles on that balcony.
Martin was right. The question was --- could I live with what I had done? Could I live without him?
And the more I thought about it I realized the answer was --- no.
I heard the flush of the toilet as Audrey left the stall and I thought how much my life was like that – circling the bowl, swirling down the drain with each passing minute, and --- and I was the one pushing on the handle.
A tear popped out and tracked down my cheek. I looked in the mirror --- what was I doing to Niles --- and to me?
"You're the saddest bride I've ever seen, Auntie Daphne," Audrey said as she dutifully washed her hands.
I looked down at her.
Dogs and children, isn't that what they say?
Only four-years old, one eye destroyed in a freak accident at a cricket match and she had more vision, more honest insight, than a whole roomful of adults – drunk or sober.
If I couldn't convince Audrey I was happy with my choice – who was I trying to kid?
Only myself apparently.
"Not for long, I am," I said, helping her hit the hand dryer button. "Not for long."
"Thanks Auntie," Audrey politely chirped as she trotted to the exit.
"No, dearie, thank you," I replied smiling and blowing her a little kiss. "Thanks for helping me to see what I have known in my heart all along."
After the door swung shut I turned towards the mirror and looked myself right in the eye.
"You've got to call off the wedding. You've got to stop yourself from making the biggest mistake of your life and marrying Donny. You've got to do it right now."
I started to try and picture what would happen if I went out and announced that the wedding was off.
Pandemonium, bedlam --- all hell would break loose – that's what!
No, I had to see Niles first and tell him that I was wrong last night – that I couldn't live without him and I loved him enough to take that risk, that frightening, scary leap into the unknown, as long as he would be there with me.
But just where was he right now – forty some odd minutes before my wedding?
Probably with --- Mel? I swallowed hard. When I thought about talking to him I hadn't pictured Mel by his side while I tearfully opened my heart to him. No – no that wasn't going to stop me! I would deal with her somehow! I wasn't going to let my fears prevent me from being with Niles any longer!
I peered out the bathroom door, and seeing that the coast was clear, tiptoed over to the edge of the balustrade to view the goings on in the lobby below.
I could see Mum plopped in a chair, feet up in the air and moaning on about the lumpy bed in her room. Dad was off to one side of her, knocking back a cold one, while Peter stuffed his face full of mints – wrappers and all! It seemed like dozens of people were milling about making idle conversation or just standing impatiently waiting for the festivities to begin. No Niles though ---
"Have you seen Niles?"
That shrill voice could only belong to one woman - Mel.
"He said he was going to go and put on some insect repellent, but that was a while back --- I checked our room and he wasn't there. Where could he have wandered off to, now? He wasn't himself this morning. He might be coming down with something."
Getting nothing more than a non-committal shrug and a grunt out of Simon, Mel moved on.
"Have you seen Niles?"
Her voice blended into the crowd.
At least that confirmed that he wasn't anywhere within Mel's grasp, even if it didn't exactly tell me where he was.
I heard a guest room door open down the hall and quickly dashed back to the safety of the ladies restroom. Just how was I going to hunt for Niles without running the gauntlet of Donny's and my family?
I glanced around. The window above the sinks was probably big enough – if I could just hoist myself up there and push it open.
Using a basin as a makeshift stool I gingerly climbed up and shoved at the windowpane. It slid open easily and I managed to raise my body up and through the gap without too much trouble. Thank God I still did my yoga regularly!
Dangling from the windowsill by my fingertips, I grabbed onto a drainpipe and shimmied down the wall and onto the ground luckily without attracting any attention from the Inn's staff or arriving guests. The bushes and blossoming trees that surrounded the hotel gave me enough cover.
After catching my breath and adjusting my gown, I realized that I had no idea where I was headed. Just where would Niles be?
I scurried through the shrubbery and suddenly noticed a waiter carrying a tray with a bottle of wine and three glasses, approaching Martin's Winnebago, which was parked out front in the lot closest to the dinning lounge. Crouching down behind a hedge I saw him knock on the door of the RV and then heard Frasier's distinctive booming voice –
"Hello."
"Here's your wine, sir."
"Yes, thank you very much, young man. And this is for you. Thank you."
The waiter disappeared into the stand of trees that separated the parking lot from the adjoining gardens.
What was Frasier doing in the Winnebago drinking at this hour in the morning? And that wine looked familiar --- it was that fancy bottle of "Chateau La Something-or-Rather" that I had given him when I arrived at the Inn yesterday. Three glasses meant that he wasn't alone.
I moved in closer. Maybe I could get a peek through the windows?
Over my shoulder I could hear some sort of a fracas happening in the garden. Had they discovered that I had scarbered? Not wanting to give myself away I edged back into the thicket and waited a few minutes. It was soon obvious that the commotion had to do with a couple of my idiot brothers – mum had moved her "act" outdoors was barking orders to Dad about going out and hunting my troublesome siblings down like dogs.
"And they'd better be sober enough not to barf on the bridesmaids when you find them!" she bellowed at him as he trundled off grumbling about needing another pint himself right now.
I lingered a while more, lying low until it quieted down and then continued my advance on the Winnebago.
Still well camouflaged, I was almost right in front of the door when it opened with a squeak revealing Frasier and Martin as they came down the steps. I shrank back further into the foliage.
"I saw a waiter, passing champagne just outside. I'll have him bring you a glass so you can --- "
My heart jumped with hope. Martin, Frasier – there was only one missing person in the Crane family triangle. That third glass had to be meant for -
"Get the taste out, yes. Thank you, Frasier."
I let out a silent gasp. It was him!
He was there in the Winnebago --- and he was alone now.
The door sprang back with a bang and soon Frasier and his father had walked off, heading back to the hotel.
I strode boldly up and gave a confident rap on the metal frame with my knuckles.
"Come in."
He sounded --- drained. Had I done too much damage with my ruthless rebuff of him? What if I had hurt him so badly that he just couldn't forgive me?
Suddenly I didn't feel so cocky – maybe this wouldn't turn out to be "Daphne to the emotional rescue". There was a possibility that he --- he might just not want to chance being burned so severely by me again. Oh God, I would just die! A sense of panic started to take hold in the pit of my stomach.
I opened the door and stepped in – my whole life was in his hands.
"Hello."
His face was pale and haggard - clear evidence of the agony he had been through.
Niles opened his eyes and looked up at me.
"Daphne --- "
He pulled himself out of the driver's seat and stood there – his mouth open, with an expression of pure shock, wishfulness and mystification on his face.
It was obvious that I was one of the last people who he expected to see coming through that door, especially on this particular morning. Did he think I had come to torture him some more? Did he imagine me seeking him out just to pull the last remaining portion of feeling from his soul and stomp on it?
I had to put his mind at ease – I had to humbly tell him that I had been wrong – so very wrong. I had to make sure that he knew I was ready now – ready to say yes to his love.
"I was wondering --- if you might be free for a date?"
I held my breath for what seemed like an eternity, but was really probably only a split second.
"Oh my God, yes!" he gasped almost incredulously as he bounded towards me in one step.
Judging by his thrilled reaction, there wasn't any question that he had even remotely conceived of rejecting my plea. I breathed a sigh of relief and stepped forward to meet him with open arms.
He embraced me so hard that he lifted me clear off the floor!
I hung onto him tightly. I could feel his heart beating wildly against mine. I didn't ever want to let go. If this were a cartoon fairy tale, the handsome prince would have kissed his royal beauty and the air would have been immediately festooned with hearts, ribbons and bluebirds, while an unseen chorus of harps and cherubs sang their praises. If it were an American western, the faithful cowboy would have slung his gal over his horse and they would have rode off together into the sunset! A sudden inspiration hit me – why not ride off into the sunset? The rest of the world be damned! Let's just get the hell out of here - now!
I leaned back and eagerly presented my idea to him.
"Let's get this bloody boat moving!"
"What, you mean now?" he asked in amazement.
Yes - we were going to run away! Escape Mel and Donny, Mum's nattering and my brothers' drunken buffoonery and --- and the whole bloody mess – just Niles and me! The two of us were all we needed in life. We wouldn't have to explain anything to anyone! It could all be handled later with a few notes conveniently mailed from an undisclosed location until the entire furor had blown over.
He laughed nervously, but couldn't resist enthusiastically granting me my wish, as he sat down behind the wheel and started the engine.
We were off!
"Fasten your seatbelt, Daphne," he said prudently.
It was a moment I had been waiting for – a chance to show him how different things were going to be from now on.
"Dr. Crane" was a thing of the past.
"Fasten yours --- Niles."
Niles – just saying his name out loud was like a declaration of love for him. I felt lightheaded and giddy.
He gazed into my eyes, his face almost shining with anticipation and affection – smiled a quick, totally self-satisfied smile and launched the Road Warrior off on its getaway!
Our impetuous voyage lasted as far as the end of the driveway. Both of us knew that we should go back and face the music, even if we didn't like the tune. I think I was more afraid than Niles – or maybe he just wasn't letting his terror show as much, for my sake? He kept on saying that he was willing to do whatever I wanted to, but I could tell his conscience was weighing heavy on him – he didn't like the idea of avoiding his responsibilities. But there were no moral ultimatums from him, he didn't try to coerce me - he just waited patiently until I came to my senses and made up my own mind to turn around.
It was at the moment I realized that I was starting to really discover, in a much more profound way, what a wonderful person he truly was – and the actual depth of his love for me.
It was those thoughts of Niles' love that kept me going throughout the day, when I had to finally face Donny and tell him why I couldn't marry him.
He took it really hard – literally and figuratively!
When I managed to stumble the words out, his eyes rolled back in his head and he collapsed, hitting his head on a good sized boulder in the rock garden where we had secluded ourselves for a minimum measure of privacy. I gave him first aid and got Roz, who had stationed herself as a sentry at the courtyard's entrance, to call for an ambulance.
Donny's Mom wouldn't let me near him after that, even when he regained consciousness. Shortly after, the Douglas family left the Wayside Inn in a flurry of slammed car doors and squealing tires, hurling insults in my direction all the way to the parking lot.
I sat down with Roz in the dining room.
"I'm going to order you a scotch, Daphne," she declared, signaling the waiter as she spoke.
"Roz – it's 11:30 in the morning!" I protested.
"Yeah, but in hell it's already past noon – and I think you just crossed over to that time zone, if I'm not mistaken," she countered.
"Can't argue with you there," I said while dabbed my eyes with a tissue. "I wonder how Niles is making out?"
"Oh, I figure it won't be long before the bat comes screeching out of her cave and we'll know all the details."
The mention of Mel made me shudder. Poor Niles. At least Donny didn't yell at me personally before he passed out and Roz – bless her loyal heart, fended off his displeased relatives with enough snappy vigor that it was all over in a matter of minutes. Niles still hadn't come down from the upstairs room where Mel and he had gone to have their "little chat".
I took a sip of the scotch. It burned all the way down my throat.
"Roz, do you think I should go up there and see how he's doing --- see if he's still all in one piece?"
Roz laughed.
"What? Afraid that the little weenie might be even 'weenier' when Mel gets through with him?" she snickered.
I bit my lip and answered defensively, "No, but you should have seen him when I left him. He was trying so hard to pluck up my courage and --- and yet I could tell he was dreading even the thought of going up those stairs to see her. I just have a feeling that she could be so cruel to him and he wouldn't even fight back. He's --- he's just too soft-hearted."
Roz set her glass down and took my hand in hers. I could tell she regretted her sarcasm.
"Ooooh, I'm sorry, Daphne. I didn't mean to upset you. Remember Frasier and Martin are there somewhere close by to support him. They'll pull his nuts out of the fire before she can roast him alive – I'm sure."
Before I could reply, I heard a thunderous bang of a door and saw Mel flying down the staircase, suitcase in hand.
Her face was beet red. I slumped down a bit in the chair, hoping that she would just keep going, but as she passed us she came to a sudden stop and glared directly at me.
"I want you to know --- Daphne, that you --- you will live to regret what you have done this day. I defeated Maris and I can defeat you. You can't possibly offer him all that I can. As for Niles --- I told you before – I'll never let him go. Either he's mine --- or --- he's no one's!"
Having spewed out her icy threat, she turned on her heels and prepared to keep going.
Roz started to get up, but I shook my head and called out.
"Mel!"
She didn't turn around, but she did freeze in her tracks.
"You forgot one very important thing, Mel," I gulped a breath of air and continued. "I can offer Niles my love and --- and that's --- that's all he really wants."
I saw Mel's empty fist clench and then unclench, but she didn't say anything back to me. She gripped her suitcase tighter in her other hand and proceeded through the lobby to the doors.
I flopped back into the chair and glanced over at Roz who was doing a little "victory salute" with her arms in her chair. I was shaking from stem to stern.
"Way to go, Daphne!" Roz chortled.
"Niles!" I cried and ran up the stairs.
Frasier and Martin were there with him and I could hear him quietly assuring them that he was fine.
When he heard my footsteps he twisted immediately around to face me. His face radiated relief and he rushed into my arms, planting a kiss on me that took what little breath I had left, away. Martin and Frasier simply vanished – closing the door behind them. When I opened my eyes, we were by ourselves.
We talked a bit about how our respective "ex-mates" had taken the news, but I knew Niles was holding back telling me the true ordeal that he had gone through. I decided not to reveal the menacing message that Mel had delivered to me before she left. No need adding to his anxieties when his plate was already overflowing as it was.
It wasn't too long before a guarded knock came on the door and Frasier cautiously opened it up, begging our pardon and informing us that we had to head back to Seattle in a short while.
When he withdrew, Niles took my hands in his and gave them both a couple of small kisses.
"Daphne," he softly said. "Are you still glad you changed your mind this morning?"
I smiled and then started to cry, more out of nervous exhaustion than anything else I think.
"Of course I am, Niles."
He pressed his face up against mine. His cheek felt so cool and dry in contrast to my damp, flushed skin.
"Say that again, my darling Daphne."
"What?"
"My name --- please?"
"Niles," I let it roll off my tongue and slide into his awaiting ear. "Niles --- Niles –'
He cut me off short with a kiss.
"Don't --- don't ever stop," he whispered huskily and kissed me once more.
I have haven't either. Even when the Wayside Inn manager told me that I was
going to have to fork over an ungodly sum for the bar tab my brothers had managed to mount but couldn't pay for, plus damages to the piano. Even when Simon asked me that if I wasn't pregnant, why had I "agreed to marry Donny in the first place?". Or even when I was packing my things, half listening to Mum go on about what a disaster this all was and how I was throwing a perfectly rich lawyer away for someone who was going to be a twice divorced man who seemed "kinda fey actually" – I just kept saying his name over and over in my head – like my own personal mantra; something to keep me focused and sane when there was nothing but chaos swirling around me.
"Niles --- Niles, Niles."
The very thought of him made me stronger.
I have a feeling I'll need that strength in the coming days. So will Niles. We have a lot to account for - heaps of hurt feelings to confront, awkward details that will have to be dealt with and legal issues to handle before we can be totally free and clear of the consequences of our actions.
It won't be easy.
Then there's Niles --- I haven't the slightest doubt that I love him, but these recently discovered feelings are so new to me I need some time to adjust to the situation. For so long I only thought of him in one context – that of a friend. And while he still remains the same person, I am seeing him more completely now – as a man, as a lover and as a person who will hopefully share with me my most intimate dreams and desires. I want to get to know him – from this distinctively different perspective. That doesn't happen with one kiss – no matter how delicious that kiss is. It takes time --- time and shared experiences to build a relationship.
I've had boyfriends and lovers before, but never have I been with someone like him. He's so keenly intelligent and clever, but also has the wide-eyed wonder of a little boy about him at the same time. He can be so pompous and pretentious, curling his snobby nose at the least little fashion faux pas --- and yet he can also be so understanding, sympathetic and perceptive – overflowing with care and compassion. He's so intense, so shy and so --- so absolutely adoring of me.
And he --- he has to get to know me, too! I'm probably not "everything" he has imagined I would be, over the years – I couldn't possibly be. It is a little daunting, knowing that he held me up to this ideal for such a long time. I was a dream to him for seven years --- now, now I want to be real to him.
I'm sitting by my bedroom window, looking up at the sky and I know I won't be able to sleep tonight. I can't – too many ideas keep crossing my mind, some are uncertainties as to what the future holds, some are assurances of having the support of friends like Frasier and Martin and Roz --- but mainly my mind is filled with --- with thoughts of Niles.
I wonder if he is looking tonight at the same stars I am and thinking of me, right at this very moment?
I'll close my eyes and let myself float across Seattle until I find his window and seek him out and kiss him on his cheek.
Don't worry Niles – I love you and we are finally together at last.
See you in the morning, darling.
Good night.
Stay tuned for Part 19 (to be continued)
