Haha, it's been a little more than a year since I last updated…. Sorry, it was my senior year, and I was really busy. Plus I really had no idea where I wanted to go with this story.

But I'm back, and I promise to be better with my updates…. So, without any further ado, Chapter 9 of 'If You Could Only See'!

Strain this chaos turn it into light
I've got to see you one last night
Before the lions take their share
Leave us in pieces, scattered everywhere

Just give me a chance to hold on
Give me a chance to hold on
Give me a chance to hold on
Just give me something to hold onto

It's so clear now that you are all that I have
I have no fear cos you are all that I have
It's so clear now that you are all that I have
I have no fear cos you are all that I have

You're cinematic razor sharp
A welcome arrow through the heart
Under your skin feels like home
Electric shocks on aching bones

Give me a chance to hold on
Give me a chance to hold on
Give me a chance to hold on
Just give me something to hold onto

It's so clear now that you are all that I have
I have no fear cos you are all that I have
It's so clear now that you are all that I have
I have no fear cos you are all that I have

There is a darkness deep in you
A frightening magic I cling to

Give me a chance to hold on
Give me a chance to hold on
Give me a chance to hold on
Just give me something to hold onto

It's so clear now that you are all that I have
I have no fear now you are all that I have
It's so clear now that you are all that I have
I have no fear now you are all that I have

You're All I Have

Snow Patrol

Suze

So, wait.

Rewind and FREEZE!

He's been dreaming about me? Dreaming about our past….

WAIT!

DOES THAT MEAN HE REMEMBERS ME?

I must have looked pretty weird while all this was going on in my head, which is why I suppose Jesse took that opportunity to ask me what I thought of these dreams.

Jesse

She seemed to be having some sort of inner battle when I told her about my dreams. Suddenly, though, she broke out in a huge grin. What could all this mean?

"Susannah, do you know anything about these dreams? What they mean?"

And it was that question that led to the biggest shock of my life.

Suze

How should I go about this? Just tell him everything? No, that would just scare him off. Why does my brain choose now to fail me? But thankfully, at that moment, my lead in walked right through the door of the Coffee Clutch. And my caffeine loving savior was….. Paul Slater.

"Looking good, Suze-as always. Does this little mediator pow-wow have room for one more?" Paul stood right behind me, playing with the ends of my hair, smirking at Jesse as her said this. And this is how I knew the way to explain it all to Jesse.

"Actually, Paul, this is a private lesson, so if you wouldn't mind, it would be helpful if you got going."

"Ouch, Suze. That's harsh. But, I have a hot date to get to, anyways." As he turned to leave, he bent down to whisper in my ear "He'll never remember, Suze, let it go." I couldn't help but smirk at that. Jesse already was remembering. But, back to the whole dream thing.

"Jesse? What do you think of Paul Slater?" And I got just the answer I was looking for.

"I hate him. I don't know why, I hardly even know him. But I do."

"Well, Jesse, what if I could tell you why?" So, this is how it came to be that Monday we walked into the mission together, hand in hand.

Jesse

Wait. I'm so confused. Let's recap.

I used to be dead

I haunted Susannah's bedroom

She loved me

I loved her

so much so that I went back in time to give her a normal life

and she followed me back

then Paul followed her

then I sent her back to present day Carmel

and I died in 1850

and my reincarnated spirit is here in present day Carmel, and meeting Susannah triggered dreams that are actually memories from another life… well, afterlife….

Dios. I sure have been busy. But, everything Susannah has told me, I've seen in my dreams. Everything. Being a ghost, going back in time, how I died. Madame Zara. The weeks before I came to Carmel, and Susannah was mourning my death.

Although I hate to sound like Keanu Reeves, but

WHOAH.

Throughout all of the confusion, this whole experience has proven to be entertaining. Monday morning, when we arrived at school, the entire student body could only stare. The girls who I could only assume were the D&G Nazis that Susannah had told me about would not stop staring at us. But the hilarious thing was the way their stares changed from loathing to admiration, lust and 'come hither'.

But no one could have expected the way the days events could have turned for the worse.

Suze

School was fine, lovely even, until lunch… Jesse didn't have the same period as me, so we decided to meet in the breezeway, and then go to lunch together. I just didn't expect Paul.

While I was waiting for Jesse by my locker, Paul decided to have another go at luring me into his trap of lies and Paul ickiness. So, he leaned up against the pillar I was standing by and, pulling his signature move, blocked me in between his arms. He was so busy laying on the same old lines, that he didn't even notice I wasn't listening. Or, so I thought. But it became clear how far he would go to get my attention when he began nuzzling my neck. Trying to squirm away, I spotted something that both elated and terrified me….

Jesse…

J-Man

I looked for Susannah in the hallway, and was face to face with the worse sight I had ever seen in my life.

Paul

And Susannah..

He was blocking her in, trying to kiss her neck while whispering things to her-probably to make her go out with him. And she was trying her best to get away. Images flashed through my mind- images that seemed like memories, but I knew I had never lived through. All similar situations-Paul trying to kiss Susannah while she fought him off.

And they incensed me.

Incensed me to the point that I cannot even begin to defend my actions.

I say I had a rage blackout. But I remember everything I did clearly, and sometimes, I even enjoyed myself, loathe as I am to say it.
No matter my excuse, the next thing I knew I had pulled him off her and slammed him against a wall of lockers. "I thought I told you to take care of her! I thought I told you to make sure she was loved, that she was happy!" I yelled at him… and then I hit him. Oh, did I hit him… Over and over again. In my signature move, as I have come to remember, I broke his nose. But I also got him in the stomach, the face, everywhere. I didn't see anything but him, and the only thing I could think of was inflicting more pain on this…. This…. Thing.

Finally, I stopped. I looked down at him and I couldn't even begin to comprehend what had happened. But, all I know is what I said "Stay the HELL AWAY from Susannah. Don't talk to her, don't look at her, don't send her anything, don't do anything." And then I turned away, drew Susannah into a hug, and said "Susannah, mi querida, lets go."

Well, I hope that that chapter was ok for you…. It took a bit to get back into the swing of writing it. I hope it was even worth the wait a little bit. Thanks to my loverly readers, I love you all…..

Liz

(If it wasn't for my Horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college)