A/N: Firstly, a huge thanks has to go to my beta reader, ambush99, for doing such a fantastic job. Thank you!
Chapter 8
Taking a lungful of the crisp, December air, he tried to calm himself. How had he, Sirius Black, defeated one of the most powerful wizards of all time? He hadn't been armed and, furthermore, he had barely been conscious. Yet, somehow he had defeated Voldemort. Voldemort had cast a killing curse and he had survived something no one ever had before. Voldemort wasn't exactly a beginner when it came to Avada Kedavra. 'How?' he thought, raking his hands through his dishevelled hair. 'Why?' He needed answers; he needed someone who could be objective, someone with extensive knowledge of dark magic. As much as he needed his friends, they couldn't help him here. Taking one final look at Hogwarts, he found a smile spreading across his face as happier memories pushed some of the tormented, confused ones from the forefront. Leaving the happy memories to linger, he apparated.
Staggering slightly upon landing, he quickly looked around and smiled. It had been years since he had apparated but he still hadn't lost his pinpoint accuracy. Stepping out from behind the bin, he straightened his clothes and walked from the alleyway to the bustling street. The Ministry, he thought, he hadn't been there for over thirteen years. Seeing as he was no longer an employee, he strode to the abandoned phone box. Glancing around, checking no one was looking at him, he quickly slipped in. After dialling the appropriate numbers, he waited for the cool voice.
"Sirius Black to see Alastor Moody."
"Thank you," the cool voice replied. "Please pin the badge to your robes and present you wand for inspection. Goodbye."
Stepping out into the atrium for the first time in thirteen years, it felt as though nothing had changed, yet everything had. He knew he would never be as carefree as he once had been, too much had changed, and too much had happened. He put his head down, trying to avoid the obvious stares and whispering, and quickly walked the short distance to the security desk.
"Wand, please," a bored voice mumbled.
Reluctantly, Sirius carefully placed it on the scales, glaring at the security wizard.
"Thirteen and a half inches, cedar core, phoenix tail. Owner Sirius Bl-" The bored security wizard stopped and looked up for the first time.
"Yes?" Sirius replied, meeting the other man's gaze with a glare.
"Owner Sirius Black," the security wizard finished. "What is the nature of your business?"
"None of yours."
"You'll have to wait here for an escort."
"What?" Sirius exclaimed, fighting the urge to start pacing as the nervous energy continued to build.
"Black?"
Sirius swung around to come face to face with Kingsley Shacklebolt. He had been the year above Sirius at Hogwarts and joined the auror's a year before he did. He hadn't really had much contact with Kingsley, but had considered him a good guy.
Kingsley eyed the younger man for a moment. Considering what he imagined he had been through, he didn't look too bad. Sirius had always been Moody's favourite. Personally, Kingsley didn't hold anything against the man, but he knew the other young recruits had felt jealous about the close mentorship Sirius had with Moody. In his relatively short time in the auror's office, Sirius had become a bit of a legend; often out thinking, out duelling aurors twenty years his senior. "Do you want me to escort you down to the office?" he finally said.
"Yes," Sirius breathed. "That would be great."
"I've got it from here, Jones," Kingsley called out. "So, how's it been?"
"Fine!" Sirius scowled at Kingsley's look. "You're asking about a long stretch of time. What do you want to know about? The thirteen years I was tortured? It just feels like it's been merged into one, long, hellish nightmare. The month I was in a coma? Strangely I don't remember any of that. Or the last two weeks which have been," Sirius paused, taking a breath for a moment. "I don't know."
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry."
"Shit, no I'm sorry Kingsley. It's just been-"
"Hard? Weird? A lot to take in?" Kingsley offered.
"Yeah, all of the above," Sirius agreed. "How's it been with you?"
"Since you-know-who died, there hasn't been a lot, not that you would know from the way Moody drives us."
Sirius chuckled. "Constant vigilance!"
"Pretty much."
"What did everyone think about, well, you know?"
"In the Ministry, most thought you did it, but in our office, a couple maybe. However, the vast majority thought you were completely innocent."
Sirius nodded. "How's the Ministry with Fudge running it?"
Kingsley exhaled sharply. "God, don't even get me started. To say he's a buffoon would be an insult to a buffoon; a career politician, with no clue."
Sirius stopped as they arrived at the entrance to the aurors' office. A place where he had shared mixed emotions; excitement, fear, sadness and some of the best years of his life.
"Sirius, are you alright?"
"Yeah," Sirius replied slowly. "It's just weird being back." Pushing open the door, he strode in, trying to ignore the silence that suddenly descended on the office, before everyone broke into a spontaneous applause.
"Alright, that's enough. Get back to work!" Moody yelled from the stairs leading to his office. "Black! My office, now!"
"Good luck," Kingsley said in his ear.
Feeling slightly embarrassed by the attention he'd suddenly received, Sirius made his way through the gauntlet of people, who seemed to have made him a guard of honour. He nodded and muttered thanks as he made his way through the crowd.
"A hero's welcome for being a cocky, little shite," Moody said when Sirius finally made it to his office.
"Alastor, I-"
"What the fuck were you thinking, going to meet Peter by yourself? Didn't I teach you anything?! For fuck's sake Black, you could have got yourself killed!"
"Moody, I-"
"No, you will bloody listen to me, Black. I can't even begin to describe how fucking stupid that was. You're here because of dumb, sodding luck."
"No," Sirius finally snapped. "I'm here because I didn't want my best mate's kid, my godson, to be in that fucking tournament. But hey, I fucked up there. I'm here because I wanted to warn my best friend that he still has a fucking target on his back. I'm here because I needed to warn people that that filthy, traitorous rat is still alive."
"Good," Moody replied in a much calmer voice than before.
"Good? What the fuck, Mad-Eye?!" Sirius growled, breathing heavily. "Whatever you've got planned for me, just fucking do it. It'll pale in comparison to what I've been through over the last thirteen years."
"Sit down laddie, I'm not going to do anything to you," Moody said calmly. "I was worried they had broken you."
"No, your training wouldn't allow that," Sirius said with a slight glare.
"And your bloody stubborn nature," Moody finished as he patted the younger man's shaking shoulder. "How are you?"
"Fine"
"No, you're not. I wouldn't expect you to be now, but you will be." Moody paused for a moment before continuing. "So what are you doing here?"
The self-doubt began to tug at the edges, threatening to consume him. It had seemed such a good idea at the time to share his memories with Moody, but now, standing in the other man's office, he wasn't sure he could. "I just thought I'd pop by."
"That's bullshit and you know it. Laddie, I've known you too long. I've fought too many battles with you for you to hide stuff from me. What is it?" Moody asked softy.
"I went to Dumbledore and…" Sirius started and then stopped. He looked down for a moment as he struggled with the words. Slowly he extracted the small vial from his robes and handed it to Moody. "It's probably easier if you look at these."
Moody frowned. "What is it?"
"My memories from, well you'll see," Sirius replied nervously.
"Do you want to join me?"
"No, twice was enough," Sirius replied in a near whisper.
"Okay," Moody replied sympathetically as he patted Sirius' shoulder. "Stay here laddie, I'll be back shortly."
"Thank you," Sirius said quietly as he leant against the desk. 'I hope you won't think differently of me when you return', he thought. He was suddenly aware of how quiet the office was. The Sneakoscopes were silent; he couldn't hear the bustle of the large office outside, or the London traffic that rumbled outside the walls. He started to look around the office, trying to ignore his ragged breaths. Moody's office was exactly as he had imagined it. The walls bare, save a few tattered 'wanted' posters. He wondered for a moment if his had joined the collection. The foe-glass which, to be frank, still freaked him out, stood at the far corner of the room. Every available surface was covered in either old, yellowing stacks of parchment or Sneakoscopes. A slight pop in the corner of the room pulled him out of his thoughts, as Moody reappeared. Moody seemed several shades paler than he had before entered the pensieve.
"Merlin, fucking hell!" Moody exclaimed, taking a long swig from his hip flask.
"Moody?" Sirius asked nervously.
"Come on laddie, why don't you sit down before you pass out!" Moody said reassuringly, as he guided the shaking man to the sofa.
"Moody?" Sirius repeated, as he nervously interlaced his long fingers. "Should I. Maybe. I…" He stopped, his words coming out in small punches, not making sense.
"Sirius, you didn't do anything wrong," Moody replied, wrapping an arm around the trembling man's shoulders. "You didn't do anything wrong. Okay, maybe taunting your deranged cousin like that may have not been the most intelligent of ideas, but it was understandable given the situation."
"Voldemort-" Sirius choked, as he struggled to regain his composure.
"I don't know laddie but, from the look of things, the killing curse rebounded off you!"
"What? Sirius exclaimed. "How is that possible? There's no block, there's no defence!"
"I don't know Sirius, but I will find out, I promise," Moody reassured. "Do you mind if I keep these for a bit?" He finished by holding the small vial up to the weak, winter London sunlight.
Sirius nodded, wishing to get as far away from the memories as possible. "So, when do you want my decision?" he asked rapidly changing the subject.
"Your decision?"
"If you don't want me back in the department, that's fine, but just let me know."
Moody sighed heavily. "Of course I want you as an Auror, you're the best we have, but I don't want you back yet." He looked at Sirius' dejected face. "Laddie, you need to live again; visit your friends and family. Go to the pub. Play Quidditch. Do whatever you need to do, but I'm not accepting any decision from you until the end of February."
"Moody?!"
"No, that decision is final."
Sirius exhaled slowly, as he felt some of the tension leave his body. "How's the department?" he finally asked.
"Okay I guess. I'm lumped with a lot of 'yes' men and we haven't recruited anyone new for three years."
"Why?"
"No one is good enough," Moody replied.
"Have the Ministry changed the entry requirements?"
"No, I don't think they are good enough. You know better than most how dangerous this job is," Moody replied tensely. In reality he was looking for another Sirius Black. Another recruit he could mentor, so eventually they would take a prominent position at the Ministry. The Ministry was full of 'yes' men and women, as well as career politicians; it needed more people like Sirius Black. People who would buck the trend. People who would challenge the career politicians. "Your cousin is doing well; bloody clumsy, but she's not as bad as the rest."
"My cousin?"
"Nymphadora Tonks."
Sirius smiled as he remembered the bright, bubbly Metamorphmagus. With ten years between them, they had never been at Hogwarts together, but he had heard she had continued his version of the Black family tradition; not getting sorted into Slytherin and generally causing mischief. "Keep her safe," he finally said.
"Sirius, you know-"
"I know," Sirius said, cutting Moody off. "It's just she's my favourite cousin's daughter. She comes from the good part of the family."
Moody nodded. "So, what are you going to do, now you are head of The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black?"
"Honestly, I don't know," Sirius replied tensely. He hadn't even considered going back to 12 Grimmauld Place. The memories from the place were still too painful, still too raw.
"And now?"
"Now?"
"Yes now. What are you going to do when you leave this office?"
"I don't know," Sirius replied quietly, rubbing a hand over his tense face.
"Talk to Potter and Remus," Moody suggested. "Potter trusted you with his and his family's lives. Allow him to help you. Dumbledore and I are looking into the technical details, but this is too big a thing for you to deal with alone. It didn't kill you the first time; don't let the memory of it destroy you."
