A/N: A huge thank you to Ambush99 for her fantastic betaing skills.
A/N2: A repost as I stupidly uploaded the wrong version. Sorry!
Chapter 9
He leant against the wall and rubbed his tired, tense face. It had taken him a while to get out of the office, with people expressing their relief and thanks for his return. Others insisting they met for a drink or two to celebrate his return. He managed to smile and nod at the right places, making non-committal responses. It wasn't as though he wasn't grateful, it was just he still struggled with human interaction. James, Lily and Remus understood. They seemed to understand how utterly draining he found it, not that he need to put on an act with them. The only human interaction he had had over the last thirteen years had been with captors; their harsh words and harder actions. His nightmares would wake him nightly then, unable to sleep, he would sit, knees drawn to his chest, and stare out of the window, hoping the stars would answer his questions. He thought knowing what the fragmented memory with green light was would bring closure to his confusion, but now he felt utterly exposed.
"Sirius?"
He slowly lifted his head as a familiar voice pulled him out of his thoughts. He found himself staring at an approaching figure, unable to form any words to greet his friend.
"Sirius? Mate, what are you doing here? Are you okay?" James said urgently, his concern rising with every moment.
"James, I-"
"Padfoot, what happened?"
"James, I need to speak to you and Remus," Sirius swallowed, finally managing to form a sentence.
"Of course," James replied, laying a hand on his friend's shoulder. "We'll meet him at mine."
"Mate, I don't think I could floo or apparate without throwing up right now."
James nodded, his brow creasing with concern. "Do you think you could make it to the Knight's Templar?"
"Yeah," Sirius replied in a shaky voice.
"Good, I'll get Remus to meet us there."
Twenty minutes later, the three Marauders sat around a secluded table at the back of the pub. Being mid-afternoon during the week, it was near empty save for a couple of tourists. James watched his friend nervously pick and then shred a beer mat. From previous experience he knew pushing his friend was the worst thing he could do. Sirius would then clam up and retreat into himself. He knew he had to give his friend time and space, then eventually, he hoped, his friend would tell him what was wrong.
"So, I've been having these memories," Sirius started in a soft voice. So soft the others almost missed it. "Well there was one, I-"
James reached over and placed a hand on his friend's shoulder. Catching his eye he nodded encouragingly.
Taking a moment to compose himself, Sirius licked his lips as he fought to find the words to continue. "There was one memory in particular I didn't understand. I thought if I went to Dumbledore and used..." Sirius stopped and picked up a new beer mat, nervously twirling it between his fingers.
"The pensieve?" Remus suggested.
Sirius nodded as he started to pick at the beer mat, pulling bits from the corners. "You're going to hate me."
"Why would we do that, mate?"
"Sirius, Sirius, look at me mate," Remus asked. "Padfoot, I get you're nervous. Believe me I understand. I was terrified you would find out about my furry problem and abandon me. I thought I'd lose the best friends I'd ever had, the only friends I'd ever had. But you didn't, in fact you did the complete opposite and did everything you could to make my transformations easier. So why would we hate you?"
Tearing a large chuck off the beer mat, he looked up at his friends. "Voldemort used the killing curse on me," he finally choked out.
"Fuck," James exclaimed, not knowing what else to say. "How...?"
"I don't know. It has to be, there can't be any other reason other than I have dark magic inside of me. I'm evil. I've got to go, I can't be around you," Sirius stumbled out as he started to stand.
"No," James said as both he and Remus placed their hands on their friend's shoulders, forcing him to sit. "No, I am not going to let you run off into self-imposed solitude because of some half arsed, ill thought out, bullshit theory of yours. Not after what you have been through. Not after what you have sacrificed for my family and me."
"If you were evil you would never have become an Animagi to help me during my transformations. You would have sold my secret out at the earliest opportunity. If you were evil, you probably would have joined in with a little werewolf hunting," Remus said simply.
"What?! No Remus, I would never!"
"If you were truly evil you would have broken the Fidelius Charm at the earliest opportunity. You would have hand delivered Harry to Voldemort," James continued.
"What?! No James!"
"Precisely," Remus countered. "You did the complete opposite. We've all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That's who we really are. That's what you told me when I was worried about being a werewolf. With the choices you have made, it is obvious what you have chosen to act on."
"So where is this crap coming from?" James asked. "We may have been a couple of twats at school. We may have crossed the line a few times with Snape; he probably did as well. I know that doesn't excuse our behaviour, but it doesn't make us evil."
"I know, it's just," Sirius sighed as he dropped the final piece of shredded beer mat on the table.
"What is it Sirius? What else happened?"
"When Voldemort cast that spell, it hit me and well, Moody reckons it rebounded off me and hit him."
"Merlin!" Remus exclaimed, his hand covering his mouth.
"Shit! Mate, you defeated Voldemort!"
"Yeah, it looks that way," Sirius replied quietly.
"Then your theory of being evil makes even less sense! You defeated the most evil wizard ever to walk this planet!" James exclaimed. "Fuck, Sirius, that makes you anything but evil."
"How do you explain it then? I was unarmed, fuck I was barely conscious. How the hell did I do it?"
"That I don't know, but thank god you did. Dumbledore and Moody will figure it out and I can guarantee it won't be because you are evil," Remus reassured.
"Sirius mate, sometime you have really crap ideas, and this has to be right up there with the shittiest of them. Moody always said you had more lives than a cat. I know that doesn't explain what happened," James quickly added, holding up his hands as Sirius began to interject. "But it's a hell of a lot better than your crappy theory of being evil. Anyway, what should we do now? "
"Don't you have work?"
"Yeah, but I'm discussing possible policy changes with a werewolf," James explained with a grin. "I guess we could have another here."
"Can you remember when we came here after taking down Dodds?" Sirius started.
"Yeah, when you tried to drink the place dry," James filled in.
"Ha!" Sirius exclaimed. "I wasn't the one trying to order a shot of every single thing in the bar!"
"It was my first take down! You made me drink the foul pint with foul muggle snacks in it."
"Scampi fries," Sirius informed him.
"Yeah, telling me some crap that it was an initiation. Moody threatened to skin me alive, he just growled at you. Bloody teacher's pet!"
Sirius grinned. "And you weren't McGonagall's."
Sdf
It had been a strange last few months, full of every emotion he had thought possible. From the lows of discovering what had happened to his friends, such as the Longbottoms. He didn't think it possible to hate his deranged cousin more than he did. The guilt that he had survived unscathed, and they hadn't, ate away at him. Then there was the confusion and fear as he continued to deal with his nightmares. They had admittedly lessened of late, but it didn't stop them from haunting him. Then there was the tide of happiness that broke through all other emotions as he thought of his friends and family. How James' mother had held him for at least half an hour, refusing to let him go. Christmas had been the carefree, happy time he had remembered of old. At times it felt as though nothing had happened. That the horrific years had never taken place. But they had happened. They were part of his past, he was just not going to let them rule him. That's why he was at Hogwarts on the cool, crisp February morning. Later he would cheer his godson in the second task, but before that he was going to talk to Moody and Dumbledore. Moody as he had decided to re-join the aurors. The time Moody had given him to 'learn to live again' had only solidified his decision. He wanted to fight for the justice of his fallen friends. He wanted to fight for the innocence of the younger generation. His godson and friends shouldn't have to be forced to grow up as fast as his generation.
Then there was Dumbledore. He had owled him a couple of days ago, claiming he had discovered the reason behind his survival. If it was a strength he would build on it, if it was a weakness he would quash it. He was going to defeat Voldemort once and for all, then bring his followers to justice.
It was still early, so the grounds were silent. In recent times he had become somewhat of a celebrity as people discovered his daring escape from the hands of the death eaters. His survival from Voldemort's killing curse remained a secret between James, Lily, Remus, Moody, Dumbledore and himself. And that's how he intended it to remain. Standing outside Dumbledore's office for a moment, he wondered what information lay within. He exhaled sharply and knocked. Whatever it was, it was only information. The event hadn't killed him and he wasn't going to let whatever Dumbledore told him either.
"Come in," a distant voice called out as the door swung open.
Sirius strode up the stairs into the familiar office. "Good morning," he greeted.
"Good morning, Sirius. You got my owl?" Dumbledore enquired.
"Yes."
Dumbledore nodded. "Would you like a tea or coffee?"
"Tea please," Sirius replied politely, knowing he didn't need anything else to stimulate his nerves. Talking a seat in one of the comfortable chairs beside the fire, he took a careful sip of the scalding liquid before continuing. "You mentioned you had a development."
"I did. Would you like to know the nature of it?"
Sirius cocked his head and smiled slightly. "As good as your tea is, it isn't the reason I am here. So, yes, I would like to know your discovery."
"I believe you survived because of the Fidelius charm."
"The Fidelius charm? How?"
"The Fidelius charm requires a person, a secret keeper, to hold a secret-"
Sirius waved his hand dismissively. "Dumbledore, I was a secret keeper for over thirteen years. I think I know who and what it entails."
"Of course. Your refusal to divulge the secret to Voldemort or any of his followers, in essence your love for the Potters, caused an ancient form of magic to be performed. Your sacrifice, your love for the Potters caused a shield, if you will, to protect you and deflect the curse."
Sirius nodded and rubbed his face for a moment as he attempted to process the latest revelation. "When the curse hit Voldemort, his body seemed to dissolve and a smoky substance was released. What was that?" he asked, feeling he already knew the answer.
"I believe it was a fragment of his soul."
"So, you don't believe he truly died?"
"No, I don't."
"I wondered if he was still alive, or it was my cousin's deranged love for him willing him to be alive. I guess even Bella gets things occasionally," Sirius replied bitterly, as he started to stand. "Well, thank you Dumbledore, this has been of great help."
"What are you going to do now?"
"Find the bastard and bring him to justice," Sirius replied determinedly. "But right now, I'm going to watch my godson win the second task."
"I'll be joining you shortly," Dumbledore said, shaking Sirius' hand. "I am sure Harry will do well."
Sirius shook his head. "You and I know he shouldn't be in that tournament. He was entered against his will; exceptions should have been made."
"Bartemius Crouch said, as Harry's name had been pulled from the Goblet of Fire, he was bound to compete."
"Since when has Crouch been fair? I question the legality of the contract, seeing as it was made with an underage wizard," Sirius growled. "But what is done, is done. We just have to ensure Harry survives this great injustice. I will protect him with my life if I have to." Without a further word he strode out of Dumbledore's office before his anger could spill over. Dumbledore, Crouch, Bagman and the rest of them should have defended Harry, they should have protected him. They should have fought for him so he didn't have to compete, but they had failed him. He had spent thirteen years protecting his godson and he wasn't about to give up now. The Fidelius charm may have been lifted but it wouldn't stop him from protecting Harry, even if it cost him his life.
Rounding the corner, he nearly collided with Moody. "Mad-eye," he greeted.
"Sirius, what are you doing here?"
"I had an appointment with Dumbledore."
Moody nodded. "Are you going to watch the second task?"
"Of course. Moody, I want my old job back," Sirius said fiercely. Feeling Moody's eyes boring into him, he matched the look.
"I'll see you Monday at eight o'clock. Don't be late."
