As always, a huge thanks has to go to Ambush99 for betaing this chapter!

Chapter 20

"Mate, are you alright?"

"What?" Sirius asked, looking up.

"James asked if you were alright?" Remus said, watching his friend with concern.

"Yeah, sorry I was thinking," Sirius replied, adding a smile for good measure.

"About what?" James pushed.

"The locket Reg mentioned," Sirius lied.

"Bullshit," James swore. "Padfoot, I've known you for twenty-four years and I know when you are lying."

"You didn't see me for thirteen of those," Sirius said quietly.

"Yup, you are right, I didn't, but I still know when you are lying. Mate, tell us, maybe we can help," James pushed.

Sirius looked away. "I-I, you, you can't," he finally managed.

"It's Fudge, isn't it," Remus asked. He watched his friend look down. Taking the silence as confirmation, he continued. "He wanted to push his anti-werewolf policy, you disagreed, and he attacked you. Mate, you shouldn't let him attack you like that!"

"And what? Let him introduce his barbaric segregation policy?! Let him round you up, chuck you in a cell and throw away the key?! No fucking way, you've done nothing wrong. It's fucking barbaric that's what it is. If I've got to take a couple of hits from that buffoon, then so be it. Where's it going to stop? Muggle-borns? Goblins? Who else?" Sirius yelled, as he stood up suddenly, causing the chair to fall heavily on the floor.

"Mate, the Goblins will be fine, they'll just deny Fudge access to his vault. He'll repeal the act within the day," Remus said calmly.

"Merlin, he's as bad as Voldemort," James observed, as he leant back on his chair, eyeing his friend carefully.

"I wouldn't go that far," Sirius replied quietly, as he stopped pacing for a moment.

"His pretext isn't the same, but the endgame will be the same!" James replied tensely.

"He's not an evil person, just scared," Sirius countered.

"And that makes it okay to lock Moony away and take chunks out of you?! Because it doesn't, I don't give a fuck what excuse he hides behind. He might not be evil, but he sure the hell is acting like it!"

"Of course I don't think it's okay to lock Moony up, why the hell do you think I fought him?"

"And you?"

"It's a game of chess James, I-"

"If it's a game of chess, then stop acting like a bloody pawn!"

"I'm not going to allow anyone to be a pawn on my account!" Sirius snapped.

"And neither can you be all the pieces on the board. I know you don't want anyone in harm's way, but we are going to be at war soon. People, innocent people, innocent children will be in harm's way. Surely it's better if we select who those people are. We can have people who are trained, who are in possession of the full facts," James said calmly.

"This is why I will be a terrible leader of the Order, I just cannot put people in harm's way. I don't want anyone to go through what I went through. Being held in that prison with Voldemort and his death eaters. No James, I cannot let anyone go through that," Sirius said as he leant against the wall.

"This why you will be a great leader, you have a conscience," James said softly, shooting a glance at Remus. "You put yourself at risk every time you go to work, so does everyone else in your department. Tell me mate, how will that be any different from working with the Order?"

"It's just different!"

"How? We joined last time, how is this any different?"

"Last time we were eighteen and knew fuck all!"

"You're probably right, but you haven't answered my question. How is the Order different from your work, aside from the fact you get paid?" James challenged.

"I-I,"

"You don't have an answer, do you? Don't give me some crap about not knowing the risks. There are good, talented witches and wizards up and down the country who are willing to stand beside you and fight Voldemort. They know the risks," James continued, as he faced his best friend.

"No, they don't," Sirius said in a near whisper. "They don't know what it's like to be tortured by that bastard as though you were a toy. They don't know what it's like to have new spells experimented on you as though you were a lab rat. They don't know..." He stopped, unable to continue.

"Padfoot," James said gently, as he placed his hands on his friend's shoulders. "Okay, we don't know."

"They don't know what it's like to be starved; going for days without food, sometimes water as well. Do you know what it's like to treat each sound as a threat, but at the same time wishing for it, as it might finally end it all? To know what it's like to be so alone for days on end, where the only sound you can hear is your own ragged breath; to know what it's like to wonder how long it would take the human body to starve to death? They don't know what it's like to be so alone, so abandoned that you begin to forget what the human voice sounds like," Sirius said in a choked sob.

"Oh Padfoot," James whispered, pulling his friend into a fierce hug. "Mate, it's going to be alright. We are going to fight Voldemort and we are going to win. It's not going to be like last time." he said, allowing his friend to gently sob into his shoulder. He was suddenly painfully aware that Sirius had never spoken about what had happened to him. At first, he claimed he could not remember, then he said it was too painful, after that Sirius was back at work and they never really mentioned it. The realisation he'd never actually been there for his friend hit him like a ton of bricks.

"I'm sorry," Sirius said, pulling back and wiping his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt.

"Oh no you don't!" James said, as he embraced his friend again. "I know what you are thinking. You think this is a sign of weakness and Fudge is right. Well, Fudge is a weak, bullying fuckwit. He wouldn't have survived a day of what you went through."

"I think you are giving the idiot more credit than he deserves. He would not have made it that far, he wouldn't have survived Sirius' first encounter with Voldemort when he was sixteen. But let's assume for a moment that that didn't happen, I doubt he would have survived the first hour," Remus said, cutting in for the first time.

"I was just lucky that's all," Sirius said as he hastily wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.

"If that's what you want to call it," Remus said with a raised eyebrow. "Mate, what do you want to do? Fuck everyone else; what do you want to do?"

"Build a time machine," Sirius said dryly.

Remus threw his head back and laughed. "I think we'd all want one of those. What didn't you like about the Order last time?"

"I didn't like Dumbledore's and other senior members' cloak and dagger style. I didn't like the fact we were sent out on missions without being armed with the full facts. I mean, they trusted us enough to be in the Order, why didn't they trust us enough with the full information?"

Remus nodded. "Fair enough. What would you do differently?"

Sirius flopped down on the chair next to his two friends and exhaled slowly. "What would I do differently? I, well I wouldn't let anyone under the age of twenty out on missions. I know we thought we knew everything, but we didn't. I had the advantage of being an auror, but you guys weren't, nor was anyone we graduated from Hogwarts with. We incurred too many losses through lack of experience and training. I had to train you guys in combat, that's not right, it should never have happened. That's why I ensured that everyone had been trained in combat, it was fucking crazy sending a bunch of untrained witches and wizards to war without the necessary training. I would, I would fully brief people, so they could decide if it was too risky, and so they could back out if they wanted to. I would never send parents on the same mission, or different missions at the same time. It's bad enough for a child to lose one parent, but to become an orphan due to piss poor planning is unforgivable."

"Sirius, I think you have answered your doubts and questions. You are, without doubt, the best person to lead the Order. We will incur losses, that's unavoidable, but with you I truly believe it will be minimal. You are smart, I don't doubt you are developing numerous strategies, and you care. And you are not alone anymore. We'll help you."

"I don't want to-"

"Put us at risk?" Remus threw his head back and laughed again. "Mate, I'm a werewolf, I've had a target on my back since I was five. James and Lily have had targets on their backs since that deranged psychopath decided their unborn child was his equal. Moody has a target on his back because, well, because of who he is. Anyone you recruit will already have a target on their backs because they are muggle-born, or a blood traitor or something, but most of all because they disagree with him and are prepared to fight. Will joining the Order move them up the sadistic bastard's list? Sure, probably, I don't know. But surely you should allow them to make that decision, rather than make the decision for them?"

"Remus is right. I want to fight because it is the right thing to do. Last time I had this misguided, childish even, delusion that it would be, I don't know, somehow glamorous. But then there was the reality. I, we all went to too many funerals. There's nothing glamorous about it at all, and I go into this war with my eyes wide open. I don't want to go to war, but I have to. We cannot let Voldemort win. Plus, the bastard is still hunting my son," James growled.

"I think we have established that James and I have joined the Order. So, what will the Order's first meeting be about?"

Sirius ran a slightly shaky hand through his hair. He looked between his greatest friends. He didn't want to put them in harm's way, but he knew they were right. Whatever he did or did not do, they would be in danger regardless; not because of his actions but because of who they were. He knew he could not protect everyone, it was a ridiculous notion, but a notion he couldn't quite let go of yet. "Well," he said slowly, "I guess we could discuss what you guys have found out."

"Do you want me to start?" Remus asked, looking at James. Watching his friend nod, he started. "Tom Marvolo Riddle was born in Wool's Orphanage, London on the 31st December 1926. His father, his namesake, was an affluent muggle from the village of Little Hangleton. His mother, Merope Gaunt, was a witch who lived in the village. There's no account of her ever attending Hogwarts and, given her family's living circumstances, it is highly unlikely she attended a magical school abroad. There are many rumours surrounding their marriage, many suggest she used a love potion. Anyway, about a year later Tom Riddle Senior returned without his wife. Nothing is heard from Merope until she turns up at Wool's half alive. She gives birth that night and dies shortly afterwards."

"God, that's tragic," Sirius muttered.

"I know," Remus continued. "While Voldemort stayed at the orphanage, several odd events occurred."

"Typical of a young, untrained wizard, right? It's not as if we can control it," Sirius cut in.

"Sure, like growing your hair longer because of some hideous haircut your parents gave you. Or making your vegetables disappear because you didn't like them, pure innocent children stuff. No, from what I can ascertain this was far more, it was evil and left several of the children at the orphanage traumatised," Remus said, shaking his head. "Dumbledore delivered his Hogwarts letter."

Sirius nodded. It was standard procedure for children of muggle parents to have the news delivered personally. After all, most would no doubt throw the letter in the bin, thinking it was some form of joke. "Do you think Dumbledore knew?"

"Knew he'd just met the evillest wizard of all time, or later knew that child was Voldemort?"

"The latter."

"I hope not, otherwise you have to question why he didn't disclose it. It would have helped us so much in the first war, and you have to question if there would even be a second war," Remus said earnestly, as he ran a hand through his greying hair. "Anyway, he went to Hogwarts and was sorted into…" He drummed his fingers on the table for dramatic affect.

"Slytherin?"

"Ten points to James Potter of Gryffindor!" Remus said grinning. "He was a model student: top grades, prefect, head boy etc etc. He spent all of his holidays at Hogwarts apart from the summers when he was forced back to the orphanage. The only two events that stuck out were the death of his grandparents and father, which had the classic signs of the killing curse, and when he was awarded 'Special Services to the School'. Both events took place in 1943."

"Do you know what for?" James asked.

"No," Remus said, shaking his head.

"Well it was during the middle of World War Two, but I doubt that's anything to do with it. Voldemort would have hardly aligned himself with the Allied Forces, he probably idolised Hitler. I am pretty sure that's what he's basing his 'purer race' policy on," Sirius acknowledged.

"So, the muggles had their 'Voldemort' has well?" James asked.

Sirius nodded. "And it's happening right now in the Balkans. The muggle media are calling it ethnic cleansing, which is basically what Voldemort did in the first war and wants to continue in the second."

"Can't we send them to wipe each other out?"

"That would be ideal but sadly, I don't think we would get away with it," Sirius said with a sad smile. "Did you find anything else out?"

"After school his time is pretty unremarkable and undocumented. He was offered numerous jobs at the Ministry but took none. He eventually got a job at Borgin and Burkes."

"Borgin and Burkes?" Sirius said frowning. "Where do I know that name?"

"It's that dodgy shop on Knockturn Alley, you and I went in there when we were about thirteen."

"And your mum went mental," Sirius said remembering.

"Yeah, she did."

"Why some dodgy shop?" Remus asked.

"It makes perfect sense!" James exclaimed. He watched his two friends look confused. "It is full of dark art artefacts; it would be like a gold mine to him. The locket your brother mentioned also makes sense. I bet you anything it's Slytherin's locket. Which means, shit, I reckon he's made horcruxes from the other houses' heirlooms. Ravenclaw's diadem, Hufflepuff's cup and Gryffindor's sword, but," James stopped for a moment. "I don't know, something tells me the sword isn't a horcrux."

"I agree," Remus said nodding.

"So, we have at least three horcruxes," Sirius said determinedly. "But," he sighed and raked his hands through his increasingly dishevelled hair. "I think he created more, because-"

"Because he's fucking Voldemort and he's a psychopath who's in love with himself. I guarantee you he's created more because he's, well, fucking Voldemort. He wants the world to be pure blood, yet he's half blood," James exclaimed.

"It didn't stop Hitler. He wanted a race of blonde, blue eyed, yet he was a dark haired blue-grey eyed freak," Sirius countered. "I agree, I think he's created way more than three horcruxes, I think he's created six, I don't know why but I just think he has."

"You'll probably find it's the maximum times you can split a soul, even one as wretched as his," Remus added, shaking his head. "Any clue to the other three?"

"No, but I think his bloody pet snake has something to do with it."

"He has a pet snake?" James asked, watching his friend nod. "Figures, with his obsession with Slytherin. Can you create living horcruxes?"

Sirius shrugged. "No idea mate. Moody and I are looking into destroying them. Strangely there's not a lot of information on that, but I guess I'll add 'living horcruxes' to my research list. Anyway, why the name 'Lord Voldemort'?"

"Because he's an arrogant prick?"

"It's an anagram of his name," Remus said. "I am Lord Voldemort."

"I guess he had to do something with the 'I, A and M," Sirius said with a shrug.

"It would have been so much better if the anagram was 'A Molder Lord Vomit' or 'A Overlord Mild Tom'," James said with a grin.

Sirius laughed. "Mate, they don't even make sense!"

"I know, but he'll forever be known to me as 'Lord Vomit'," James said, continuing to grin.

"You're such a bloody child!" Sirius said, punching his friend's arm. "Moony, can you look into the Gaunt family? I know they are one of the Sacred Twenty-eight."

"How the hell do you know that shit?" James exclaimed.

"I'm a Black remember, pure-blood mania and the rest of that crap. Being their Heir I had to learn about it when I was about five. Naturally, I've forgotten all about it."

"Of course mate, but tonight I've got...," Remus started hesitantly.

"I know," Sirius started with a sly grin. "Yes, a hot date."

"What?" James yelled, almost dropping his coffee. "How does he know?!"

"Because I know the girl," Sirius said with raised eyebrows.

"Sirius, if you..., well-"

"What?! Oh for fuck's sake Moony, I couldn't be happier for you. But if you break her heart I will have to punch you, just so you know."

"Seriously guys, who is the girl!" James said impatiently.

"Nymphadora Tonks," Remus said quietly.

"Sirius' cousin?"

"Mate, do yourself a favour. Don't call her Nymphadora, she hates it. She's also got a wicked upper cut," Sirius advised.

"So, how does that work with the Black family?" James joked.

"Her mother, Andromeda, my favourite cousin, was disowned about the same time I started Hogwarts. She married a muggle-born called Ted. Obviously, as a Black this was an unspeakable act. But that's the past. As the current Head of The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, I think it's great. Might actually bring some decent blood into the family," Sirius said grinning. "Have a great time mate, and good luck!"

"Thanks," Remus said quietly, as he walked towards the door.

"Yeah, good luck Moony," James said to his friend's back. "How the hell did you find out?"

"She's family and I work with her."

"Fair enough," James said as he cleared his and Sirius' empty mugs. "I guess we better get back to work."

"I guess so," Sirius replied, as he stood, throwing on his jacket.

"Are you meeting with Moody?"

"Probably, he is my boss."

"Sirius," James said seriously. "You know you don't need to pretend to be okay."

"Really?" Sirius said with raised eyebrows. "Are you sure about that?"

"Okay, fine I take your point, but you don't need to pretend with us."

"Thanks James," Sirius said, patting his friend's shoulder. "Shall we? I have a little bit of Fudge baiting to do."

"Sirius?"

"I'm kidding mate, I don't want anything to do with the bastard. Unfortunately I have to deal with him. But such is life. I will just distance myself from him as much as possible."

"Mate, come over for supper tonight. It's the first day of the holidays and I know Harry will want to see you. Plus we can discuss Moony's 'hot date'," James said grinning.

"Oh, piss off Prongs, leave him be. But thanks, I'd love to. Shall I swing by your office?" Sirius replied.

"See you at six then," James said as they parted ways.