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Chapter 22
Sirius closed his eyes and rubbed his weary face. The office was empty, which wasn't surprising given it had just gone midnight. Between his auror work, reforming the Order and hunting Horcruxes, he didn't have enough hours in the day. Well, that's what his excuse was anyway. It had been well over a year since he had escaped from Voldemort's prison, yet his nightmares showed no signs of subsiding. He barely slept more than a couple of hours a night. He knew it wasn't healthy, probably verging on dangerous, but what could he do? It wasn't helped by the intense headaches which now plagued him. But again, there was not a lot he could do about that. He couldn't very well go to St. Mungo's; Fudge would just use it to further his increasingly intense smear campaign against him. Fudge was using everything in his arsenal to try to discredit him, to destroy him. But he wasn't going to let him. He could not let him.
"What are you still doing here?"
Sirius looked up slowly to see his boss and mentor standing in front of him. "I could ask the same question."
"Don't be smart with me Sirius, I asked first."
"Working."
"At past midnight, when I know for a fact you got in at five. I don't think you need to spend nineteen hours in this place."
"I'm fine Moody," Sirius said, as he slowly shook his head.
"Of course you are," Moody replied absentmindedly. "But you don't need to spend every waking hour here. You need more than four hours sleep." He watched Sirius make a face and look away. "You don't even get four hours sleep! Sirius, you cannot continue to function like this. I know you have never been the greatest of sleepers but Sirius, laddie you need to sleep more than that. You need to see someone about it."
"Like who?" Sirius snapped. "Anything would be reported back to Fudge and he'll use it against me. If he knows I am seeking physiological help, well, shit Moody that will be the end of me."
"Then we will find a way," Moody retorted.
"Moody, please just leave it," Sirius pleaded.
"No, I won't. Look Sirius you have nightmares and you struggle to sleep because you have been through a lot, too many traumas for someone to go through in their lifetime. But you are still here, you are still fighting. I understand why you don't want to seek professional help, but remember what I told you. You didn't let Voldemort destroy you the first time; don't let him destroy you now. And for fuck's sake, don't let some idiot like Fudge destroy you."
"Moody, please you don't understand."
"I probably don't, but why don't you try to make me understand."
"Moody, it's... Well, it's too complicated," Sirius struggled.
"I've got time," Moody said as he leant back in the chair opposite Sirius. "Talk to me."
"Moody, it's late, you've had a long day," Sirius started.
"And you haven't?" Moody retorted. "As I said, I've got time."
"Moody-"
"Fine, I'm heading home and you are coming with me," Moody said. He watched Sirius start to protest. "No Sirius, I am not arguing about this. You are leaving this office now. Either you come back with me, or I'll personally escort you back to your place."
"Moody, it's fine. I've just got a bit more to do here, and then I'll head home, I promise," Sirius said nodding, adding a smile for good measure.
"Bullshit!" Moody swore. "You are going to be here until about three or four in the morning. You'll head home, maybe get a couple of hours sleep before heading back here in a change of clothes."
"I just have a couple of things I need to do before I head home," Sirius replied politely, his attention returning to the book in front of him.
"The Complete Book of Military Science," Moody said as he removed the book from Sirius' gaze. "What is so important about this book?"
"The Pincer attack."
"Come again?"
"I've noticed the death eaters tend to attack in a column formation. A pretty archaic strategy but given their large numbers it seems to work for them. In any case Voldemort wouldn't care if it resulted in large numbers of deaths, just as long as they took out as many of us as possible," Sirius explained, as he tried to grab the book back from Moody.
"Sirius, these are all fantastic ideas but you need to be alive to deliver them," Moody replied, pulling the book out of Sirius' reach.
"Moody, I'm not as crazy as Fudge says I am. I'm not about to commit suicide," Sirius said quietly.
"What?" Moody said frowning. "No Sirius, I know you aren't. I am just saying you need to sleep, you cannot continue to do everything and operate on a couple of hours sleep. Now, get up and walk with me."
Knowing he was fighting a losing battle, he reluctantly stood and followed Moody. If the truth be told he was exhausted, but the thought of returning to Grimmauld Place filled him with utter gloom. Between the memories and his mother's portrait's constant abuse, along with a host of other things, he couldn't think of a place he'd least want to be. He couldn't remember when the place had ceased to be a home. More to the point he couldn't remember when the place had actually been a home to him. To his parents he was their heir, an asset. Something that could be traded for as status. But he never conformed to his parents ideals. He had always questioned them. Those questions had never met with answers, just hard words, then curses before aged eleven, and then his parents had finally moved up to the unforgivables. Hogwarts had once been his escape, now it was his work. Doing anything he could to prevent his parents' ideals from passing into law. No one he knew would go untouched if they passed into law.
"Sirius?"
He shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts, as Moody's voice pulled him from them. "Yeah," he managed.
"Am I going to have to side-along apparate you, or can you do it by yourself?"
"What?! I'm not that fucking past it," Sirius snapped.
"Good, glad to hear it. Remember you are apparating to my place," Moody reminded.
"Do I have a choice?"
"No."
Sirius sighed. He'd been to Moody's house a couple of times when he was an auror the first time around. He knew Moody said he'd never left the aurors, and technically that was correct. He hadn't been fired or resigned, but it had been his own stupid fault he had been kidnapped. He hadn't been on an assigned auror mission, he had gone with the misguided notion he could turn a friend back from the ways of the dark side. Or had he gone out there for revenge? He shook his head again, and once again tried to clear his thoughts. It wasn't that he didn't appreciate Moody's gesture, he just felt embarrassed. He was thirty-five; he should be able to take care of himself without his boss having to step in. He knew in future he would need to find another place to work into the wee hours, now Moody had a watchful eye on him. In addition to that, if Moody did, who else did? Did Fudge? Was it something else he would later use against him? Stepping onto the apparation point, he thought of Moody's house, knowing any attempt to apparate anywhere else would be fruitless. Feeling the familiar sensation of being sucked through a thin tube, he forced himself to concentrate. After all he didn't want a splinching to add to his woes.
"I'll see what there is to eat," Moody said as he led Sirius towards his house.
Sirius nodded. He took a moment to observe his surroundings. The house was pretty much as he remembered it. A small but comfortable cottage on the edge of a village and, from what he could see in the moonlight, a beautiful and well-loved garden at the front. He guessed that was..., he frowned as he tried to remember Mrs. Moody's first name, Jean wasn't it? He guessed it was Jean's love; he didn't really envision Moody pottering around the garden pulling weeds and pruning rose bushes on his days off.
"Sirius? Are you coming? It's bloody cold, and I'm not going to wait around for you to freeze to death," Moody called from the doorway.
"Yeah, sorry," Sirius said as he shoved his hands in his pockets and wandered towards the door.
"I think Jean made some cottage pie, with luck there will be some left," Moody said, closing the door behind him.
"Moody, you really don't have to," Sirius said, dropping his voice to a whisper.
"Nonsense, there's good food that needs eating. It'll only go to waste otherwise. In any case, you look like you badly need a decent home cooked meal. None of that canteen crap or whatever muggles are passing off as snacks these days," Moody said with a smile as he wandered into the farmhouse style kitchen. He grinned as he watched Sirius duck slightly to allow his tall frame through the doorway. "I remember when you first came here; you smashed your head against the frame."
Sirius couldn't help but chuckle. "It's not my fault your house was built for hobbits."
"What?"
"Oh don't worry; it's a book I'm reading. Look Moody I really appreciate all of this, but I don't want to intrude on anything."
"Don't be stupid Sirius; it's good to have a chat outside of the office, whatever the time. Beer?" Moody asked going into the fridge.
"Sure."
"I'm taking a leaf out of your book and branching into muggle beers. Is a Tribute okay with you?" Moody said, as he handed over the cool bottle.
"You drink muggle drinks?!"
"I've obviously checked them for poisons etc., but yes I do."
"Well, obviously," Sirius replied with a grin.
"Piss off!" Moody laughed. "Now where did she put that pie?"
"Moody-"
"Sirius, seriously-" He stopped and shot a glare at Sirius as he watched the other man laugh. "Really, how old are you? Sirius, make yourself at home. I'm not your boss right now."
"What are you?"
"Your friend."
Sirius nodded slowly. "Sure, what do you need to know?"
"I don't need to know anything," Moody said frowning. "Not if you don't want to tell me. No Sirius, just relax and enjoy yourself."
"I'm sorry Moody, it's just with everything that's going on, I don't know." Sirius sighed. "I don't know Moody, I thought, well I don't know what. I thought, well I thought if I re-joined the aurors I could, well I don't know." He stopped and ran a hand through his hair. "I knew Fudge probably wouldn't believe me, Merlin, you and I suggested it. I knew Fudge would do everything in his power to discredit me, but-"
"But in the cold light of day, it's a hell of a lot harder that just talk. Look Sirius, I believe you, everyone in the department believes you and a hell of a lot of other people believe you."
"But for how long? How long before Fudge's campaign bears some fruit?!"
"Anyone with any sense believes you."
Moody and Sirius looked up to see Jean Moody standing in the doorway. She was short, no more than 5', slim built with a good natured face. Yet, you knew from looking at her, she wasn't one to be messed with.
"Mrs. Moody, I'm sorry, we didn't mean to wake you. My name is-"
"Sirius Black, yes I know. I don't need to look at the Daily Prophet to know who you are, I remember you from when you used to visit. I think you were eighteen when you first came here. How are you Sirius?" Jean said kindly.
"Mrs. Moody, I-"
"Now Sirius, remember it's Jean."
"Sorry, I, thank you so much for your hospitality Jean and I'm really sorry if we woke you," Sirius started.
"Oh no, I was reading. Now, let me sort my husband out before he breaks the fridge or something," Jean said smiling.
"Sirius' water pipe in his house broke," Moody lied, saving the younger man the embarrassment. "I thought I'd save him from sleeping under his desk or getting some terrible room at the Leaky Cauldron."
"Oh! Of course, you are always welcome here, Sirius," Jean said as she took the cottage pie from the fridge. Poking it with her wand, it was soon steaming hot.
Not realising how hungry he actually was, Sirius soon found himself wolfing down the food in front of him, finishing the plate without pausing. "That was fantastic, thank you Jean."
"Do you want any more?"
"No thank you, as I said that was fantastic," Sirius said as he found himself yawning.
"The guest room is the second room on the left," Moody said, as he finished off his plate.
"Alastor!" Jean exclaimed. "Have the decency to show him to the guest room!"
"Fine. Follow me laddie," Moody barked.
He woke with sun streaming through the gap in the curtains. He groggily looked at his watch. 'Fuck' he thought as the display read '08:32'. Sitting up quickly, he blinked his eyes several times as he tried to clear his vision. Not only was he late, he'd overslept in his boss' guest bedroom. He wondered why Moody had done what he had. Why hadn't he just exchanged niceties, before heading home? Why had he insisted on taking him? Did he think he was as fragile as Fudge thought he was? Not having grown up with parental concern or affection, the notion still confused him at times. He could remember first going to James' house and not understanding why his parents hugged him, having never really received affection before. His parents had seen him as a commodity, and later, as his disdain for their views grew, so did their disdain for him. When they realised he was never going to conform to their ideals, they had tried to kill him. That's when he had fled, cutting all ties with his family forever.
Quickly throwing on his clothes he headed downstairs, the smell of bacon drawing him towards the kitchen. "Good morning," he said politely.
"Good morning," Jean greeted. "What do you want for breakfast?"
"Oh I couldn't, I'm running late and you've already done too much for me," Sirius repeated, shifting uncomfortably on the spot.
"What? Fed you leftovers and let you sleep in the guest bedroom? I hardly call that a lot," Jean countered with a pointed look. "You can't tell me you don't have time for a bacon buttie!"
"Well," Sirius said, trailing off as the smell of frying bacon began to become irresistible. "Well, if you insist. That would be wonderful, thank you."
"Of course," Jean said as she started cutting a roll.
"What time did Alastor leave?"
"Just after seven," Jean said as she started to stuff several rashers of bacon into the roll. "Do you want any sauce?"
"Red would be great," Sirius said hesitantly.
"Oh Alastor told me to let you sleep," Jean said with a smile, as she handed the roll wrapped in foil to Sirius. "Between your work, the Order and whatever else you and Alastor are doing, I doubt you have enough hours in the day."
"It's not too bad," Sirius said, taking the bacon buttie. "Some days are longer than others, but isn't that the case for everyone? Well, thank you for this and last night."
"Not at all, it was pleasure."
"Well thank you," Sirius said awkwardly. "Goodbye."
"Goodbye Sirius."
Sirius nodded and headed out of the house before apparating to Whitehall, just outside the Ministry. Stuffing his hands in his pockets he walked quickly through the atrium. It was far busier than he was accustomed to, but he supposed, given the hour, that would always be the case.
"Did you get your water leak fixed?"
"Oh morning, Kingsley," Sirius said as he spun around. "Yeah, I did thanks. Did you have a good evening?"
"Yeah, once I finally left this place. What time did you end up leaving?"
"Oh, not long after you," Sirius lied, knowing full well Kingsley left at around nine. "Much happened this morning?"
"Not a lot. Moody headed out first thing with Tonks and Barrett. There was an incident in Suffolk," Kingsley explained as they stepped out of the lift and into the department.
"Where?"
"Suffolk, it's a county about seventy miles northeast of London."
"Mate, I know where bloody Suffolk is," Sirius laughed.
"Of course," Kingsley said laughing. "Mildenhall, it's a small town near Bury St Edmunds."
"Anything serious?"
"I doubt it, or he would have taken you."
"Yeah, of course. Plus Tonks and Barrett are more than capable of defending themselves," Sirius replied, nodding. No, he thought, serious or not he didn't take me because he thought I was a sleep deprived idiot who was going to end up dead and he needed to take me home. "Well, I guess I better get on with this work business and make up for lost time."
"Mate, give yourself a break. You had a water leak, and in any case it's not as if you don't put in the hours."
Sirius shrugged. "Routine mate, it just feels odd starting so late."
"Fudge, would call this early."
"He's the Minister, he can get away with it," Sirius said as he picked up the latest report from his desk.
"I'll leave you to it."
"Yeah," Sirius said distractedly. "I'm sorry Kingsley. Just these new bloody reports of Fudge's. I swear he just wants us office bound."
"I think that's his intention. I think he doesn't believe in death eaters."
"Yeah, of course there's no such thing as evil or bad people in Fudge's fantasy world of foul, lime green bowler hats and duck houses," Sirius muttered darkly.
Kingsley laughed. "That, my friend, is so true. Anyway, I'm going to sit and swear at these reports, whilst trying not to shred them. Do you want to grab lunch later?"
"When you see a bonfire on my desk, come grab me for lunch."
"So, five minutes then?"
Sirius laughed. Come on, I'll last at least ten minutes," he said as he watched Kingsley walk away.
Sirius massaged his temples and blinked his eyes. These bloody reports were going to be the death of him. He could feel the beginning of a headache coming on. It wasn't one of the piercing ones he had started to experience, just a dull throb. A headache associated with staring at mind numbing reports for hours on end. He glanced at his watch, '12:27', the display read. He frowned and quickly walked over to Kingsley's desk. "Mate, what time did Moody head off?"
"Just after eight."
"Shouldn't they be back by now?"
Kingsley looked down at his watch. "Yeah, Moody said it was routine. He doubted it would take more than a couple of hours."
"They were headed to Mildenhall right?"
"Yes. What are you thinking?"
"I don't know, I just have a bad feeling."
"Want to check it out?"
Sirius nodded as he headed towards the door, not breaking his stride as he grabbed his jacket. "What did Moody say about the incident?"
"Not a lot, just there had been a minor disturbance and there was possible evidence of death eaters," Kingsley said as he hurried out of the office, putting on his jacket as he went. "Sirius, what are you thinking?"
"I don't know, I just have a bad feeling about this," Sirius said in a clipped tone as they arrived at the apparation point. "I could be completely wrong and it's probably nothing."
"But you can't shake the feeling? Regardless of that, they should've been back by now."
Then was a sudden whooshing sound and two figures fell into the room. It took Sirius a moment to recover and recognise the figures. Barrett looked beaten and was unconscious. Before he could assess any further a figure threw themselves at him, burying their head into his shoulder. "Tonks," he whispered. "What happened, are you okay?" He looked pointly at Kingsley. "How's Barrett?"
"Alive but unconscious. Other than that I don't know, I'm not a healer," Kingsley replied. "I need a healer!" he yelled at the two wizards manning the apparation station.
"Tonks, it's okay," Sirius said gently, as he rubbed his colleague's back. "You're okay, you're safe. You're at the Ministry." He looked around, and inhaled sharply as he noted the obvious absence. He knew what had happened. He knew what Moody would have done, he just hoped he was wrong.
"He's gone, Moody's gone. I'm so sorry Sirius," Tonks said in between tears.
Sirius rubbed her back. He bit his lip. He knew what she meant, but somehow it wouldn't be true until the words confirmed it. "Gone?" he said hesitantly.
"Moody's dead."
