As always a huge thanks to Ambush99 for betaing this chapter, and her continued encouragement.

The last part of the fic, well I wrote it a couple of months ago – mid December I think. Anyways… here we go.

Chapter 26

He lay awake, staring at the ceiling, lost in thought. It was not yet dawn, yet he'd given up any attempt on sleep. Tonight had been particularly bad, he had barely managed an hour before the nightmares had attacked him. They were always different but they always had the same theme; the torture and murder of his friends and family. He sat up and rubbed his face, before glancing at his watch and sighing. It was four in the morning, there was no way he could go to the office without questions being asked. He looked around his dark and dusty room, the state his head was in right now there was no way he could work on doctrine. He couldn't rid the scene from his mind. The blood, so much blood, he could see it, smell, almost feel and taste it. He could see Harry's terrified face and hear his screams, they still verbrated around his head.

He needed to get out. He needed to escape. He wasn't sure if it was from the nightmares, the house or both. He just needed to escape, he needed to be free. Grabbing his trainers, he slipped them on, he grabbed his Walkman and ran out of the house. There was no route, no destination in mind, no plan, just freedom. The dimly lit streets passed him by in a blur, he barely registered them. He just needed to get away. But what was it he was escaping? The nightmares, the house or maybe he just wanted to escape the responsibility which now rested upon his shoulders? The thought of his blood family pushed him on further, he barely noticed the burning in his legs. He just needed a release from all of this. He wasn't the person to lead the wizarding world against Voldemort. He was just Sirius. Just some guy who had been born into a rich family. A child who had argued with his family and run away. He was an idiot who had been out manoeuvred by his less academic former friend. The memories of his time in captivity pushed him harder up the hill. He ignored his screaming lungs, or did he even notice them? He felt numb. He just wanted to escape, he just wanted to be free.

He pushed up the final few steps before collapsing against a wall. His breath came in deep gasps, as he fought the overwhelming urge to vomit. He blinked his eyes several times as he took in his surroundings. Alexandra Palace, he thought as he looked around. Which meant he was about ten miles from the house and, given it was now dawn, moments from sunrise, he had to have been running for at least two hours. Where he'd run in those hours, he had no idea, nor did he care. As his breathing began to return to normal, he took a moment to appreciate the sunrise. He watched the sun's rays slowly creep across the city, slowly filling each street, each square, with golden light. Was this what he was fighting to save? He knew if they were defeated, Voldemort would not stop at the wizarding world. He was a narcissist, who above all else desired power. No, Voldemort would continue his war deep into the Muggle world. And who could say he would stop with Great Britain? Sirius shook his head. He had studied Voldemort, like he had studied all of his enemies. Voldemort would not stop until he had total global domination. Power over all.

Slowly pulling himself to his feet, he began to walk down the hill towards the bus stop, rubbing his arms as he went. It was early May and still cool in the mornings. He silently cursed himself for not bringing a jumper with him, but then he hadn't exactly been thinking clearly when he had left the house. It was a mere miracle he had change for the bus, or his conscious, sensible mind always ensured there was change in a pocket, just in case he was careless. He knew he could apparate but, after these all consuming runs, he never had the stomach for it.

"Morning," Sirius said as he stepped onto the bus. "Arundel Square, please."

"That'll be 45p," the bus driver replied. "Good run?"

"Tiring, but satisfying, thanks. You run?"

The bus driver laughed. "No, not in a while. I watch my lad play football on Saturdays, does that count?"

"I reckon so," Sirius replied smiling. "Your lad, is he any good?"

"Of course I'm biased but I reckon so. We're lucky right? Not being at war," the bus driver observed. "Sorry, my family's from Bosnia."

"I'm so sorry, are they okay?"

"They managed to escape to Italy. But you don't need to hear my woes first thing in the morning."

"Don't worry about it," Sirius replied with a smile. He stepped aside to let a couple of people onto the bus. "Anyway, I better move and let you do your job. Nice chatting."

"You too."

Sirius made his way down the bus and found a spare seat. It was relatively empty this time of the morning and the traffic was light. He leant his head against the cool glass, and watched the streets pass by. 'Not at war', he thought; if he only knew. But that's why he was fighting, to stop the war from spreading into the Muggle world. He had wanted to stop it from spreading into the wizarding world, but that ship had sailed. All he could do now was to try to stop it from escalating. He looked around the bus, at the innocent people. If Voldemort won would they be killed? Would there be countless murders? Would there be genocide? He doubted Voldemort would care about mass graves, after all he'd probably see it as a conquest. He sighed, he was bloody terrified of losing this war. The consequences were just too great. Not just for the wizarding world, but for the global ramifications. How do you defeat an army whose leader is immortal?

Once back at the house, he quickly showered and changed his clothes before apparating straight to the Ministry. Usually he would have taken the tube, but his run had taken longer than, well, it had been long.

"Kingsley," Sirius said, tapping the older man on the shoulder as they queued for coffee.

"Oh morning, Sirius. Do you want anything?"

"I'll get them, what do you want?"

"Just an espresso."

"Meet at the location, tonight at seven," Sirius whispered, as he leant forward to pay for the coffees. "Spread the word."

Kingsley nodded. "Going to the quidditch this weekend?"

"The Arrows against the Cannons? Nah, neither are my teams. You?"

"Yeah, I managed to get really decent tickets, I'm taking Josh."

"His first game right?"

"Yeah," Kingsley said with a grin, as they walked towards the office. "He's going to be a fantastic player when he's older."

Sirius laughed and smiled, feeling content just to have a normal conversation that didn't involve the war, Voldemort or anything else evil. "You do realise he's five, right?"

"Never too young to get them started."

"Sure," Sirius replied as they walked into the main office. "Right, I better get to work. I'll see you tonight." He made his way slowly up the stairs into his office, yet it still, even after all of these months, it still felt like he was intruding. Looking around the office, it was as though nothing had changed, just the resident. Sirius just couldn't bring himself to pack the office up, it felt so real, so final; that he would have to finally accept Moody was dead. He knew that he was but, somehow, he knew it was stupid, but it gave him hope. It gave him hope that things could go back to the way they were. That he could pretend he had never gone after Peter, that there had never been a first war. That he had graduated Hogwarts with his friends and continued to mess around at work with James, as they did when they were at Hogwarts. That Remus was employable and Peter wasn't evil. He knew it was stupid, but in such dark times as these, he needed hope. He needed every last gasp of positivity he could get his hands on.


James sat back in the chair and interlaced his fingers as he waited for the others to turn up. Maybe this was the opportunity to talk to his friend, but he doubted it. He knew if he wanted to talk to Sirius in private, he would have to do something drastic. He knew Sirius was avoiding him, not only him, but others as well. For what reason he did not know, but he needed to take action. He was worried about his friend. He knew from his school years Sirius was not the best of sleepers. He knew his friend had been plagued by nightmares before he had been taken hostage, and that they had only got worse afterwards. He had seen evidence of Fudge's campaign to undermine his friend, yes it had been subtle but it had been there nonetheless. His friend appeared unaffected by the campaign, but he knew looks could be deceiving, after all his best friend had appeared fine at school, when all along he had been tortured every time he had gone home.

"Evening everyone," Sirius said as he strode into the room. "I am glad so many of you could make it at such short notice." He watched as everyone nodded and exchanged greetings. It was a good turnout, far better than he could have hoped. They had had Order meetings before, but this was, perhaps, the largest of them. He looked around the room and spied his best friend sitting in the corner. Sirius quickly looked away, avoiding eye contact. He sat back for a moment, as he thought of what to do next. Did he launch into a big speech? Try to inspire them? He doubted any of them needed motivation. Did he spell out what he wanted of them? No, that seemed too dictatorial. Or did he just open up the discussion? Damn it, he was the leader of the Order, he was the one who should be setting the agenda. "I could launch into some speech about our fight against tyranny, but you know all too well what we are fighting against and why we cannot lose these battles. I think it's best if we open the room to debate and discussion. Indeed, every Ministry department is represented here."

"Any updates on the arrest warrants?"

"Not as yet," Sirius said sadly. "We are continuing our hunt and we have issued the information out to the Muggle population. They cannot hide forever; at some point they will slip up and we will capture them."

"Are you going to issue any more?"

"Not at the moment. It's not as if we don't want to, we just don't have any concrete evidence and I don't want these bastards to get off on a technically," Sirius said seriously. "If anyone has any suggestions, please I am all ears."

"What the fuck is Fudge doing?"

"Did you honestly think you would get sense out of that man," Minerva McGonagall spat. "He was a couple of years below me at school and he was a pompous idiot then; not a lot has changed."

"Have you any idea of how to handle him?"

"Give him a brain transplant," McGonagall said bitterly.

Sirius nodded. Fudge wasn't really his concern. As long as he continued to let him criticise him, he could distract him and he would stay blinded to the real mission. "Arthur, do you have any further information about the guns?"

"Yes, but well," Arthur started.

"You don't look dodgy enough?" Sirius suggested.

"Basically, yes. We can get some in London but, well, we need someone who would look credible," Arthur filled in.

"Yo, Dung!" Sirius said loudly.

"Yes, yes whatever you say Sirius," Mundungus Fletcher yawned, as he rubbed his eyes.

"You don't even know what I want you do to."

"Buy some cauldrons or something," Mundungus said looking at Sirius.

"No, I want you to buy some guns off a gang in London," Sirius said, eyeing Mundungus carefully.

"What? Why?" Mundungus exclaimed. "Why? Is it because I look like a criminal or something?"

"Basically, yes," Sirius said with a raised eyebrow.

"Fine," Mundungus said shaking his head.

"Ivanov, do you have any update on the Russian arms trade?" Sirius questioned.

"With the right money you can get anything. Anything from a 0.5kT nuclear weapon housed in a suitcase, to a ICBM with a 50mT warhead. Sirius, you don't think...," Ivanov trailed off.

"At the moment, I don't know. I am covering all bases. As much as I think it's unlikely Voldemort will use Muggle weapons, I don't want to be left exposed just because I assumed. I've studied the man. He's a narcissist and sociopath, who desires power. He despises Muggles because of what his father did to his mother. He thinks Muggles are filth and unintelligent, but I wouldn't put it past him to use Muggle weapons for his endgame," Sirius said. He leant back and raked a hand through his hair. "I don't know how he's going to fight this war, but we need to be ready. We need to study every dark arts book there is, I don't care how old or modern it is, we need to study, because I guarantee you he's getting his Death Eaters to do the same. We need to look to the Muggle world, we need to look at anything. Anything that will give us the advantage. Voldemort will not stop at the wizarding world. He will not stop until he has achieved global domination."

"God, this would be so much easier if Fudge actually bloody listened," Alice Rose from the Department of International Cooperation said.

"Yes, yes it would but we have to be careful. No one can know about these meetings. No one can know about the Order. Best case we lose our job, but more than likely it will earn us a one way ticket to Azkaban, or the Dementor's Kiss." Sirius paused for a moment as he looked around the room. "Look, I understand if anyone wants to back out, I completely respect that. What I am asking of you is great."

"But if Voldemort comes to power we are dead anyway," Ivanov said fiercely. "We are screwed if we do, we are screwed if we don't. I'd far rather go down fighting against the bastard than sitting there at home waiting for him to kill me and my family."

Sirius watched everyone else in the room nod and murmer their agreement. "Okay, I will send details of the next meeting shortly. Again everyone, thanks for attending."

James leant back against the wall in the corner of the room, as he watched his friend thank the Order members. To anyone else Sirius looked fine, but not to him. He had known Sirius since he was eleven. He had seen his friend go through the best and worst times of his life. In the flickering light, he could see the shadows and strain on his friend's face. He needed to take action. Sirius was too integral to the Order and the fight against Voldemort, but far more than that, this was his best friend, this was his brother. He slipped out of the shadows as he watched Sirius turn to leave and grabbed his arm, apparating on the spot.

"What the fuck?" Sirius exclaimed, as he jumped back, pulling out his wand in one smooth action.

"Sirius! It's me," James yelled, jumping back.

"James, what the fuck?! What the hell are you doing?" Sirius said looking around wildly. "Where the hell are we? What the fuck are you doing?"

"I need to talk to you," James said calmly, as he held out his hands, taking a step back.

"And what the fuck, you thought it would be a good idea to bloody kidnap me?!"

"Padfoot, we are going to figure this out, okay. We are at Heddon's Mouth, just outside my village."

Sirius walked away. He rapidly raked his hands through his hair. "I'm fine, okay James. You don't need to worry about me. I'm fine. I just, I don't know, but I'm fine."

"Sirius, you will bloody tell me what the hell is happening with you!" James demanded. "I haven't seen you in weeks. You barely leave the office. I know Fudge has been a bastard, but that's not it, is it!"

"James, it doesn't matter okay," Sirius said quietly.

"Yes, it does! It bloody matters when it's killing my best friend!"

"James, please-"

"Sirius, please tell me what it is. I want to help you."

Sirius looked out over Heddon's Mouth and the Bristol Channel beyond. The fierce westerly wind whipped his hair round his face. "I'm a Horcrux," he finally said.

"What?"

"I've written my Will, its split between you, Lily, Harry, Remus, Tonks and a couple of charities."

"Sirius, I don't understand. What the hell are you talking about? Will? Are you ill?" James exclaimed desperately.

"James, you bloody well know what I'm talking about," Sirius snapped back. "I am a Horcrux."

"What?! No, I don't understand what you are talking about!"

"James, please," Sirius pleaded, turning away. "Please Prongs, listen to me."

"Okay."

Sirius covered his face with his hands for a moment. "In order to destroy Voldemort, I have to die."